Canadian Autumn

I'm Leaving

2007-04-28T08:10:00.000+08:00

I believe my time with Blogger is once again over.

It's been a good few years, and I'll definitely have a lot of unforgettable memories with Blogger, but I believe it's time to move on. This was just a transitional blog that lasted longer than it should have anyway.

Also, it's really annoying how I have to keep re-typing my Google account name and password over and over each time I log in because even if I check the "Remember my username and password" box, it still won't work.

So goodbye, Blogger. It's 8:12 AM on Saturday, the 28th of April.

不能和你一起﹔擁有喜悅和悲傷。不管走多遠﹐步伐都沒有力量

2007-04-26T07:38:00.000+08:00

Is it possible to get a hangover-migraine from three sips of a margarita?

Jesus Christ, if I'd known the headache would be this bad, I wouldn't have even looked at the thing.

See, Mom, Dad, Andrew and I went out to Promenade last night but went to Chilis first to eat something (and well, that place is all I really live for in the culinary world :p). Andrew got this (alcoholic) Mango-flavored Margarita (I think the brand was President) and mom, dad and I each took sips, but mom and I went for seconds, thirds and fourths.

I myself got a Creamsicle Classic, which was, from its description, fresh orange juice with milk and vanilla iced cream (very reminiscent of my previous concoction, the Dalandan Float). It was good--something like an innocent, underaged version of the Margarita.

Then we all had the ever-famous Chicken Crispers (it's all we really order whenever we go there, which isn't even all that often). We ordered three sets, and mom was all "What?!". Anyhow, it was five strips of chicken each about a little longer than your middle finger from tip to knuckle, and much fatter. Amazing. Then there was a ton of fries and the unique-to-Chilis Honey Mustard. I'm sold to this place. I worship the ground that it was made on.

So then we stuffed ourselves full (Mom got a salad of some sort, I think the one we usually order from Chilis on New Year's) and Dad got a steak thing (damn good steak, at that) with assorted veggies and ranch-dressed Mashed Potato (to die for).

We moved on (mom was a little nervous about the pounds she was gaining and we allayed her fears by walking all the way back to Promenade) and headed straight for the arcade, which Andrew has been obsessed with ever since he found out this girl he liked at school was into Initial D. He played that Daytona game. Then we all pigged out on Trivia, which Alex Pacquiao'd. After which, Alex proceeded to kick Andrew's ass in Basketball. Twice. ROFL.

Then he beat me in Air Hockey after I beat Andrew. CRAP!

But we both played the Kill-The-Zombie thing, similar to what Kenn led me to do (kill dinosaurs I think), but this time with undead rather than the long-deceased. At which I outlasted him. HAHA!

Then we all went home and made plans. It was happy.

Ooh... guess what!

Someone's been taking voice and piano lessons.

There is love right now. At this second. Much, much love.

So I've had three of each, and Andrew has had two of his voice lessons.

(Okay, a little aside--Alex just woke up looking like Hell and sees me in the computer room. He looks at me all bleary-eyed and, jerking his thumb back to the direction of our room, goes "Tulog ka pa a!" Well obviously not anymore, genius.)

Anyway, I can play stuff on the piano!!!! WEEEHOOO!!!!

I CAN SING STUFF FROM THE SOUND OF MUSIC!!! WHOOOO!!!!

AND IF I KEEP DOING THIS, I'LL BREAK MY CAPS LOCK!!! AND THEN WHAT???

TAPE DOWN THE SHIFT KEY, OF COURSE!!!

Wehehehehe.

Just a tiny update thing.

Andrew's Surprise

2007-04-17T18:11:00.000+08:00

We have to be two of the coolest brothers alive.

Alex was informed by Andrew's friends that they were planning to surprise him for his birthday (it's not today, of course). So Alex tells me about it, and today, we followed through as planned.

Alex would tell Andrew that he had to come back for him at six so he could bring him to the Fort for a gimmick with his friends.

Alex and I order a cake from Red Ribbon (chocolate mousse).

Andrew's friends arrived in a nice pink-and-purple bus smack dab in the middle of our avenue (no, i'm serious) earlier than was expected. Alex began to badger Andrew, who had gone to PowerPlant earlier in the afternoon to run some errands and have my iPod fixed, to come back earlier.

Andrew refused and said the agreement was 6. Eventually, Andrew comes home and I show him "One", starring the [(very) hot] Nikki Bridges, and ex-Charmed-star Drew Fuller to distract him. Alex gets the friends to enter the gate.

I pull the cake out and give it to Andrew, who goes "wow", smiles and remarks it's his favorite cake (lucky us!).

We all go downstairs (Andrew thankfully doesn't question why I'm going downstairs, too) and when he opens the door, he sees his friends and they yell "Surprise!".

We take pictures and video his reactions, and he sees the gargantuan pink-and-purple bus and asks why he didn't see it earlier. Alex makes a quick jab at his observation skills and takes the car keys off of Andrew, explaining that since that was their ride, he got the car.

So they all file into the bus, Alex takes the car, and I go back upstairs.

That's when I realized that the house seemed so empty without them.

...

The red ribbon that Andrew untied from the cakebox was still sitting on the cabinet.

If You're Missing (Come On Home) by Bethany Joy Lenz.

Here I am, red high heels
Yellow dress, perfect nails, lips like velvet
Don’t you want me, baby?

I’ve been here and back again
It never answers anything
Where was I when they handed out the knowing you are loved?

Don’t it get lonely out there, little darling?
Well, come on home
I’ll be here with open arms to hold you where you belong
I’ll be here with open arms to show you where you belong
If you’re missing, come on home [*cries* so beautiful]

Been undone, I’ve seen it all
Still somehow I refuse to kick this carnivore to the wall
Traveled here a thousand years
It’s a wonder my heart still hears
It beats, it feels, it does anything at all

Don’t it get lonely out there, little darling?
Well, come on home
I’ll be here with open arms to hold you where you belong
I’ll be here with open arms to show you where you belong
If you’re missing come on home

Don’t it get lonely out there, little darling?
Well, come on home
I’ll be here with open arms to hold you where you belong
I’ll be here with open arms to show you where you belong
If you’re missing come on home

櫻花開了幾轉

2007-04-15T21:58:00.000+08:00

I scrambled up against the grimy stone walls in the cell. It was dark here--dead in the night. Droplets of water were dripping ominously down onto the floor from an elevated place somewhere in the prison. For a while, it's all I can hear. Drip, drip, drip.

Then for the first time in what feels like ages, there are footsteps; light and springy. Almost . . . happy.

She's here.

I know it.

Sure enough, within a few seconds, the echo of the even footsteps has amplified and come to a full stop outside me cell. I'm cloaked in the darkness, so she has to squint in order to see me.

The keys jangle threateningly in her grip. She's absolutely sure of herself.

She toys with the keys, and I sense her gaze upon me, trying to smell fear.

Then, finally, she thrusts the metal key into the hole in the door to the cell and opens it, then closes it behind her. Her touch is light and breezy--she knows what she will do. She has the abilities to do it.

I can see her in the moonlight--her face sharp and beautiful. Pale skin, brown hair and blue eyes. Hard blue eyes. Ice blue.

She was almost attractive . . . save for the small, slim, hand-long cylindrical object in her grip, as red as her blood-crimson dress. She activates it with an ease about her.

"You know why I am here." And the twin blades shoot out from either side of the cylinder; standing at its full height, it is even taller than her.

I do not reply. There is no need to. This will all be over in a matter of seconds.

Instead, I rise, facing her. My silhouette is cloaked in shadows.

"You will not even honor my presence with an acknowledgement?" She asks, mocking--the predator circling her prey before she closes in.

Once more, I am silent. I think about what she might do. Perhaps she would simply impale me and be done with it? Slash me across the throat? Slice me up limb from limb? No matter.

She smirks, suddenly. Then, raising the double-edged blade, she stabs me in my solar plexus.

Ah, so that's how.

And we both stand inert for a few seconds.

And she pierces me deeper.

And my eyes glow green.

"Surprise."

She flinches, confusion and fear in her eyes. She tightens her grip on the blade and, with one swift maneuver of the elbow, she wrenches the blade out through the right side of my body.

Well, if you could call it a 'body'.

The weapon collides with the wall from the force with which she acted, causing sparks and the rather pleasant sound of steel colliding with stone.

I don't even move.

"Are you finished yet?"

"Barely." She quips and attempts to backhand me across the face. Her warm hand comes into contact with cold, cold skin.

She knows something is wrong now. Terrified, she stumbles backward.

"Who- what are you?" She stammers, floundering to gain her footing.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I advance, cloak billowing up about and above me, blotting out the moonlight from the window completely. She fumbles for the door. I seize her by the neck.

Warmth. I miss that. A warm woman.

My grip tightens. Her neck constricts, resisting for a few seconds before submitting to my strength. She rasps and flails her arms. As I crush her neck, her larynx and other muscles, and warm, warm blood come bursting out of it, and her eyes are frozen open in pain and anguish.

Soundlessly, I push the grates of the cell door open and step out, making my way through the din of the now-buzzing cells. They had heard something happening in my cell. When they turn to look at me, deathly silent, simply walking by, I know they can feel the chill.

I smile at them. They shrink back, nightmares already shooting up in their subconscious. It's almost flattering to know they'll all be dreaming about me tonight.

Steadily, I plunge into the weathering nothingness ahead.

錯愛畢竟也是愛

2007-04-10T12:30:00.000+08:00

Good Lord!

It has been a while since I've posted hasn't it?

I can remember there were several things I had been meaning to blog about but just never got to. Now I don't even remember what they were! Oh well...

So why am I suddenly here?

Well... AARON LINES UPDATE!!!!

Outside the Lines, Inc
Press Release

Aaron Lines Shows a Different Side in New Single

"CHEAPER TO KEEP HER"
Calgary, AB - April 9, 2007

Country singer/songwriter Aaron Lines is known for his heartfelt lyrics through songs like "Waitin' on the Wonderful", "Twenty Years Late", "You Can't Hide Beautiful" and "The Lights of My Hometown" to name a few.

"Cheaper to Keep Her" a new single to be released on April 19, 2007 to country radio, is sure to show people a different side of Lines' personality. "I noticed that a lot of my fans only knew one side of me, the serious side. I wanted to let people know me better. I enjoy joking around and having a good time, and I wanted to lighten things up a little bit with this first single", states Lines.

Aaron Lines co-wrote "Cheaper to Keep Her" with a few friends after laughing at a bumper sticker he saw while driving down the road one afternoon in Florida. "Cheaper to Keep Her", a humorous take on a friend's divorce is sure to be a favorite tongue in cheek sing along for Lines' fans to enjoy.

"Cheaper to Keep Her" is the first single to be released from Aaron Lines "Moments that Matter" album which will be released on June 12, 2007.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Aaron Lines' New Album is called "Moments That Matter", and will be released on the 12th of June. THE TWELFTH OF JUNE, MY FRIENDS!!! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT IS HAPPENING??? IT'S COMING OUT... ON MY... YES. Yes. You understand now.

OH MY GOD!!!!

Alright, off my chest now. I will go listen to the 60++ new Chinese songs and the 9 new Tim McGraw songs I recently downloaded. Speaking of Tim McGraw...

YOU ALL MUST LISTEN TO "Something Like That" by Tim McGraw! It's one of the coolest songs I've heard in a while. Oh, and "Real Good Man", with raunchy innuendoes. Download them! Now! NOW!!!

I broke my glasses and had a haircut. In that order.

I bought a load of chips and had a seafood meal for lunch and dinner.

I'm not in love.

I've started watching two new shows. No point to this, really, just keeping myself updated on what happened when.

Real Good Man by Tim McGraw

Girl, you've never known no one like me up there in your high society
They might tell you I'm no good
Girl, they need to understand just who I am

I may be a real bad boy but, baby, I'm a real good man

I may drink too much and play too loud
Hang out with a rough and rowdy crowd
That don't mean I don't respect my momma or my Uncle Sam
Yes sir, yes ma'am

I may be a real bad boy but, baby, I'm a real good man

I might have a reckless streak at least a country mile wide
If you're gonna run with me, it's gonna be a wild ride
When it comes to lovin' you, I've got velvet hands
I'll show you how a real bad boy can be a real good man

I'll take all the good times I can get
I'm too young for growing up just yet
Ain't much I can promise you except to do the best I can
I'll be damned

I may be a real bad boy but, baby, I'm a real good man
I may be a real bad boy but, baby, I'm a real good man
-----------------------------------------------------------

愛與被愛 by 王浩信 & 梁晴晴

兄妹般關係　萬勿暴露情感
待我好　畢竟真的太笨
抱緊你　只恐加添責任
回絕你　惟恐孤單要忍

知道不可能　我也有權愛慕
無論智慧永遠次人一等
陪在你左右　得到單戀的毒癮
你怕我浪費感情　無用費心

無論愛跟被愛　誰也沒有自由
感動過其實更難受
完全奉獻不論薄酬
慚愧地在托著頭　用愛換來內疚

大無畏單戀至死不會後悔
仍然麻木送贈你感情未悔改
我已著呆　怕你著呆
我拼命愛　我怕被愛
殘酷得不忍去離開

沉悶時也有個人總會願意
給我被愛感覺為我跳落海
這個月台　我踏入來
愛與被愛　都算慷慨
自責半分鐘後來　我也得到半滴愛

兄妹般關係　實在故弄玄虛
被愛的　開心得很畏懼
盲目去傾慕　得到單戀的樂趣
愛你會令你憂愁　寧願後退

＊地球上一位送死一個內疚
　原來同樣也為了感情未看開
　我已著呆　怕你著呆
　我拼命愛　我怕被愛
　同樣拉扯中跌落海

　平淡時與你往來一個越愛
　一個越會感慨就當我活該
　這個月台　我踏入來
　愛與被愛　都算慷慨
　但至少一起扮呆　錯愛畢竟也是愛＊

無論愛跟被愛　流放在這地球
怎樣愛同樣要承受
誰人做塊堅硬石頭
能夠寂寞到盡頭　但我未能自救

REPEAT＊

2007-03-31T18:23:00.000+08:00

Mom and Dad just came home.

About an hour and a half ago, we had a spat at the office. Mom told me that the way she saw it, I knew how to do the work I was assigned but I was just playing dumb. I walked out on them.

Then about two minutes ago, she walks up to me like nothing had happened, puts on that unbearably stupid baby voice and waggles a finger at me. "Bad attitude."

