Screw Mandarin

Kenn Tong: fukien is endangered species
Kenn Tong: if our generation speaks it at their homes, it something to be proud about
Kenn Tong: this gen i mean
Charlene Chan: ohhh
Charlene Chan: but everyone is like, ya'll learn mandarin. it's the more important one
Kenn Tong: screw mandarin
Kenn Tong: i'd say the f word but chai's here
Kenn Tong: :D
Kenn Tong: learn ur dialect first

This bit of conversation I had with Char and Kenn made me burst with pride. I wonder why.

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taken from: http://www.zanhei.com/faq.html

I think I've just fallen in love with the Shanghainese. Take that, you fucking close-minded Northerners! The Shanghainese whom you consider "lower" than you are in fact several mountains above you!

The Canadian Embassy, Braces and Thoughts in Chinese Class

This is gonna be a bit long.

27th of June

I began today certain that I would be going to the Smart Move, Bright Future, Study in Canada seminar alone. But at Lunch, I met Evan and offered to give him a ride. We both called our moms and were all set. I brought him back to the office after school, then to my house where we ate and I changed, then to the embassy. We were already running a bit late, so we rushed to RCBC plaza and checked ourselves in.

Evan and I felt like we were in Canada because of the coffee-and-bread smell.

So we sat down and started answering the white survey-ish document that we were given in our seats somewhere at the back of the room. Yes, apparently, the embassy is several floors, but only a small room on the 8th one (where we were).

The room was sort of like a very small library connected to a cafeteria connected to a small meeting room. There were lots of books, coffee and donuts on a large desk to our left, and about ten rows of seats that swathed the farthest part of the room and a wide area in front + a projector and podium + a computer.

There were two men that came up a loooooooooooooong time later, about 6:45. One was the actual ambassador of Canada here, and the other was some dude named Bob that got assigned to us.

Anyway, the ambassador gave an opening speech, and then Bob took over and proceeded to play a game with us, as an icebreaker. Bob had the most tantalizing way of saying Canada.
So he asks us if we know Game K N B? (Kris Aquino). Then he says this game will be similar, but it's called Game Ca-Na-Da. Weeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhh.

So he flashes questions on the PowerPoint in the computer, in the course of which we learn that he's actually from Sasketchwan. Ooooh. We then go for the actual seminar, and he explains things like costs, reasons to study in Canada (as if its being Canada wasn't enough. Haha!), accomodations and things like that.

Somewhere there, I had asked a question, and when I did, since there weren't many people, you could literally see everyone's head turn around to stare at you. Scary, man.

So, when we finish with the seminar, he gives up the stage for an open forum, and Evan and I decide to beat it. It's about 7:45 already and I'm so late (the driver and I had a deal that we'd meet outside the RCBC plaza building at 7:15) I imagined the driver would behead me. Evan and I quickly find him and we get into the car, in which my headache magnifies twenty-something-fold, and I excuse myself from conversation with Evan cos my head frickin hurts so much.

We get home, Evan ends up being forced to eat by mom, and stays until about 9 because his parents got a bit lost on their way to my house. Sorry, Evan!

Anyway, it was a nice tiring day. I went straight to sleep at nine and my headache sort of slipped away after that.

28th of June

After classes, I went straight to Dr. Leung's clinic so I could have my upper teeths' braces put on. I handed her the book she asked me to buy the week before and I had my separators removed. Then metal rings were fitted around my molars and then cemented there. Then the braces were put on, and Dr. Leung chatted with me about the Chinese dictionary she got in National while the red rubber wire-holder things that I selected were inserted.

Now my teeth hurt like hell.

29th of June

Ms. Magallona was handing back our activity papers from yesterday. You see, the day before, she wanted us all to check it, but when we ran out of time, she said that she'd take care of it herself. So when she handed Filbert's back (which I checked), she went "Allen, you're so funny. You even crossed out your name." She indicated the "corrected by" thing I wrote on Filbert's paper, but crossed out when she said she'd check it the previous day.

Alfonso Solano heard it and went "Allen, you're so funny!" in a somewhat mocking tone.

