Speaking of Music

I’m pretty sure you’ve probably heard every typical line that a guy could say,
So here goes nothing, I was just wondering what you’re doing Saturday

Why don’t we catch a little movie, take a little walk,
Find a little park bench, have a little talk
Share a little bit about where this is gonna go

Why don’t we plan a big party, send invitations,
Rent a big hall with a ton of decorations,
Pick out a cake and a dress and a diamond ring

Then we’ll build us a house with a white picket fence,
Trade in the truck for a van full of kids,
Live and laugh and love faithfully, why don’t we?

Did you catch all that? Did I go too fast?
I really hope I didn’t forget something,
Take a year or too to think it all through while it’s sinking in

Why don’t we catch a little movie, take a little walk,
Find a little park bench, have a little talk
Share a little bit about where this is gonna go

Why don’t we plan a big party, send invitations,
Rent a big hall with a ton of decorations,
Pick out a cake and a dress and a diamond ring

Then we’ll build us a house with a white picket fence,
Trade in the truck for a van full of kids,
Live and laugh and love faithfully, why don’t we?

Why don’t we catch a little movie, take a little walk,
Find a little park bench, have a little talk
Share a little bit about where this is gonna go

Why don’t we plan a big party, send invitations,
Rent a big hall with a ton of decorations,
Pick out a cake and a dress and a diamond ring

Then we’ll build us a house with a white picket fence,
Trade in the truck for a van full of kids,
Live and laugh and love faithfully,
Why don’t we?
Why don’t we?
Why don’t we?
Why don’t we?

I heard this song quite some time ago, and I began looking for it on Yahoo! but to no avail.

Frustrated, several months later, I posted a message on the Aaron Lines forum where there were sure to be multiply Country Buffs. Lesley, bless her kind soul, Googled it and found the song. It's called Why Don't We by Damian Marshall.

I love Country.

It seems there is no lack of new music in my life at the moment.

A Rainy Day in Manila and Weekly Things

Ever since yesterday, there’d been a storm sweeping past Manila. Consequently, there was no school today. Unfortunately, that meant that there was no internet as well, and later, electricity.

The rain was really strong throughout the day, but also rather beautiful. Aside from the fact that it tore the roof of the garage space we were renting out wide open and blew it across the roof of the opposite building. And for some reason, I have it all on video.

Elsewhere, I’m actually rather glad that there was no school. I seemed to be so wrapped up in daily life that I’d lost myself in the flow of things. The abrupt break threw everything into a screeching halt, and gave everything time to catch up with each other. And it was good. I got to bond with my brothers over a guitar and Dalandan Soda-Vanilla Iced Cream.

The one problem is the homework.

Haaaaay.

Last Friday, I spent most of the afternoon walking around with Charles. When we went to speak to Ye laoshi, she poked him with her arm and pushed him all the way to the wall because he apparently hadn’t learned anything the whole of last year, so she was both mad and hurt about that. Charles can’t even speak a bit of Chinese nowadays—mostly just stuff he’s memorized. I also ended up giving her my blog address (this one) and she replied that it was rather long, then attempted to understand the URL via breakdown: canada + autumn.

Last Wednesday, I just slept most of the afternoon, so when I woke up at 1:00 am after 9 hours of sleep to do my homework, I was pretty alright.

That is, until came 3 o’ clock, the magical hour which always gets me missing Canada. I’m serious. As in, at the stroke of three in the morning, it’s as if my view of the world just changed somehow. Does that sound crazy? It’s like, I was in Canada all of a sudden, and the feelings I felt while I was there just bubbled inside of me and threatened to explode. I literally fell back against the chair. Canada. I pulled myself out of my seat and went to look outside the window, saw the near-empty roads and the yellow street light, and I just felt so hurt inside.

God.

And then ten minutes later, the feeling just suddenly went away. Never again. I might just implode the next time it happens.

Last Sunday, since there was no school, I stayed up until two in the morning listening to the radio and scouting for new songs. I came upon this station called Edge Radio whilst Alex and Andrew brought in some vodka (“Arctic”) mixed with lots of Sprite and offered me some.

I began to listen to it, and it was actually really nice. It was this nice feel-good + rock kind of music that I just revered.

I wrote down some of the lyrics into my cellphone and searched for it that morning after I woke up.

That’s when I found out that Edge Radio is actually a prestigious international Christian Rock station that beams to several parts of the globe.

And now, my friends, I am in love with Christian Rock.

But lastly, last night, Wednesday evening, I suddenly heard a song play on my All Music playlist.
It’s called I Can’t Live Without Your Love (listen to it here [wma] [rm]) by Aaron Lines.

Jackie and Christian will probably know my history with this song. It’s really something that no one else but I can appreciate, because the tune is sappily romantic with soaring vocals and that just doesn’t fit into the genres of any of my friends (Kenn is a rock-rap kind of guy, Chai is an upbeat-romantic type of guy, Walter defines Emo, Jackie goes for more positive music, Christian is into R&B and Pop, Cath is a Good message Rock-or-Pop type of girl, and I’m not sure about Katan.). Guess we all bring something to the table.

Elsewhere, the return of the Chinese Pictures!

Thursday Anticipation - Inaasam Ko Na

Fr. Guy is one of the most articulate teachers I know. Observe:

"Keep everything away except your C.L.E. thingies."

Elsewhere, I was explaining to Kenn a while ago something Char told me before, "ti ya be^ lan m". It means to say you don't want something when you really do--practically the same thing as Noli's infamous jele jele bago quiere. My Spanish is quite rusty, but I do believe that quiere (actually, the word I heard was quiero, which might just be the flexion talking) means to want something.

Lord knows what the other words mean.

Anyway, prior to last Sunday, I hadn't a fooking clue what ti ya be^ lan m meant, and had been wondering until I got the opportunity to speak to 二姨丈 about it. Initially, he didn't understand either, but when I explained what it meant 你是講無欲, 毋過其實, 你欲, and he said "Aaaah! 伊是講 be^ lan m, a ni (這樣?) 講法 ba?"