Then she chats with Andrew and exits, but just before she closes the door, she stands at the doorframe and asks if we'd like to go anywhere tonight. But Andrew was computer-ing and I was simmering, and neither of us felt any need to reply. So she just stood where she was quietly for a few seconds, then stepped out and slowly closed the door.

Honestly, I should be brutally heartless about the whole situation. They accused me of being difficult when, really, I had been very patient. But whenever dad or mom acts that way, like a puppy that had just been kicked, I have this terrible guilt-trip. It's like my inside is telling me that I should be more patient, and I start qualifying their actions for them.

I just can't stay mad at them. I really should be iron-like and cutthroat if I ever expect them to treat me as an equal and not as an obstinate five year old, but somehow, I can't seem to be the hard-driven man of steel I want to be.

Damn compassion and filial piety.

親親的我的寶貝　我要越過高山

2007-03-30T16:19:00.000+08:00

Nothing big has happened in my life lately. Hence the entry will also be known as 平常事.

So... lately.

Well, yesterday, the 29th, I got my report card from school.

It turns out, we didn't have a driver that morning, so I had to take a cab. When I finally got to Xavier, I went straight to the MPH and got my stuff from Mr. Asis, who was sitting at the table to the right of the place from the entrance door.

He also gave me a red book with a thick stack of papers inserted between the cover and the first page. When I looked closer, I saw the word "Burn" printed in beautiful gold ink against the brick red of the cover. INNER ORGASM HERE!!!! IT'S THE LITMAAAAAAG!!!

Quickly, I check the table of contents, and there they were--two of the pictures I sent in! JOY!

Anyhow, I sit around and take a cab back home.

When I get home, I go through the novel with a fine-toothed comb for some good literary works to save for a rainy coffee-filled Saturday when...

Oh my.

It's a literary work. From me.

Did I even send that in? Because seriously, I don't recall sending that in. As in seriously. I DID NOT SEND THAT IN.

But I guess I did, because it's there. Unless someone got into my computer, stole one of my most sacred pieces of work and uploaded it for the entire goddamn High School to see. I'm queasy just thinking about it.

Gods.

Anyway, my grades were good. I think I got what I deserved. Sort of. Thanks Mr. Claro!

You know what? Summer has never taken this long to really "sink in" yet. But I'm not exactly sure of what summer sinking in should feel like, so perhaps I'm not fit to blog about it. But when I think about Xavier, I still feel the same way as I did when I used to go to class. It's strange.

Wow. I wanna kick my life in high gear but I can't.

Stupid YFC. Jeez.

Preparing Dumplings and Strange Dreams

2007-03-28T21:25:00.000+08:00

26th of March, Monday

I came to school with Lawrence originally intending to have a regular chat with Laoshi (wait, haven't I said that before?) but somehow, we got dragged down to the teachers' dining room to wrap some dumplings 包餃子.

Here's how things started. First, I found He, Ye and Lu laoshi and we began walking. Then He laoshi had to go to a meeting in the grade school, and Ye and Lu laoshi were headed to the infirmary where Wang laoshi (no, the other one. No, the other one! Hahahaha! Wang MeiRen... Cathy Ching) was, since she fell and twisted her ankle. Then Lu laoshi informs me that it's her birthday. Wow... what a gift.

So we get the infirmary, watch her get treated, then go up to find Lawrence. When I do find Lawrence, we first go to Mr. Reyes' and sneak into the ITC with him, talking about Enneagram. Then later, Ye, Lu and Wang laoshi arrive and we all go up for a while, then go back down and are ushered off to wrap dumplings.

We thought it'd be strange, but eventually, when we got there, I thought it'd be a lot of fun! Still, the room reeked of cram (it was raw pork with some other veggies) and I was getting lightheaded. First, laoshi sent us to the guard at Gate 1 to get some package for Ms. Yolly Reyes, so we did. Ika nga ni Lawrence, "Ginawa kaming alipin."

We went back and it turned out to be black vinegar 醋 (the kind they use for thick soups in Chinese restaurants) and garlic 蒜.

So as the Chinese teachers in there began to increase (by the exponent, by the minute), and they began setting up the necessary paraphernalia, we (Lawrence, myself, and the other teachers who didn't know how to whip up cram) were sent to peel the garlic. Then Lawrence begins to mock my lack of kitchen expertise (because I didn't know how to peel garlic. Yes, it happened to be garlic and not the gazillions of other things that I know how to peel in the kitchen) and rambles about how he wrapped dumplings in Xiamen, and how he was really good at it.

I ramble in Hokkien with Ms. Maria Go. Then she starts asking Lawrence these really personal questions, and eventually, she is enlightened about... things.

Lawrence was even going, "Parang ang dramatic." and when I ask him, "Do you think maybe you're the one who sees it as dramatic?" and he thinks and replies, "Yeah, baka, I dunno." along with that uniquely Lawrence-y look.

And the personal questions STILL don't stop! Oh well... maybe it's the Chinese way.

So then Ye laoshi sweeps by and sees how much we've peeled already, and tells us we've done enough, so we just finish up the current ... I just realized, I don't know the classifier noun for garlic. Clump? Tube?

I HAVE IT!!!! CLOVE!!!!!! A CLOVE OF GARLIC!!! HAHA! BOW TO THE GOD OF VOCABULARY!!! I am so arrogant tonight. I swear, it's the evening getting to me. I've been telling Kenn how good he is at giving orgasms for the last ten minutes over YM. Yes, I know how that sounds. And you're wrong. So you can lysol whatever sick image you've got in your heads right now off your mind, pick your minds out of the gutter, and somehow trust that there is a reasonable explanation for all of this.

Yep.

So anywhooo... we peel the remaining cloves of garlic and I head towards the side of the room where we're preparing rolls of that thing that people make noodles from (麵). First, they're long logs. Then they're cut up into circular blobs that Lawrence and I were tasked to correct them into circular shapes (圓) and then slightly press down (按) to form flat shapes which would then be the wrappers (皮) of the dumplings.

(on a side note: I have now achieved my dream of entering the teachers' cafeteria)

When we had done a fair share of the thing, we moved on to the next step, which would be the stuffing and wrapping. There were trays where one could arrange the wrappers, and a large bowl (碗) filled with the cram. The cram (a.k.a. "stuffing"/"filling" 餡 but I wanna use "cram") was composed of raw pork meat and some strange green vegetable that had been cut to fingernail-wide strips. Lu laoshi then taught me how to wrap. (SAYANG TALAGA I DIDN'T GET TO BRING MY CAMERA!!!! ANG OK SANA KUNG NAKUNAN KO YUN!!!! TAKTI!!!) First you just get the wrapper, place it in the center of your palm. Then you fit some cram (from the bowl, which had chopsticks to the side) into the center. Then you fold it up (折) and pinch (捏) at the center of the semi-circle you've made so that the two halves have a pinched area that sticks em together.

Then you the sides inward (this is the part I can't explain) until the entire thing is folded to the center, before you fold the two opposite ends inward and voila, you have a dumpling (餃).

I do this for some time, until we run out of wrappers and I walk over to the other table to ask for some when I see... Bro. Ang! In fact, the entire Grade School and High School Chinese Faculty all seem to be here. So I ask, "Do you guys have some more wrapper thingies?" And Bro. Ang chuckles, " 'Wrapper thingies'." Haha! I agree... it was funny. So he hands me some, I thank him and I go back. Continue.

Eventually, the teachers at our table increased, so I moved over to the one where Lawrence and Yelaoshi were working at. Ye laoshi then asks me to fold one for her, and she sees that the style Lu laoshi taught me was "different" so she taught me how she did it. This one involved everything up til pinching the center, then instead of folding the parts in, you pinch out a different part and continue doing so and then just push in the remaining parts at the back (don't try to make sense of that, I'm only putting it there to remind myself. You really won't get it. It must be shown with pictures). So I do so, and all of a sudden, someone (I think Ms. Lydia Uy) taps me on the shoulder and tells me, in Hokkien, "Eat some dumplings." Now, I'd chatted up some of the Hokkien teachers, but a lot more Mandarin was being used to reply, so you can just imagine my pleasant surprise when, after I asked, in Hokkien, "Are there already cooked ones?", one of the older teachers who I think I knew by face back in Grade School, replies, "There are. Just get some from that pan over there." Hokkien galore!

So then we start eating, and then wrap a few more with the new cram, which is completely vegetarian.

(Another side note: When I asked, Ms. Lydia Uy replied that the new veggie cram indeed had peanuts, similar or identical to the cram used in lumpia (潤餅). I then asked how to say "peanut" in Hokkien. It was then that I learned that "peanut" is called "tho tau" (土豆), which is the informal word for "potato" in Mandarin. This apparently isn't a southern dialect thing, as in Cantonese, peanut is "faa saang" (花生), with the same characters as in Mandarin.)

That was the viand, so the beverage was some tasteless (淡) lugaw. There wasn't any sugar either. Waaah! It sucked. No better drink than water. But the dumplings were good. 4 stars out of 5. See, prior to the actual cooking of the dumplings, we were discussing on whether to boil (熬), steam (蒸) or fry (炒) them. It turns out, there's this completely new technique that I'd never heard of called "steam-frying" which involves this teflon-pan and minimal amonts of oil, plus a large glass cover, provided by Yu zhuren.

Now, see, the dumplings were hot, and soft--two things I do not like in my dumplings. Call it my Cantonese instincts taking over, but honestly, I love my dumplings deep-friend to crisp, golden perfection. Not squishy, soggy and semi-translucent. Oh well, I suppose it's healthier.

Eventually, we finished and He laoshi began to speak with us. It was interesting, but she finally explained to me why I should follow my heart when it comes to taking a course. It was cool. I left later on.

27th - 28th of March, Tuesday to Wednesday

Today, I had quite a strange dream. It was first this year's Seniors' graduation, and there was some kind of commotion that I couldn't understand or see. I don't know why I was there. It also wasn't happening on the stage in the Sports Center. Rather, it was happening in a place that looked like a mix of between this open strip of land near the airport at Vancouver airport with the potted plants with lights wrapped around it and the strip of ground (vocab is sucking now) near the exit of the Sports Center proper, which leads to stairs. A mix of those two.

Then cut scene and it's my graduation. Dad did not attend (hmm... interesting because I was just talking about how I didn't feel he was there enough for me when I was a kid with Mom and 'Drew recently) and Mom was beside me but texting the entire time (another pet peeve of mine). We're seated at tables in that "narrow strip" and given food. The stage is right across me and it's evening. Then I stand and one of my friends (I can't remember who, although I think it was either Kenn or Martin V.) stood with me and accompanied me to the hallway in my dream that we were provided access to by that opening in the existing strip at the Sports Center.

We walk down a dimly-lit flight of stairs (not too deep, just about 8 or 9 steps) where there's this metal grating that allows me to see into the room in the right, which is really big, but also poorly lit. However, the lighting is done in a way that appeals to me, so I take out my camera (which for some reason, I have) and proceed to take a picture.

But in that room, there're several teens with one parent each who is helping them accomplish a sort of Science competition. Then one of them (who bears strange resemblance, although I think it's only cos I attempted to analogize his face with someone I knew and ended up merging their faces together, to one of the guys in DUWA. The main three guys in the "auditions" for FX? The one to the left most.) waves at me with an annoyed face, as if to say "Don't! Go away!"

I made a dismissive hand gesture, meaning to say "I'm not taking a pic of you!"

I suppose he misunderstood, because he stood up and walked up to me through the opening in the middle of the grates and said, strangely, in really gay sounding Mandarin,
"我看拍照還是有點兒不好意思." (Now, this phrase got me thinking of the times when I'd heard someone use "不好意思" to mean something other than "Oh, my, I'm sorry, my mistake." such as "I'm sorry, you can't do that." or something.) Then I replied, "
不是啦。。。我剛纔 *does the dismissive hand gesture* 不是說 “我不管你。” 我是說 “我不拍你。” 啦." He replies, "Oh..." then let's me take the picture.

My friend and I go back outside to the ceremony's venue and we bump into... Jackie and Enrico (Fresnoza). Not sure if they know each other, but anyway... Oh! And he was wearing a brown wig. The wig's strands looked like that of an anime characters' (i.e. the "strands" looked more like meaty tentacles than fine strands).

Jackie does the "I don't really wanna do this but I'm being dragged into it" look, and Enrico elbows her and goes "Do it na." while looking at me.

Then he enters the area we were just in and leaves Jackie with me. Before she can say anything, I say, "Bye Jackie." and grab my friend and begin to turn.

Then she looks at me, and asks, "You're going?" And I say, "Yeah." Then as we walk further and further away... she yells from behind me, "The clock is ticking!"

Then Alex wakes me up.

Strange dream.

Aaron Lines!

2007-03-28T18:31:00.000+08:00

AARON'S CD COMES OUT ON THE 1ST OF MAY!!!!

I honestly hadn't realized how soon Aaron's CD was coming out. 1st of May my friends!!!!!!

Elsewhere, I've found that the Lights of My Hometown video isn't working for me, but on the plus side...

Aaron Lines - Lets Get Drunk & Fight

Add to My Profile More Videos

I have found a clip of Aaron Lines singing a Tim McGraw cover--"Let's Get Drunk and Fight"

Doesn't sound very Aaron-y, eh? I think someone's about to shed his image as "ballad-boy".

Elsewhere, I also found...

http://www.thelinesden.com/

THE LINES DEN!!!! It's an amazing fansite with actual video content! One vid's of Aaron singing Seeing Things at the CCMA's, and the other's of him singing Christmas Time (who knows that song?) at an outdoor event during... Christmas. Pleasant song.

Condolences to my friends. :( Things have not been easy lately.

無法忘記　不知道我該如何哭泣

2007-03-25T17:59:00.000+08:00

不知道如何欺騙自己　是否知道只有妳
無法忘記　是否所有的點點滴滴
和那些醉人卻心痛的故事
就在我儘情哭過之後　我就能入睡後忘記
只怕夢到妳

其實以上歌詞毋適合... 我最渴望夢到你, 而此則剩唯見了你辦法.

命裏無時, 莫強求

2007-03-24T14:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I've blogged. Ever since summer kicked in, I have just been completely lax.

It's actually a most welcome change, compared to those days when I had school and I'd go nuts over the sheer amount of crap that I had to do.

