Today was the freakiest day. Everything seemed to be centered on Dominic Navarro (the guy who sits beside me in some of my classes). How, you say? Yes, it's interesting because you remember the issues. Anyway...
First Subject: Science
Long Test results! Over forty, I got... 38.5
And I was like, wow.
And you know what else? Dominic and I got the same grade. Ryan Yeung got a 38 though.
Second Subject: English
Long Test results! (deja vu?) Over fifty, I got... 44
And I was like, shit.
And you know what else? Henry, Dominic and I got the same grade. Two people got above perfect.
Third Subject: C.L.E.
Seatwork results! Over twenty, I got (well, me and Stanly, since it was a pairwork)... 20
And I was like, that was so expected.
And you know what else? Dominic's group got the same grade. When I got my paper, Mrs. Mallo had asked me to give Dominic his paper, so I got a glimpse of his grade.
As we sat down, I told him that I sort of expected the both of us to get the same grade, seeing as how we'd gotten the same score in Science and English already, and he was all "Oh, yeah, that!"
I told Raphie during lunch. He was all SOMETHING but reasoned, "I shouldn't say it because I've just come from Days." but after chiding him a bit, he agreed to tell me. "You're soulmates!"
Soulmates, my ass.
Then during Examen, everyone kept making rather mean Sola jokes, and of course, Dominic was especially hurt, what with him being his... well, I don't know if other people should be privy to that info, especially cos you aren't Dazers yet. I explained (somewhat) that Sola wasn't the target of the jokes, but Charlie. Or was he? (Why is that so Walter?) Anyway, later on, I was even more surprised to hear Dominic crack a Sola-joke himself (although it was nowhere close to as mean as the ones the people around me were making).
"Sola fruit juice yung pinakamasarap."
...
"I've been cracking that joke since Days, and I can't believe that I hadn't told you yet!" said moi.
And then when I got to Filipino, everyone suddenly started talking about Sola, Kenn about how 帥 shuai he was and all, and Alfie (or am I not allowed to call him that anymore?) about the sideburns/goatee, and Timoy... well I have no idea why Timoy was talking about Sola, nor what he said. But it was all very weird. Why is he the target of such heated discussion?
Okay, so it's been a very Dominic/Sola-y day.
Oh! And directly after Examen (or was it recess? one of those), I was bending over to fix my things when Dominic... well, let's just say he redefined "head butt". OUCH. And apparently, for both of us. He was all "That wasn't on purpose."
OBVIOUS BA??? Like anyone would want to ram my buttocks with his forehead.
But anyway, Dominic [/Sola] Day is over, so I'll be on my merry way.
I've got a million things to do and no time to do them. Bye, ya!
Sitting Down Here by Lene Marlin
I'm sitting down here but, hey, you can't see me
Your words cut rather deeply
They're just some other lies
I'm hiding from a distance
I've got to pay the price
Defending all against it
I really don't know why
You're obsessed with all my secrets
You always make me cry
You seem to wanna hurt me
No matter what I do
I'm telling just a couple
But somehow it gets to you
But I've learned to get revenge
And I swear you'll experience that someday
I'm sitting down here but, hey, you can't see me
Kinda invisible you don't sense my stay
Not really hiding not like a shadow
Just thought I would join you for one day
I'm sitting down here but hey you can't see me
I'm not trying to avoid you
Just don't wanna hear your voice
When you call me up so often
I don't really have a choice
You're talking like you know me
And wanna be my friend
But that's really too late now
I won't try it once again
You may think that I'm a loser
That I don't really care
You may think that it's forgotten
But you should be aware
That I've learned to get revenge
And I swear you'll experience that someday
I'm sitting down here but hey you can't see me
Kinda invisible you don't sense my stay
Not really hiding not like a shadow
Just thought I would join you for one day
I'm sitting down here but hey you can't see me
Kinda invisible you don't sense my stay
Not really hiding not like a shadow
But sure I wanna join you for one day
You seem to wanna hurt me
No matter what I do
I'm telling just a couple
But somehow it gets to you
But I've learned to get revenge
And I swear you'll experience that someday
I'm sitting down here but hey you can't see me
Kinda invisible you don't sense my stay
Not really hiding not like a shadow
Just thought I would join you for one day
I'm sitting down here but hey you can't see me
Kinda invisible you don't sense my stay
Not really hiding not like a shadow
Just thought I would join you for one day
I'm sitting down here but hey you can't see me
Kinda invisible you don't sense my stay
Not really hiding not like a shadow
Just thought I would join you for one day.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
A Poem For/About "Days With The Lord"
And where now is your oh-so common voice in my ear?
Of flesh exposed and eyes blinded by cotton
Where wafts to the vanillin scent, and the impressions
Of knees on the ground and words in the air?
Why now, only a day hence, does its visage haunt me
Like a dream of blessed sadness, marred with food
And tears and silly mistakes in the past?
With insecurities and faces all too clear?
Hither swathes love and pulls
me beneath the undertow,
Like the cross that mocked my weak
shoulder like a father would his child
Words imperfect do but cleanse the soul
And leave it open for interpretation now, if you please
Candlelight restrained in their lifeline wicks
Lived and slept with the days
That so scorched my mind with their image
For millions of years evermore;
Quiet with nature in the dank walls,
Ravaged or graced with heaven’s sweat
All over that innocent, forlorn playground
That I watched quietly over from above
Long talks over juices and a meal in bread
That lasted loud and quiet in the corridors
That burst with life yet were so devoid of it
But nary a moment feared I that such life would go
Words in grapevine boxes poured into my heart
And swirled some kind of humorous sympathy
That lifted and grieved me out of the study and into
The last days of the life I loved
Clear liquids that flame breathed of and
Concealed in cans that lit the way for the
Hammer and wooden beams and metal spite that joined them
And the clueless boys that perceived not
Hi, so inane
So wooden hearts found their way into
Hardened hands that partook of the message
They traced on its face
And cards a gentle reminder so
But I froze the world for the first beautiful four letters
Inked in loving envy, or had I imagined that part?
And I’ll see the raiment, aye, such divine envy
Hand on my back will blur like
every other sensation anyway
Cry as I might, I will find that an X’s last reminders
Are the last vestiges of the hours that
rang in those eternal halls
As I made my way one final time
through a flame-filled path
That took all of you away
And into the claps,
song,
and arms of the people I love
And I’ll wonder why you aren’t there
But I have Him with me, now
Do you, won't you ask for more?
Of flesh exposed and eyes blinded by cotton
Where wafts to the vanillin scent, and the impressions
Of knees on the ground and words in the air?
Why now, only a day hence, does its visage haunt me
Like a dream of blessed sadness, marred with food
And tears and silly mistakes in the past?
With insecurities and faces all too clear?
Hither swathes love and pulls
me beneath the undertow,
Like the cross that mocked my weak
shoulder like a father would his child
Words imperfect do but cleanse the soul
And leave it open for interpretation now, if you please
Candlelight restrained in their lifeline wicks
Lived and slept with the days
That so scorched my mind with their image
For millions of years evermore;
Quiet with nature in the dank walls,
Ravaged or graced with heaven’s sweat
All over that innocent, forlorn playground
That I watched quietly over from above
Long talks over juices and a meal in bread
That lasted loud and quiet in the corridors
That burst with life yet were so devoid of it
But nary a moment feared I that such life would go
Words in grapevine boxes poured into my heart
And swirled some kind of humorous sympathy
That lifted and grieved me out of the study and into
The last days of the life I loved
Clear liquids that flame breathed of and
Concealed in cans that lit the way for the
Hammer and wooden beams and metal spite that joined them
And the clueless boys that perceived not
Hi, so inane
So wooden hearts found their way into
Hardened hands that partook of the message
They traced on its face
And cards a gentle reminder so
But I froze the world for the first beautiful four letters
Inked in loving envy, or had I imagined that part?
And I’ll see the raiment, aye, such divine envy
Hand on my back will blur like
every other sensation anyway
Cry as I might, I will find that an X’s last reminders
Are the last vestiges of the hours that
rang in those eternal halls
As I made my way one final time
through a flame-filled path
That took all of you away
And into the claps,
song,
and arms of the people I love
And I’ll wonder why you aren’t there
But I have Him with me, now
Do you, won't you ask for more?
Monday, July 24, 2006
Days With The Lord
This must be the first time in years that I've felt this good.
With Canada, I usually ended up feeling extremely empty/lacking.
But Days is something complete and not easily understood. It's something that involves a lot of careful thinking and assessing and evaluating. I think I did that quite well.