Ms. Magallona heard, and immediately went, "Alfonso, stop that." Then to me, "Allen, I didn't mean it that way." I nodded. In complete honesty, I really wasn't hurt, or thought Ms. Magallona to be mocking me. And that was what was so odd. I didn't understand what Ms. Magallona thought she had to defend. Maybe she thought she had unwittingly hurt my feelings? Maybe she felt that she had to defend me against what the big, bad, mean classmates were saying?

She was all, "Don't listen to what he says."

And I mean, really. It's not that I don't appreciate her effort to be fair, and it's really awesome that she would defend me, but I just don't understand what she felt she had to defend me from. But in any case, a thanks to her. She rocks. Have I mentioned that before? Oh yes, along with the Anti-Frederick sniping.

30th of June

Today, I was sitting in Chinese class when all of a sudden, people suddenly started teasing other people and Ye laoshi got mad. Then she proceeded to explain that when we die, the only thing we'll have are our memories, and all the things we have on earth aren't going to go with us.

It was somewhere there that I realized that I'd broken the language barrier. I could understand everything she was saying, and half the people in the room (okay, waaaaaaaay more than half) either weren't affected (cos it's corny, lame, cliched, etc...) or weren't listening. Even Pohan and Leigh in front of me were just laughing at Kyle throughout laoshi's lecture.

And when she asked "Dui bu dui?" at the end, they simply answered, "Dui."

Now, I dunno about you, but that pisses me off a lot.

Then I flashed back on something my aunts had said. That I was more open to the things they say, that I can somehow at least appreciate where they're coming from. I'm afraid that being able to do so might not be of any use, because I'm in a generation where almost no one listens.



The flashes have been semi-frequent, but very strong. Yes, the Canadian flashes.

I just had a flash of cold milk and red cereal, which is something I associate very deeply with Canada. But more than that, there's the scent and the accompanying images of the trees just standing against the blue-gray sky. I swear, I can almost remember every detail of what it's like to be there.

I love Canada.

I miss Canada.

Those words have never meant more than they do now. I might've repeated them to an extent that they've become like a mantra, but there are times like these that the unfeelingness suddenly gives way to the strongest memories of Canada and I feel so in love and I mean the words I say.

Words Get In The Way by Jewel

Come here buttercup, let me fill you up
Can't you see I'm the blue in you're skies?
You can tell by the stars in my eyes
Dawn always comes too soon; it hurts me like a bruise
There's a hole in my pillow where you used to be
It feels like a hole in the middle of me

Just take my hand, to have and hold if not obey
Say you're still my man
I try to find the words to say that I want you always to stay
To wake up with every single day, but words get in the way
Words get in the way

Tell you're boss you're dead, and let’s go back to bed
You make me want to break out in song but every time I try, it just comes out wrong

Just take my hand, to have and hold if not obey
Say you're still my man
I try to find the words to say that I want you always to stay
To wake up with every single day, but words get in the way
Words get in the way

I leave a message on you're answering machine
I try to say what I really mean

Just take my hand, to have and hold if not obey
Say you're still my man
I try to find the words to say that I want you always to stay
To wake up with every single day, but words get in the way
Words get in the way

Just take my hand, to have and hold if not obey
Say you're still my man
I try to find the words to say that I want you always to stay
To wake up with every single day, but words get in the way
Words get in the way

Blessed

Do you know what the best part about forging bonds that last is?

It's realizing that when you said "See you around.", you really did mean it. You have no idea how good that makes me feel.

Hard

It'll be hard to face everyday without you. I think of all we've been through and feel like this integral bit of my life has just been torn away and handed to someone else so that their lives can be complete but they have no idea that they've been made whole because the were blind and took everything for granted. I know because I was like that and I was so stupid and I'd give anything for a single day more with you, holding your hands and looking into your eyes.

If I held your hand today, would it be too awkward? Would hugs seem too affectionate now? Now that we aren't with each other?

If I died tomorrow, would you just regret, or would you cry in your room in those lazy mornings with perfect light when you'd be awake but stay in bed like you told me you do?

It's hard to wake in and out of everywhere and know that you're a whole world away, surrounded by your friends, and people you don't even like, and I'm here wishing we could be together and make both our days.

And then there are others but they don't compare to you. Nothing even close. I love you, do you know?

The Entries Have Been Pointless

There is in fact, nothing new to talk about. Every day is exactly the same.

How can you blog when nothing significantly new happens?