Let me see... what things have I not yet blogged about that I must:

- Mr. Claro and Lani Misalucha 3/17
- Trip to Ongpin with Dad! Yes, for the second time ever in my life (i know, I'm a shame to the Chinese community), I went to Ongpin last Sunday... 3/18
- Subsequently, I got Chinese CDs! (Music, DVD, DVD Music... more on that later)
- World BEX with Mom 3/18
- The Emil Chau Concert (yes, I know! At the last minute, I was allowed to go!) 3/19
- Dragon Fable 3/21
- Translation for Dad 3/20-22
- GRADES!!!! 3/23
- Trips to Xavier with Lawrence and Ye laoshi for Chinese and stuff.
- Uncle Jake comes home! 3/24

3/17 - Present

Mr. Claro has been obsessed with someone named Lani Misalucha. On the night of the Prom (which I didn't attend), he left halfway to attend her concert. At first, the name Lani Misalucha was once just this little detail in my memory from 3 years ago. She had a concert here once. I didn't attend it, but I know about it because there was this large poster hung up above the general area where our office was. Then she had ANOTHER one called "The Repeat".

Mr. Claro sent me a song of hers called "Very Special Love" back then, which sounds like a corny love song. But these days, who cares about lyrics? It's all about the beat. Or the tune. Or whatever. Then today (24th), he sent me Queen of the Night, which is just... well, he was right when he said that I ought to hear her "belt". AMAZING.

3/18/07, Sunday

So! Trip to Ongpin. See, I once went there back in the seventh grade to buy a lantern for Chinese class. You see, I was a lazy arse that didn't wanna work hard for anything (thank God that's slowly going away), so I just went there with Manong Lino (our ooooold driver, who retired just before I entered into H2). He accompanied me over this bridge where we entered a shop and bought the lantern, then left. I still have the tail of one of the lanterns near my bedside.

This time, it was Dad and I. Quite fun, but my lower legs were getting cramps from all the walking. We went to several video/music CD shops so I could scout around for potentially good CDs unavailable back in Metro Manila. Eventually, we decided on 陳慧琳's STYLISH INDEX, 王力宏's 蓋世英雄 DVD, the soundtrack for 玻璃之城, the triple disc 孫燕姿 CＤ that honestly only read 完美的一天 but contained music from 這一刻 and Stefanie, 光良's 童話, and 黎明's 眼睛想旅行. Quite a collection, but pretty much completely worth it, except for the 陳慧琳 CD which did not contain audio files but something like a -1 or Karaoke version of the Stylish Index music. In short, I got music videos with no Kelly. And I think they were all 100-150 a piece, except the DVD which was like 350. Hooray for Ongpin prices!

The songs that really struck me were 手機留言 by 光良, 我忘了 by 孫燕姿, and... to be continued after the Emil Chau concert!

Elsewhere, we also went into 嶺南 for lunch, and the food was okay, although the chicken wasn't cooked very well. The soup wasn't bad, though. When we went to 聊應齋, Dad and I started debating in Taishanese if I should ask the lady how Kikiam was written. She seemed to pick up (she was Hokkien) though, because she asked, "sia mi tai zi?" (what's the matter?) and I told her. She wrote it down on half a calendar sheet, saying it was "kue-keng". Chicken something. I'll have to go scrounge up that piece of paper.

When we left, we picked mom up at her mom's place where he talked a bit, then went to the World BEX thing at the WTC. Dad and Mom had already apparently gone there yesterday, but mom wasn't done looking around yet, so she and I went, and Dad went home because he was beat.

Mom and I only finished one fourth of the entire place, but I had a bit of fun taking flyers and swatches and credit cards. At this one place, forgot what it was called, they were advertising digital designs plastered in a special way instead of wallpaper. I thought some of the zany designs were absolutely wicked. Mom didn't like them though.

The lady at the store (本地人) heard mom and me in that one snippet of the conversation that we were talking in Hokkien about why I thought we should put it there, should we ever renovate. The lady handed us one of the flyers and we discussed a bit. It was fun! And then when I came back later, I heard who I assumed to be her son speaking in Hokkien (sounded off though. Not "authentic". And don't tell me it's the third-generation thing. My friends are living proof that that isn't true.). I found it interesting.

When we got home, we watched Curse of the Golden Flower (滿城盡帶黃金甲). It was a typical Chinese-era movie, wherein everyone dies. Kind of like The House of Flying Daggers. I honestly didn't like it.

3/19/07

I was with Lawrence and Laoshi when she suddenly walks into the workroom and comes out with two student tickets for the concert. My mouth just dropped open. I was literally speechless. I couldn't believe my luck! EMIL CHAU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't have anyone to come with me, though, so that was one ticket wasted.

Mom and Dad came by to pick me up at about 5:30. We left 5:40 and got there 6:30 (it was in PICC). I hurriedly went and lined up. The seats (and subsequently, the queues for entrance) were split into Balcony and Orchestra. If you've been to the PICC, you should understand that Balcony means the two elevated places off to the side, and Orchestra would be the flat piece of land right in front of the stage. What a view it must have been! Char and her mom (I think) got Orchestra, and the seats I got from laoshi were Balcony.

While queuing up, there was this old Hokkien woman, with her daughter and granddaughter, screaming her head off. What's worse, she had that annoying mindset that she would come across as more refined or upper-class if she used Mandarin. Very poorly accented, too. Her daughter, in her 30's, was speaking in Hokkien, but Philippine-style (i.e. interspersed with English nouns and Filipino particles). Eventually, she caved and started speaking in equally poorly accented Mandarin. The granddaughter was typical 3rd Gen Metro Manila Hokkien--speaking in Filipino only. Eventually, the loud Hokkien woman was questioned by her granddaughter as to why she was so loud. She replied, "那就是本來的我." Oh please. Honestly, you could've mistaken her for a Hong Konger in that queue--bad Mandarin, bad manners, etc...

On the plus side, though, I heard loads and loads of 3rd Gen Hokkien speaking in straight Hokkien. When we entered and sat down, there was this group of girls, no more than 18 years old, speaking straight Hokkien. I mean Hokkien, Hokkien, not Taiwanese.

Beside me, this lady who identified herself as Linda Wong sat down and started talking to me (in Mandarin no less). This annoyed me. A lot.
Then she asked me what school I studied in, and when I said XS, she was all "不會啊! 光啟的學生只會說閩南話! 不會說國語!" This angered me even more. It turns out, she was an ICAn and her brothers were Xaverian. How can she NOT know that Mandarin is taught in Xavier? Silly woman. Then she later has the gall to ask me to ask my parents to give her a ride until she can find a cab. I mean, c'mon! The nerve! And then she starts asking really personal stuff. Jeez.

Anyway, so from the 下午七時入場 stipulated in the ticket, we ended up beginning at 9:00, where there were all these other presentations before the concert. Turns out, it was sort of like a homecoming, too.

So Emil comes out, and plays a set of wonderful, well-know and well-loved hits of his throughout the years, including 愛相隨 (which was the theme of the concert, i.e. celebration of our being Chinese. I could write entire discourses on how they're not celebrating being Chinese simply by using Mandarin, but I'll spare you that pain), 朋友, 有故事的人, 寂寞的眼, 傷心的歌, 怕黑, 擺渡人的歌, 最真的夢, 親親我的寶貝, 新天長地久, 有沒有一首歌會讓你想起我, 風雨無阻, 花心. Covers of existing songs include 甜秘密, 彎彎的月亮, 忙與盲, and 浪子心聲. Now the last one, 浪子心聲 was originally a Sammy Hui (one of the oldest, most celebrated names in the Canto-pop industry, for those not in the know, and one of the few artists who've sung songs in colloquial Cantonese, instead of literary Chinese) and also covered by Andy Lau. It is from this song that I take my title.

Here're the lyrics:

難分真與假人面多險詐
幾許有共享榮華簷畔水滴不分差
無知井裏蛙徒望添聲價
空得意目光如麻誰料金屋變敗瓦

命裏有時終須有命裏無時莫強求
雷聲風雨打何用多驚怕
心公正白壁無暇行善積德最樂也
人比海裏沙毋用多牽掛
君可見漫天落霞名利息間似霧化

Waaaah... *cries*

Reminds me of a certain... something. Situation. Basta.

So he sang one Hokkien song, 一雙小雨傘, and several Cantonese ones, such as 彎的月亮, 浪子心聲, and 新天長地久. It was then, right after Emil sang 浪子心聲, and he had asked, "好耶?" And I yelled back, enthusiastically, "好!" that Linda Wong, to my side, asked, "You know Cantonese, too?" to which i replied, "I AM Cantonese!". We started talking in Cantonese later, but I remained reserved. Emil Chau did an acapella with some dudes (two of which happened to be brothers Sean and Sherwin Su from XS) and facilitated a proposal. Then a duet with this girl who could really... really... sing. It was one really wicked concert.

Afterwards, I found Lu laoshi and her friend and we journeyed backstage to meet him. Well, let me tell you--we were ONE ARM AWAY FROM HIM!!!!!!! Starstruck indeed. Then just before we were about to get the autograph, the manager lady kicked us out. CRAP IT ALL!!!!

So we left all crestfallen and stuff and sat outside while mom and dad came to fetch me. It ended up with us giving them a ride back to Crownpointe, San Juan, where they lived. It was fairly near where we were anyway. On the way, we were talking a lot, and I heard Lu laoshi speak Hokkien with my parents. Sounded almost Taiwanese, but quite understandable. I realized the difference between the way she spoke it, and the way, say, Xu laoshi spoke it. Xu laoshi's Hokkien sounds very much like the variant we speak here. Straight from Xiamen, e.

The ride home was scary. All the way from PICC, Dad had been driving kind of dangerously, swerving and sudden-breaking. Almost bumped several people. I think he was sleepy.

When we got home (it was around 1:30), Dad told me he was quite surprised that I could speak Mandarin so fluently. Now it was my turn to be surprised at this, since I'd already told them several times I could speak it fluently. I guess they had to hear it to believe it. So now maybe they won't worry so much about my Mandarin and allow me to focus more on our home dialects.

Char and I were completely dazed the morning after. While chatting, we downloaded all the songs I jotted down. YAY!!!! The songs I really love are 傷心的歌 (無法忘記　是否所有的點點滴滴和那些醉人卻心痛的故事就在我儘情哭過之後　我就能入睡後忘記只怕夢到妳我不要　不要　不要不要夢到妳), and 親親我的寶貝 (啦啦呼啦啦啦呼啦啦　還在上面寫你的名字啦啦呼啦啦啦呼啦啦　最後還要平安回來回來告訴你哪一切　親親我的寶貝).

3/21 - Present

I have been obsessed with this online game recently. Quite similar to Adventure Quest. It's called Dragon Fable. I think Christian's been playing this for a while now. I'm not too sure if Dragon Fable has server caps, but I have been able to log in without trouble for three straight days now. Perhaps not.

Anyhow, my character is a mage, and things have been tying along quite nicely. The magic of the mage is amazing. There's a skill called "Mage's Fury" that allows you to hit all opponents in the battle map. A Godsend for when you're high in mana, low in life, fighting multiple opponents and sleep or blind can't cover it, and your shield has been used up.

There's a skill called Root that doesn't seem to have any use though. It's apparently supposed to prevent an opponent from running away. I have never seen any opponent run away, nor does my character have that option. So... you know.

Fun! You should play it. Graphics are better than that of Adventure Quest... which reminds me that the Quest for the Earth Orb is now up, so I better check that out soon.

3/20-22

Dad recently sent me a document to translate from Chinese to English. I have one word: Torture.

Not only was it chock full of manufacturing and engineering terms, it was written completely in Classical Chinese; that means that the Chinese used wasn't the 白話 characters-match-spoken-language variety, it was a highly abbreviated script where certain implied nouns were omitted. You know how a 成語 is written right? Four characters, but the explanation in 白話 can go on for sentences? Think that, but as a 1 and a half page document.

It took me the whole day to translate that thing, and several parts were still fuzzy. I mean, what on Earth is does 空行程次數? Empty Travel Route Frequency??? I mean, Hell! And then you have even shorter, more ambiguous stuff like 段料 (literally, segment material), 棒料 (fine/sturdy/cudgel material), and 剪料 (cut material). I mean, does "cut material" mean material you have cut or material that you use to cut? GRRRR!!!!!

I consulted Ye laoshi and whaddyaknow! It worked out! She's an engineering graduate! She identified ALL of the terms and explained them to satisfaction! Things just work out great when you ask, don't they?

3/23

Now let's talk about my Grades. I went to school fully intending just to hang with Lawrence and laoshi, but then I saw my grades posted at the patio, and I went to have a look. Here're the important ones:

Math: 89 (HAH!!!! IN YOUR FACE, FAMILY!)
Filipino: 87
Everything Else: 88 and above

NOOOOOO!!!!! I've lost honors because of FILIPINO!!!! DAMN LIFE!

. . .

Then I went to Mr. Claro and appealed. We negotiated, he agreed.

HONORS, BITCHES!!!!!

Undated:

Almost everyday since break began (and even before that: Thursday (3/15/07), Friday, Monday, Tuesday, Friday (3/23)), I've been hanging with laoshi and Lawrence to study Chinese. Great fun. Laoshi has this funny tendency to spill stories like an ocean, but they're the best. FUN!!!

When did I start these Chinese sessions with laoshi and Lawrence anyway? Even Lawrence and I don't remember anymore, because we've been having so much fun going to them.

3/24

Uncle Jake came back from the States. We went to Gloria Maris to eat. Big mistake. SO MANY PEOPLE!!! All of them showed up after eight. Why?

Xavier Graduation! Yes, the H4 are officially gone, and I saw nearly a dozen Xaverian families with 17 y.o. looking boys in barongs (some even with medals) enter the place. You should've seen the reservation board there--full to the point that some of the letters almost seemed to be falling off the thing.

PICTURES COMING SOON!!!

We've Reached A Milestone

2007-03-15T19:33:00.000+08:00

This post marks 101 entries in canadianautumn. I think it should be special.

And special it is.

Recorded here will be one of the oldest griefs and most contemporary joys of this era in my life.

7:40 - 8:55 am

Mathematics, proctored by Ms. Priscilla Chang

Failed. This math test was evil. I was right--yesterday's Soc Sci test was some kind of macabre foreshadowing of today's events. I feel like I had the life force sucked out of me, then shoved down my throat, and extracted through my stomach. Paaaaiiiiinnnn...

But afterwards, things were quite light.

I dragged Lawrence over to Laoshi's so we could chat, and found Kenn already there.

We chatted a bit, then afterwards, Kenn had to leave and we chatted some more. Eventually, I decided that Lawrence had to start speaking, so we devised a way to make him speak. That is, have him pick one of two topics （很難忘的一件事 or 最喜歡的一個人) and discuss about it for five minutes. What he doesn't know, we correct. It felt good to see everything we'd been planning the entire fourth quarter come to fruition--but it's a pity that we only thought of it on the last day. In fact, Lawrence even said, "Why didn't we think of it before?"