Let me just say that despite everything the Dazers made it out to be, Days certainly did not live up to the hype. But, I did get something from it. And I'm satisfied.
I actually want to get to know God now.
I suddenly understand the other side. The point of view of all those overwrought, i-luff-Jesus type people. I always thought they were nutters, but after Days, I feel that I've achieved this sort of depth of understanding and spiritual achievement that I understand very few people ever get. Or maybe it's just the Days high.
I can imagine that now, all the people who haven't undergone Days With The Lord yet will suddenly think I've turned into this obsessive, corny, God-hugging maniac. Well, I would just like to say that they are such myopic, vindictive airheads who have no perception or depth of thought. You suck.
So anyway. Days was great, as you can deduce. I met some very deep people with issues much worse than mine. I cried, and it felt good. My heart went out to almost all of the speakers every time one of them cried (and a whole bunch of them, all guys, really cried).
And when I poured my heart out to some dude named Sam, it was so refreshing, I went to sleep with happy tears mixed along with the sad ones.
Unforgettable. And I forged bonds with classmates that I otherwise would not have been able to bond with. Especially a certain void.
Don't Forget To Remember Me by Carrie Underwood
18 years have come and gone
For momma they flew by
But for me they just drug on
We were loading up that Chevy
Both tryin' not to cry
Momma kept on talking
Putting off good-bye
Then she took my hand and said
"Baby, don't forget
Before you hit the highway
You better stop for gas
There's a 50 in ashtray
In case you run short on cash
Here's a map and here's a bible
If you ever loose your way
Just one more thing before you leave
Don't forget to remember me."
This downtown apartment sure makes me miss home
And those bills there on the counter remind me I'm on my own
And just like every Sunday I called momma up last night
And even when it's not, I tell her everything's alright
Before we hung up I said,
"Hey momma, don't forget to tell my baby sister I'll see her in the fall
And tell mee-mal that I miss her
Yeah, I should give her a call
And make sure you tell Daddy that I'm still his little girl
Yeah, I still feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be
Don't forget to remember me."
Tonight I find myself kneeling by the bed to pray
I haven't done this in a while
So I don't know what to say
But, Lord, I feel so small sometimes in this big ol' place
Yeah, I know there are more important things
But, don't forget to remember me
Don't forget to remember me
With Canada, I usually ended up feeling extremely empty/lacking.
But Days is something complete and not easily understood. It's something that involves a lot of careful thinking and assessing and evaluating. I think I did that quite well.
Let me just say that despite everything the Dazers made it out to be, Days certainly did not live up to the hype. But, I did get something from it. And I'm satisfied.
I actually want to get to know God now.
I suddenly understand the other side. The point of view of all those overwrought, i-luff-Jesus type people. I always thought they were nutters, but after Days, I feel that I've achieved this sort of depth of understanding and spiritual achievement that I understand very few people ever get. Or maybe it's just the Days high.
I can imagine that now, all the people who haven't undergone Days With The Lord yet will suddenly think I've turned into this obsessive, corny, God-hugging maniac. Well, I would just like to say that they are such myopic, vindictive airheads who have no perception or depth of thought. You suck.
So anyway. Days was great, as you can deduce. I met some very deep people with issues much worse than mine. I cried, and it felt good. My heart went out to almost all of the speakers every time one of them cried (and a whole bunch of them, all guys, really cried).
And when I poured my heart out to some dude named Sam, it was so refreshing, I went to sleep with happy tears mixed along with the sad ones.
Unforgettable. And I forged bonds with classmates that I otherwise would not have been able to bond with. Especially a certain void.
Don't Forget To Remember Me by Carrie Underwood
18 years have come and gone
For momma they flew by
But for me they just drug on
We were loading up that Chevy
Both tryin' not to cry
Momma kept on talking
Putting off good-bye
Then she took my hand and said
"Baby, don't forget
Before you hit the highway
You better stop for gas
There's a 50 in ashtray
In case you run short on cash
Here's a map and here's a bible
If you ever loose your way
Just one more thing before you leave
Don't forget to remember me."
This downtown apartment sure makes me miss home
And those bills there on the counter remind me I'm on my own
And just like every Sunday I called momma up last night
And even when it's not, I tell her everything's alright
Before we hung up I said,
"Hey momma, don't forget to tell my baby sister I'll see her in the fall
And tell mee-mal that I miss her
Yeah, I should give her a call
And make sure you tell Daddy that I'm still his little girl
Yeah, I still feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be
Don't forget to remember me."
Tonight I find myself kneeling by the bed to pray
I haven't done this in a while
So I don't know what to say
But, Lord, I feel so small sometimes in this big ol' place
Yeah, I know there are more important things
But, don't forget to remember me
Don't forget to remember me
Sunday, July 16, 2006
I Have Learned
As my dear friend, Walter, would say, "A crap load of" .... FUKIEN!!!!!!!!!!!!
I love that language. Despite that, listening to my 二姨丈 (di yi tniu) speak about Fukien makes me feel horrible about how much Fukien I speak. As my dad said, he speaks with the "authentic
廈門 EMeng accent". His life has been very interesting. Very much like a movie, my dad also says.
He was first born and raised in China, xiamen. His Fukien is therefore, perfect. Then at the age of twelve, right at the time the Communists swarmed into China, he had to use his smarts to escape, and he landed in Hong Kong.
From High School onward, he had to learn to speak Cantonese, because the Hong Kongers apparently hadn't heard of Fukien at the time.
There, he started writing to those columnist people, and every week, his letters'd get published. He talked about a wide variety of topics that appealed to readers so much so that even when he'd left for The Philippines (streaming nationalistic music here), they asked him to send letters there for their columns.
Interesting. Also: for the policemen, if the cloth thingies on their shoulders are black, then they speak only Cantonese. If they are RED, then they speak English. Something the British left behind. Apparently, in Hong Kong, when applying to be a policeman, being able to speak more than one language lands you an automatic commission in salary. But you HAVE to be able to speak Cantonese.
Anyway, sadly, my 二姨丈 no longer speaks Cantonese (he hasn't in fifty years... so you can just imagine how old he is now. But his mind is quick as a bee). His Fukien, probably from influence from a bunch of other dialects, is now extremely deep. He's the only person that I can't understand when he talks. He says things that I can't quite catch, and I need to listen into it, or think hard to understand. I wanna be like that some day.
He also said that Fukien is, according to the scholars that performed a study all over China, the hardest dialect to speak. I'm glad that 二姨丈 is aware that Fukien has 8 tones. So we can tell if someone is native Fukien or not, because when he speaks, it's 無準 bo zun--not accurate or precise.
Anyway, I borrowed Dad's P800 (Sony Ericsson please) and opened the Jotter. Then I proceeded to scribble characters and ask 二姨丈 how to read them in Fukien.
Some examples:
正確 zieng khak
知識 ti siak
紅塵 ang tin
準備 zun bi
這樣 zit yniu
接受 ziap siu
雨 ho/wu
語言 gi gian
伊人 yi din
候 hio
後 au/hio
若 diok
起家 khi ke
走私 zau si
趣味 cu bi
有 wu/iyu
月 ge*/guat
亮 niu/diong
合約 hap iyok
場所 tniu so
所在 so zai
地方 dei hong
服務員 hok gu guan
習慣 sip kuan
互相 ho siong
司機 si ki
沉默 tin biak
Earlier that day.... at lunch, I'd discovered something which my parents said to my brother. Yeah, Fukien has its own versions of chengyu 成語's.
偷工減料 thau kang kiam diao
According to NJ Star: To do shoddy work and use inferior material
And then in Hoisaan...
亂講 lon gong -- to talk nonsense
But because I didn't know that lon and lun were different in Hoisaan (in Cantonese, gong ang gung are practically the same when spoken fast), I pronounced it as lun gong...
So dad thought I said 輪缸, which is literally a wheel-shaped [water] jar.
I love Chinese.
I love that language. Despite that, listening to my 二姨丈 (di yi tniu) speak about Fukien makes me feel horrible about how much Fukien I speak. As my dad said, he speaks with the "authentic
廈門 EMeng accent". His life has been very interesting. Very much like a movie, my dad also says.
He was first born and raised in China, xiamen. His Fukien is therefore, perfect. Then at the age of twelve, right at the time the Communists swarmed into China, he had to use his smarts to escape, and he landed in Hong Kong.
From High School onward, he had to learn to speak Cantonese, because the Hong Kongers apparently hadn't heard of Fukien at the time.
