Tuesday, February 27, 2007

抖著怕著懮著向徑步

Few things can shake me to the core.

One of the few things that make my really weak all over is the thought of the future.

Call it a simple fear of the unknown, or a fear of leaving High School unfulfilled, but I am certainly terrified, and definitely not sure that I've done all that I could've in High School.

I don't wanna face the world.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Some intense P.E. + Unplugged + Irresponsible Parents = ?

Fridays, Fridays, Fridays.

I think someone should ban them. Especially the latter p.m. hours.

Yeah, see, first of all, I got to P.E. second after Marvin (Mendoza), and, since Mr. Zabala declared it free time, we got to playing all the way til about ten minutes before time, at which point we just watched John (sp?) Gan singelhandedly beat the crap out of the guy we know online as Redwense (forgot his real name), and Joesan Soon. It was fun, really.

Anyhow, at first I could beat Marvin, then he started beating me, and I got really weak and tired. By the end of the whole thing, my shoulder and shoulder blade were hurting. This morning, I realized my entire right leg was painful, too. Wow, I suck these days.

So then after that, I went to Unplugged, which was quite delayed. Kenn and I practiced a little more (with Ye laoshi going all 偷聽 on us because she wanted a sneak preview). We got in and it was freezing cold, but we just sat there. I was terrified, because I had neglected to bring my jacket. Why did the jacket matter so much?

Well, during Flying Solo, that Likas Gilas thingy with Jeffrey Hidalgo as a guest star, I sang... and I kept running out of breath because of the cold. So we sat through the first performance, with Hazel Wong commentating and the whole Chinese department singing. Jerry Fong (Fung? Feng? Fang?) was doing a solo with Bro. Ang. I turned around and saw Raphie sitting there. He waved hi. I smiled back unsteadily in thanks.

When they finished, it was ... US!!! I went upstage and started giving my reflection on the song. I just kept talking and talking... so eventually, I had to cut myself off. Then I started singing. I lost my breath on the first few lines actually.

It was okay, though. From where I was standing, I could see Demi Tian and Amanda Lu singing along with me for support. It felt uplifting.

Eventually, I finished, and inwardly lauded Kenn's absolutely striking performance. I felt good. Like this weight had been lifted off my chest.

Priscilla Chang sang 遇見 by 孫燕姿. An amazing song all in all.
Amanda Lu and Sherwin Su sang 一千零一個願望.
Ian Ronato sang Burn by Tina Turner and Broken by Amy Lee and that guy.
Demi Tian and Bro. Ang sang this song.
Then Yolly Reyes and Maria Go sang this song.

All in all, very not bad. There was even a joss stick ceremony before everything that really warmed me with its scent before I sang.

Afterwards, everyone kept telling me I did well. Seriously, I didn't.

I went home at about eight. After several very confusing phonecalls, eventually, I realized that Joel not only could not make it 5:30 like I said, but was still in Laguna all the way til ten! Gina and Rosanna took a cab to pick me up under mom's orders.

Yeah, mom and dad were using the driver, and somehow neglected to mention that they were going to be in Laguna till late, late in the night.

Oh well. A tiring but okay-ish week.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Chem Magic

I was terrified, really.

I flunked the Chinese Yue Du and English Saving Private Ryan quiz. I thought that the third time would be the charm, and lead me to completely die of shame in the Chem Magic.

But there IS a God after all.

Amazingly, even though the practice the day before was more sabog than Pearl Harbor, today, there was something different that you could taste in the air. This was it. The second we entered the lab, and saw the vines that Jacques (and the props group) had strung up around the lecture area, where we'd painstakingly practiced all those many times, I felt like I was in one of those scenes in those movies where the lead walks into a place that's really important and there's this uplifting instrumental music and a pan of the area. It was wicked. We ran around like headless chickens for a while, but eventually got everything tied down in the right way. After snapping a picture, we all went over to the opposite lab for a prayer, some instructions and an introduction, and Advanced's presentation.

It was strange in that I couldn't understand what was going on, and it just ended.

Strange. Anyhow, after that, it was our turn, and everyone ran to the lecture area to finally prepare. I took up the spotlight and turned it on, and the magic began.

It's a pity that I couldn't just sit around and not do anything. I was constantly moving the spot light, which I felt was a little unnecessary. Eventually, we finished, and... I mean, wow. Even I was blown away at how well it was executed.

I will be blunt. I think my class should win. But then again, who doesn't?

Sections H3AC and H3G did their things. A few notes: G's Flying Chin Attack (don't ask) was totally copied out of H2BC's Body Works last year. Wesley plays arrogant very well (he also thanked me for saying so a while ago). Manny is the MONSTER!!!