Then he said... before he got to know me, his impression of me was someone very "mataray" (except when I smile). That took me by surprise. I've never thought of myself as mataray. I mean, jeez, I've exerted every effort to be as accomodating as I can, and it turns out that the first thing people think of me is as of some saucy, unapproachable, holier-than-thou skank that couldn't tell kind from cruel. Just great.

So elsewhere...

Lawrence and I go find Ms. Natonton and stress over Lawrence's little dilemma. Honestly, not a single human being alive has ever heard of the color "grayish brown". It was quite funny, really, but it seemed half of the Xaverian Teacher population were nakikiramay sa kanya. After exchanging vows of love (don't ask), we went upstairs to look for Mr. Santos and asked for help regarding the said color crisis. On the way, we bumped into (well, not really) (and this is gonna be really interesting and undertone-y for some Xaverians I know) Ms. Pusta and Mr. Perez sitting on the stairs together. Upon Ms. Natonton's query of whether or not they would be free "later", they replied, in unison, "No, not really, no." (UNDERTONEYNESS!!!!). Ms. Natonton declares that she doesn't love them, and we get to Mr. Santos' actual office. Here, I start up with the camwhoring again. It was just so nice. And then Ms. Natonton went all Nazi on the photos and deleted the ones she deemed "ugly". Right.

So we chased each other around a table and she eventually gave up and declared she hated me. Then I started taking more pictures, and eventually a video.

When we leave, we all go downstairs, decide where to meet (who knew? six hours later, I wouldn't be able to make it) and leave for lunch. We eat with Michael (Ilagan) and I leave again for the auditions.

*schwing*

After a quick sandwich lunch, I ran over to the football field so as to practice the song(s) and the piece in peace. I walked over to that long pathway thing and sang Way Back Into Love (yes, that Music & Lyrics theme song; the Hugh-Haley version) and Something More (Sugarland, people. Alexis will be so proud :p).

When I went over to the Lecture Hall though, Jherald (Gotauco, who has blue eyes, which I assume are contact lenses. I swear, the two of us had a conversation about it before, but for the life of me, I can't remember what the explanation for the gray-blue eyes are!) tells me to choose the song I'm more comfortable with (thus, Something More automatically wins). There was basically a division of phases, namely The Orientation, and the Audition Proper. The Orientation was... entertaining, what with all the yelling at someone named Jaime, who Mr. Legaspi branded as "common property", and Charles (Yee) obsessively drawing on the PowerPoint (yes, we had a powerpoint) (with completely laughable content (I mean who puts "makapal ang mukha" as a requirement for membership???), but somehow so very, very honest-to-good/badness).

The Audition was tough. They even bugged me about what club I wanted to join and things. I think the Jackie Approach to this problem was indeed the best (I'd picked up a few things from her over the years. Haha!)--say something honest but just completely solid that it renders them absolutely speechless. WHAHAHA!

We were also tasked to learn the Dance steps, which were just the dance moves to the chorus of the song they used in Duwa, those few weeks ago.

The monologue I prepared was Hamlet. Considering in the form, we were asked to prepare dramatic monologues, and this one was more sarcastic than anything (it was the "To be or not to be" part), I wasn't sure if it would be enough to get them through. Oh, and a little sidenote, I was the only present-year H3 that tried out. That's ridiculous! Jesus. Let me simmer for a while.

Anyhow, when I began my monologue, I did it fairly flawlessly until I got to "To sleep, perchance to dream." The succeeding words were, "Ay, there's the rub" but I blanked. Luckily for me, "To sleep, perchance to dream" sounded like ending words, and I was able to get away without too much scathing. But the interview before the monologue was also noteworthy. I think Charles was the one that asked me that if I was opening a club, why wouldn't I join it. I had to explain that I wasn't opening the club, I was pushing to have it opened (i.e. someone else would open it). Then he asked, "Isn't that hypocritical? I mean, where's the commitment.", to which I replied, "That's only because I don't think I can handle both FX and that club at the same time." which really answered all the questions.

If in the monologue, I was third, in the singing, I was second. I started singing Something More, when Ms. Lampa, bless her, interrupts and says, "Allen, could you sing a little louder? We really can't hear anything from here at the back. Good luck." And I sang (half of) my heart out. Pity though--I hadn't even gotten to a very good part in the song that involved hefty vocals when they called the next person.

Then we did the dance, to which I got somewhat lost, but on the third repetition for the chorus, was so into it that I was smiling while I was dancing. Now I know why that Raynard guy is always smiling when he dances. It's really... a different mode of expression. Something about the rhythm and the movement... I dunno.

Anyhow, we were asked to step outside while they deliberated, and I rediscovered Gate 3. Can I just say that the sunlight in that area is AMAZING at 3:45-ish in the afternoon? I started thinking of... things. Eventually, we were called back. Just before I entered the Lecture Hall, I saw Mr. Legaspi exit, yelling "Ikaw na bahala, a, Carlo." When we got in, I closed the door, and we began the eliminations.

We were informed that only 7 out of the 9 got accepted. So the first three people to my right get accepted, then one guy in red, i think his name was Vim or Vin, got rejected. And then the next two people on the far left got accepted. So then it was just the remaining three in the center. Then the guy to my immediate left gets accepted, so it's just me and this other guy whose name is Darrell or Darryl. I was kind of already expecting that I was the one who got rejected, and I had already been imagining what I would be doing next year now that I had been rejected. I mean, c'mon, bottom two, hello.

It was the biggest, most pleasant surprise when Carlo (I think that was his name, right?) said, "And the last person we accepted was... Allen. I'm sorry Darrell/Darryl." Major expulsion of pent-up breath there. He also said that "There were lots of other clubs out there."

I had to contest that statement. While there are heaps of other clubs, there is no other club like Stage FX.

Also, I heard Jherald, and even Mr. Legaspi during the orientation, ranting about people lacking commitment. I would also like to say, as proof to all and my self, that I am and will be committed to Stage FX. I am committed to the incessant meetings, the late nights--all the works. I am committed.

Just watch.

C'mon, Chip, it's past your bedtime

2007-03-14T21:30:00.000+08:00

I have just come back from the Math tutor, my mom's ex-teacher, the Dean of Math in UST, blah di blah di blah.

You know how it's just endlessly surprising and ineffably comforting how God will somehow pick an old song from your archive, and you listen to it (in my case, on an iPod, half-asleep, on the way home) and just have to wonder why on Earth you ever stopped listening to it? Because it's so beautiful, and so perfect for the situation?

That's what happened to me tonight.

All of a sudden, "What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage..." arrests my movement, and I'm just sitting there and soaking in the pain and 感动-ness of it all.

I remembered when JV first commented to me when I put that line on my status once.

I remember that music video I made with it for Charmed, and how everyone was so touched by it, and infinitely saddened.

And I remember how Henrison used to say the song didn't really fit the video.

And then I was reminded of so many things about this one person. It's quite fitting actually. Quite fitting to the present state of things.

Prior to the aforementioned memories of this song, I can't even remember how I first heard of it (I think it was one of those crazy any-song-by-this-artist-random-download sessions I used to engage in, this particular one a fruit of hearing Possession and typing her name up in Kazaa. Yes, it was that long ago). I have no recollection of what I was listening to it for (everything I listen to, I listen to for a reason), before I threw it away into The Magical Place Where Songs I've Played More Than 200 Times And Have Grown Tired Of Or Outgrown Go (M.P.W.S.I.P.M.T.200T.A.H.G.T.O.O.O.G.).

Oh, have I neglected to mention what song it is? Do What You Have To Do by Sarah McLachlan.

It's amazing. I haven't felt this moved in such a long time. I can't believe I'm having a god-damn senti trip at 9:30 in the evening when my brain has been mushed and smushed by Math at the tutor, and will again be mushed and smushed by the Math QT tomorrow.

Charmed life that I live.

Do What You Have To Do by Sarah McLachlan (in bold are the lines that struck me hardest)

What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage
Created you a monster; broken by the rule of love
And fate has led you through it (hope, here)
You do what you have to do (the concept of leaving the only person you love because of responsibility just fractures me)
Oh, and fate has led you through it
You do what you have to do
But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go (wise words)

Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving; trying to escape this desire (too true)
The yearning to be near you (ngrrr... oh my god...)
I do what I have to do (here it is again... but not so much responsibility as it is doing the only think you can do, which is be strong, move on, and try not to overthink it)
Oh, the yearning to be near you
I do what I have to do
And I have the sense to recognize that I don’t know how to let you go
I don’t know how to let you go

A glowing ember, burning hot, burning slow (this describes how I feel PERFECTLY)
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you (I can't believe how accurately the words describe my feelings)
I know I can't be with you (gah... knives to my heart)
I do what I have to do
I know I can't be with you
I do what I have to do
And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go (and the final, deciding reiteration of the words somehow make it real to me, and it hits me with real impact)

We all just need to know we can still feel other things aside from hurt sometimes. It keeps us sane.

Quarterly Tests... Evil

2007-03-14T12:00:00.000+08:00

While I am quite certain that I didn't do absolutely horrible, I am also positive that I really didn't do too well.

13th of March, 2007; 7:45 - 9:00 am

C.L.E., proctored by Ms. Ching

Not hard, but not exactly easy other. It was quite short, for which I am very thankful.

14th of March, 2007;

7:40 - 8:55 am

Science, proctored by Mr. Pinlac

Complicated, but I finished with a good thirty minutes to spare. I was almost smiling to myself at how not-challenging the tests were.

9:35 - 10:50 am

Social Science, proctored by Mr. Rivera

HELL!!!! If the QT's were arranged in ascending order from easiest to hardest, I shudder to think of what tomorrow's Geometry QT will be like!!! STUDY STUDY STUDY!!!

OH MY GOOOOOD. *groans*

Anyhow, Aldwin and I talked a bit last night.

Yeah.

Everyone's Reinventing Themselves

2007-03-11T12:01:00.000+08:00

Let's look at some prime examples:

Avril has (finally) (finally) (FINALLY) shed the pseudo-punk-rock image and gone pop. Still, you can tell there are traces of rebellion in this punky, supercilious amalgam of almost all her styles (save for the crappy senti ones like that one that went "keep holding on... cos you know I'm there for you, there for you..." and "knock knock knocking on heaven's door..." which on its own was a noble venture but got overplayed and overabused by other movies like Windstruck), called "Girlfriend". All in all, Girlfriend is a very fun song.

Then there's Hilary, with that new song called With Love. As you can see, she's still aiming to be the next Britney, Princess of Pop (so what's Hilary, like, countess?). The music video of the song was also intensely reminiscent of Toxic--seducing a guy, doing things to him in an enclosed space, acting slutty, basically.

And then there's Britney herself, who's just crazy. I actually just read an article about her this morning advocating Timbaland's pity for her. Poor girl--she used to be so respectable--one of the greatest names in Pop. How the mighty have fallen.

With any luck, Hilary won't fall down the same dark path that our ex-Pop Princess fell through.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Elsewhere, moving away from Pop Doom, here're some nifty quotes to guide you along:

"Death is simply a journey that everyone must eventually embark on; one from which no one returns."

Mr. Linderman: "You see, I think there comes a time when a man has to ask himself whether he wants a life of happiness or a life of meaning."

Nathan Petrelli: "I'd like to have both."

Mr. Linderman: "Can't be done. Two very different paths."

Here's the subsequent discussion Mr. Claro and I had about the above quote:

Mr. Claro: ang mga taong nakararanas lamang ng lihim na kalungkutan ang siyang nakararanas din ng lihim na kaligayahan
Mr. Claro: - genoveva matute (kuwento ni mabuti)
Mr. Claro: re stat mo
Me: hindi naman po kalungkuta't kasiyahan ang pinagpipilian
Mr. Claro: oo nga
Mr. Claro: kaligayahan at kahulugan
Mr. Claro: pag pinili ang kahulugan, tila pinili rin ang kalungkutan
Me: kahulugan (as in may saysay) at kaligayahan (as in frivolity)
Mr. Claro: but
Mr. Claro: quote
Mr. Claro: yeah
Me: ah
Mr. Claro: frivolity
Mr. Claro: wala lang allen
Me: ang talim ng re niyo sa stat ko ... bilib na bilib ako
Mr. Claro: napapagod lang ako magbasa ng mga gawaing pasulat...
Me: nakakapagod nga naman po iyon
Me: hali't magsayang tayo ng oras
Me: *does a silly dance*
Mr. Claro: hahaha
Mr. Claro: kanina ko pa ginagawa yun.
Mr. Claro:
Me: kayo naman kasi e... kung ayaw niyong makaranas ng kalungkutang ka tindi, hindi niyo dapat itinakda
Me: pero ika niyo nga, ang nakararanas ng kalungkutan ang siyang makararanas din ng kaligayahan
Mr. Claro: right back at me huh?
Me: you brought it on yourself *hides*
Me: joke lang po
Me: think of it this way
Me: your sacrifice is in the interest and betterment of the future generation of Filipinos
Mr. Claro: SANA!!!
Me: sa madaling salita, you're sort of giving yourself up so that we can have a good education and hop out into the real world as better human beings all around
Me: ah, sana nga
Mr. Claro: iyon ang lihim na kaligayahang inaasam ko.
Me: pero lihim lang siya... hindi nararamdaman o nahahawakan... basta't napakalamig
Mr. Claro: not neccesarily
Mr. Claro: lihim siya in the sense na hindi lahat ng tao naunawaan ang pinagmulan ng bungang iyon...
Mr. Claro: hindi ibig sabihing hindi matutupad iyon...
Me: aba't nagawa niyong ipawalang-bisa ang aking pangungusap!
Me: siguro alternate interpretation lang iyong akin
Mr. Claro: haha
Mr. Claro: i'll give you another quote
Mr. Claro: There is always enough darkness for those who want to see it, and enough light for those who want to see it.
Me: hmmm
Me: absorbing
Me: i believe that happiness is something we create
Me: i suppose poignance is too
Me: and hope or the lack thereof
Mr. Claro: or maybe we create it but at the same time it has always been there...
Mr. Claro: they exist both at once
Mr. Claro: somewhere in that interaction between our self and our world lies the truth
Mr. Claro: ayyyy
Mr. Claro: lalo atang sumasakit ulo ko...
Me: ewan ko... kung sa akin, gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko kapag ganito ako makipag-usap
Me: maybe because some things require the acceptance that they do not completely exist or are not completely achievable, or that nothing can be done about them/they just are; and i as a person shy from those topics when i talk or think
Mr. Claro: how come?
Me: it empowers me
Me: at nauuwi ulit sa "there's enough darkness/light for those who want to see it"
Me: in this day and age, it's no longer fate, it's a decision
Mr. Claro: but fate entails a decision too...
Me: maybe it's in the phrasing
Mr. Claro: hey allen...
Me: fate is a matter of acting upon others, and not being acted upon
Me: hey G. Claro
Mr. Claro: what are we talking about?
Mr. Claro: kidding
Me: kung naging sabaw na ang utak ninyo, huminto nalang po muna tayo
Me: baka't kung ano ang magawa niyo sa mga gawaing pasulat
Mr. Claro: i think it's also being acted upon, but you always have that decision if you want to be acted upon or not...
Me: okay....
Me: ergo fate is a matter of acting upon others, and not being acted upon

A poem: http://www.recmusic.org/lieder/get_text.html?TextId=24968

"The Birch Tree" by James Russel Lowell

A line from Don McLean's "Castles In The Air":

And if she asks you why, you can tell her that I told you that I'm tired of castles in the air--I've got a dream I want the world to share; and castles walls, just leave me to despair...