There, he started writing to those columnist people, and every week, his letters'd get published. He talked about a wide variety of topics that appealed to readers so much so that even when he'd left for The Philippines (streaming nationalistic music here), they asked him to send letters there for their columns.
Interesting. Also: for the policemen, if the cloth thingies on their shoulders are black, then they speak only Cantonese. If they are RED, then they speak English. Something the British left behind. Apparently, in Hong Kong, when applying to be a policeman, being able to speak more than one language lands you an automatic commission in salary. But you HAVE to be able to speak Cantonese.
Anyway, sadly, my 二姨丈 no longer speaks Cantonese (he hasn't in fifty years... so you can just imagine how old he is now. But his mind is quick as a bee). His Fukien, probably from influence from a bunch of other dialects, is now extremely deep. He's the only person that I can't understand when he talks. He says things that I can't quite catch, and I need to listen into it, or think hard to understand. I wanna be like that some day.
He also said that Fukien is, according to the scholars that performed a study all over China, the hardest dialect to speak. I'm glad that 二姨丈 is aware that Fukien has 8 tones. So we can tell if someone is native Fukien or not, because when he speaks, it's 無準 bo zun--not accurate or precise.
Anyway, I borrowed Dad's P800 (Sony Ericsson please) and opened the Jotter. Then I proceeded to scribble characters and ask 二姨丈 how to read them in Fukien.
Some examples:
正確 zieng khak
知識 ti siak
紅塵 ang tin
準備 zun bi
這樣 zit yniu
接受 ziap siu
雨 ho/wu
語言 gi gian
伊人 yi din
候 hio
後 au/hio
若 diok
起家 khi ke
走私 zau si
趣味 cu bi
有 wu/iyu
月 ge*/guat
亮 niu/diong
合約 hap iyok
場所 tniu so
所在 so zai
地方 dei hong
服務員 hok gu guan
習慣 sip kuan
互相 ho siong
司機 si ki
沉默 tin biak
Earlier that day.... at lunch, I'd discovered something which my parents said to my brother. Yeah, Fukien has its own versions of chengyu 成語's.
偷工減料 thau kang kiam diao
According to NJ Star: To do shoddy work and use inferior material
And then in Hoisaan...
亂講 lon gong -- to talk nonsense
But because I didn't know that lon and lun were different in Hoisaan (in Cantonese, gong ang gung are practically the same when spoken fast), I pronounced it as lun gong...
So dad thought I said 輪缸, which is literally a wheel-shaped [water] jar.
I love Chinese.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
With A Little Love... and Some Tenderness
Earlier Days
I was searching through my mail and found this picture that I'd sent to myself via MMS last year:
It's one I took of a Canadian Sunset just outside of Superstore in 2005. It's literally like lava in the sky. It's hard not to miss Canada now.
Friday Noon High
The day had been rather lousy... I woke up rather late, the iPod kept dying on me, I didn't get to listen to Ai Xiang Sui...
Then there was just so much to do. Science quiz, Filipino test, Math LT, Chinese seatwork . . . of course, there were good points like the very interesting discussion we had in Social Science (about Egyptian culture) and English (about Mythology), but for the most part, I hated the day... then at the very end, at Fencing, we were doing crunches (75 all in all), practicing our stance, a new move called the crossover, drills on the advance lunge, etc...
It's all very interesting, but extremely tiring. By the time we'd finished our one-two-three-four's where we had to squat lower or higher depending on the number, my legs hurt so much I felt like I would collapse.
I was so gonna feel that in the morning. And guess what? I did.
Anyway, directly after changing, I raced up to the Chinese department to give Ye laoshi our journals (which Ryle had asked me to give her for him). After which, I raced back down to the MPH, fearing that the Friday Unplugged had already begun and I hadn't caught the first part. Nope.
I had gotten there quite early, and I found Henrison. We went in and got a seat (realized that we were actually beside JV, Martin and Alphonso). Say hi.
So we wait.
A bunch of commentating (by Filbert and Bro. Terence Ang), settling down and plain weirdness at some points, we got started. Andrew sat in front of us, and Raphael appeared later and realized that another Raphael [Ibaviosa] had taken his seat. So we watch as the first band, "Mao" takes their place and sings an original song.
It was beautiful.
I seriously thought that they rocked. Pity I can't remember what they sang or how it sounded. All I remember is that it was beautiful.
Next is Serve Chilled.
These people quite honestly sucked. Peterson is okay with some vocals, but he should not have sung these two. He's sung much better before. Paul Cheng was playing the violin, Raphael Camus, Raphael Ibaviosa (jeez, there are a lot of Raphael's in our batch, aren't there?) and Maverick Lim played the box thing, and guitars respectively.
The song just really sucked.
So next. We had the Songwriter's Guild. Aww... it's Mr. Asis. Apparently, it's been his dream to sing an original in front of a crowd. Now this song he sang, Exodus with Sam Nantes (or whatever it was) had a LOT of falsettos, apparently, and it takes someone with a very good voice to pull it off. He did great. Congrats, Mr. Asis. Hope your dream's come true.
Next, we had this nameless band that said they were just the "H4-D band". So when the crowd was asked if there were any H4-D-ers were here, a whole row of them on the opposite end of the MPH started cheering.
The H4-D band sang Narda by whowasitagain?, and Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional.
It seemed that everyone was surprised that I was actually singing along to Narda. Is it that surprising that I know the song with an OPM obsessed brother? I mean, I bet they know the lyrics to Seeing Things or You Were Meant For Me by heart by now simply because of me.
They were actually pretty good. Better than Serve Ch... ehem. Other bands.
Then came the Guidance Department. See, this was actually quite funny, because Mr. Rivera was at the guitars and Mr. Young at the vocals, but Mr. Lacon and Mr. Santos seemed to just be sitting pretty there with their rattles... ehem. Maracas.
They sang True by Spandau Ballet (which Raphie and Andrew kept laughing at. Oh, at this point, Raphie had already moved to the seat which Raphael Ibav had taken earlier. They'd left after they performed) and Upside Down by Jack Johnson.
Now I'd heard the first one many times before, and the second one, once or twice, but never really to depth, although I was pretty familiar with Jack Johnson's music.
Needless to say, with Mr. Young's experience in singing (*ehemcollegegradmrbehs*ehem*), it went really well. He started clapping his hands over his head to signify that everyone follow suit, and we were all clapping as he sang. Everyone had even been screaming encore by the time they left. But oh well.
So Bro. Terence Ang and Filbert were saying their goodbyes, we ended with a prayer and we all left.
I texted Mr. Young when I got the office, told him he did great. He said he'd been super nervous.
The end.
Post Script Notes: (a.k.a. where I post all the green or mean stuff that I couldn't post earlier)
- Bro. Terence Ang had been pushing for audience interaction the whole time. First, he kept referring to Mr. Bumatayo as his twin.
Second, he asked us to raise our hands if we had never loved, and if we were currently in love.
Next, he asks us to picture someone we love. I wasn't quite sure what to do, since I'd been love-less for quite a while now. So I just left my mind blank.
- Bro. Terence Ang, in one of his audience-interaction escapades, asked what one of the students (from the audience) thought of the song. The student suddenly knelt down several inches from Bro. Terence Ang, to which he immediatebly commanded him to stand, saying "Don't kneel to me."
Andrew and Raphie started smiling, and Raphie said something like "I shall knight you!" and then I started laughing for completely different reasons, to which Andrew laughed and pointed at me.
Then Raphie looked at us all weirdly and then suddenly caught on. Lol. Later on, we found out that his English teacher was, in fact, Mr. Perez. Raphie then said "No wonder. That's where he learned it from." We all burst out laughing.
Afterwards, Raphie mentioned... other things.
It was a great Friday, especially with Alexis sending giving me the link to Carrie Underwood's Don't Forget To Remember Me video, which I am in love with right now.
Upside Down by Jack Johnson
Who’s to say what’s impossible
Well they forgot this world keeps spinning
And with each new day
I can feel a change in everything
And as the surface breaks reflections fade
But in some ways they remain the same
And as my mind begins to spread it’s wings
There’s no stopping curiosity
I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I’ll find the things they say just can’t be found
I’ll share this love I find with everyone
We’ll sing and dance to mother nature’s songs
I don’t want this feeling to go away
Who’s to say I can’t do everything
Well I can try, and as I roll along I begin to find
Things aren’t always just what they seem
I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I’ll find the things they say just can’t be found
I’ll share this love I find with everyone
We’ll sing and dance to mother nature’s songs
This world keeps spinning
And there’s no time to waste
Well it all keeps spinning, spinning
Round and round and upside down
Who’s to say what’s impossible and can’t be found
I don’t want this feeling to go away
Please, don’t go away
Please, don’t go away
Please, don’t go away
Is this how it’s supposed to be?