Anyway... that's all. The Chem Magic made my day. WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Mr. Chua brought us back to the classroom afterwards, raving about how fantastic we'd done all the way from the Chem lab. He was particularly fond of the part where Dominic was trying to get the Smoke Bomb to spark, and failed three or four times with the match that kept blowing out, yelling, "I'm a chemist! I'm a chemist!" Hilarious!

Then Pohan produced the solution for the Exploding Chua Bears (don't ask. Haha!) and while it sparked, Dominic was "knocked away", and Lee suddenly produced a gun, yelled out charges (theft, murder, rape, etc...). And the whole time, Pohan was still holding the test tube with the scintillating gummy bear inside, searching frantically around the room for someone to hand it to when all of a sudden, Lee tells him, "Put that down!" then after a pause, "somewhere safe!".

And at the very end, Kenn, Lee and Dominic didn't follow the vapid exit motion... instead, Kenn yelled, "Oh, no, it's prepaid!" Lee replied, "And so?", to which Kenn finally called out the punchline, "We have no load!"

END!!!!!!! Bwahahahahahaha! I love our group.

Afterwards, Mr. Chua further expressed how proud he was of us, and that made me proud, too.

He deserves it, after all. After getting cut from the Variety Show, he deserves all the pride and happiness he can still have.

Monday, February 19, 2007

你說你要的世界在很遠, 我不了解.分手就分手, 別把話說得太美.

- X-Men 3
- War of the Worlds
- Souvenir of Canada
- Superman 3
- Griffin & Phoenix
- Equilibrium
- Ultraviolet
- Star Wars 4, 5, and 6
- The Craft
- The Da Vinci Code
- Superman Returns
- Casino Royale
- Click
- Mission Impossible III
- The Devil Wears Prada
- The Break-Up
- My Super Ex-Girlfriend
- Constantine
- The Lake House

Of this list of movies, I can now safely cross Constantine out.

And then, yesterday, I watched Music & Lyrics, a rather interesting movie starring Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. I loved the retorts. Although I don't get how sleeping with someone can be "professional" unless you're a prostitute, and believe me, Drew's character was NOT prostitute-y.

Interesting.

I swear to God, I loved the retorts! Such a wicked movie!



Here's a cool video of this dude who sounds like a cross between Leehom and Jay Chou, but is nowhere as artistically capable as either. Very pop. But that's the fun in it all.

"男傭" by 吳克群



This is the first part of a movie called "In The Mood For Love", which Kennzo might recognize as the prequel to his oh-so-beloved "2046", also starring Tony Leung Chiu Wai. I'm not sure about 2046, but In The Mood For Love, also known as 花樣年華 ("Years Like Flowers"), is quite unique in Chinese cinema for making large, unrestricted use of Shanghainese--unprecedented except by Ang Lee, in a movie wherein the girl used a Wu dialect to speak with her parents. In this case, it's the well-known (sort of) Shanghainese singer from the 60's, Rebecca Pan, a.k.a. Poon Dik-Wah.

Isn't it a pity that it would have to be in a film in a completely different culture that finally Shanghainese as a language would come out? Seriously, those blockheads in Beijing ought to let the Shanghainese do what they want. Beijingers...

But on the film itself. Wow... now I know what Kenn says when he refers to something as a "piece of art". I was getting lost in the story, and everything was extremely fuzzy at some parts--as in I did not know where the story was or was going at all. But after watching the whole movie (and going back to rewatch several parts), I can honestly say that I love the movie. It was subtly done, with sensitive acting, and a kind of quiet longing in the characters that you can never really quite place. The emotions aren't categorized in this film; they're all over the place, and that adds to the effect and stark reality that real life can't be filed away into boxes in your heart. The truth is, everything is scattered unless you make the effort to sort it all out. For me, I kind of like the scattered emotions--a whole burst of feeling in one go is better than increments and threads of it coming out in a steady stream.




Now this video, my friends, is something I have long since loved. It's a music vid by Sugarland and Bon Jovi (maaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnyyyyy thanks to Alexis for introducing them to me, especially this song), and it's called "Who Says You Can't Go Home". I love it! Tune, voice and lyrics, and all.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Philosophy Club

There have been close to 100 realizations that have occurred over the past two months that have spontaneously sprung to life inside my mind during a wholly inappropriate moment (Math tests (especially Math tests), rides in the car, when I'm about to be late for homeroom, when i'm singing the national anthem, some crack my classmate makes, something i overhear some teachers saying, etc...

And all if them have gone down the drain because I have failed to jot them down or remember where I jotted them down, or completely forgotten what I meant to say when I jotted them down such that the notes make absolutely no sense to me.