And from the Rascal Flatts' "Pieces" (personal context here):

And I don't wanna see you anymore--I'm just not that strong. I love it when you're here, but I'm better when you're gone. I'm certain that I've given, and, oh, how you can take. There's no use in your looking--there's nothing left for you to break. Baby, please release me, and let my heart rest in pieces.

Hands

2007-03-10T18:14:00.000+08:00

Lately, I've had this urge to go into gymnastics or wall climbing or some other not-so-common sport.

And theatre--definitely theatre.

Anyhow, I just realized how much you could tell from someone's hands. In fact, some of the people I know are prime examples of this.

Take Kenn, for example, who boxes. His hands are quite strong, seem to bend in a definite way (esp. at his knuckles), have a kind of meaty look to it, and has that over-all toughed-up, roughed-up look to it. But his palms are rather smooth in texture compared to other people. Probably doesn't play basketball much, then, otherwise his hands would be coarse.

Which brings us to Alex, whose hands are very rough because he plays basketball quite frequently.

Then take Walter, who doesn't do a lot of sports other than swimming, but draws a lot. No, like a lot. As a result, his hands are somewhat veiny, but look very dextrous and move very precisely, as it's been trained to draw all sorts of curves and details. His palms look very "controlling" (like in manipulating a pen), and are also really soft, not like Kenn's, which are smooth, but tough.

Then let's look at Char's. They're noticeably slender, but move in a somewhat flitting way, and the fingers flit with a flair and flexibility about them. This could be girliness talking, but I think it has to do a lot with how she plays the piano. She probably taps the keyboard heavier, too.

It's a lot like my mom's, which have this kind of lithe but rigid movement. You can sort of tell she played the piano when she was younger (and she did. Eight years, i think) because the way she punches (yes, punches) the keys on the keyboard is very hard, akin to punching the keys on the piano, and always somewhat strained posture.

Well, I haven't got any special hobbies that involve the use of my hands (haha, dirty), so I wonder what my hands look or move like to other people?

I'll also do a future entry on their handwriting. ;)

Mixed Up

2007-03-07T17:24:00.000+08:00

I really don't feel the need to come up with any sense of continuity in this post, because the school year is coming to a close, and with it, a lot of feelings are blooming out of nowhere.

See, there's this ridiculously inexplicable sense of calm that's somehow grown inside me. Or perhaps it's that I'm not paying attention to the Quarterly Tests of Impending Doom, or the fact that all the H4 are going away. I've never really been close to people from other batches, but when the staffers (and other people) came in, it really felt sad to miss them. Of course, it's still less emo than the day when I'll have to leave Xavier and never see my batchmates (no matter how many of them bother me) again. It'll be... hmm. Murder.

So anyway, it's somehow weird to see so many people I've come to know and grow fond of go away completely (some're even going abroad) and I might, perhaps, never see or hear from them again.

That scares me.

Then there is the IMMEDIATE stress of the last few things that've been happening: LT's and quizzes abound, last-minute lessons crammed, research papers, and just the generally hectic weekend stuff. Well, rather than continue jabbering balderdash about how busy school is (Lord knows, I've read enough blogs with that same topic), I'll jump-ship before I sink.

The Prom is coming up. I'm not going. Hooray for me. On the other hand, Eddy and Dom, two people who, as far as I can remember, have never expressed interest in these social gatherings, are suddenly going. This 2007, the world certainly has gone mad. Or at least, turned upside down many, many times.

Then there's summer. Ah, summer. That word that strikes images of old, grainy films with a bunch of kids in swimming trunks running around on the grass next to a lake. Oh, and beaches. Lots of beaches. Meadows... oh wait, that's spring.

So anyhow, ever since I began blogging, something people know about me (or at least, can observe) is the lack of plans I make for summer before summer. Well, that's largely due to the fact that during summers, I don't do anything. I think of it as my "time to destress".

Unfortunately, I'm sick of "destressing" for two months every year, so this year, I'm making plans [you don't know nothin' about]. Yes, I'm channeling that Kelly Pickler song.

Piano lessons - getting help from Spenceroo.
Voice Lessons - hoping to do this with Andrew
Youth for Christ - *long, eerie silence* Um... so. *longer, eerier, quiet-er silence* Yes, well, now that the shock's worn off, and your eyes are probably red from re-reading that line trying to decipher why you keep reading it wrong, the simple truth is... you're not. That's right. I'm joining a Roman Catholic Youth Orgy*cough*Imean-anization. There is an ineffable joy in God.
Getting in Shape - guess who's getting fit?

Then perhaps a language or two.

You know what? I'm tired of my life here.

I thought I had something really good going for me. In a matter of one year, that just flew out of the window. Canadaaa... wait for me.

Or at least some other school. I never wanna be reminded of anything that has to do with... it again.

I swear, those entries are coming up soon!

Hey, Destiny. You can call me "Master"

2007-03-04T21:15:00.000+08:00

When it’s dark in the morning and we’ve drunken the night away
And all the imposters have filed away
You and I will be left in that majestic ballroom of flashing lights,
Sweet drinks and lingering feelings
Bashful smiles and brash hurt

I’ll think of offering myself to you
And wish you could stay a year longer
And all the things that that would entail

I’ll dream of holding you on vinyl tiling
As we sway to hushed love songs and secretive whispers
And you’ll sway my way
All the while, we’re holding others.

But smoke will clear and I’ll see you can’t look in my direction
I’ll grudgingly understand that you mean to depart
And fleeting hellos couldn’t hold you back
So what chance does a quiet feeling in my heart have?

I’ll wish I could charm you, touch your arm and leave an impression
Maybe you could see through my imperfections if I let you
But would you?

I’ll long for sweet days, far, far away
In street-end cafés deep into the night,
International airports at 5 in the morning
And I could memorize every detail on your face
And I’ll realize that I love you more than anything in the world

If I cry, would that move you?
If I die, would you ever know?
If I left ahead of you, would you be as torn as I will be?
If I kissed you, would the lofty thoughts of summers in lakes,
Plane rides over oceans, cheering at competitions, sharing iced cream cones,
Holding hands, staring at evening skies, dances on kitchen floors,
Pondering how and why we met, smiles, radiance, love, poignancy and regret
Pour into your heart; strike it, flush red and alive for me?

I’ll watch you across the dance floor, not really dancing
But not really knowing I exist, outside of your perfect world
And I’ll watch you ebb away from hallowed, harrowed halls
And I’ll break my heart trying to understand
Why a Sunday morning in a hotel room
Is a future that could never be
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Post-Prom angst.

Who knew so many things could happen in the Prom?

Jess.

The above poem is just a little something I created after several repeated bursts of inspiration post-prom. I dunno... something about the glitz of it all.

I will blog about it soon, but not now. I have English to cram. Night, folks. Enjoy!

Hopefully, when summer kicks in, the Chinese pictures will make a comeback!

抖著怕著懮著向徑步

2007-02-27T19:48:00.000+08:00

Few things can shake me to the core.

One of the few things that make my really weak all over is the thought of the future.

Call it a simple fear of the unknown, or a fear of leaving High School unfulfilled, but I am certainly terrified, and definitely not sure that I've done all that I could've in High School.

I don't wanna face the world.

Some intense P.E. + Unplugged + Irresponsible Parents = ?

2007-02-24T17:36:00.000+08:00

Fridays, Fridays, Fridays.

I think someone should ban them. Especially the latter p.m. hours.

Yeah, see, first of all, I got to P.E. second after Marvin (Mendoza), and, since Mr. Zabala declared it free time, we got to playing all the way til about ten minutes before time, at which point we just watched John (sp?) Gan singelhandedly beat the crap out of the guy we know online as Redwense (forgot his real name), and Joesan Soon. It was fun, really.

Anyhow, at first I could beat Marvin, then he started beating me, and I got really weak and tired. By the end of the whole thing, my shoulder and shoulder blade were hurting. This morning, I realized my entire right leg was painful, too. Wow, I suck these days.

So then after that, I went to Unplugged, which was quite delayed. Kenn and I practiced a little more (with Ye laoshi going all 偷聽 on us because she wanted a sneak preview). We got in and it was freezing cold, but we just sat there. I was terrified, because I had neglected to bring my jacket. Why did the jacket matter so much?

Well, during Flying Solo, that Likas Gilas thingy with Jeffrey Hidalgo as a guest star, I sang... and I kept running out of breath because of the cold. So we sat through the first performance, with Hazel Wong commentating and the whole Chinese department singing. Jerry Fong (Fung? Feng? Fang?) was doing a solo with Bro. Ang. I turned around and saw Raphie sitting there. He waved hi. I smiled back unsteadily in thanks.

When they finished, it was ... US!!! I went upstage and started giving my reflection on the song. I just kept talking and talking... so eventually, I had to cut myself off. Then I started singing. I lost my breath on the first few lines actually.

It was okay, though. From where I was standing, I could see Demi Tian and Amanda Lu singing along with me for support. It felt uplifting.

Eventually, I finished, and inwardly lauded Kenn's absolutely striking performance. I felt good. Like this weight had been lifted off my chest.

Priscilla Chang sang 遇見 by 孫燕姿. An amazing song all in all.
Amanda Lu and Sherwin Su sang 一千零一個願望.
Ian Ronato sang Burn by Tina Turner and Broken by Amy Lee and that guy.
Demi Tian and Bro. Ang sang this song.
Then Yolly Reyes and Maria Go sang this song.

All in all, very not bad. There was even a joss stick ceremony before everything that really warmed me with its scent before I sang.

Afterwards, everyone kept telling me I did well. Seriously, I didn't.

I went home at about eight. After several very confusing phonecalls, eventually, I realized that Joel not only could not make it 5:30 like I said, but was still in Laguna all the way til ten! Gina and Rosanna took a cab to pick me up under mom's orders.

Yeah, mom and dad were using the driver, and somehow neglected to mention that they were going to be in Laguna till late, late in the night.

Oh well. A tiring but okay-ish week.

Chem Magic

2007-02-20T19:15:00.000+08:00

I was terrified, really.

I flunked the Chinese Yue Du and English Saving Private Ryan quiz. I thought that the third time would be the charm, and lead me to completely die of shame in the Chem Magic.

But there IS a God after all.

Amazingly, even though the practice the day before was more sabog than Pearl Harbor, today, there was something different that you could taste in the air. This was it. The second we entered the lab, and saw the vines that Jacques (and the props group) had strung up around the lecture area, where we'd painstakingly practiced all those many times, I felt like I was in one of those scenes in those movies where the lead walks into a place that's really important and there's this uplifting instrumental music and a pan of the area. It was wicked. We ran around like headless chickens for a while, but eventually got everything tied down in the right way. After snapping a picture, we all went over to the opposite lab for a prayer, some instructions and an introduction, and Advanced's presentation.

It was strange in that I couldn't understand what was going on, and it just ended.

Strange. Anyhow, after that, it was our turn, and everyone ran to the lecture area to finally prepare. I took up the spotlight and turned it on, and the magic began.

It's a pity that I couldn't just sit around and not do anything. I was constantly moving the spot light, which I felt was a little unnecessary. Eventually, we finished, and... I mean, wow. Even I was blown away at how well it was executed.

I will be blunt. I think my class should win. But then again, who doesn't?

Sections H3AC and H3G did their things. A few notes: G's Flying Chin Attack (don't ask) was totally copied out of H2BC's Body Works last year. Wesley plays arrogant very well (he also thanked me for saying so a while ago). Manny is the MONSTER!!!

Anyway... that's all. The Chem Magic made my day. WHEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

Mr. Chua brought us back to the classroom afterwards, raving about how fantastic we'd done all the way from the Chem lab. He was particularly fond of the part where Dominic was trying to get the Smoke Bomb to spark, and failed three or four times with the match that kept blowing out, yelling, "I'm a chemist! I'm a chemist!" Hilarious!

Then Pohan produced the solution for the Exploding Chua Bears (don't ask. Haha!) and while it sparked, Dominic was "knocked away", and Lee suddenly produced a gun, yelled out charges (theft, murder, rape, etc...). And the whole time, Pohan was still holding the test tube with the scintillating gummy bear inside, searching frantically around the room for someone to hand it to when all of a sudden, Lee tells him, "Put that down!" then after a pause, "somewhere safe!".

And at the very end, Kenn, Lee and Dominic didn't follow the vapid exit motion... instead, Kenn yelled, "Oh, no, it's prepaid!" Lee replied, "And so?", to which Kenn finally called out the punchline, "We have no load!"

END!!!!!!! Bwahahahahahaha! I love our group.

Afterwards, Mr. Chua further expressed how proud he was of us, and that made me proud, too.

He deserves it, after all. After getting cut from the Variety Show, he deserves all the pride and happiness he can still have.

你說你要的世界在很遠, 我不了解．分手就分手, 別把話說得太美.

2007-02-19T19:32:00.000+08:00

- X-Men 3
- War of the Worlds
- Souvenir of Canada
- Superman 3
- Griffin & Phoenix
- Equilibrium
- Ultraviolet
- Star Wars 4, 5, and 6
- The Craft
- The Da Vinci Code
- Superman Returns
- Casino Royale
- Click
- Mission Impossible III
- The Devil Wears Prada
- The Break-Up
- My Super Ex-Girlfriend
- ~~Constantine~~
- The Lake House

Of this list of movies, I can now safely cross Constantine out.

And then, yesterday, I watched Music & Lyrics, a rather interesting movie starring Drew Barrymore and Hugh Grant. I loved the retorts. Although I don't get how sleeping with someone can be "professional" unless you're a prostitute, and believe me, Drew's character was NOT prostitute-y.