Is this how it’s supposed to be?
I was searching through my mail and found this picture that I'd sent to myself via MMS last year:
It's one I took of a Canadian Sunset just outside of Superstore in 2005. It's literally like lava in the sky. It's hard not to miss Canada now.
Friday Noon High
The day had been rather lousy... I woke up rather late, the iPod kept dying on me, I didn't get to listen to Ai Xiang Sui...
Then there was just so much to do. Science quiz, Filipino test, Math LT, Chinese seatwork . . . of course, there were good points like the very interesting discussion we had in Social Science (about Egyptian culture) and English (about Mythology), but for the most part, I hated the day... then at the very end, at Fencing, we were doing crunches (75 all in all), practicing our stance, a new move called the crossover, drills on the advance lunge, etc...
It's all very interesting, but extremely tiring. By the time we'd finished our one-two-three-four's where we had to squat lower or higher depending on the number, my legs hurt so much I felt like I would collapse.
I was so gonna feel that in the morning. And guess what? I did.
Anyway, directly after changing, I raced up to the Chinese department to give Ye laoshi our journals (which Ryle had asked me to give her for him). After which, I raced back down to the MPH, fearing that the Friday Unplugged had already begun and I hadn't caught the first part. Nope.
I had gotten there quite early, and I found Henrison. We went in and got a seat (realized that we were actually beside JV, Martin and Alphonso). Say hi.
So we wait.
A bunch of commentating (by Filbert and Bro. Terence Ang), settling down and plain weirdness at some points, we got started. Andrew sat in front of us, and Raphael appeared later and realized that another Raphael [Ibaviosa] had taken his seat. So we watch as the first band, "Mao" takes their place and sings an original song.
It was beautiful.
I seriously thought that they rocked. Pity I can't remember what they sang or how it sounded. All I remember is that it was beautiful.
Next is Serve Chilled.
These people quite honestly sucked. Peterson is okay with some vocals, but he should not have sung these two. He's sung much better before. Paul Cheng was playing the violin, Raphael Camus, Raphael Ibaviosa (jeez, there are a lot of Raphael's in our batch, aren't there?) and Maverick Lim played the box thing, and guitars respectively.
The song just really sucked.
So next. We had the Songwriter's Guild. Aww... it's Mr. Asis. Apparently, it's been his dream to sing an original in front of a crowd. Now this song he sang, Exodus with Sam Nantes (or whatever it was) had a LOT of falsettos, apparently, and it takes someone with a very good voice to pull it off. He did great. Congrats, Mr. Asis. Hope your dream's come true.
Next, we had this nameless band that said they were just the "H4-D band". So when the crowd was asked if there were any H4-D-ers were here, a whole row of them on the opposite end of the MPH started cheering.
The H4-D band sang Narda by whowasitagain?, and Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional.
It seemed that everyone was surprised that I was actually singing along to Narda. Is it that surprising that I know the song with an OPM obsessed brother? I mean, I bet they know the lyrics to Seeing Things or You Were Meant For Me by heart by now simply because of me.
They were actually pretty good. Better than Serve Ch... ehem. Other bands.
Then came the Guidance Department. See, this was actually quite funny, because Mr. Rivera was at the guitars and Mr. Young at the vocals, but Mr. Lacon and Mr. Santos seemed to just be sitting pretty there with their rattles... ehem. Maracas.
They sang True by Spandau Ballet (which Raphie and Andrew kept laughing at. Oh, at this point, Raphie had already moved to the seat which Raphael Ibav had taken earlier. They'd left after they performed) and Upside Down by Jack Johnson.
Now I'd heard the first one many times before, and the second one, once or twice, but never really to depth, although I was pretty familiar with Jack Johnson's music.
Needless to say, with Mr. Young's experience in singing (*ehemcollegegradmrbehs*ehem*), it went really well. He started clapping his hands over his head to signify that everyone follow suit, and we were all clapping as he sang. Everyone had even been screaming encore by the time they left. But oh well.
So Bro. Terence Ang and Filbert were saying their goodbyes, we ended with a prayer and we all left.
I texted Mr. Young when I got the office, told him he did great. He said he'd been super nervous.
The end.
Post Script Notes: (a.k.a. where I post all the green or mean stuff that I couldn't post earlier)
- Bro. Terence Ang had been pushing for audience interaction the whole time. First, he kept referring to Mr. Bumatayo as his twin.
Second, he asked us to raise our hands if we had never loved, and if we were currently in love.
Next, he asks us to picture someone we love. I wasn't quite sure what to do, since I'd been love-less for quite a while now. So I just left my mind blank.
- Bro. Terence Ang, in one of his audience-interaction escapades, asked what one of the students (from the audience) thought of the song. The student suddenly knelt down several inches from Bro. Terence Ang, to which he immediatebly commanded him to stand, saying "Don't kneel to me."
Andrew and Raphie started smiling, and Raphie said something like "I shall knight you!" and then I started laughing for completely different reasons, to which Andrew laughed and pointed at me.
Then Raphie looked at us all weirdly and then suddenly caught on. Lol. Later on, we found out that his English teacher was, in fact, Mr. Perez. Raphie then said "No wonder. That's where he learned it from." We all burst out laughing.
Afterwards, Raphie mentioned... other things.
It was a great Friday, especially with Alexis sending giving me the link to Carrie Underwood's Don't Forget To Remember Me video, which I am in love with right now.
Upside Down by Jack Johnson
Who’s to say what’s impossible
Well they forgot this world keeps spinning
And with each new day
I can feel a change in everything
And as the surface breaks reflections fade
But in some ways they remain the same
And as my mind begins to spread it’s wings
There’s no stopping curiosity
I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I’ll find the things they say just can’t be found
I’ll share this love I find with everyone
We’ll sing and dance to mother nature’s songs
I don’t want this feeling to go away
Who’s to say I can’t do everything
Well I can try, and as I roll along I begin to find
Things aren’t always just what they seem
I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I’ll find the things they say just can’t be found
I’ll share this love I find with everyone
We’ll sing and dance to mother nature’s songs
This world keeps spinning
And there’s no time to waste
Well it all keeps spinning, spinning
Round and round and upside down
Who’s to say what’s impossible and can’t be found
I don’t want this feeling to go away
Please, don’t go away
Please, don’t go away
Please, don’t go away
Is this how it’s supposed to be?
Is this how it’s supposed to be?
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
The Extended Version
朝之寤﹐望外雨
亦欲睡﹐隨欲
余終於黌﹐瘁則幾死
與汝遇﹐氓圍喒
胸忱之無膽言
無疆之愛
非了之愨
然則詢者好否
爾無音之答
Here's the extended version of my Chinese journal entry.
For a special someone. You know who you are. Or maybe you don't.
7/13/06
Elsewhere...
It was nice to liaotian(r) with He laoshi again after all this time.
It's been rather crazy in school, and getting to sit back and bother laoshi (like the old days) was a refreshing change.
Then we got to talking and SOMEWHERE along the way, we ended up talking about the future. You should hear her talk about her hopes for the country, for our generation... you'll burst with pride.
This was from about three o clock to about four... so I made her late. Grin.
Oh, and why was I still in school at four o clock when classes were suspended at one thirty? *gets into ranting mode*
FIRST OF ALL, all the goddamn telephone lines were clogged in school so I had NO way of telling my parents that I was to be fetched early.
When I called at dismissal, about one thirty, apparently, dad had already left with Joel at one. So Joel'd be back at 4. Yes 4. So I was just sitting around like an IDIOT in Xavier for over three hours when Joel finally came at 4:49 pm.
I hate life.
Then I got home and realized that Alex's friends were here... but Alex himself wasn't. Eh?
Apparently, he'd gone to fetch Andrew. So we all got together (with Ave) in the small room like a happy family and we all went to sleep and I got into a fight with mom and it's been really stupid.
So I woke up and went to the tutor. Kikiam tastes good.
Goodbye!
Hello, Y.