Char's mom said this. Damn, that's really deep Fukien.

So I bet, by now, you're wondering what the title means. Well, after that Examen last last (?) week, I realized that I don't actually enjoy Thursdays. Whenever it's Thursday, to me, it's always "The day before Friday." And I'm not about to start enjoying them either. I'm waiting for the weekend.

But today, I don't think I could've helped enjoying myself. Martin had asked me a few weeks ago to teach him Fukien. Now I am far from the most qualified person to teach him Fukien, but given the abilities of Martin's peers, I think among them, I'm the best he's got. And I've actually thought the language through. So I'm going to try to educate him in the basics to the best of my abilites, before he can find a real 'master' to teach it to him (like Kenn, or one of the teachers).

Today, I taught him some of the most basic of basics: basic pronouns, yes/correct, no/wrong, want/don't want, the numbers, the unique sounds of Fukien (voiced initials, the nasal sound, the glottal stop) as well as 多音字's. We got quite a bit done, I believe, as I was rather stringent with the formation of the 'z' sound, the tone and the overall flow of the language. Yay!

I was most surprised when he, Gerick and I sat down on the benches, and Martin showed a lot of genuine interest in the language. Martin told Gerick to start learning to speak so that his mom would be happy with him, and Gerick repeated something his mom always used to tell him. He couldn't exactly replicate the sound, but I gave a gander at reconstructing the sentence and found that it was something my own mom had been telling me for years but I was too stupid to listen to.

"講咱人話!"

Elsewhere...

I had my Math LT today, which I prepared for by going to the tutor at nine thirty pm last night until about 10:30, after which I went home and read Noli Me Tangere.

THE MATH LT WAS SO FREAKING EASY, I COULD'VE ANSWERED IT WITH MY EYES CLOSED!!!! Okay, well not really--there were a few tricky questions in the Multiply Choice that threw me off. But otherwise... my God! It was NOTHING compared to last quarter's QT.

The proving was unbelievably easy.

Argh life.

Chinese introduced two new 成語's to us:

流芳百世 (閩: lau hong ba^ se; 粵: lau fong baak saai; 國: liu fang bai shi)

流 - to flow
芳 - fragrance
百 - a hundred
世 - world

For fragrance to flow through a hundred generations
To leave a good reputation for hundreds of years after.

遺臭萬年 - (閩: wai cau ban ni*; 粵: wai caau man nin; 國: yi chou wan nian)

遺 - to leave behind
臭 - malodorous
萬 - ten thousand
年 - year

To leave behind a stench for ten thousand years
To leave a bad reputation for ten thousand years.

The last thing I'll talk about is Kenn's Examen (yes, he was called to do it again. What can I say? They love his "sexy bedroom voice" (Mrs. Ocampo's words, not mine).). When he finished, both Stanly and I agreed that it was one of the best Examens in a while. The strategic use of the word "damn" was brilliant and gave off the proper abruptness.

Audren and I discussed how we knew it was Kenn afterwards.

Somewhere after the Examen ended and the advanced students began scurrying to get to the correct classroom, the pell-mell somehow reflected how I was feeling (IGNORE the fact that it sounds so cheesy). I felt absolutely messy. I didn't know if the Examen (about caring about the people on the street and just what kind of fucktards we burgeoisie really are) affected me or not, and, if you know me at all, you would know that I absolutely repugn not knowing how I feel.

There goes another day without the Chinese stillshot.

Weekly Things

Since God decided to be kind and let us take Monday off, I was more than slacking off on Saturday.

It's been more or less an okay-ish week. Well, I've been flunking Filipino as of late, but I hope that won't affect my total grades too much. Stupid check-up quizzes.

Anyway, Tuesday saw Gian chastising me about writing the word "Ten Orgasms" in this post. He then launches into some rather hilarious tirade about how "orgasm" is only used by Pornography Websites that record their escapades in some kind of journal online.

Ew.

Then he proceeds to state that even they use euphemisms for "orgasm" (i.e. come, climax) and that I'm more forthright than they are. Hear that, ya'll? Daig ko pa raw yung mga pornsites.

I ask (rather sarcastically, plzzz) whether I should start following Kenn's example of simply using "O". He replies with a rather loud "YES!"

So I relay this newly acquired information to Kennzo, who then goes, "That's not true. I use orgasm a lot!" With what appeared to be a trademark Kenn grin. The H one. To which he adds, "Oh, but only in special circumstances. Other times, I use O."

Then during Filipino, we proceeded to the AVR (after that hellish quiz) and watched Noli Me Tangere: The Movie. It was rather nice, because listening to people speak very fast, very deep Filipino is like listening to someone speak in poetry. Wow. I wanna be like that!


Wednesday saw two things: First, during C.L.E., Fr. Guy began touching on some rather sensitive topics among the community, namely Chinese feeling obligated to marry into other Chinese families and not other races'.

The more proximal non-Chinese dude in our class, Dominic (he's my seatmate, as opposed to TJ Santos, who's at the other end of the room), began ranting (to Pohan, no less) about the whole Chinese-marry-Chinese-only thing is a matter of the Chinese not wanting to, and I quote, "impurify their bloodlines". He followed this phrase up with "Upakan ko kaya yung mga Chinese."

What a myopic, vindictive view. From someone like Dominic, that's highly unexpected. Guess I was right all along.

Anyway, in order to prevent some possibly bitter disputes (but mostly because I wanted to in-your-face him*ehem*correct his view), I proceeded to explain that it's because the Chinese don't want a culture-clash, because that often leads to couples not staying together, or tension between the parents and the son or daughter-in-law. I was saying, "In order to avoid that..."

When Dominic interjects with "Don't marry at all." and his trademark (but slightly annoying) raucous laugh. Some people.

Anyway, later on, Philip was called by Fr. Guy to recite, and Philip said one of the most hilarious things ever. "Why do the Chinese marry other Chinese? Because we want to fill the world with Chinese!"