I have nothing to write about, except that the weekend just relieves me so.

Oh! English...

Raphie said Orgasmic and Mind-Blowing. Now I can see the whole batch start using Orgasmic too. Lee (Thanks, Henry!) Panopio being the catalyst. Blech.

Ms. Magallona was quite bothered with Orgasmic, so she asked Raphie if he was feeling funny. Raphie replied that he always does.

Then she said something that caused Lee P. (not W.) to start laughing hysterically, face-literally-red, he was just laughing and laughing and laughing. Weird.

Ms. Magallona then comments that she attributes it all to Friday Hormones. Nice description.

And I can't believe all (well not all) of you people like Mr. Perez more than Ms. Magallona! That's ridiculous! Ms. Magallona is waaaaaaaaaaaay better than Mr. Perez will ever be!

Oh, and speaking of Mr. Perez, I met him today by the second floor elevator and we had a little chat. Of what, I am not particularly sure.

Then Raphie began freaking out about his Stallion application, and when we got to the Stallion room, Raphie submits his application form and promises to email his works to Stallion instead.

Henry was also terribly distant today. Kept ignoring me...

I wonder.

But all matters are as they are for now, as Fridays have a magical presence and naught but all must follow suit. Hello, weekend. I will rediscover Final Fantasy X.

Nrrtw D.bpf! Yflcbi cb Ekrpat!

Isn't this nice?

It's just a few more days til I get to sleep after five thirty and sit around all day at home doing nothing. No homework for Friday. Is that God-send or what?

Well, just the practical test, Chinese journal and that's it.

Thank God.

Anyway, it's been a very interesting week so far. At the very beginning, I gave Mr. Young his birthday gift, and the look on his face was pure shock. Haha! He couldn't believe what I was giving him.

Raphie told Ms. Magallona the Success joke. She was horrified.

You Know What Kenn Said Today?

No? Cos that was the most interesting thing that happened today. Anyway, he said...

我的朋友有一個壞的習慣。他一邊吃﹐一邊拉。

According to Henry, the "la" is from 拉肚子. But that means diarrhea, and we're talking shitting here.

Anyway, this had me laughing for a full minute. You really should've just seen how laoshi's face looked. It sort of crumpled, and she was like "這麼惡心!" And the campaign against simplified characters rages on. Lol.

But I'm actually getting a lot of practice with Mandarin. My Cantonese is gonna start rusting again. But I can actually read our whole book (with the exceptions of a few deep words, although I can guess) in Cantonese. Very interesting... now I just need to learn how to read it in Fukien. I could read a few lines completely.

It's sad that although Xaverian Chinese is already so poor (see if you can find a Xaverian whose Mandarin has all the right tones and can recognize more than a thousand characters in one try.), they don't even know their own dialects. And even the more fluent people (the ones whose Chinese actually sound good) can't read in Fukien either (Ryle, Evan, Kurt, Neell, Kenn, Walter, etc...). At least Evan WANTS to learn.

After I become fluent in Fukien, I'll probably want to take up Taishanese. Yep, I'll be fluent in four dialects. And if I still can, after all that, I'll take up Shanghainese. Then I'll force my kids to learn all five (plus English and Filipino, of course, those are given).

High hopes... so far away. I think I'll quite like Xaverian English and Chinese this year. I think Filipino will be the absolute bane of my Xaverian Existence.

I hung out with someone named Synjyn Reyes a while ago (no relation to Jacques) in Mr. Young's office, and Kyle Teng. We had a riot of a time at the office, chatting and having Mr. Young freak out when one of us even seemed to look at the "important" papers on his desk, Kyle asking me to time him do the twisty green and white connected cube things that you have to arrange into a bigger cube. His record was 18 seconds. Mr. Young said Synjyn couldn't do it in a day.

It was an okay day. Bryan has been wrongly accused. Misbehavior? Yeah, in your bra.

Canada Depression

As you can tell from the title of the entry, I have come bearing two bits of news for you humans:

Canada, and my Depression.

Now I know I've been pretty mild on the I-Miss-Canada ranting the past few months, but the truth is, I've been trying to slowly numb myself to it.

