Sometimes, You Just Need To Cry

You know? Sometimes, you just need to cry things out. Sometimes, one small sob can release a torrent-whirl of emotions that you didn't even know you felt bad about.

I have been exasperated with my parents these past few days, as I've explained before.

When I promised the speaker that I'd be pleasant to them, it turns out, I did the complete opposite. I snubbed them the whole weekend.

I think Jess meant for me to break my promise.

I think Jess meant for me to reach breaking point, and with all the frustration at my parents not caring and being so very inane, I cried it all out.

I don't ride the whole macho facade of Men Don't Cry. That's so passe, it's not even worth mentioning here. This thing is something that's been haunting me for months now. I am quite tired of having to be there for my parents. It's become almost routine for me now, and I'm tired.

I'm tired and I'm exasperated.

They just went out a while ago. You see, I had planned everything from the middle of the week. That we'd go on a daytrip on Saturday, that we'd spend some time as a family. You see, we may spend time together, but we're always missing one person. Always without Andrew when he's overnighting for things at school, or missing Alex when he's gallivanting with his friends.

But never me.

I am always with them. I did not want to spend the rest of my life alternating between two brothers.

So I planned the daytrip. Saturday just flew out the window. I had to do my Filipino Prewriting Activity, which was due at 12 noon. I had to go to Dr. Leung's because of the ortho appointment. Then Uncle Ernest dropped by the house and held my parents up for three hours, so I was fetched at 6:30, and my mood went from hopeful and light to just downright pissed.

I have not forgiven my parents for it since, because had they not told Andrew to wait for them, or if they had not waited for Alex, they would have fetched me and all would have been fine.

Their reasons were stupid.

Now that it's Sunday, Dad tries to get us all together again. Well, my mood was fucked up already, so that was completely out of the question. So in the end, they decided to go out without me. I had to do my homework (which I was not able to do yesterday, since I was held up at Country Waffles for three hours), and they all wanted to go out.

Oh, yes, here comes Mom, saying, "If not watch a movie with us, what would you like to do?"

"I want to go with you guys, but I have to do my homework."

"So you'd rather do your homework?" Now this was the assumption that pushed me over the edge. After preventing me from doing my homework all afternoon yesterday, she has the audacity to challenge my priorities? She's the one always pushing for high grades, not me.

So I told her, "Don't talk to me."

Because really, she shouldn't. I will be screaming back at her if she carries on like this. I will not have any of it.

And so, I cried. I cried that they didn't care if I came along or not (although I do believe that it's time they do things without me). I cried that I couldn't go and spend time with my family and make up with them because I had all this homework that I had yet to have done. I cried at how pathetic and helpless my situation was.

It was short. About two minutes, tops. But I felt good.

I banged my fists on the cabinet in the room, then walked to the comfort room and just gritted my teeth at the sink.

And yet this doesn't take away the fact that I still have homework, and that my family went without me.

Well, I hope someone's happy about this. I'm pretty sure her last name is Cacacho, too.