You Were Meant For Me by Sting
Life was a song,
You came along
I lay awake the whole night through
If I should dare
To think you care
This is what I'd say to you
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
Nature fashioned you
And when she was done
You were all those good things
Rolled into one
You're like a plaintive melody
That never lets me be
I'm content the angels must have sent you
And they meant you just for me
You're like a plaintive melody
That never lets me be
I'm content the angels must have sent you
And they meant you just for me
EDIT 2:
Dad has asked me, on several occasions where something satirica, ironicor just downright silly has happened, to include it here as "fodder for my blog".
I've never actually taken him up on his advice, but I think I will.
Me: No homework! I love life!
Dad: Weren't you saying just yesterday that you hated life? Or was that the other night?
Me: Yesterday morning.
Dad: Morning? Are you sure?
Me: I say that several times a day. Don't ask me.
亦欲睡﹐隨欲
余終於黌﹐瘁則幾死
與汝遇﹐氓圍喒
胸忱之無膽言
無疆之愛
非了之愨
然則詢者好否
爾無音之答
Here's the extended version of my Chinese journal entry.
For a special someone. You know who you are. Or maybe you don't.
7/13/06
Elsewhere...
It was nice to liaotian(r) with He laoshi again after all this time.
It's been rather crazy in school, and getting to sit back and bother laoshi (like the old days) was a refreshing change.
Then we got to talking and SOMEWHERE along the way, we ended up talking about the future. You should hear her talk about her hopes for the country, for our generation... you'll burst with pride.
This was from about three o clock to about four... so I made her late. Grin.
Oh, and why was I still in school at four o clock when classes were suspended at one thirty? *gets into ranting mode*
FIRST OF ALL, all the goddamn telephone lines were clogged in school so I had NO way of telling my parents that I was to be fetched early.
When I called at dismissal, about one thirty, apparently, dad had already left with Joel at one. So Joel'd be back at 4. Yes 4. So I was just sitting around like an IDIOT in Xavier for over three hours when Joel finally came at 4:49 pm.
I hate life.
Then I got home and realized that Alex's friends were here... but Alex himself wasn't. Eh?
Apparently, he'd gone to fetch Andrew. So we all got together (with Ave) in the small room like a happy family and we all went to sleep and I got into a fight with mom and it's been really stupid.
So I woke up and went to the tutor. Kikiam tastes good.
Goodbye!
Hello, Y.
You Were Meant For Me by Sting
Life was a song,
You came along
I lay awake the whole night through
If I should dare
To think you care
This is what I'd say to you
You were meant for me
And I was meant for you
Nature fashioned you
And when she was done
You were all those good things
Rolled into one
You're like a plaintive melody
That never lets me be
I'm content the angels must have sent you
And they meant you just for me
You're like a plaintive melody
That never lets me be
I'm content the angels must have sent you
And they meant you just for me
EDIT 2:
Dad has asked me, on several occasions where something satirica, ironicor just downright silly has happened, to include it here as "fodder for my blog".
I've never actually taken him up on his advice, but I think I will.
Me: No homework! I love life!
Dad: Weren't you saying just yesterday that you hated life? Or was that the other night?
Me: Yesterday morning.
Dad: Morning? Are you sure?
Me: I say that several times a day. Don't ask me.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
A Day That Begins With Jackie . . .
Has to be a great day. I swear, it was almost scary. I was just walking to gate 14 when all of a sudden, some car beeps and Jackie rolls down her window and yells out "Len!" but now that I think about it, it sounded a bit like "Bleh!" or something.
But that made my day. It was a good day. Shame it was a Monday though.
I've finally got around to teaching Charles Sy a very basic song. It's called 我會掛念你 by 陳慧琳. Sadly, he still doesn't get it. It's a very basic song. But every time I'd test him on something a few lines back, he'd draw a blank. My God.
I swear, his Chinese will become good. That will be my goal for him this year.
Maybe I better start with the basic of basics (I am referring to none other than, of course, 月亮代表我的心). Yes, I think I'll start with that.
Elsewhere, it's been a terrible week so far. It's only Tuesday and I'm already yearning for the weekend. Even Ye Laoshi agrees with me. She told me that she wished a typhoon would come already so she could rest.
Apparently, in the two years that she's been in the Philippines, not once has she experienced a typhoon. Hmm... You're crazy, and yet I agree with you.
I wonder if she'll allow me to sing in Cantonese...
Standing Still by Jewel
Cutting through the darkest night with my two head lights
Trying to keep it clear, but I'm losing it here to the twilight
There's a dead end to my left, there's a burning bush to my right
You aren't in sight, you aren't in sight
Do you want me like I want you?
Or am I standing still beneath the darkened sky?
Or am I standing still with the scenery flying by?
Or am I standing still?
Out of the corner of my eye, was that you passing me by?
Mother's on the stoop, boys in souped up coupes on this hot summer night
Between fight and flight is the blind man's sight and a choice that's right
I roll the window down, feel like I'm, I'm gonna drown, in this strange town
Feel broken down, I feel broken down
Do you need me like I need you?
Or am I standing still beneath the darkened sky?
Or am I standing still with the scenery flying by?
Or am I standing still?
Out of the corner of my eye, was that you passing me by?
Sweet sorrow - He said call tomorrow
Sweet sorrow - He said call tomorrow
Do you love me like I love you?
Or am I standing still beneath the darkened sky?
Or am I standing still with the scenery flying by?
Or am I standing still?
Out of the corner of my eye, was that you passing me by?
Are you passing me by?
Passing me by
Do you want me?
Passing me by
Do you need me like I need you too?
And do you want me like I want you?
Are you passing me by or am I standing still?
But that made my day. It was a good day. Shame it was a Monday though.
I've finally got around to teaching Charles Sy a very basic song. It's called 我會掛念你 by 陳慧琳. Sadly, he still doesn't get it. It's a very basic song. But every time I'd test him on something a few lines back, he'd draw a blank. My God.
I swear, his Chinese will become good. That will be my goal for him this year.
Maybe I better start with the basic of basics (I am referring to none other than, of course, 月亮代表我的心). Yes, I think I'll start with that.
Elsewhere, it's been a terrible week so far. It's only Tuesday and I'm already yearning for the weekend. Even Ye Laoshi agrees with me. She told me that she wished a typhoon would come already so she could rest.
Apparently, in the two years that she's been in the Philippines, not once has she experienced a typhoon. Hmm... You're crazy, and yet I agree with you.
I wonder if she'll allow me to sing in Cantonese...
Standing Still by Jewel
Cutting through the darkest night with my two head lights
Trying to keep it clear, but I'm losing it here to the twilight
There's a dead end to my left, there's a burning bush to my right
You aren't in sight, you aren't in sight
Do you want me like I want you?
Or am I standing still beneath the darkened sky?
Or am I standing still with the scenery flying by?
Or am I standing still?
Out of the corner of my eye, was that you passing me by?
Mother's on the stoop, boys in souped up coupes on this hot summer night
Between fight and flight is the blind man's sight and a choice that's right
I roll the window down, feel like I'm, I'm gonna drown, in this strange town
Feel broken down, I feel broken down
Do you need me like I need you?
Or am I standing still beneath the darkened sky?
Or am I standing still with the scenery flying by?
Or am I standing still?
Out of the corner of my eye, was that you passing me by?
Sweet sorrow - He said call tomorrow
Sweet sorrow - He said call tomorrow
Do you love me like I love you?
Or am I standing still beneath the darkened sky?
Or am I standing still with the scenery flying by?
Or am I standing still?
Out of the corner of my eye, was that you passing me by?
Are you passing me by?
Passing me by
Do you want me?
Passing me by
Do you need me like I need you too?
And do you want me like I want you?
Are you passing me by or am I standing still?
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Canada
It is with an extremely heavy heart that I write these words.
I write, not simply because I must, but that my heart dictates it. Were it not for this right to express my thoughts and transform them into words, I might have shrunk into myself and imploded.
I love Canada. So much so that sometimes, I can't stand being here. But I must speak truthfully. In actuality, Canada is fading from my memory and I only have some occasional snitches of emotion or a small, moving image in my head to remember it by.
If you know me and my history with Canada to any extent at all, you will be the first person to say that I will not simply leave it be. In fact, I will refuse to give it up or let it stay in my past with the will and resolve of a rhinoceros. But I feel so nothing here.
I thank God for Alexis. She's been such a God-send with her insight and realistic perception of her California. It's good to know someone understands, and that you can just pour your heart out without seeming odd or quixotic.
Times are troubling these days, and I'm so tired of dealing with things. Perhaps if I'd dropped life here and just went on my way to Canada, life would be better? I wouldn't have to deal with anything from here there.