And I've mostly succeeded. I know it's supposed to be something to look forward to, or some such thing, but the fact that it's so far away and whether or not I end up with it forever and ever-amen has yet to be decided yet, it's just too much for my brain (and my heart) to handle.

Hence, I've tried to somehow make myself completely nonchalant to Canada.

But nothing ever goes my way, and where I may have extinguished it, ever so often, there are instances where I'm just looking at something, or listening to someone, somewhere, and all of a sudden, I get a flash.

Yes, those of you who know me well (or read my old blog) will know what I'm talking about. The flash where I feel like I'm in Canada again, and all these old feelings of longing well up in me like a bubble that I never want to pop.

You see, the Philippines and Canada feel very different to me. The Philippines is like the home where I'll always be comfortable. But Canada... is like poetry in motion. It's like seeing everything in a completely different perspective. Even doing groceries feels different there. And I love that.

The flash is sort of like bringing Canada into the Philippines for just one kill second where everything just goes blank and I see some sort of a sunrise somewhere before it just fades away and I'm left with this ridiculously deflated feeling in my chest. Sigh.


Elsewhere, there is also my depression.

This isn't a depression where you generally just feel bad about life, suicidal etc... It's different.

I guess it's because I'm just so tired of work and school, but there are some days where I wake up in the morning and I realize that there's school ahead of me today and I just don't even want to wake up anymore, or live for the matter, and I feel like if I dropped dead, life would be so much easier.

I always end up in school.

Then there are those days when, right after I retrieve my work from Flora, I sit down at my dad's desk, which he so generally vacates for me to do my work on, and I sit, half way through signing OR's and just think about where my life seems to be going and what I'm doing right now. And I realize there are hundreds of other sixteen year olds out there that don't even have to see their parents' offices, much less work in them, and I feel so terrible--like I'm not living the normal teenage life that I want, carefree and happy, but instead, I'm terrified by the promise of work everyday after school. And I feel so wretched inside that I feel like just crying but I can't because it's like there's some kind of drought inside of me, but I know that I could die inside but the emotions just won't translate into tears or sobs and I won't even sniffle.

It's like someone just turned off the CRY switch in my internal command center and I'm just immensely frustrated by that because I hate not being able to express myself in even the most basic forms.

I hate my life.

Hoi Saan Wa

I just realized that I have yet to delve into the rich, deep iced cream cake that is Chinese.

More specifically, Taishanese. I know Mandarin and Cantonese better than I know Taishanese, which is my own (half-)native dialect. I want to learn how to speak fluently so bad because I love how it sounds and there's something about being able to say that you are virtually the only person fluent in Taishanese in your area. I don't know any other Taishanese in my batch, and all the youth are born and raised in Fukien even if they're half Hoisaan.

I shall learn it and carry on the legacy!

And now I rant about school...

I've got Chinese journals to do. Ack. Then quizzes and things and I just really want to go back to the time when I didn't have to do anything. Now I'm drowning in homework.

Mercifully, all the homework is due tomorrow afternoon, which means I have the whole day to procrastinate it. Wheeeee!

I'll just read up on my Chinese. Maybe even do a journal or two... or not.

I'll see.

Anyway... I was going to add someone on YM... let's set the name for this person as ... 6. And no, this isn't one of those codes for my crushes again. So anyway, I added 6 on YM, and the invitation was rejected, and that's just so completely uncharacteristic of 6.

I've always known 6 to be very pleasant, amiable and cordial. And to have 6 suddenly act like that, and when we talked... I felt the temperature drop several degrees. Jeez.

Hmm... and I happened to speak with 6's ex-best friend. Looks like life brought me to the right person.

At least I understand 6 a bit more.

Anyway, Alexis finally sent me "Rascal Flatts - Life Is a Highway - Single - Life Is a Highway (Original Version).mp3" and I mean... wow. It's hypnotizing.

I better get startedon some of my Chinese now... since that's all I can be brought to work on tonight. Patapooooon!

Night ya'll, and don't forget to love your Cantonese.