Then Edrian, Jeffrey Go, Payton and Stanly (and even Timoy) got into a spat about God-being-good-making-man-who-is-a-sinner-and-if-man-is-created-in-God's-image-and-likeness-doesn't-that-make-God-a-sinner? A certain thought was brewing in my head at this. Sinning is something done against God. How can God sin against himself? Charlie mercifully put an end to things with "Man is made in God's image and likeness, but God isn't made in Man's."

Fr. Guy then made a rather fatal slip of the tongue. "Why is it that Chinese men only want to marry Chinese men?" ... Er... what?

Fr. Guy realized his mistake, flushed and paused, then corrected himself, quipping, "I think I just buried myself there."

Fr. Guy, don't disillusion yourself; you buried yourself the day you walked in the door to H3 - B.

The second thing was Math. Mr. Sy raised his copy of the red book that some priest guy (Fr. Mena?) wrote. I think it was the dead one (Yes, I know, Xavier has a lot of history with dead priests, but bear with me and I'll ask Mr. Sy) . Anyway, when he asked if we'd like him to read from it, I was slightly apprehensive. I was just not in the mood at the time, but then Stanly's overeager "YES!!!" reminded me that anything to delay the lesson (and quiz) was a good thing.

So Mr. Sy read an account about how before 1966, there were only two languages spoken in Xavier--English and Mandarin. English was most important because EVERYTHING was in English back in the day, and Mandarin was necessary for communication with China (I believe dialectal-suppression began long before this time, so it makes sense). Tagalog and Amoy were both banned.

Then he proceeds to make some kind of lengthy discussion regarding Iced Cream Slips, but I was about caught up with the whole Amoy-being-banned thing. I can understand Tagalog--it was American rule, after all, and this WAS the Philippines. But Amoy? C'mon... that language is practically unknown to the average Filipino, even until today. Still, it does explain why Xaverians at the time were so good in English and Mandarin.

When he'd finished the passage, I raised my hand and inquired about the Hokkien-banning. I explained that since my Dad doesn't speak Fukien as a native dialect, he had to learn Hokkien speaking with his friends. And speaking with his friends began when he was about five (yeah, I met the mom of Uncle Sonny, who says that she met my dad and Uncle Richard when they were five, and the three had been magka-barkada ever since). Analyze the following data:

Filipino-Amoy ban: before 1966 (it ended in the year 1966-1967)
Dad born: 1957
Dad entered Xavier: 1961 (yeah, he came in a year early. Also, his whole batch skipped fifth grade because of major curriculum reforms, but this is irrelevant).

So presumably, at 4 years old, and for five years after, Fukien was completely banned in Xavier. Now I would think that 6-9 years old being highly formative years for children, this would be the time when he would learn Fukien. But according to this ban, it wasn't.

Maybe he did outside with his friends? Or at his friends' homes? Oh well.

Still, my Dad's Fukien wasn't perfect even when he'd met my mom's parents for the first time. Apparently, when he met my maternal grandmother, he couldn't understand a thing she was saying because she had an accent that he wasn't accustomed to. According to him, she had to speak in Tagalog with him. How embarrassing, he says.

Somewhere along the way, some of the people began wondering out loud what Amoy was. Mr. Sy was repeating (rather fruitlessly) "Amoy? It's... Amoy! You know, Amoy!"

Then he did something I did not expect. At all.

He said, "Amoy! Dan le kong e!" (Curse it all. I don't know the character for "le".) Basically, it translates to "What we speak!"

Kenn suddenly does a backwhip sort of thing and goes, "Sir! That just gave me an O."

And really, it was cool. It must have been the first moment in all of Xaverian High School Math History that the teacher suddenly broke out in Hokkien. Mr. Sy follows it up with, "Lan-nang uwei! (I know this one! 咱人話) I bet you guys didn't think I spoke that, huh? HAH!"

That was just so cool.

So here's a really nice Cantonese song. It talks about some of the things that I'd probably talk about if I were to write a love song. The verses refer to little things about the ex of the persona that s/he apparently doesn't forget. It's a very sweet song. Originally sung by 吳國敬, later remade by 陳慧琳 for a movie.

我沒有忘記

常常想起 你最愛的是薄荷味
是那樣難聞 我想死
為何花心機 無聊地共你爭一口氣
幻想改變你

沒有 沒有 沒有 忘記
直發 亂發 也這麼討厭
怎麼會愛著你 除非風箏會飛

讓我 讓我 讓我 忘記
上次 下次 永遠都不會
怎麼會掛念你 除非雙手記起抱緊過你

常常想起 你愛的酒淡淡無味
沒有任何人 會歡喜
為何想起你 猶如提示我呼吸空氣
萬一很愛你

但是為甚麼皺眉 太專心厭棄
難道我太過愛你 還苦苦銘記
兩眼比耳朵美

I know, I know, I haven't been updating religiously

But you see, I simply haven't the time. School and life has been getting in the way.

I'm sure you people can relate. Here's an update on the bigger things that've been happening recently.

1) Retlaw and Tea. My God. What just happened here? How're things gonna be afterwards? I have no idea. But it's bound not to be pretty.

2) Mark Ong has been getting on my nerves recently. Now I have TRIED to be as tolerant as possible with this person but enough is enough. He acts like a five year old girl. What's worse, he reacts like a five year old girl, too. Seriously, he has to grow up. Now.

3) Raphie has been irritated with almost everybody lately. And infinitely paranoid. To the point that I was actually a bit hurt with some of the things he said. Where is the trust? I mean c'mon, believe in your friends. That's why we're your friends!

4) Henry has been terribly distant as of late. Actually, since the year began. What has happened here? I remember our YM conversations that would last for hours and hours, and now the most he'll yield to give is 30 seconds of his time just to say "nothing" to me. He won't even talk to me in school. We don't walk around school and bug teachers like we used to. He doesn't talk to me. What is up with that? When one of your best friends doesn't talk to you, you KNOW something is terribly wrong.

5) Jackie and I have reaffirmed our best-friend status. This makes me immensely happy. Over the past few months, the friendship has been wasting away and falling into learning to live without the old talks. She texted me, and then there was her Days, and I was just so happy.