The wishful thinking is driving me insane. And yet I can't stop. And all this is beginning to sound very familiar to some of you, isn't it?
I write, not simply because I must, but that my heart dictates it. Were it not for this right to express my thoughts and transform them into words, I might have shrunk into myself and imploded.
I love Canada. So much so that sometimes, I can't stand being here. But I must speak truthfully. In actuality, Canada is fading from my memory and I only have some occasional snitches of emotion or a small, moving image in my head to remember it by.
If you know me and my history with Canada to any extent at all, you will be the first person to say that I will not simply leave it be. In fact, I will refuse to give it up or let it stay in my past with the will and resolve of a rhinoceros. But I feel so nothing here.
I thank God for Alexis. She's been such a God-send with her insight and realistic perception of her California. It's good to know someone understands, and that you can just pour your heart out without seeming odd or quixotic.
Times are troubling these days, and I'm so tired of dealing with things. Perhaps if I'd dropped life here and just went on my way to Canada, life would be better? I wouldn't have to deal with anything from here there.
The wishful thinking is driving me insane. And yet I can't stop. And all this is beginning to sound very familiar to some of you, isn't it?
Friday, July 07, 2006
The Get-The-Thing-From-Char-Gone-Wrong-Gone-Good-Gone-Okay Escapade
I met Kenn's mom. I don't know why that's such a big thing.
I will start from the beginning... which is the end of the day's classes.
Charles Sy, with whom I am becoming fast friends, was with me here, but I found it immensely bothersome that he enjoyed pain. As in, he spent the entirety of the final twenty minutes of Fencing telling me how much he loved pain and how it was what gave him energy. Of course, there was something else, but I'm not gonna go behind his back and backstab him, given what the situation actually is. The point is, I know I shouldn't be surprised, given my history with people like JV, but Charles is just not the type. He's... wholesome. Very, very wholesome.
During Fencing, we had this mirror thing of some sort with which to compare/fix our en guarde stances, and when Lawrence (my partner when we practiced the Advance Lunge) and I got up to do our thing, I caught a glimpse of myself from far away.
I LOOK SKELETAL. MY GOSH. If I lost any more weight, I'd be like an umbrella handle! God.
I promise to eat more.
Anyway, I walk upstairs to look for Kenn, because we'd agreed to leave together and go to Starbucks to meet Char.
It's a good thing I prompted him, because by the time we'd gotten on our way, Char was ready to leave. We actually only came across her (and her mom and car) on the road in traffic. So she hands me the thing and then leaves right away, and, at four eleven, our mission accomplished, now what?
We decide to head to Starbucks anyway, just to cool off, since Kenn's mom would fetch him at four thirty. When we get there, we see that Starbucks is full, so we head over to Ice Monster and drop our bags (with immense relief). I ordered me a mango split, Kenn had cough, so he didn't order. Kenn's mom comes and treats us to Pancake House. Wow.
We chat for about half an hour, and Kenn's mom generously buys me pancakes. Hmm... I shared this later with dad and mom, and we all agreed that the butter was delicious. I have no idea what they put in that butter.
Anyway, we had a good chat. My Fukien is abhorrent though. I realized that today. Whenever I opened my mouth to speak, I'd forget all the right words and everything would come out in a jumbled rush of madness with incorrectly formed words. My Fukien needs a lot of work. I dunno though. When I speak with my family, I'm 110% fine. When I'm with others (particularly Fukien moms), it's like the Fukien-speaking part of my brains goes to mush.
Ngrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Gah. LYUN NGAP!
God I'm brainless. Anyway, I've met Kenn's, Walter's, Jackie's, Christian's, Charlene's and Adrienne's moms. Interesting...
Only One Too by Jewel
I am talking but you can't quite hear what I say
I come closer but you push me away
I should leave but I don't have the strength
I can't think
Please, can't you see that I am down on my knees?
My heart's in your hand and you squeeze
I want the whole thing but you give me a part
It's time you start
So I push and I pull, and I don't know which way to go
Stop me, stop me from falling cause you can see, see where this is going
If you love me, why do you leave me?
If you need me, then I’ll love you only when I am the only one too
I just can't make you understand I want your heart but you hold up you're hand
You say space is what you need
But you want me to be true to just you while you get to do whatever you want to
Stop me, stop me from falling cause you can see, see where this is going
If you love me, why do you leave me?
If you need me, then I’ll love you only when I am the only one too
You'll never stop
It's gotta change
You don't want a lover; you want a world of slaves
I can't resist falling into those arms, those boyish charms
You think I won't leave
Yes, you’re good, but not so good I can’t see
Stop me, I can see, see where this is going
If you love me
Stop me, stop me from falling cause you can see, see where this is going
If you love me, why do you leave me?
If you need me, then I’ll love you only when I am the only one too
Then I’ll love you only when I am the only one too
I’ll love you only when I am the only one too
I will start from the beginning... which is the end of the day's classes.
Charles Sy, with whom I am becoming fast friends, was with me here, but I found it immensely bothersome that he enjoyed pain. As in, he spent the entirety of the final twenty minutes of Fencing telling me how much he loved pain and how it was what gave him energy. Of course, there was something else, but I'm not gonna go behind his back and backstab him, given what the situation actually is. The point is, I know I shouldn't be surprised, given my history with people like JV, but Charles is just not the type. He's... wholesome. Very, very wholesome.
During Fencing, we had this mirror thing of some sort with which to compare/fix our en guarde stances, and when Lawrence (my partner when we practiced the Advance Lunge) and I got up to do our thing, I caught a glimpse of myself from far away.
I LOOK SKELETAL. MY GOSH. If I lost any more weight, I'd be like an umbrella handle! God.
I promise to eat more.
Anyway, I walk upstairs to look for Kenn, because we'd agreed to leave together and go to Starbucks to meet Char.
It's a good thing I prompted him, because by the time we'd gotten on our way, Char was ready to leave. We actually only came across her (and her mom and car) on the road in traffic. So she hands me the thing and then leaves right away, and, at four eleven, our mission accomplished, now what?
We decide to head to Starbucks anyway, just to cool off, since Kenn's mom would fetch him at four thirty. When we get there, we see that Starbucks is full, so we head over to Ice Monster and drop our bags (with immense relief). I ordered me a mango split, Kenn had cough, so he didn't order. Kenn's mom comes and treats us to Pancake House. Wow.
We chat for about half an hour, and Kenn's mom generously buys me pancakes. Hmm... I shared this later with dad and mom, and we all agreed that the butter was delicious. I have no idea what they put in that butter.
Anyway, we had a good chat. My Fukien is abhorrent though. I realized that today. Whenever I opened my mouth to speak, I'd forget all the right words and everything would come out in a jumbled rush of madness with incorrectly formed words. My Fukien needs a lot of work. I dunno though. When I speak with my family, I'm 110% fine. When I'm with others (particularly Fukien moms), it's like the Fukien-speaking part of my brains goes to mush.
Ngrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Gah. LYUN NGAP!
God I'm brainless. Anyway, I've met Kenn's, Walter's, Jackie's, Christian's, Charlene's and Adrienne's moms. Interesting...
Only One Too by Jewel
I am talking but you can't quite hear what I say
I come closer but you push me away
I should leave but I don't have the strength
I can't think
Please, can't you see that I am down on my knees?
My heart's in your hand and you squeeze
I want the whole thing but you give me a part
It's time you start
So I push and I pull, and I don't know which way to go
Stop me, stop me from falling cause you can see, see where this is going
If you love me, why do you leave me?
If you need me, then I’ll love you only when I am the only one too
I just can't make you understand I want your heart but you hold up you're hand
You say space is what you need
But you want me to be true to just you while you get to do whatever you want to
Stop me, stop me from falling cause you can see, see where this is going
If you love me, why do you leave me?
If you need me, then I’ll love you only when I am the only one too
You'll never stop
It's gotta change
You don't want a lover; you want a world of slaves
I can't resist falling into those arms, those boyish charms
You think I won't leave
Yes, you’re good, but not so good I can’t see
Stop me, I can see, see where this is going
If you love me
Stop me, stop me from falling cause you can see, see where this is going
If you love me, why do you leave me?
If you need me, then I’ll love you only when I am the only one too
Then I’ll love you only when I am the only one too
I’ll love you only when I am the only one too
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
That Little Continuum Where Canada Comes To Life
During Filipino class, I'm seated next to the window.