So today, I headed over to the Chapel with Mr. Maraña and 5 H4 Xaverians in tow. We took one side of the chapel--the prayer group thing took the other side.

It was great. I realized could remember more ideas than I thought I could. There was that recent business of the Octopus (which I completely angsted about to a friend, mostly how I hadn't realized how much I missed riding rides until I had ridden one, and I missed that adrenaline). What began as a simple tradition (I ride the Octopus every year in the school fair) turned into a sweet obsession that I couldn't seem to get enough of (I ended up riding it thrice). When we entered the chapel, we all sat down and we began talking. Mr. Maraña first offered us some Pezz (double "z" right?), accompanied by a simple anecdote of his childhood, then mentioned how graduation was on everyone's minds (they were in H4). This one guy who was super pilyo suddenly pointed at me and jokingly laughed "I'm so sorry." then later, "HA HA!!!!"

Then we started talking and, as is characteristic of teenage boys, and really, just boys, we ended up talking about girls and sex.

Mr. Maraña had some suprising and rather uncommon statistics on these topics. Yes, that's right, statistics.

Later on, people began leaving and we tied up "culture of the states, as opposed to that of the Philippines' ". Turns out, all these H4 dudes were students of Mr. Maraña's, I think. Or at least mentorees. Or people who had known Mr. Maraña at least slightly well for more than a week (I've "known" him well for about... one day now.)

Oh, and we started a tad late (4:41 in my watch, which means it was somewhere around 4:38 pm) so we consequently ended pretty late (5:53 in my watch).

Still, swapping ideas with those H4 guys (who looked kind of shallow at first, but turned out ... well, I wouldn't say as deep as I had hoped, but definitely did not disappoint--especially this one person sitting beside me that looked kind of like a jock but was suprisingly insightful) was so relieving for me. It's like, that whole part of me that needed this ineffable depth to be aired was so fulfilled, I felt really light inside for the first time in ages. That's something that, as hard as it is for me to admit, none of my friends can really give me.

And why is that? It's like Mr. Maraña said--this kind of stuff is taboo in normal society. We do surface things--never penetrating that glossed over surface of limelight and Fool's Gold. We may talk about simple, everyday events with ease and gusto, but if anyone dares to venture further, people back off and the buzz is stamped out.

Having that hour of complete freedom and, although I didn't really do much but get warmed up with the depth aspect, just knowing that I had the option was so absolutely liberating, I felt really deep and really high at the same time. It was nothing like Canada. But I loved it all the same.

I had this intense urge to mention intellectual orgasms quite a few times, and several instances would have allowed me to whip it out and garner laughs, but I refrained, because, I suppose, there was that stigma. I buried that hunger for depth (another one of Mr. Maraña's ideologies) long ago, and it's going to take lots of coaxing and change in environment to dig through all those shallow layers.

Perhaps I can never be Kenn-deep, because he's a completely different league on his own, but I'm gonna try to be Allen-deep as much as I can. I'm done with people telling me how to be. It hurts a lot.

Anyhow, when we finished, we had a little more Pezz and we headed off. He asked me what I intended to do over the weekend, and then eventually got me rolling on the whole Canada thing.

This is what surprised me.

I said some things that I had only just realized when I said them. I said that after Canada, I didn't wanna be here, and that the only things keeping me alive were those little things in between the big uber-topics (like Religion, Politics, Work and School), like Sunrise, and Anger, and Fears, and Riding Rides. I surprised myself, really. He looked quite affected by that.

Then he asked me if I was "into art... at all". I asked if he meant "The Arts" such as literature, etc... and I mentioned that I wrote a lot.

Next week, we do a repeat.

I felt so good. So daaaaang good.

Audren was having a bad few days. It was unnerving seeing him so down, and uncommunicative.

I'm sorry, Audren. But remember, Jess has his reasons. Have faith.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Break You

Marion Raven is darkly beautiful, in a way that's classical and yet very contemporary. Enchanting.

Saturday, February 03, 2007

The Movies That I Must Watch

I have not seen a movie in God knows how long.

I mean a new one, in theatres. So let's count them down, shall we?

- X-Men 3
- War of the Worlds
- Souvenir of Canada
- Superman 3
- Griffin & Phoenix
- Equilibrium
- Ultraviolet
- Star Wars 4, 5, and 6
- The Craft
- The Da Vinci Code
- Superman Returns
- Casino Royale
- Click
- Mission Impossible III
- The Devil Wears Prada
- The Break-Up
- My Super Ex-Girlfriend
- Constantine
- The Lake House

Great, now I can just hand this list in to the lady at the video rental store.