Interesting.

I swear to God, I loved the retorts! Such a wicked movie!

Here's a cool video of this dude who sounds like a cross between Leehom and Jay Chou, but is nowhere as artistically capable as either. Very pop. But that's the fun in it all.

"男傭" by 吳克群

This is the first part of a movie called "In The Mood For Love", which Kennzo might recognize as the prequel to his oh-so-beloved "2046", also starring Tony Leung Chiu Wai. I'm not sure about 2046, but In The Mood For Love, also known as 花樣年華 ("Years Like Flowers"), is quite unique in Chinese cinema for making large, unrestricted use of Shanghainese--unprecedented except by Ang Lee, in a movie wherein the girl used a Wu dialect to speak with her parents. In this case, it's the well-known (sort of) Shanghainese singer from the 60's, Rebecca Pan, a.k.a. Poon Dik-Wah.

Isn't it a pity that it would have to be in a film in a completely different culture that finally Shanghainese as a language would come out? Seriously, those blockheads in Beijing ought to let the Shanghainese do what they want. Beijingers...

But on the film itself. Wow... now I know what Kenn says when he refers to something as a "piece of art". I was getting lost in the story, and everything was extremely fuzzy at some parts--as in I did not know where the story was or was going at all. But after watching the whole movie (and going back to rewatch several parts), I can honestly say that I love the movie. It was subtly done, with sensitive acting, and a kind of quiet longing in the characters that you can never really quite place. The emotions aren't categorized in this film; they're all over the place, and that adds to the effect and stark reality that real life can't be filed away into boxes in your heart. The truth is, everything is scattered unless you make the effort to sort it all out. For me, I kind of like the scattered emotions--a whole burst of feeling in one go is better than increments and threads of it coming out in a steady stream.

Now this video, my friends, is something I have long since loved. It's a music vid by Sugarland and Bon Jovi (maaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnyyyyy thanks to Alexis for introducing them to me, especially this song), and it's called "Who Says You Can't Go Home". I love it! Tune, voice and lyrics, and all.

Philosophy Club

2007-02-16T21:44:00.000+08:00

There have been close to 100 realizations that have occurred over the past two months that have spontaneously sprung to life inside my mind during a wholly inappropriate moment (Math tests (especially Math tests), rides in the car, when I'm about to be late for homeroom, when i'm singing the national anthem, some crack my classmate makes, something i overhear some teachers saying, etc...

And all if them have gone down the drain because I have failed to jot them down or remember where I jotted them down, or completely forgotten what I meant to say when I jotted them down such that the notes make absolutely no sense to me.

So today, I headed over to the Chapel with Mr. Maraña and 5 H4 Xaverians in tow. We took one side of the chapel--the prayer group thing took the other side.

It was great. I realized could remember more ideas than I thought I could. There was that recent business of the Octopus (which I completely angsted about to a friend, mostly how I hadn't realized how much I missed riding rides until I had ridden one, and I missed that adrenaline). What began as a simple tradition (I ride the Octopus every year in the school fair) turned into a sweet obsession that I couldn't seem to get enough of (I ended up riding it thrice). When we entered the chapel, we all sat down and we began talking. Mr. Maraña first offered us some Pezz (double "z" right?), accompanied by a simple anecdote of his childhood, then mentioned how graduation was on everyone's minds (they were in H4). This one guy who was super pilyo suddenly pointed at me and jokingly laughed "I'm so sorry." then later, "HA HA!!!!"

Then we started talking and, as is characteristic of teenage boys, and really, just boys, we ended up talking about girls and sex.

Mr. Maraña had some suprising and rather uncommon statistics on these topics. Yes, that's right, statistics.

Later on, people began leaving and we tied up "culture of the states, as opposed to that of the Philippines' ". Turns out, all these H4 dudes were students of Mr. Maraña's, I think. Or at least mentorees. Or people who had known Mr. Maraña at least slightly well for more than a week (I've "known" him well for about... one day now.)

Oh, and we started a tad late (4:41 in my watch, which means it was somewhere around 4:38 pm) so we consequently ended pretty late (5:53 in my watch).

Still, swapping ideas with those H4 guys (who looked kind of shallow at first, but turned out ... well, I wouldn't say as deep as I had hoped, but definitely did not disappoint--especially this one person sitting beside me that looked kind of like a jock but was suprisingly insightful) was so relieving for me. It's like, that whole part of me that needed this ineffable depth to be aired was so fulfilled, I felt really light inside for the first time in ages. That's something that, as hard as it is for me to admit, none of my friends can really give me.

And why is that? It's like Mr. Maraña said--this kind of stuff is taboo in normal society. We do surface things--never penetrating that glossed over surface of limelight and Fool's Gold. We may talk about simple, everyday events with ease and gusto, but if anyone dares to venture further, people back off and the buzz is stamped out.

Having that hour of complete freedom and, although I didn't really do much but get warmed up with the depth aspect, just knowing that I had the option was so absolutely liberating, I felt really deep and really high at the same time. It was nothing like Canada. But I loved it all the same.

I had this intense urge to mention intellectual orgasms quite a few times, and several instances would have allowed me to whip it out and garner laughs, but I refrained, because, I suppose, there was that stigma. I buried that hunger for depth (another one of Mr. Maraña's ideologies) long ago, and it's going to take lots of coaxing and change in environment to dig through all those shallow layers.

Perhaps I can never be Kenn-deep, because he's a completely different league on his own, but I'm gonna try to be Allen-deep as much as I can. I'm done with people telling me how to be. It hurts a lot.

Anyhow, when we finished, we had a little more Pezz and we headed off. He asked me what I intended to do over the weekend, and then eventually got me rolling on the whole Canada thing.

This is what surprised me.

I said some things that I had only just realized when I said them. I said that after Canada, I didn't wanna be here, and that the only things keeping me alive were those little things in between the big uber-topics (like Religion, Politics, Work and School), like Sunrise, and Anger, and Fears, and Riding Rides. I surprised myself, really. He looked quite affected by that.

Then he asked me if I was "into art... at all". I asked if he meant "The Arts" such as literature, etc... and I mentioned that I wrote a lot.

Next week, we do a repeat.

I felt so good. So daaaaang good.

Audren was having a bad few days. It was unnerving seeing him so down, and uncommunicative.

I'm sorry, Audren. But remember, Jess has his reasons. Have faith.

Break You

2007-02-12T13:00:00.000+08:00

Marion Raven is darkly beautiful, in a way that's classical and yet very contemporary. Enchanting.

The Movies That I Must Watch

2007-02-03T23:02:00.000+08:00

I have not seen a movie in God knows how long.

I mean a new one, in theatres. So let's count them down, shall we?

- X-Men 3
- War of the Worlds
- Souvenir of Canada
- Superman 3
- Griffin & Phoenix
- Equilibrium
- Ultraviolet
- Star Wars 4, 5, and 6
- The Craft
- The Da Vinci Code
- Superman Returns
- Casino Royale
- Click
- Mission Impossible III
- The Devil Wears Prada
- The Break-Up
- My Super Ex-Girlfriend
- Constantine
- The Lake House

Great, now I can just hand this list in to the lady at the video rental store.

Positive Feedback and Idealistic Exodus

2007-01-30T17:32:00.000+08:00

So I guess now I have time to talk about what's been happening lately.

A few weeks ago, I did a prayer for the school over the P.A. system in the morning in Chinese. I prepared for it for a week with Ye laoshi, and it went great--the response was good. Martin's class thought I was a teacher (yays).

Then this morning, I did a prayer with Lawrence at the General Assembly. While fretting over how long my hair was, how I would say things, where on Earth Ms. Magallona was, et al...

It was freezing cold this morning. I felt happy.

I got there at seven with Lawrence and we practised here and there, til Lee Panopio and Gabriel Juanengo came and hung around. Then the lady for the powerpoint came, so I patted my pocket for my flashdrive... it was not there! I remembered how I had left it on the computer table at home. SHIT!!!

I ran to her and raised Cain, worrying and trying to think of a plan, and many times, as I turned around in the still-empty HS gym, I smelled this flowery scent that reminded me so intensely of America (Minnesota), coupled with the cold weather, that I was struck immobile and rendered speechless for several moments. And I turned around and around, Windstruck style, and I could feel the intensity of the cold, and finally, I collected my wits and ran back to Lawrence to ask if I could have my copy of the prayer... only to see my flashdrive on top of it. *phew* I copied the powerpoint, gave instructions to the lady, and then waited.

People filled in.

Ms. Magallona was missing in action (she later says that she was watching). We go through the National Anthem and Pledge to the Flag before Lawrence and I walk up stage and stand there like idiots for about a minute while the lady and the Able services sort out the projector problem for our powerpoint. Yeah, we crammed this last night. Ms. Magallona even called to check up on us, and eventually we finished. I called Lawrence up, and his mom answered the phone. (We spoke in Hokkien. Wicked!) (Okay, so it was like 10 words tops. STILL!!!) Back to the present, eventually, the powerpoint shone, and I walked up to the Mic and read out St. Martina's biography from my cheat-sheet. It was then that I realized that it was more of a graphic-novel-like description of her death rather than a biography. It was then that I also realized that my legs were shaking. Seriously, I couldn't move them. They were just shaking and shaking... but my entire upper body was working fine. I wasn't even nervous... strange... involuntary reaction?

Anyway, Ye laoshi told me later that I did well, and 我的緊張聽不出來. Yay! Well, we also attempted to write Traditional Chinese. Laoshi wasn't bad at it. But we had a riot learning 鬱, which is just 郁 in Simplified. Mwahahaha!

So Lawrence said the prayer (with markedly less nervousness than me), and we descended from the stage and returned to our classes.

What a day!

I've been doing lots of these for the school lately... Let's wait 'til the Chinese mass and Unplugged.

[Idealistic Exodus comes next time!]

為你生, 為你死, 令我對我看不起

2007-01-23T19:02:00.000+08:00

First of all, Happy Birthday Kennzo!!! Seventeen... man, you're old! Hahaha! Joke! I prefer the term "mature".

You know what? JV has been an amazing friend throughout the years. Today proves it:

He basically suggested that I suggest opening a Hokkien club to Mrs. Abad. Amazing... I simply would not have thought of it.

I've already got all these ideas... we have Mrs. Lydia Uy, Maria Go, Benita Ngo, etc... they could teach Hokkien to us. They could teach us the colloquial pronunciation vs. the literary one, read poetry, refine our grammar... and it's a cultural shindig that, hopefully, the school will eat up.

The language of instruction will also be Hokkien...

Amazing. I'm gonna suggest it tomorrow...

Today, I had a 閱讀測驗 in Chinese. Funny!

Then a Filipino LT. I felt like crying after.

Then a Science Alternative Assessment make-up. I felt like crying even more after. We are destined to fail.

Then Kenn's birthday celebration thing. Aww... we surprised him. He's happy. That's more than I can ask for.

Then I had some Peppermint and went home. I felt dizzy and nauseous from the coffee.

Glorious Morning

2007-01-20T10:36:00.000+08:00

Friday, 19th of January, 2007

It took a bit of effort to get myself out of bed this morning. Eventually, I got myself out of the house, weighed down by several things. I had my normal school bag, a plastic bag with a pot inside it, a plastic bag with a plastic container and two kinds of wire whisks, the paper bag with expensive oils and beeswax, my water jug, my badminton racket, my bags for my P.E. clothes.

Just as we exited the gate, the first thing I saw (from the inside of the car) was a man (20 something) with a bike, yellow shirt, and an unforgettably euphoric grin on his face. Like a super-hot girl had just agreed to go on a date with him or something. I turned to my right. Another man, in his late 40's (probably) this time, also positively glowing with delight, white shirt and backpack, smiling one of those million dollar smiles that I'd missed seeing on my own face.

The car began to move. I realized that as it went, the smiles seemed to disappear, and the people were so... stoic. That dampened my spirits. On the lane that we lived in, the sun rose on its east side, while the road to school was to the west. Seldom had I seen the literally blinding sun, rising above the buildings and trees (complements of our Mayor's beautification project in time for this year's elections), spilling brilliant orange-gold sunlight all over our car. I can almost somehow... zoom out and above the road and imagine what I would look like, front seat of the car, light pouring in through the windshield, genuine smile.

I feel like I'll only ever be happy if I was sad before that.

But today, looking back through the windshield near the trunk, the car moving back and that eternally resplendent sunlight on that condo across the street getting farther and farther away, I felt so... regretful. Or repentful. And then I turned around and saw one person--a lady, pink top, also in her 20's, bag on her shoulder--on one slab of the blue-gray road lain thick with marigold, illuminated like a cold fireball had descended on that spot, and lit up her face like a million Christmas dinners.

She was smiling. And on the parts of the road that were covered by shadow, the other people were humble and nonchalant. I wanted to be like that woman, bathed in bright warmth and smiling because things were better, just better, and you couldn't and didn't have to explain it. It was what it was, and rationalizing could be so exhausting.

The car arrived in school and I walked towards my classroom, hundreds of feet away, still pondering my revelation.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Soc Sci came and went with a quiz.

We flunked our Science Alternative Assessment.

Filipino followed Soc Sci suit.

Math saw a continuation of our discussion on circles, dabbed with libido. (Unrelated: Mr. Sy was talking about his Junior Prom when this teacher from the other section knocked on the door. Mr. Sy was going, "No, I did not get my Prom Date drunk." then imitated the gesture of pouring wine into a glass. Then the teacher knocked again, and when Mr. Sy saw and hurried to the door, the whole class erupted with laughter.)

Our Chinese teacher got mad at us for being irresponsible students again.

English came with a discussion on Animal Farm and the sketching of our Fable characters.

P.E. came with the Intrams. We won... 5th place.
------------------------------------------------------------
I went to the ITC to sit and wait for Lawrence, who had told me he was free to practice Chinese today (that makes three days in succession).

While walking through the nearly deserted place, I saw a couple sitting in one of the dark-cream couches and realized they were parents attending the Family Interview for Gr. 7's entrance into H1. The guy's suit was... well, let's just say I'd kill to have one of those. Although Mom would say it'd make me look old.

Like that polo shirt we saw in Van Heusen. It was DAMN HOT!!!! But Mom said it makes me look old. Personally, I don't see what's wrong with it. It's my "style".