That beautiful window that is the only side that I'm not surrounded by classmates. It's my breathing space. That one special place I can look out of during tests and not be accused of cheating (oh what, you'll magically see the answers in the clouds?). That one beacon that I can glance out of and see the future that awaits me after Filipino class, white clouds and a city that brims with life.
And it's there, when the wind suddenly blows from my back right that I am just enclosed with visions and feelings of Canada. It's beautiful, when I think of Superstore, the chips aisle there. The sunsets as we drove down the long winding road towards our B&B. The mornings where I'd sneak out of bed, flip dad's laptop open and play until it was about 7. Then mom and dad would come by and force me to eat breakfast. But those few hours I had for chatting were what kept me alive. And then there was Waitin' On The Wonderful. That song was beautiful. I couldn't live without it. And the Coquitlam Library with the cherry blossoms outside and the nice parking lot that you always had to endure walking through just to get in. The outside of Courtney's house on our way to Pinetree.
God I miss Canada.
Walter, Kenn, Jackie, Christian, Cath, Char, Ienne and I have been friends for quite a while now.
Interesting.
Drive To You by Jewel
Tonight I have the strangest feeling
Look for answers on a hotel ceiling
When did my heart first feel this way?
Being alone used to be just fine
Now, life without you is just passing time
I thought I heard you call my name
Reached for you're hand, it was in vain
When you are not here, feels like a hole in my chest
Get dressed, look in the mirror, say "Oh God, I’ll never be the same"
So I drive to you tonight
I was blind, now I have sight
I couldn’t leave you even if I tried
You're heart beats inside of me
Like a star in the dark of night, like birds lost in flight.
The clouds in the sky are blue; I belong with you
I've been together but felt alone
I've made love without love being shown
I've seen sorrow in a pair of dice
All things that came in two's made me cry, until tonight
So I drive to you tonight
I was blind, now I have sight
I couldn’t leave you even if I tried
You're heart beats inside of me
Like a star in the dark of night, like birds lost in flight.
The clouds in the sky are blue; I belong with you
I can't stop, won't stop
Love is all we got
I know we’ve reached the top when I put my arms around you
I can’t stop, won’t stop
You are all I want
So I drive to you tonight
I was blind, now I have sight
So I drive to you tonight
I was blind, now I have sight
I couldn’t leave you even if I tried, you're heart beats inside of me
Like a star in the dark of night, like birds lost in flight.
The clouds in the sky are blue
The clouds in the sky are blue; I belong with you
That beautiful window that is the only side that I'm not surrounded by classmates. It's my breathing space. That one special place I can look out of during tests and not be accused of cheating (oh what, you'll magically see the answers in the clouds?). That one beacon that I can glance out of and see the future that awaits me after Filipino class, white clouds and a city that brims with life.
And it's there, when the wind suddenly blows from my back right that I am just enclosed with visions and feelings of Canada. It's beautiful, when I think of Superstore, the chips aisle there. The sunsets as we drove down the long winding road towards our B&B. The mornings where I'd sneak out of bed, flip dad's laptop open and play until it was about 7. Then mom and dad would come by and force me to eat breakfast. But those few hours I had for chatting were what kept me alive. And then there was Waitin' On The Wonderful. That song was beautiful. I couldn't live without it. And the Coquitlam Library with the cherry blossoms outside and the nice parking lot that you always had to endure walking through just to get in. The outside of Courtney's house on our way to Pinetree.
God I miss Canada.
Walter, Kenn, Jackie, Christian, Cath, Char, Ienne and I have been friends for quite a while now.
Interesting.
Drive To You by Jewel
Tonight I have the strangest feeling
Look for answers on a hotel ceiling
When did my heart first feel this way?
Being alone used to be just fine
Now, life without you is just passing time
I thought I heard you call my name
Reached for you're hand, it was in vain
When you are not here, feels like a hole in my chest
Get dressed, look in the mirror, say "Oh God, I’ll never be the same"
So I drive to you tonight
I was blind, now I have sight
I couldn’t leave you even if I tried
You're heart beats inside of me
Like a star in the dark of night, like birds lost in flight.
The clouds in the sky are blue; I belong with you
I've been together but felt alone
I've made love without love being shown
I've seen sorrow in a pair of dice
All things that came in two's made me cry, until tonight
So I drive to you tonight
I was blind, now I have sight
I couldn’t leave you even if I tried
You're heart beats inside of me
Like a star in the dark of night, like birds lost in flight.
The clouds in the sky are blue; I belong with you
I can't stop, won't stop
Love is all we got
I know we’ve reached the top when I put my arms around you
I can’t stop, won’t stop
You are all I want
So I drive to you tonight
I was blind, now I have sight
So I drive to you tonight
I was blind, now I have sight
I couldn’t leave you even if I tried, you're heart beats inside of me
Like a star in the dark of night, like birds lost in flight.
The clouds in the sky are blue
The clouds in the sky are blue; I belong with you
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
10 Statements
Write 10 statements, intended for different people, things you've always wanted to tell them. Never tell them which one is whom. (taken from Alexis' blog.)
1. You're one of the best friends I've ever had, and probably ever will. You know how nice you are all the time, how your honesty is something I admire, how you're always so pleasant to talk to. It's like having this huge load popped off of my chest. That, and the fact that I miss talking with you so much because our lives keep pulling us in opposite directions. I know I have difficulty trusting you, but I hope that's never made you feel estranged, or worried or angry at me. Because even though I don't tell you much, no matter how distant or secretive I am, I trust you more than any one single person alive on this earth. Please believe that.
2. Well, it seems we've hit a rough patch of some sort. I simply can't stand neediness, and sometimes, you try to guilt me into apologizing, or whatever your motive seems to be. Making me feel bad? I know we've been through so much together, and I can only hope that I was the friend you needed at the time that you did need someone. I will always be awed by your inner strength; how you never let the situations that tackle you tear you apart, and how anyone looking at your life from the outside would think it was perfect because you don't believe in making other people feel sad simply because you may or may not be dying inside. I know I haven't been the best or the most understanding friend recently, but I'm trying so hard and there's only so much I can do for you. Do you have any idea how terrified I am at the prospect of making you feel bad whenever you come to me with the problems that come out of nowhere? I feel obligated to calm you down, or cheer you up whenever that happens and I live in the constant fear of failing at that. I guess I just want to be a good friend to you, because you deserve it.
3. You have the greatest personality I've ever seen. You're like my sounding board each and every day of these prissy lives we live. You never judge, never get mad, you're always so kind to your friends. And you're funny, you ALWAYS understand, you remember little things about people that they don't expect other people to. I'm sorry to have burdened you with all the drama that everyday brings, because I sometimes forget that you have a whole side to your personality as well. I realize that I know next to nothing about your everyday, or who you are, what you like, what you do, who you think about. That'll be my goal.
But to be honest, I am a bit disappointed that the very thing our friendship was founded on--talking deep--is no longer what it survives on as well. I honestly can't blame you though, because that was then, when we didn't have any presumptions of each other. We were impression-free. I hate the impression I've made on you. We may never go back to those days, but to me, that will always be the highest point of our friendship. Those were the best times. That said, I want to thank you for understanding everything, and you know all the ways that I mean that.
4. We may worlds apart now, but I want you to know that you will always be one of the closest people to me. You were there for me at parts of my life when I felt that none of my friends were approachable, or would understand. You will always stand out to me for that. You kept me going for many a day, were one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Also, I want to say that I did love you. I know, you will never know no since there is no contact between us. You're never online, which hurts more because that's how we met in the first place. I love you. I love you in all the senses of the word. We're worlds apart now, as I said, so there isn't a single chance that we could be together. But I love you, so you have my blessing everywhere you go, in everything that you do. I hope you will make the right choices, meet the right people and live the life you want to. Don't limit yourself.. take yourself higher. Have a good life. I'll see you in Heaven.
5. You have to be the most rational person I have ever met. And I think that's awesome. We don't have the kind, warming friendship that I have with most every one else, but what I have is a living, breathing encyclopedia, and when I'm radical, your level-headed manner always helps me replant my feet on the ground. I love how you're hilarious all the time, and I'm glad that you've opened up to me. To know that you trust me honors me ineffably.
6. What happened to us? You're so distant. I feel like I don't even know you. Who are you? Who have you become? Do you still know who I am? Do you trust me? Because you were one of my best friends for a while (and believe me, I do not give that title out lightly). I see you, but do we talk? Do we look at each other? Acknowledge each other? What happened, seriously? When did we fall out? What happened to the funfilled YM conversations? Because when I talk to you, it's like I don't know what to say. I refuse to acknowledge this as the end.