6) Walter and I have been getting closer. This is very good. And since this is about all I can say about stuff, I will stop here.

7) Kenn and I are not doing fine. As of late, we have been slowly deteriorating to talking about, as he would say, "burgers and fries". Now I don't know about him, but that frustrates me. I do not want to talk shallow with Kenn of all people! And yet what choice do we have? We don't even connect.

8) The Parents and I have had a rift lately. It all began with them forcing Andrew not to pick me up until three hours later at Dr. Leung's. Ever since, I've been antagonistic and hostile towards them. This animosity isn't exactly the best thing to live around, and I tried once, but it all went to hell when I got forced to stay late in school because they went out late and I couldn't go to Dr. Leung's to have my braces put on on Wednesday.

I just saw Brooke kiss Payton on the mouth on DVD. And I just saw my brothers rewind and play.

Well, that's basically all of my neurotics. It doesn't make a lot of sense to some of you, but it's who I am at this moment.

So anyway.

I have gotten through this patch of negative music lately, and spearheaded by 天生天養 by Andy Lau, I've been into positive, Devil-May-Care music lately. Here's the next one:

夕陽無限好 陳奕迅

多經典的歌後　一剎眼已走
纏綿著青蔥的山丘　轉眼變蟻丘
這個剎那宇宙　拒絕永久
世事無常還是未看夠　還未看透

多好玩的東西　早晚會放低
從前並肩的好兄弟　可會撐到底
愛侶愛到一個地步　便另覓安慰
枉當初苦苦送禮　最艷的花萎　最後化爛泥

夕陽無限好　天色已黃昏
本想去憑愛　去換最燦爛一生
想不到長吻　帶來更永恆傷感
夕陽無限好　卻是近黃昏
高峰的快感　剎那失憾
風花雪月不肯等人　要獻便獻吻

多風光的海島　一秒變廢土
長存在心底的傾慕　可會夠細數
每秒每晚彷似大盜
偷走的青春一天天變老
只可追憶到　想追追不到

好風景多的是　夕陽平常事
然而每天眼見的　永遠不相似

And, it's Cantonese. Sorry, Kenn! Hello, Nicky.

Now this song just ROCKS. The tune is godly. I'm sending it to Nicky pronto.

Yes, I know how people feel about Cantonese (Walter, Kenn, Chai, Andrew, Alex, Mom, etc...) but it's beautiful to me. I just hope they can accept that.

It just goes to show that the songs you grew up listening to

Are the very same songs you will be listening to no matter how many years have gone by.

That's what I learned last night. See, I'd been sifting through the contents of my music folder when all of a sudden, I chanced upon two very old songs that I hadn't heard in a while. A very long while. Years, in fact.

The first one was 紅豆 Hong Dou. I had first heard this song when I read about a Chinese version of Eyes On Me, which I enjoyed somewhat at the time. When I downloaded it, it sounded nothing like Eyes On Me, but I was in love with it for a looooong time.

Since I had no idea how to view Chinese in my computer at the time, the lyrics in characters was out of the question, but pinyin was available... and I had conveniently just been learning it at the time.

I never understood what the lyrics meant, but I loved the tune. It was just last night, such a long time after, that I finally researched the lyrics. Here's what came out:

還沒好好的感受 雪花綻放的氣候
我們一起顫抖 會更明白 甚麼是溫柔
還沒跟你牽著手 走過荒蕪的沙丘
可能從此以後 學會珍惜 天長和地久

有時候 有時候 我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開 都有時候 沒有甚麼會永垂不朽
可是我 有時候 寧願選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透 也許你會陪我 看細水長流

還沒為你把紅豆 熬成纏綿的傷口
然後一起分享 會更明白 相思的哀愁
還沒好好的感受 醒著親吻的溫柔
可能在我左右 你才追求 孤獨的自由

Next is a song I stumbled upon when I first began doing research on Faye Wong. This was almost a year before the insurgence of Cantonese in my life. It said that a certain CD of artistic expression Faye released then was met with much controversy, as people preferred that she stuck to songs like 天空 Tian Kong, a hit song that she had released in the past, but others enjoyed this one more.

I don't pretend to take sides on the whole argument, but one thing I will say is that I love the song 天空. Here it is:

我的天空 為何掛滿濕的淚　
我的天空 為何總灰的臉
飄流在世界的另一邊　
任寂寞侵犯一遍一遍　
天空 劃著長長的思念

你的天空 可有懸著想的雲
你的天空 可會有冷的月
放逐在世界的另一邊　
任寂寞佔據一夜一夜　
天空 藏著深深的思念

我們天空 何時才能成一片　
我們天空 何時能相連
等待在世界的各一邊　
任寂寞嬉笑一年一年　
天空 疊著層層的思念

但願天空 不再掛滿濕的淚　
但願天空 不再塗上灰的臉
------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is another discourse on my past.

Yesterday, I was reading Candide when I saw two words that jumped out to me.

The first was "Andalusian". It's a very white Spanish horse (most are Arabic). I know this because I once bought a toy horse in Minnesota with different breeds of horses at the back of the box. I also did a bit of research on my own during my whole "obsessed with horses" stage and found this. The point is that I'd learned this back when I was six, and so it wasn't a complete waste.

The second word is "choleric". Plain and simple, this means quick to anger. Other synonyms I'd picked up when I perused the entry on choleric in the dictionary are "irascible", "irritable" and "splenetic". I learned this word when I was eleven, when I went through this stage of complete obsession with reading the dictionary.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Lastly, when I was fourteen, for the speech component of my grade in Filipino, I found this poem on the net which I recited and explained in class. It's not a professional one, as my other classmates chose, but one done by--at that time--an eighteen year old. Her name was Arianne Angela Solis, and she had migrated to Canada. The poem was written quite wishy-washily, but nonetheless still won when she entered a contest. She had done it for an ex-boyfriend.