Life Is A Highway by The Rascal Flatts (download this song. I uber-recommend it)

Life's like a road that you travel on
When there's one day here and the next day gone
Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand
Sometimes you turn your back to the wind
There's a world outside every darkened door
Where blues won't haunt you anymore
Where the brave are free and lovers soar
Come ride with me to the distant shore
We won't hesitate, break down the garden gate
There's not much time left today

Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I want to drive it all night long

Through all these cities and all these towns
It's in my blood and it's all around
I love you know like I loved you then
This is the road and these are the hands
From Mozambique to those Memphis nights
The Khyber Pass to Vancouver's lights
Knock me down get back up again
You're in my blood I'm not a lonely man

There's no load I can't hold
Road so rough, this I know
I'll be there when the light comes in
Tell 'em we're survivors

Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I want to drive it all night long

There was a distance between you and I
A misunderstanding once but now
We look it in the eye
There's no load I can't hold
Road so rough this I know
I'll be there when the light comes in
Tell 'em we're survivors

Life is a highway
I want to ride it all night long
If you're going my way
I want to drive it all night long

Mind Numbing

I am very happy with the fact that today is a weekend. Nothing to do.

I simply couldn't be happier with anything.

I woke up at five thirty am three out of the four days, 3 am one one of them. And I had headaches on each and every afternoon that I came home. I hate school. I hate Xavier.

Anyway, it's Mr. Young's birthday today! Happy, happy birthday, Mr. Young! He is twenty two.

I refuse to do the stacks of homework that I still have. I do not want to do them. Filipino and Math are the only two that have been giving us homework. Argh.

Anyway, I spoke straight Mandarin with my grandma yesterday, because she wouldn't have me failing my Chinese subject simply in favor of studying Cantonese. Argh. My Chinese notebook isn't small enough for the Chinese teacher too.

Elsewhere, 玻璃之城 by 黎明 is a very interesting song. Have you ever tried to listen to it? Sure it's a slow, boring song to some. But it's beautiful and melodious to others.

多得這雨勢 將煙花扑毀
才令我体會 凡事會枯萎
多得這剎那 不小心脫軌
遺憾才會令你 珍惜得徹底
同渡過這盛世
隨手都采到星火的美麗
但我怎知道 這份執迷
抱入來世 仍在你軀体
就趁那歌聲悠揚
玻璃倒映了今生不再的幻象
天空正挂著今世最亮的月亮
蜚短流長 未來將怎麼設想
恨這晚歌聲悠揚
當中多少秒鐘可跟最愛來分享
種種恩恩愛愛
可伸展多少世代仍在唱
多得這剎那 分針不再轉
才讓時間實踐 驚心的愛戀
同渡過這盛世
隨手都采到星火的美麗
但我怎知道 這份執迷
抱入來世 仍在你軀体
就趁那歌聲悠揚
玻璃倒映了今生不再的幻象
天空正掛著今世最亮的月亮
蜚短流長 未來將怎麼設想
恨這晚歌聲悠揚
當中多少秒鐘可跟最愛來分享
種種恩恩愛愛
可伸展多少世代仍在唱
種種恩恩愛愛
不可多得的美麗但無常
怎麼可設想

And some people can actually be pretty good after a while. Walter and I talked, and it was agreed.

First Entries Again

I got so sick of a certain someone plaguing my older blog and sticking like an annoying puppy to the things I did.

Sheesh... and the way he acted!

Alright, I won't even get started on that. I hate the way he acts, and I told him off in my old blog. So that was that.

I've just come here now, and I'm gonna start anew. Hopefully, he won't find this one.

I'll just proliferate this address to my friends.

Elsewhere, let me introduce who I am.

You will learn my name as the posts come, so I'll leave that part out.

I'm sixteen years old (twelfth of June) and am currently studying in Xavier School, Philippines.And if you know what that is, then you would also realize that, yes, I am Chinese. Full Chinese in fact, and proud of it. But I'm even prouder to say that I'm half-Taishanese. Yep... those types are rare nowadays in the Philippines.

Let me tell you, if you're Taishanese and you can only speak Fukien, FUCKING LEARN TAISHANESE. NOW. NGOI... NI... KUI... NGOI... NIAK... KIAK... Now ask your Taishanese parent to teach you!You will ultimately regret forgetting your Taishanese.

Elsewhere, I learned Audren's dad is Cantonese. No wonder he and Nicky got along so well.

That's about it really. I like Chinese. I like pissing the Chinese teachers off. I like studying Chinese. And English is my first language. Yep.

So that's all... I'll update you on my day tomorrow or something.