Anyhow, I keep moving til I see a teacher. It was Mrs. Lydia Uy (Gong laoshi, but I'm not sure which "gong" that's a surname it is... It could be 龔, 鞏, 宮, 公, 貢 or any other Gong's that I don't know about). We had a very interesting discussion on Filial Piety. At the same time, I learned a ton of Hokkien, like 體諒 (theh diong) and 驕傲 (kiao ngo). But moreover, I was surprised that I could actually understand most of the stuff she was saying, even when it was getting deep. She'd say stuff that, I'm pretty sure my mom would say, people usually only find in textbooks. I felt really proud of and surprised at myself, because I could put what she was saying together in my head instead of getting completely lost. Still, it took a bit of effort. Guess it means I better be practicing my Fukien more...

Lawrence and I later went upstairs and started talking to laoshi and Lawrence began chickening out and stuff (but all things were resolved). Eventually, I started teaching Lawrence the complexities, and the beauty, of the Hokkien dialect, namely Hokkien-to-Mandarin conversion (Mandarin "f" becomes either a "h" or a "p" in Hokkien), Colloquial and Literary pronunciations of the same characters (大 can be "tua" or "tai"), that Hokkien indeed has a tonal system (of 7), voiced initials, some grammar, vocabulary and such. All very interesting and fun.

Then laoshi and I started teaching him about Weather and the Seasons. At about six, we went home.
----------------------------------------------------------
Here's a Mr. Sy joke for you all:

Q: What's the difference between a hormone and a vitamin?

A: Well, you can't make a vita min.

(Yes, those're two words.)

Now go to this page:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=166296&songID=1128512

And enjoy the music. Lyrics are here:

"Kite High!" by Sacha Sacket

Driving on a newfound road
I’m riding on my favorite road
Hand’s out surfing on the wind
I’m lost in all the Ülster green

Heading out for Malibu
To slide inside the mercury
I’m no longer scared of seaweed
I’ve got nothing left to be

I’m Kite High!
Nothing’s gonna stand in my way ever
I don’t need one reason why

Everyone is holy
Everyone is holy
And I’m just waiting here to see
How far faith can throw me

‘Cause they were screaming for me
Lost inside an angry sea
So sure those were dark shark fins
But I just saw the dolphins

I’m Kite High!
Nothing’s gonna stand in my way ever
And I don’t need one reason why

I’m Kite High!
Nothing’s gonna stand in my way ever
I don’t have one reason why

We're meant to be; the stars are screaming it

2007-01-12T21:44:00.000+08:00

I checked Wikipedia. My opposite (in this case, the good opposite/the natural partner) as a Gemini is a Sagittarius. I knew it.

Haaaaay.

Thursday:

I got called by Mr. Santos and we just sort of reviewed that sheet that I filled up last year, for guidance. I hadn't realized how much I'd changed since.

Ate up all of Soc. Sci.

While I was trying to talk, my really bad cough and cold got in the way and I had to keep pausing to negotiate this bad sore throat that I couldn't clear. Plus, a lot of phlegm.

Anyhow, Lee Panopio brought along this strange fake gun thing (CAT? I don't think he's part of it though) to English class, and then Ms. Magallona asked if they could use it for some activity. He replied, "You want to play with my stick?"

Long, blank silence.

Then, we made Julius Caesar sound like a really gay book. Ms. Magallona herself even commented once, "We chose Julius Caesar for H3 because supposedly, it's the novel without any sex, but my God, this class..." And then that day, "You even made fun of the word, "ho", I mean, c'mon..."

Yeah, see the characters in the book kept saying, "Peace, ho!" or "Stand, ho!" or "*random word*, ho!" and every single time, we'd over-emphasize it. Hilarious! And Ms. Magallona was really cool about it, laughing and laughing along with us. Wicked!

And then there were... Titinius and Clitus... whose names appeared quite frequently in the book, and Clitus' (assigned to Richmond) name was repeated by almost every character in Act 5 rofl.

Also, Science time, Mr. Chua had a fit because while I tried to teach in class, all of us were noisy and wouldn't listen, so he made us learn Combined Gas Law in 15 minutes. Quite effective, if you ask me. The class sure learned its lesson. The following day (today), the class paid attention.

Last, for Thursday, I had a "session" with Ye laoshi and Lawrence. It was... not very fruitful. Next time!

So, today... I was asked by Laoshi to do the prayer, and I had to rewrite it the day before. Then I wrote it this morning and went up. Then laoshi came up shortly after and said she was there to say the prayer in case I didn't show up. I asked if she didn't believe I would show up. She said she did, but she knew sometimes people might get caught in traffic or something might happen (as apparently, that's what happened last year). So we practiced one more time, and she told me to read slower.

I said the prayer, and laoshi told me I did really well. I went back down. The only person that even considered it was me was Hamilton, who was outside and had just written out the attendance sheet when I arrived. He said, "Nice one, Allen."

I said a shaky thanks and went inside. No one commented, much to my relief.

I was very nervous. I dunno why, though.

We also finally performed in Chinese. We did quite well, I think, although Kenn missed some of the important lines that we'd be graded on, he kept the whole thing running the whole time, and for that, I'm thankful. It's over. But I also got regrouped. From the original Kenn, Walt, Mark (Ong), Audren and me, it's now Henry, Audren, Kurt (See), Spencer and me.

Oh and speaking of which, Spencer and I have been talking lately. That's very strange. Mostly about Heroes. He liked Heroes 5 and 4.

Speaking of, a while ago, during the Gathering (yes, the Gathering), we were asked what kind of heroes we wanted to be. I imagined the ability to control water (since that just utterly fascinates me), but then I thought of the ability to heal people. Just imagine--if I could do that, I could take away peoples' pain. I think that's a very powerful gift--to be able to ease their suffering.

I'd love to be able to do that for some people.

I flunked so many quizzes today.

Soc Sci, English, but not Math. Thank God.

I got my card, too, and I got an 85 in math, when i was convinced the highest i'd get was an 80.

99 in Chinese, and I wasn't even trying. My goodness.

90 in English... Boo.

At least Filipino was reasonably okay.

C.L.E. 95 hth... (How the hell?????)

Thus ends another blog entry.

Some quotes from teachers:

Mr. Sy

- "Choking the chicken!"

- "Rubbers!"

- "I'm married... that's like the living death already."

- mr. Sy (that decapitalized "mr" will kill the O.C. people. I love being cruel.): "*in reference to Mrs. Manatad* You know who's a good teacher?" *points to the classroom where she is currently teaching*
Stanly: "So you bow down to her?"
Mr. Sy: *pretends to bow down* "I am not worthy to lie in her dirty bath water." *grimaces at self*
Raphie: That's horrible!
Kenn: Have you ever been there?
Mr. Sy: *bad sign*

ms. (CRUELTY to the O.C.!!!) Magallona:

- Ms. Magallona: "Given Brutus' premium on honor, do you agree ... *reads the rest of the question, that asks whether you agree that how Brutus died, given his view on honor.*"
Henry: Do you mean we have to give other ways to die?

So that's all folks! Have a great weekend! (I know I will)

Sometimes, it's hard

2007-01-09T18:27:00.000+08:00

It's hard to wake up in the morning. It's hard to force my body out of bed and keep my engine running the whole day because sometimes, it just gets so damn hard to think and keep up with everyone. It hurts to talk, it hurts to think, it hurts to smile... I mean, I never thought I'd get to that point, where even my smiles could be used against me. God, it hurts to even breathe.

And Gian wonders why I'm always so morose, as he puts it.

Everyone has their own motivation. Everyone's got that force pushing them forward when they need to rest and want to lag behind, or pulling them along when they get lazy. Lately, I feel like I haven't got enough of that force on my back, or around my wrists.

Maybe I just need someone or something to fall back on. I just feel like I've lost a lot last year, and I'm hoping this year pulls itself together for me, because I seriously don't think I could deal with it if my life fell apart any more.

And no, this isn't me angsting it out. This is me trying to actually assess what's wrong and how I can fix it, if I can at all.

Hmm... I hope summer works out better than this year. It's been a year of changes, and that's hurt me a lot. I've lined up a whole bunch of activities this summer to keep me busy, and maybe get out there and meet some people so that I won't be so tied down.

Maybe sitting sleepy has worked before, but it's killing me right now.

I really wanna go to Canada. I actually pretty much envy those people that got to go there. I had originally just wanted to get out of here because there really wasn't a lot going for me a few years back (3 i think). Just a lame, day-to-day thing for me. Then I got the barkada together and it was something fresh and different and I just wanted to get in there and live it up with them, and who knew? Maybe I'd formed the kada that could stay together through it all.

Now that a lot of the stuff that's kept me wanting to be here has disintegrated, I haven't really got a lot to stick around for.

And so, for the first time in what's been ages, I'm going to say it out loud: I am going to Canada. I used to just need it--well now it's a decision.
=============================================

Mr. Hernando came into class yesterday and in the first few minutes had chastised us on this certain blogger on Tabulas (yes, TABULAS, so I'm out of the question) that apparently slammed him. Well, I can't say I'm sorry for the guy.
Honestly, Mr. Hernando is a good person, I'm sure of that, but I am positive that he is not the right teacher for our class.

Mr. Hernando was first reprimanding us, and then all of a sudden, it became something of a contest about who was better than who. We were just High School Kids, and he had an Ateneo diploma, so he was better than us. We were spoiled rich brats and he was this street-smart whatever, so he was better than us. I understand where he's coming from, but the lengths he went through to press his point, and the things he said just lowered my opinion of him much, much more.

And there's that business with Fr. Guy that seems to be making a comeback with Mr. Hernando. He was over-generalizing us again. I have never, in my life, laughed at his accent. Ever. How dare he assume that because of ONE person's blog, the other THIRTY SIX are like that as well? How can he assume we have the same sentiments? It's not fair of him to do that.

So it's a pride issue, and an attitude issue.

Fr. Guy asked us to 'give him a chance'. We did. A whole quarter's worth of chances. I'm sure now, thank you very much. He's not the right teacher for us--Fr. Guibelondo is.

I need to talk to Fr. Guy about this.
=======================================

I've been having a lot of revelations lately. But then again, I've also been forgetting them. Often.

You see, when I have a revelation or sudden stroke of inspiration, it's usually at extremely inopportune moments (like examen, or during a very hard Filipino test). Then I say I'll write it down later, and then completely forget to do so--heck, I even forget that I even had a revelation!

I suppose it's God's way of telling me that those revelations are really only to be cherished in the moment. Thing is, I really wanna share them with you devoted (HAH!) readers (double HAH!) of my blog.

That's another thing. I've been attributing a lot of things to God lately. Everything that happens to me, I'm somehow able to automatically trust that He has a plan for me (and even though I can't remember how right now, it was actually proven that there is a reason for the things that happen to me). I feel like I've really gotten closer to God (wherever he is, and however "being close" to God feels like) over the past few months. I'm definitely much more faithful than I was last year.

And can you believe, I've actually started praying at night, just before I go to sleep. It's not something I do rigidly--usually when I remember to (that's quite often). What's so amazing about that? You might ask. I mean, hey, loads of people pray before they go to sleep.

Well, you see, it's special and amazing to me, because praying before I go to sleep is something I have never done before these past several times. Not even as a child.

And the things I pray for are so much... better. I always pray for mom and dad, and their happiness (whatever that may mean for them, because it seems to be in such short supply these past few years), whereas before, I prayed quite a lot for them to understand me. Well, those prayers of mine were never answered, but suddenly, having them understand me doesn't seem as important as making an effort to understand them.

Although, that's not to say that I would never want them to understand me. In fact, just a while ago, while listening to Mr. Chua's lecture and his oh-so-...explosive demonstration (haha, Panopio), I was thinking back to those days when I'd beg mom "Please, ma, just listen to me." and that look she'd have on her face that completely rejected me. I felt so frustrated that I couldn't get her to listen to me. It hurt. A lot, actually.

I guess all things do come to those who wait, because now, she's the one begging me to open up to her, and it feels good to make her feel what she made me feel back then, and not feel a grain of guilt when she gets frustrated at me for being impatient, or taciturn with her. You really have to walk a mile in someone else's shoes before you can understand them. Or rather, you really have to make someone walk a mile in your shoes before they will learn.

Well, I think I've ranted enough for today. Good day, folks!

I'm still waiting.

我們的愛就像天戀地

2007-01-06T09:17:00.000+08:00

Yes, I'm blogging. BLOGGING!!!!

There are several things I need to address, as they have been coming to me like baseballs out of a machine the last few weeks.

1. Aaron Lines music = Canada
2. Dreams
3. Mahjong!!!
4. iPod Nano
5. Going back to school
6. Driving lessons
7. Levels of fluency in Chinese

These are the things that've been running around in my head all month.

1. I was listening to Aaron Lines' Old Days New the other night on my iPod. It was dark in the room, 9 or 10 pm, and I was on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I tried to listen to the lyrics, because I seemed to have forgotten them already, and when I did, something about the texture of his voice, or the things I imagined when I heard the words, or the tune, or something just fractured inside me. All those times that I'd said "I miss Canada." were usually just putting words to something I knew that somehow I really felt inside, but at the moment, couldn't exactly call up. In short, I didn't really wholeheartedly mean it when I said "I miss Canada."

But that night, it was like that song was the final push through the brick wall of numbness around (as corny as it sounds) my heart. Because for me, my heart is where I store all my feelings, everything I've ever felt, but I've been able to somehow encase them in something of a quod of numbness such that I am not automatically tearing up every time I call up a feeling.

And whatsmore, I had already begun to somehow fear that I'd grown used to not missing Canada; that perhaps I'd numbed myself out and would never be able to feel what I used to feel for Canada way back when. The truth of the matter was that I just had to adapt--stop talking about it and thinking about it and move on.

But that night, that night I was really touched. That song knocked down the last brick and I felt so hurt and vulnerable and frustrated and passionate and alive because I knew that I loved Canada and the months and years couldn't weather that. That somewhere, deep down, under the right circumstances and situations (and music), there was a way that I could break through to that well inside of me where all those loving, lovely memories of Canada and the feelings I've always harbored for it are just there, waiting for me to tap into them again and drink up like there's no tomorrow.

I really think, and believe that that experience somehow... humanized me quite a bit. It was good to feel those feelings about Canada. Actually, it was good to just feel.

I don't care what some of you might say (I think you know who you are), I love Canada, and that's that.

2. I've had some dreams lately. Actually, not just lately. A few months now. Mostly about Henrison and Jackie. See, at one certain point in time, they were my two best friends in the world.

Then, at another certain point, I lost both of them. Just like that. Nothing stays, does it?

And then the dreams started. There was this one where Henrison and I were just talking to each other. He was laughing (something he hasn't done in my presence for a while now), and I was throwing in some retorts.