It's beautiful, really, so here it is:

Idlip Arianne Angela Solis

Bakit ba naman,
sumapit na ang gabi,
ang talukap ay di man lang
nag-abalang magsara,
at hayaang dumilim ang paningin
at ang isip ay magpahinga?

Hindi kaya dahil
binabagabag ako ng iyong imahen
na pilit lumalapit sa akin
ngunit akin namang nilalayuan?

Dili kasi'y hindi
pinahintulutan ng panahon
na ang ating mga yabag
ay magdugtong
at ang pintig ng dibdib ay mapag-isa?

Kaya hayaan mo na akong
iduyan ng aking tagong kamalayan
habang tahimik kong dinarama
ang damping halik ng hangin.
Hayaan mong ang multo
ng iyong pagkatao
ay lumutang
at lumipad
papalayo sa langit,
nang sa gayo'y ako'y
humiga na't iunan na
ang ulap na aking inaasam
na hagkan, at ako'y mahimbing
na't maidlip nang malaya.
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Check this interview out!

Aaron Lines sounds VERY different when he's just talking.

The Aaron Lines Interview

Sometimes, You Just Need To Cry

You know? Sometimes, you just need to cry things out. Sometimes, one small sob can release a torrent-whirl of emotions that you didn't even know you felt bad about.

I have been exasperated with my parents these past few days, as I've explained before.

When I promised the speaker that I'd be pleasant to them, it turns out, I did the complete opposite. I snubbed them the whole weekend.

I think Jess meant for me to break my promise.

I think Jess meant for me to reach breaking point, and with all the frustration at my parents not caring and being so very inane, I cried it all out.

I don't ride the whole macho facade of Men Don't Cry. That's so passe, it's not even worth mentioning here. This thing is something that's been haunting me for months now. I am quite tired of having to be there for my parents. It's become almost routine for me now, and I'm tired.

I'm tired and I'm exasperated.

They just went out a while ago. You see, I had planned everything from the middle of the week. That we'd go on a daytrip on Saturday, that we'd spend some time as a family. You see, we may spend time together, but we're always missing one person. Always without Andrew when he's overnighting for things at school, or missing Alex when he's gallivanting with his friends.

But never me.

I am always with them. I did not want to spend the rest of my life alternating between two brothers.

So I planned the daytrip. Saturday just flew out the window. I had to do my Filipino Prewriting Activity, which was due at 12 noon. I had to go to Dr. Leung's because of the ortho appointment. Then Uncle Ernest dropped by the house and held my parents up for three hours, so I was fetched at 6:30, and my mood went from hopeful and light to just downright pissed.

I have not forgiven my parents for it since, because had they not told Andrew to wait for them, or if they had not waited for Alex, they would have fetched me and all would have been fine.

Their reasons were stupid.

Now that it's Sunday, Dad tries to get us all together again. Well, my mood was fucked up already, so that was completely out of the question. So in the end, they decided to go out without me. I had to do my homework (which I was not able to do yesterday, since I was held up at Country Waffles for three hours), and they all wanted to go out.

Oh, yes, here comes Mom, saying, "If not watch a movie with us, what would you like to do?"

"I want to go with you guys, but I have to do my homework."

"So you'd rather do your homework?" Now this was the assumption that pushed me over the edge. After preventing me from doing my homework all afternoon yesterday, she has the audacity to challenge my priorities? She's the one always pushing for high grades, not me.

So I told her, "Don't talk to me."

Because really, she shouldn't. I will be screaming back at her if she carries on like this. I will not have any of it.

And so, I cried. I cried that they didn't care if I came along or not (although I do believe that it's time they do things without me). I cried that I couldn't go and spend time with my family and make up with them because I had all this homework that I had yet to have done. I cried at how pathetic and helpless my situation was.

It was short. About two minutes, tops. But I felt good.

I banged my fists on the cabinet in the room, then walked to the comfort room and just gritted my teeth at the sink.

And yet this doesn't take away the fact that I still have homework, and that my family went without me.

Well, I hope someone's happy about this. I'm pretty sure her last name is Cacacho, too.

Pahabol

Just some stuff that I didn't remember to post a while ago, and some new stuff as well.

Yesterday was Mr. Chua's birthday. He had us bring popped corn to cook at an experiment, and then eat to "celebrate".

Ralph, Jeffrey Go, Philip and I had to go through several botched attempts at popped corn with aluminum foil before we gave up and stole a pan from someone else. That was when it really happened. Whoohoo! Popped corn rocks.

Anyway, happy birthday, Mr. Chua! Hope you had fun.


Then there was today's News Report.

Now I didn't even prepare for it (don't kill me, Kenn!) but I think I did better than most of my groupmates. Hamilton was a bit... boring. Blair... kept on getting mocked and laughed at (even by the teacher). Charles... was really, really short.

Kenn came on really strong, and that set the mood for the class. He was gooood.


Intrams! I played against Joseph Kho... and flattened him.

Charles played against Craig and lost, but that's okay because we won two out of three anyway.

And the second of the third would be Waldon and Kyle fighting Sean So and Christian Co.

The best part was seeing Max Sy pitted against Jon Huang in Badminton. Max Sy held his own fairly well, but Jon Huang eradicated him from the competition with uncanny ease. The way he plays is wonderful! His drops were so deadly. Hanep mag-fake!

I LOVE BADMINTON.


I heard 何老師 He laoshi call Mr. Yu "小楊楊." Tongfu happened to hear it and burst out laughing. Mr. Yu went all crazy on him, "你笑我的名字嗎?" Mr. Yu seems very sensitive about his names. There was the "X" and now this . . .


Today was fairly crappy. I had to go to Dr. Leung's to have the separators for my lower teeth put in place so that on Wednesday, I could go have the braces for my lower teeth installed.

Andrew made me an hour late. But in the car, I had a nice camwhoring session with Drew.

The worst part was that when I got there, I was done in ten minutes. So it was barely 3:50 when I finished. I eventually ended up at Country Waffles where Alex, Mom and Dad came to eat at 6:24 pm. Yep. That's how long I had to wait.

Then THEY ate and dropped me home.

