10 Statements

Write 10 statements, intended for different people, things you've always wanted to tell them. Never tell them which one is whom. (taken from Alexis' blog.)

1. You're one of the best friends I've ever had, and probably ever will. You know how nice you are all the time, how your honesty is something I admire, how you're always so pleasant to talk to. It's like having this huge load popped off of my chest. That, and the fact that I miss talking with you so much because our lives keep pulling us in opposite directions. I know I have difficulty trusting you, but I hope that's never made you feel estranged, or worried or angry at me. Because even though I don't tell you much, no matter how distant or secretive I am, I trust you more than any one single person alive on this earth. Please believe that.

2. Well, it seems we've hit a rough patch of some sort. I simply can't stand neediness, and sometimes, you try to guilt me into apologizing, or whatever your motive seems to be. Making me feel bad? I know we've been through so much together, and I can only hope that I was the friend you needed at the time that you did need someone. I will always be awed by your inner strength; how you never let the situations that tackle you tear you apart, and how anyone looking at your life from the outside would think it was perfect because you don't believe in making other people feel sad simply because you may or may not be dying inside. I know I haven't been the best or the most understanding friend recently, but I'm trying so hard and there's only so much I can do for you. Do you have any idea how terrified I am at the prospect of making you feel bad whenever you come to me with the problems that come out of nowhere? I feel obligated to calm you down, or cheer you up whenever that happens and I live in the constant fear of failing at that. I guess I just want to be a good friend to you, because you deserve it.

3. You have the greatest personality I've ever seen. You're like my sounding board each and every day of these prissy lives we live. You never judge, never get mad, you're always so kind to your friends. And you're funny, you ALWAYS understand, you remember little things about people that they don't expect other people to. I'm sorry to have burdened you with all the drama that everyday brings, because I sometimes forget that you have a whole side to your personality as well. I realize that I know next to nothing about your everyday, or who you are, what you like, what you do, who you think about. That'll be my goal.

But to be honest, I am a bit disappointed that the very thing our friendship was founded on--talking deep--is no longer what it survives on as well. I honestly can't blame you though, because that was then, when we didn't have any presumptions of each other. We were impression-free. I hate the impression I've made on you. We may never go back to those days, but to me, that will always be the highest point of our friendship. Those were the best times. That said, I want to thank you for understanding everything, and you know all the ways that I mean that.

4. We may worlds apart now, but I want you to know that you will always be one of the closest people to me. You were there for me at parts of my life when I felt that none of my friends were approachable, or would understand. You will always stand out to me for that. You kept me going for many a day, were one of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Also, I want to say that I did love you. I know, you will never know no since there is no contact between us. You're never online, which hurts more because that's how we met in the first place. I love you. I love you in all the senses of the word. We're worlds apart now, as I said, so there isn't a single chance that we could be together. But I love you, so you have my blessing everywhere you go, in everything that you do. I hope you will make the right choices, meet the right people and live the life you want to. Don't limit yourself.. take yourself higher. Have a good life. I'll see you in Heaven.

5. You have to be the most rational person I have ever met. And I think that's awesome. We don't have the kind, warming friendship that I have with most every one else, but what I have is a living, breathing encyclopedia, and when I'm radical, your level-headed manner always helps me replant my feet on the ground. I love how you're hilarious all the time, and I'm glad that you've opened up to me. To know that you trust me honors me ineffably.

6. What happened to us? You're so distant. I feel like I don't even know you. Who are you? Who have you become? Do you still know who I am? Do you trust me? Because you were one of my best friends for a while (and believe me, I do not give that title out lightly). I see you, but do we talk? Do we look at each other? Acknowledge each other? What happened, seriously? When did we fall out? What happened to the funfilled YM conversations? Because when I talk to you, it's like I don't know what to say. I refuse to acknowledge this as the end.

7. We've known each other... what, 9 months? But we've grown so close, it's amazing. Ever since that fateful night... or actually, it wasn't a night. It was after school, we met, and it's been fantastic. I know that no one will ever get me quite as much as you do whenever I have this urge to just talk about Canada or Country Music. Thanks for being such a great person to talk to, to get to know and to just be me with. I love your taste in music, your WIT (!!!!), your patience, your humor and how you're comfortable with being you. Stay the way you are.

8. And you just suddenly barge into my life again with no regard for how I feel whatsoever. But you know what? Maybe that was a good thing. We've pissed each other the hell off, but slowly, I've come to realize (I dunno about you) that maybe you aren't so bad after all. In fact, you're quite great. Here's to a hopefully lasting frienship from an oooold, old hate.

9. You are a piece of shit, you know that? I believed you could be different, but you let me down in so many ways. You are scum. I hate that I was gullible enough to be lead into this sucking void of crap that life seems to always lead me into. You are crap. You are scum. And yet, why can I not resist trying to speak with you, trying to glimpse you? Life truly sucks.

10. I don't believe in you anymore. I don't know who you are, if you're even there. You are nothing to me. You do not exist. All my friends and family keep urging me to be more faithful to you, but in truth, I see nothing to be faithful to. You know why I don't believe in you anymore? It's because I am miserable and I don't feel you here. If you're there, then why don't I feel you? Why do I feel so bad? Why am I kept from the things that make me happy? Why are things like this? All things that I'll never get the answer to.

1000 Miles Away by Jewel

It's morning time, wonder where you are
Wonder who you're talking to
Wonder if the sun has risen where you are
It's morning time, I miss your hands on my skin
This bed's too big without you
Oh god, what do i do?
I'm a thousand miles away, and I'm lying next to you.

The sun shines golden, and I feel like my car
A little run down, a little beat up, maybe just a little green
Maybe it's my battery, maybe it's my starter,
Maybe my heart's too weak
There's just this feeling, thought I had to get going
Got too scary, got too big, got to get out of here
But now I don't know how to get home.
Oh god, what do I do?
I'm a thousand miles away, and lying next to you.

These fields stretch out like patchwork, on my granny's quilt
She used to tell me that life is a series of strange and mysterious things
One minute you think you're up, the next you find you're down
Your mind says "Sweetheart, you better stick around."
But your heart says "Oh, I'm too weak in the knees."
Oh god, what do I do?
I'm a thousand miles away, and lying next to you.