7. We've known each other... what, 9 months? But we've grown so close, it's amazing. Ever since that fateful night... or actually, it wasn't a night. It was after school, we met, and it's been fantastic. I know that no one will ever get me quite as much as you do whenever I have this urge to just talk about Canada or Country Music. Thanks for being such a great person to talk to, to get to know and to just be me with. I love your taste in music, your WIT (!!!!), your patience, your humor and how you're comfortable with being you. Stay the way you are.
8. And you just suddenly barge into my life again with no regard for how I feel whatsoever. But you know what? Maybe that was a good thing. We've pissed each other the hell off, but slowly, I've come to realize (I dunno about you) that maybe you aren't so bad after all. In fact, you're quite great. Here's to a hopefully lasting frienship from an oooold, old hate.
9. You are a piece of shit, you know that? I believed you could be different, but you let me down in so many ways. You are scum. I hate that I was gullible enough to be lead into this sucking void of crap that life seems to always lead me into. You are crap. You are scum. And yet, why can I not resist trying to speak with you, trying to glimpse you? Life truly sucks.
10. I don't believe in you anymore. I don't know who you are, if you're even there. You are nothing to me. You do not exist. All my friends and family keep urging me to be more faithful to you, but in truth, I see nothing to be faithful to. You know why I don't believe in you anymore? It's because I am miserable and I don't feel you here. If you're there, then why don't I feel you? Why do I feel so bad? Why am I kept from the things that make me happy? Why are things like this? All things that I'll never get the answer to.
1000 Miles Away by Jewel
It's morning time, wonder where you are
Wonder who you're talking to
Wonder if the sun has risen where you are
It's morning time, I miss your hands on my skin
This bed's too big without you
Oh god, what do i do?
I'm a thousand miles away, and I'm lying next to you.
The sun shines golden, and I feel like my car
A little run down, a little beat up, maybe just a little green
Maybe it's my battery, maybe it's my starter,
Maybe my heart's too weak
There's just this feeling, thought I had to get going
Got too scary, got too big, got to get out of here
But now I don't know how to get home.
Oh god, what do I do?
I'm a thousand miles away, and lying next to you.
These fields stretch out like patchwork, on my granny's quilt
She used to tell me that life is a series of strange and mysterious things
One minute you think you're up, the next you find you're down
Your mind says "Sweetheart, you better stick around."
But your heart says "Oh, I'm too weak in the knees."
Oh god, what do I do?
I'm a thousand miles away, and lying next to you.
1. You're one of the best friends I've ever had, and probably ever will. You know how nice you are all the time, how your honesty is something I admire, how you're always so pleasant to talk to. It's like having this huge load popped off of my chest. That, and the fact that I miss talking with you so much because our lives keep pulling us in opposite directions. I know I have difficulty trusting you, but I hope that's never made you feel estranged, or worried or angry at me. Because even though I don't tell you much, no matter how distant or secretive I am, I trust you more than any one single person alive on this earth. Please believe that.
2. Well, it seems we've hit a rough patch of some sort. I simply can't stand neediness, and sometimes, you try to guilt me into apologizing, or whatever your motive seems to be. Making me feel bad? I know we've been through so much together, and I can only hope that I was the friend you needed at the time that you did need someone. I will always be awed by your inner strength; how you never let the situations that tackle you tear you apart, and how anyone looking at your life from the outside would think it was perfect because you don't believe in making other people feel sad simply because you may or may not be dying inside. I know I haven't been the best or the most understanding friend recently, but I'm trying so hard and there's only so much I can do for you. Do you have any idea how terrified I am at the prospect of making you feel bad whenever you come to me with the problems that come out of nowhere? I feel obligated to calm you down, or cheer you up whenever that happens and I live in the constant fear of failing at that. I guess I just want to be a good friend to you, because you deserve it.
3. You have the greatest personality I've ever seen. You're like my sounding board each and every day of these prissy lives we live. You never judge, never get mad, you're always so kind to your friends. And you're funny, you ALWAYS understand, you remember little things about people that they don't expect other people to. I'm sorry to have burdened you with all the drama that everyday brings, because I sometimes forget that you have a whole side to your personality as well. I realize that I know next to nothing about your everyday, or who you are, what you like, what you do, who you think about. That'll be my goal.
But to be honest, I am a bit disappointed that the very thing our friendship was founded on--talking deep--is no longer what it survives on as well. I honestly can't blame you though, because that was then, when we didn't have any presumptions of each other. We were impression-free. I hate the impression I've made on you. We may never go back to those days, but to me, that will always be the highest point of our friendship. Those were the best times. That said, I want to thank you for understanding everything, and you know all the ways that I mean that.
4. We may worlds apart now, but I want you to know that you will always be one of the closest people to me. You were there for me at parts of my life when I felt that none of my friends were approachable, or would understand. You will always stand out to me for that. You kept me going for many a day, were one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Also, I want to say that I did love you. I know, you will never know no since there is no contact between us. You're never online, which hurts more because that's how we met in the first place. I love you. I love you in all the senses of the word. We're worlds apart now, as I said, so there isn't a single chance that we could be together. But I love you, so you have my blessing everywhere you go, in everything that you do. I hope you will make the right choices, meet the right people and live the life you want to. Don't limit yourself.. take yourself higher. Have a good life. I'll see you in Heaven.
5. You have to be the most rational person I have ever met. And I think that's awesome. We don't have the kind, warming friendship that I have with most every one else, but what I have is a living, breathing encyclopedia, and when I'm radical, your level-headed manner always helps me replant my feet on the ground. I love how you're hilarious all the time, and I'm glad that you've opened up to me. To know that you trust me honors me ineffably.
6. What happened to us? You're so distant. I feel like I don't even know you. Who are you? Who have you become? Do you still know who I am? Do you trust me? Because you were one of my best friends for a while (and believe me, I do not give that title out lightly). I see you, but do we talk? Do we look at each other? Acknowledge each other? What happened, seriously? When did we fall out? What happened to the funfilled YM conversations? Because when I talk to you, it's like I don't know what to say. I refuse to acknowledge this as the end.
7. We've known each other... what, 9 months? But we've grown so close, it's amazing. Ever since that fateful night... or actually, it wasn't a night. It was after school, we met, and it's been fantastic. I know that no one will ever get me quite as much as you do whenever I have this urge to just talk about Canada or Country Music. Thanks for being such a great person to talk to, to get to know and to just be me with. I love your taste in music, your WIT (!!!!), your patience, your humor and how you're comfortable with being you. Stay the way you are.
8. And you just suddenly barge into my life again with no regard for how I feel whatsoever. But you know what? Maybe that was a good thing. We've pissed each other the hell off, but slowly, I've come to realize (I dunno about you) that maybe you aren't so bad after all. In fact, you're quite great. Here's to a hopefully lasting frienship from an oooold, old hate.
9. You are a piece of shit, you know that? I believed you could be different, but you let me down in so many ways. You are scum. I hate that I was gullible enough to be lead into this sucking void of crap that life seems to always lead me into. You are crap. You are scum. And yet, why can I not resist trying to speak with you, trying to glimpse you? Life truly sucks.
10. I don't believe in you anymore. I don't know who you are, if you're even there. You are nothing to me. You do not exist. All my friends and family keep urging me to be more faithful to you, but in truth, I see nothing to be faithful to. You know why I don't believe in you anymore? It's because I am miserable and I don't feel you here. If you're there, then why don't I feel you? Why do I feel so bad? Why am I kept from the things that make me happy? Why are things like this? All things that I'll never get the answer to.
1000 Miles Away by Jewel
It's morning time, wonder where you are
Wonder who you're talking to
Wonder if the sun has risen where you are
It's morning time, I miss your hands on my skin
This bed's too big without you
Oh god, what do i do?
I'm a thousand miles away, and I'm lying next to you.
The sun shines golden, and I feel like my car
A little run down, a little beat up, maybe just a little green
Maybe it's my battery, maybe it's my starter,
Maybe my heart's too weak
There's just this feeling, thought I had to get going
Got too scary, got too big, got to get out of here
But now I don't know how to get home.
Oh god, what do I do?
I'm a thousand miles away, and lying next to you.
These fields stretch out like patchwork, on my granny's quilt
She used to tell me that life is a series of strange and mysterious things
One minute you think you're up, the next you find you're down
Your mind says "Sweetheart, you better stick around."
But your heart says "Oh, I'm too weak in the knees."
Oh god, what do I do?
I'm a thousand miles away, and lying next to you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