Now I'm here, with a pile of homework that I haven't done yet, and doing this entry.

I promised to be more pleasant to my parents. But they leave me no choice.

I Just Realized That All My Friends Have Dad-Issues

Except me.

I mean wow . . . I could tick them off, one by one, on my hands. There's him, and her, and him, and her . . .

All except me!

How did I get so lucky?

I mean sure, there are occasions when I get indescribably pissed off at their one-track mindedness and their complete inability to understand me and my brothers, but other than that, I have next to zero qualms with my dad. When someone asks about my dad, no negative adjectives automatically spring to mind. It's always that he's hardworking, intelligent, articulate, knowledgeable, and the list goes on and on.

Of course, as those of you who read-present-tense (or read-past-tense) my blog religiously would know, this is nothing at all like last year's Filipino story of that kid whose image of his dad as some almighty, omnipotent being was torn to shreds when he realized that his dad couldn't bring his mom back from the dead.

In fact, I am almost 100% certain that I have never viewed my dad as someone perfect, even as a child. It was actually Andrew, my brother, that used to see dad as all-knowing until he was about 9 or 10 years old, because whatever Andrew used to ask him then, he knew the answer to.

Well, that's besides the point. Anyway, hurray for cool, contemporary, liberal dads like my own.

Oh, wait. I just had a conversation with Justine.

Justine: . . . dad just ignores me and . . .

Okay, that just reminded me. Dad used to ignore me as a child. He was always out of the country or out of the house when i was a kid. But that was a long time ago (6? 7 years ago?), and things have fixed themselves since.

Anyway, yesterday, I attended the Days thingy with the thingy for the thingies at the thingy.

Some quotable quotes:

Raphie: *looks around the group that've seated themselves around the banig, all from the advanced classes* I think it's safe to say we're the smart ones. *Jovi, Jordan and Rossini arrive* I retract my statement.

Me: *listens to Bukas Palad on the CD player* Why is the music so... (I was actually trying to say "It's so secular, or meditation-y" but I couldn't find the words)
Topet: What? Why is the music so what?
Me: I don't know, it's so . . . what's the word for it? *enters the next room* *sees Raphie* *whose vocabulary is probably wider than the Pacific Ocean* What's the word for it?
Raphie: *recoils* I DON'T KNOW!!! What's the word for what? Err . . . fellatio? *Topet bursts out laughing*

Some H4 guy: *comes in toting two bags* Does any of you own these bags?
Raphie: DO any of you . . . *trails off* No I don't. Check if there's a nametag.
H4 guy: *slinks away with a mock-hurt expression*
Raphie: No! [name of H4 guy], I'm sorry, I didn't mean to correct you!

Me: [thinking] Oh, yes you did.

Henry: It's . . . it's reflex.

During the special Lime-scent-less . . . thingy, some dude's head was covering the candlelight, and that annoyed me. A lot. When his head finally moved away, I found that it was too bright. But, as it went on, it didn't annoy me. Rather, my eyes adjusted to me. That candle is like Jesus.

Topet: [referring to Jesus] It means that when you go to see him, you share your load with him.
Me: You share your load.
Raphie: [pretends to hold a cellphone] Here's five pesos, Jess.

Afterwards, Raphie and I decided to walk back to Gate 14, where we'd leave. We basically walked around in the dark for a while. When we got to the area directly outside the Sports Center, to the CR near the P.E. office, we see Mr. Alvin Ang.

Me: Mr. Ang!
Mr. Ang: *turns around* Hello. *grins madly*
Me: How are . . . [sees smile] . . . yoouuu . . .? *Raphie and I walk away*
Raphie: What a wonderful conversation with Mr. Ang. We're sure to be staffers now.
*we get to the area near Gate 14. We hear my brother's three beeps from the car outside the gate*
Me: Oh, it's my driver! I mean my brother! My driver-brother!
*walk to Gate 1, which is open*
Raphie: *sees me walking in open air, where it was raining really hard just a while ago* Aren't you gonna get wet?
Me: It's barely raining!
*walk some more*
Me: Hey, you wanna use my racket-case as cover when we go to Gate 1?
Raphie: No, no, thanks. I've got my planner.
Me: Will that even cover your head?
Raphie: Yes, it will.
Me: You can just use my racket, it'll cover both our heads.
Raphie: No, you deserve to use! It's your racket after all.
Me: Why only use it to cover one person when it can cover two?
Raphie: It's barely raining! Great, now I'm using that argument. *run out into the rain* Just walk really fast and you won't get wet.
Me: Oh, I hate moving puddles.
Raphie: There's like, ocean mist here.
*come across a semi-flooded area with water up to the area above the soles of our shoes*
Raphie: How do we do this?
Me: Just walk slowly.

So there. Yay!

Other randomness:
- I saw Fr. Guy ask Justin if we used to pray after class as well. I think that's a bit . . . dumb. What, is he incapable of choosing whether or not to pray after class, regardless of custom?

Two songs have been stuck in my head recently (one yesterday, one today)

簡單愛 - 周杰倫

說不上為什麼 我變得很主動
若愛上一個人 什麼都會值得去做
我想大聲宣佈 對妳依依不捨
連隔壁鄰居都猜到我現在的感受

河邊的風 在吹著頭髮飄動
牽著妳的手 一陣莫名感動
我想帶妳 回我的外婆家
一起看著日落 一直到我們都睡著

我想就這樣牽著妳的手不放開
愛能不能夠永遠單純沒有悲哀
我 想帶妳騎單車
我 想和妳看棒球
想這樣沒擔憂 唱著歌 一直走

我想就這樣牽著妳的手不放開
愛可不可以簡簡單單沒有傷害
妳 靠著我的肩膀
妳 在我胸口睡著
像這樣的生活 我愛妳 妳愛我

想 簡！簡！單！單！ 愛~~~~~~~~~~
想 簡！簡！單！單！ 愛~~~~~~~~~~

And this other one, called...

Oh, It Is Love by Hellogoodbye [in bold are the parts that I like]

Oh, it is love from the first time I set my eyes upon yours
Thinking “Oh, is it love?”

Oh, dear, it's been hardly a moment and you are already missed
There is still a bit of your skin that I'm yet to have kissed
Oh, say “Please do not go.” when you know you know that I must

Oh, say, “I love you so.”
You know, you know you can trust
We'll be holding hands once again
All our broken plans, I will mend
I will hold you tight so you know
It is love from the first time I pressed my hand into yours
Thinking “Oh is it love?”

Dear, its been hardly three days and I'm longing to feel your embrace
There are several days until I can see your sweet face
Oh, say, wouldn't you like to be older and married with me
Oh, say, wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be,

Someday, holding hands in the end
All our lovely plans will have been
I will kiss you soft so you know
It is love from the first time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, “Oh is it love?”

Your heart may long for love that is more near
So when I'm gone these words will be here to ease every fear
And dry up every tear and make it very clear
I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first time I press my lips against yours
Thinking, “Oh is it love?”

Oh, it is love from the first time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, “Oh is it love?”

Oh, I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first time I set my lips onto yours
Thinking, “Oh is it love?”

Rebuttal

Remember when I said yesterday that I was warming up to Fr. Guy?

Well, I think--no, I know--I've just frozen over again.

I hate his fucking nerve.

How dare he generalize that all of us in the class are spoiled brats? What the hell is wrong with him? Was he traumatized by rich kids on the playground when he was a kid, such that he now decides to vent it on us?

He has absolutely no right to assume that all of us are Paris Hiltons that have never had work on his hands. That's absolutely wrong, and it's about time someone beat some sense into that overly bald head of his.

"How many shoes do you have?", he says. "How many pairs of feet do you have?" he says. "Can you wear all your shoes?" he says.

Well, my dear friend, I'd like to inform you that not every god damn Xaverian you meet is an Imelda wannabe. Can you accept that? I don't care! Live with it! You have no right to judge a person before you meet him.

I am not going to get along with this Guy (pun fucking intended) for any sustained period of time.

And it's not just brats that he apparently generalizes, too.

Now, he has the gall to generalize feelings. Yes, feelings. Feelings that he has no right to generalize. How does he know he's experienced the complete spectrum of human emotion? There is no basis. In English, we call this a Dicto Simpliciter (don't try to analyze it. I didn't put the necessary clauses to qualify this as a Dicto Simpliciter. In real life, I just know that it is).

Here's basically what he said:

Freedom = Peace.
Unfreedom = Dissatisfaction.

If you want to know whether something is pro-freedom or anti-freedom, base it on the feelings.
Freedom will bring you peace. Unfreedom will bring you dissatisfaction.

When you break up with the girl you love the most because you know she loves someone else and is not happy with you, will that bring you peace?

No, it won't.

When you kill the person who killed your child, will that make you dissatisfied? True, it won't bring your child back, but that's the wrong way of looking at it. You have stopped this murderer from ever taking another life again.

That is peace.

Filipino. I basically flunked the check up quiz because I neglected to read the last three pages of Katamaran ng Pilipino by Jose Rizal. I felt horrible, because I didn't even try. Mom's words flashed into my head right after the quiz. At some point, and I feel guilty for admitting this, I actually felt that she was right. Advanced Filipino just isn't worth it. Flunking the tests and getting low grades, and for what? Filipino has no future. All the Filipinos are now taking extra-English classes, and when foreigners come to the Philippines, the Filipinos always speak English with them and not the other way around. In your college application, it won't say whether you were in Advanced Filipino or not, but it will say the grade you got.

Heck, I don't even blog in Filipino!

And that's when I had to mentally kick myself. This is FILIPINO, we're talking about! Filipino. I don't give a flying rat's ass whether it's useful, has a future or what the hell ever. It's Filipino--part of my soul. Part of my life. I can't and won't separate from it.

I want to stay, so long as my grades allow it. Because Filipino is fast becoming an extinct language--isn't that more reason to learn it? To preserve it? Even when it's no longer spoken on the streets of the Philippines, even when every last book written in it crumbles to dust, Filipino will live on in my heart--our hearts.

........................................................................................

Elsewhere, I played Badminton with Charles in the crappy High School court today. There were newspapers all over it. So I made an attempt to give Charles some semblance of formal training by showing him the forms, the correct swing, how to smash, how to hold his racket. A tad later, his friends showed up and started walking around the court.

I dunno about him, but I sure had a lot of fun.

Anyway, afterwards, I went straight to Dr. Leung's, but in the car, I camwhored to my heart's content.

Well, myself, that is. Yes, I'm vain. I know. I know. Shut up.

I got to Dr. Leung's, and while I was having the braces rewired, the lady who was tying the support wire to the existing wire yanked a bit too hard (yeah, I'm feeling it in the molar now) and the entire bracket popped off.

So they remedied it, and I eventually got home.

I also had a great talk with Henry, JV, Mark (Tan), Arvin and Kyle a while ago.

My braces are light blue.

Baby, It's Fact by Hellogoodbye (I found this song on Chantal's Multiply)

Just in case they're wondering, they've got us pinned terribly.
They don't believe our love is real, cos they don't know how real love feels.

You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you,
And how my hearts about to burst into a thousand pieces
So, it must be true
And they'll believe us too, soon

Baby, it's fact, our love is true.
The way black is black, and blue is just blue.
My love is true, it's a matter of fact.
Oh, and you love me too; it's a simple as that.
Baby, our love is true.

They may say some awful things, but there's no point in listening.
Your words are the only words that I believe in afterwards.

You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you,
And how my hearts about to burst into a thousand pieces
So, it must be true
And they'll believe us too, soon

Baby, it's fact, our love is true.
The way black is black, and blue is just blue.
My love is true, it's a matter of fact.
Oh, and you love me too; it's a simple as that.
Baby, our love is true.

It's true.

Baby, it's fact, our love is true.
The way black is black, and blue is just blue.
My love is true, it's a matter of fact.
Oh, and you love me too; it's a simple as that.
Baby, our love is true.

Baby, it's fact, our love is true.
The way black is black, and blue is just blue.
My love is true, it's a matter of fact.
Oh, and you love me too; it's a simple as that.
Baby, our love is true.

Baby, it's fact, our love is true.
Baby, it's fact.

Okay, okay, so the lyrics aren't much. I dunno what genre this is, but these are the kinds of songs I love!

The tune is awesome.

Crazy, Hazy, Lazy Doggone Days

This morning, I had quite a bit of trouble getting up out of my nice, warm bed (a phrase Aldwin's always repeated to me, time and again when I badger him about being late, comes to mind: "Ang sarap matulog, e.") and getting ready for school. Considering that I slept at 9:30 last night, and when I slept at 1:00++ the night before that one, I was able to wake up at 5:00 am, that's pretty unsettling.

Maybe I ought to sleep late more...

...

Nah.

So since today's a Tuesday, there's a haircut inspection in school after the assembly.

As soon as I finished bathing and checked my hair in the mirror, I knew I was a goner.

1) Too long
2) With the shampoo I used on it, it's now more slippery, softer and it looked a hell of a lot longer than was accepted. Oh crap.

So I got to school, worried like hell, when all of a sudden, I'm walking with Raphie and JV and bemoaning about my flawless H3 record being besmirched by green death ladida when JV suddenly interjects that there won't be a haircut inspection today.

...

First reaction: FUCKING WHAT DID YOU SAY????

...

Second reaction: OMG I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

*does a happy dance*

Yep yep yep!

So while Raphie and I line up, we scheme to help me escape Mr. Manahan's inevitable "wrath" (it's not really wrath, because he's really kind). Raphie commented how I could hide behind Dominic.

I KNOW you know that i have history with this human. I shot the idea down at once.

Now when we finally got to Mr. Manahan at the top of the stairs, I just hid behind Raphie and all was fine.

English:

Ms. Magallona was trying to elicit some feedback from us before the quiz on One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

Ms. Magallona: Who thought the movie was good?
Carlo: *raises hand*
Ms. Magallona: Carlo? It's not because of the girls, is it?
Carlo: No, uh, actually, the girls sucked.
Lee (Panopio): Literally.

I howled with laughter at this point. The weeks have just been so dreary lately that I've been reduced to finding shallow joy at the slightest hint of a joke. I know I'm sad. Shut up. I said, shut up!

Carlo: *yadda yadda yadda* because the people let themselves be touched. *pauses, looking at Lee* Figuratively.

Later...

Ms. Magallona: Who're the bad boys in class?
Lee points to Leigh, Alfonso (Solano) points to Lee, both say "Leigh/Lee."

Later still...

Ms. Magallona: How would you feel if, like, your girlfriend cheated on you? Let's say she cheated with Alfonso.

Okay, this was just dead funny. If you don't get the implications of that, then... *sticks tongue out*

Chinese!

葉老師: 用 "把" 造一個句子.
王芳理: 皇帝把大便聞聞.
楊寧爾: 老師, 我要報仇.
葉老師: 來吧, 我們看看你能不能報仇.
楊寧爾: 芳理把尿嘗嘗.
(全班狂笑)
葉老師: 很好!

What a tiring day!

Oh... Lesley saw me outside school... she's actually been seeing me every other day...

Interesting.

She's gonna say hi, next time!

This song, I fear, has been stuck in my head for the past few days:

天生天養 - 劉德華 (用粵但有國)

天生不想競技
哪個有翼會飛
浮雲何必跟那海水去相比
抄低這種見地
我愛我的因我覺得 歡喜

天生不懂顧慮
我渴了便喝水
纏綿微雨怎會捨得我的嘴
不想走可以睡
我有我的不要我的懶得追

天生天養 邊走邊唱
聆聽自己的心至上
不理風向
沒華麗的色相
面對天空開個唱

即使身手太嫩
我有我大戲院
為何隨馬戲團表演跳火圈
忠於私己意願
我這角色總算親手 去挑選

喜歡的東西抱著走
若以前不怕一個清風兩袖
誰又怕會失手

Something I find very nice about this song is that it gives me this carefree, to-hell-with-the-others-I'm-just-gonna-be-me feeling (that I've only recently discovered since I've started hanging with someone). That's exactly how I want to feel.

I'd scream this song from the rooftop of my house if I could find a way to get up there.

I can't believe I'm about to say this

But I do believe I'm somewhat "warming up" to Fr. Guy.

Yes, I know, you've all just thrown up in your mouths.

I don't know if it was the PTC, or that he wasn't half as "mean" today as he was during the previous days, but I'm beginning to see a better side to this raving, evil parody of a priest.

You're wondering what happened in the PTC, eh (actually, you're probably not. Well, too bad. I'm gonna say anyway.)? Well, I'd sent mom and dad to talk to him and here are some of the things he told them:

- I've apparently left a "lasting impression" on him, as all of my answers are apparently well thought out.
- when I raise my hand, he doesn't automatically call me because when I answer, no one else will think anymore.

That's a bit... scary.

NO!!!! MRS. MALLO ISN'T COMING BACK!!! Hey wait... could it be that... it's because I know this that I put myself in the mindset that I'd have to start accepting Fr. Guy sooner or later? Thereby causing me to 'warm up' to him? It still feels a little disorienting not to instantly analogize Fr. Guy with twenty different (rather colorful) ways of detaching his head from his neck and his neck from his shoulders. The most painful of which involving dull garden pliers. Oooogh.

And today, the farthest he went with regards to insulting someone was badgering Stamford about whether his description of free referred to the wind or the bird. You see, Stamford's project read "Freedom is the wind beneath our wings." (Yeah, I know, I know, you must've swallowed all of that vomit and then barfed it out all over again surrounded by new vomit). Then he proceeds to explain how when he imagines freedom, he always visualizes a bird flying freely. That's when Fr. Guy attempted to clear it out.

Haaaaaaaaay.

I should start taking uppers again so I end up going all huramentado in class so I can scare the shit out of Fr. Guy.