That struck a cord in me. Why? Well, talking isn't something we really do much anymore. Just talking, like normal, was amazing.

And then... I woke up. And went to school.

With Jackie, it's not so much talking as remembering some of the things we did. It was like a film of old memories all knitted together in one dream. There was that first time we met at her house, then when we talked at the Couples thing at her house again, and then the first gimmick with her, and with Lyndon and Adrienne, then the variety shows, and talking with her on the phone.

So far away.

I just felt sick when I woke up. At myself.

Then the other night, I read the gigantic card that they gave me during my birthday last year. And everything Jackie wrote there... I wonder if she meant any of it? Or if she did, I wonder if she still means it. All those texts she sent reassuring me--where are those now?

I felt like crying.

3. On to lighter things (no, John Mayer will not like me at all), over the last few days of last year, I learned to play a nifty little game called Mahjong. While the whole world was abroad or having gimmicks or spending time with their families, I was playing Mahjong with my grandmother and brothers. You see, I began watching this movie on YouTube (yes, EVERYTHING is on YouTube these days) called "Kung Fu Mahjong 2" ("雀聖 2: 自摸天后" Although 雀 literally means sparrow, here, it's used as a shortened version for 麻雀, which is the Cantonese/Hokkien term for "Mahjong" (麻將 is Northerner/Shanghainese). So if we were to translate the title literally, with 雀 to signify Mahjong, it would go, "Mahjong Sage 2: The Goddess of Self-Pick"). Anyhow, I found how Fanny, the main character, would yell out "自摸!" very interesting... and decided I wanted to do it myself.

So I asked Ahngin to teach me Mahjong. After about five minutes, I had gotten the hang of it and asked my brothers to play with me (bringing the total number of players in the family to a grand total of four).

So watch this video: It's the first part of Kung Fu Mahjong. Take note of what Fanny says from 01:59 seconds until 02:50 seconds. I'll transcribe it below:

Fanny: (draws a 三銅) 自摸! 清一色銅子! (draws a 七萬) 自摸! 混一色對對糊!

Other ladies: 差住! 差住! 差住! 差住! ...

Fanny: 自摸! 發財么九對對碰!

That's what I wanna do!

And on the last day of break before school... on the last game I played that night, I got a 自摸. Life was good.

As soon as school came, I started asking people who played. Kyle, Jacques, Edrian, Paolo, Pierre, Rod and Ivan all play. Kenn apparently does, but I'm not too sure. Walter used to, but doesn't anymore. Ryle plays on his cellphone. Enrico wants to learn.

Why does NO one know how to play Mahjong? Sad, sad batch.

Kyle is very good though--he plays frequently, and he apparently knows all the terms in Hokkien. Very cool.

Anyway, I'm arranging some sort of Mahjong party on the 13th (Saturday) just for four of us, so we can play, and who knows? It might become a habit.

Apparently, He (何) Laoshi (that's right, Hazel Wong, people) also plays. Apparently, she's been playing since she was five. How old is she now, like... 30 something? She's year of the ox... so...

Elsewhere, a lot of Chinese teachers know how to play. Very nice. I will have to organize something.

MAHJONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. I bought myself an iPod Nano. It's blue. I love it. I miss having an iPod. And this time, this one is all mine. No sharing with brothers. No more having to wash out their songs and put in mine.

Damnit, I should've gotten the red one. Oh well.

It's great to have portable music with you everywhere. Whenever you feel the need to listen to a tune, just whip the iPod out and you're a few spins on the wheel away.

5. Going back to school has just been a serious headache. I've fallen asleep in class more times these past few days than I have the whole year. That's all I've got to (and need to) say about that.

6. DRIVE!!!!!!!!! I can drive! Yes, yes, I can!

Well... sort of. Andrew and Alex did a good job of making sure I learned to drive the manual before the automatic. The first time, I killed the engine a few times because I kept forgetting to press down on the clutch or something. By the end of the night, I was able to go forward and reverse already, but very badly.

Today, I got started with the automatic, since the manual had been taken by the driver to do some errands. I drove it like a pro! MAN!!! The automatic is LOADS better than the manual.

No clutch, no weird waiting, no slow-release of whatever and then slow-press down on whatever just ME AND THAT BABY!!!!!

Driving gooooood.

7. Levels of Chinese. Strangely, my Mandarin did not suffer at all over the break, although I hadn't even thought a single word of Mandarin. Actually, the break was all-Cantonese, such that my Taishanese has suffered immensely, as I now have this strange, off-kilter accent when I speak it. My Fukien is fine as always. I shall practice Taishanese!

So ELSEWHERE, here's what my playlist looks like right now:

阿杜 - 下雪
陳奕迅 & 梁漢文 - 拔河
許志安 - 爛泥
劉德華 - 練習
光良 - 都是你
光良 - 第一次
陳慧琳 - 兩個世界
周傳雄 - 寂寞沙洲冷
陳奕迅 - 兄妹
陳奕迅 - 單車
陳奕迅 - 大開眼戒
陳奕迅 - 明年今日
陳奕迅 - 全世界失眠
孫楠 - 燃燒
張智霖 - 愛情已死
古巨基 - 愛得太遲
古巨基 - 愛與誠
古巨基 - 夢中人
王心凌 - 我會好好的
陳慧琳 - 心太軟
陳慧琳 - 體會
郭富城 - 愛的呼喚
陳奕迅 - 十面埋伏
陳奕迅 - 夕陽無限好
周杰倫 - 髮如雪
周杰倫 - 晴天
許志安 - 他送你回來以後
陳慧琳 - 對你太在乎

Note: This is my Chinese-Only playlist. I have English and Filipino songs as well. Don't be afraid.

I Still Write You Poems

2006-12-28T19:53:00.000+08:00

It's funny how I can go and toss up the oldest Cantonese song I know with the most archaic lyrics and all the depth that I could ever hope for, but in the end... in the very, very end, when all's been said and done, and I've memorized the lyrics and what it means and put it in my heart, it could never mean more to me than the lyrics of some other, comparatively simpler Mandarin or Cantonese songs. Perhaps it's the way they're just a raw declaration of the feelings the artist harbors, or the way the words stick to me right away and it's a no fuss way of understanding the song, but I've inwardly cried and died over those simpler songs countless times more than the deeper ones.

I will list some of the lyrics of some of the songs that have moved me (prepare for an onslaught of Chinese):

霍建華 - 你好就好

只要你好就好 你好就好
其他的我不計較
就算我會煩惱
就算我會焦躁
就算我會被忘掉 (I just about died when I heard this line. It's like... gaaaah, ouch ouch ouch...)

劉德華 - 練習

我已開始練習　開始慢慢著急著急這世界沒有你
已經和眼淚說好不哭泣但倒數計時的愛該怎麼繼續

我天天練習　天天都會熟悉在沒有你的城市裡

陳慧琳 - 我會掛念你

我會掛念你 當分開千里
就算我世界有繽紛天與地
我眼內仍是你

傳達遠方聽筒裡熟識聲線
期望你會好好開始一天 (This line is amazing)
臨睡我會以一張照片可再見

陳慧琳 - 兩個世界

兩個世界　應該在哪裡交彙
或許我　對愛有著太多的無聊體會

周杰倫 - 安靜

我會學著放棄你是因為我太愛你

陳奕迅 & 梁漢文 - 拔河

你別再拔河
真心不是誰比誰坎坷
能捨才能得
淚水不能解幸福的渴

張信哲 - 不要對他說

哭得累了的你看來睡得好無辜
在你耳邊輕輕說出最後的要求
不要對他說出一樣的話
不要對他說夜里會害怕
別說你多晚都會等他的電話
別說你只喜歡他送的玫瑰花
因為這些是我僅有殘留的夢

不要對他說一樣的話語
不要對他說你總是愛的太懮郁
別說你最渴望他能為你而淋雨
我願忍受折磨
獨自去擁有曾經的溫柔

光良 - 都是你

想念的心裝滿的都是你
我的鋼琴彈奏的都是你
我的日記寫滿的都是你的名

陳慧琳 - 短消息

有些事情　你永遠不會忘記
我猜這就是刻骨銘心
...
我多麼愛你　又多麼想你
...
明明想忘記　卻藏著痕跡
多麼痛恨這樣矛盾的情緒

陳慧琳 - 對你太在乎

對你太在乎 沒什麼抱負 能不能明天再結束
我要你在乎是要你放慢腳步只想彼此都不厭惡

劉德華 - 狠心的一課

在未來我應該怎麼做
...
結束後請永遠忘了我
...
我脆弱我真的無話可說

王菲 - 紅豆

我們一起顫抖會更明白甚麼是溫柔
...
可能從此以後學會珍惜天長和地久
...
有時候有時候我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候沒有甚麼會永垂不朽
...
等到風景都看透也許你會陪我看細水長流

陳慧琳 - 紅絲帶

我已有禮物他有嗎
當我要喝便有茶
不快樂嗎
...
若然我快樂有余可轉贈嗎
若與他分享更歡樂嗎

古巨基 - 愛得太遲

來日別操心　趁你有能力開心
世界有太多東西發生　不要等到天上俯瞰

周杰倫 - 晴天

還要多久我才能在你身邊
等待放晴的那天也許我會比較好一點

陳奕迅 - 全世界失眠

想起白天的約會忘了晚上的咖啡
...
一個人失眠全世界失眠
...
如何想你想到六點如何愛你愛到終點
...
想起我的時候你會不會
好像我一樣不能睡

孫楠 - 燃燒

你　躲在我心裡　讓我有心跳　忘了你我就活不了
...
愛　已經不太重要　重要的只是　我忘了把你忘掉

劉德華 - 肉麻情歌

我慶幸我明白簡單一個愛
喔~我多瘋我多怪就妳最明白
我呼吸我開心因為妳存在
隨妳說命歹我幸運才得到妳的愛

陳奕迅 - 十面埋伏

分開一千天　天天盼再會面
只怕使你　先找到我
但直行直過　天都幫你去躲
躲開不見我

周杰倫 - 珊瑚海

海鳥跟魚相愛
只是一場意外
我們的愛(我們的愛)
差異一直存在

許志安 - 時差

我慢你半步　請別逃　離別我你太早
我慢了半步　想不到　拿著交給我的激情
還給你感情　誰料天色已蒼老

許志安 - 他送你回來以後

他送妳回來以後
我常一個人到外頭走走
我以為我至少可以想通一個爛理由
他送妳回來以後
我假裝沒有太多的難受
這樣有一天妳真的要走不必我點頭

陳慧琳 - 體會

莫讓夜裡充滿傷心的氣味
　然而事實總相違　你的容顏難淹滅
亂了心扉　亂了時間　白天夢迴夜不睡
　心在反覆糾結　好不疲倦　不曾埋怨
願你體會　一一體會　多少心碎多少醉
　是淚或是笑靨　全是為你　真情絕對　不曾改變

王菲 - 天空

我的天空為何掛滿濕的淚　
我的天空為何總灰的臉
...
但願天空不再掛滿濕的淚　
但願天空不再塗上灰的臉

劉德華 - 天生天養

天生天養邊走邊唱
聆聽自己的心至上
不理風向
沒華麗的色相
面對天空開個唱

王心凌 - 我會好好的

我是想著你一直想著你你在我心底變成了秘密
...
不要說你愛我你想我如果你的心裡沒有這麼做
...
我要你默默走不回頭我會清楚明白你要的是什麼
...
到現在還是深深的深深的愛著你
是愛情的友情的都可以

言承旭 - 我是真的真的很愛你

誰叫我已愛你成性
總有一天可以用力緊緊抱住你
畢竟繼續的呼吸也要有點目的

阿杜 - 下雪

爽約了諾言
白茫茫的世界碎成雪
...
終於在下雪　意味著離別
我心頭的雪　不知還有多久才融解

許志安 & 韓紅 - 相愛多年

讓我如何忘記　忘記曾經相愛的諾言
讓我如何忘記　忘記你那可愛的臉
讓我如何放棄　放棄我們相愛多年

陳慧琳 & 周傳雄 - 再見北極雪

應該為你笑過為你哭過為你生怕錯過
我們選擇分手那一刻想著甚麼
會是怦然心動或是沉默
如果夢裡再相逢北極還在下著雪
是否能再次握你的手

張學友 - 祝福

失去過才能真正懂得去珍惜和擁有
...
願心中永遠留著我的笑容
伴你走過每一個春夏秋冬
傷離別離別雖然在眼前
說再見再見不會太遙遠
若有緣有緣就能期待明天
你和我重逢在燦爛的季節
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Word of the Day!

http://www.cantonese.sheik.co.uk/scripts/showword.php?id=24148

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

GUESS WHO'S BACK?

2006-12-25T08:35:00.000+08:00

If you thought the camwhore was gone... YOU WERE DEAD WRONG!!!

WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

Last night, the camera came back. And guess who multi-orgasmed camwhoring everyone? That's right. Just point those eyes in my direction.

Last night was special because of many things. Let me recount them to you.

Special Thing # 1 (yes, my paragraph titles are so creative, aren't they?): Uncle Edison came back from Singapore! Yes, it's been 6 years (yes, that's right 6 YEARS) since he left (for you math-savvy folks, you'll have rightly guessed that he left in the year 2000. That would have made me a 4th Grader), and he hasn't come back since, save for Uncle Edward's wedding. Now, among all my mother's side relatives, it is only Uncle Edison that I never get to know. In fact, I'd never even said a word to him, as far as memory serves. Mom says he was a quiet boy when he was young, so I guess it makes sense.

The biggest difference (from what I can remember) is that pre-Singapore, he was very fit. You could even see his jawbone very well. When he came back... he put on a lot of weight. He confessed to me that he had no time to do sports anymore. One thing that amazes me is that his Filipino hasn't suffered in Singapore. Also, he doesn't have any problem with Singaporeans. Other than that, everything is as Kenn and other people describe Singapore to be--cosmopolitan, advanced, with lots of English and Chinese speakers, etc...

So anyhow, we talked for a while, then conversation went dry. Well, at least now I know SOMETHING about him. Other than the fact that he was ECE as well (like Andrew, I mean) and graduated top 8.

Special Thing #2 (I just can't get over how ORIGINAL I am! Where's that "rolling eyes" emoticon?): Auntie Elinor and Auntie Elaine (they're sisters, you see) are going to France! See, one just came from France, and the other from San Fran, but now they'll both be France bound. Both're studying. Now, since they've been around my entire life, I know quite a lot about them (not like the above example :p).

Auntie Elinor, Mom, Uncle Edison and Grandma

Auntie Elaine

Special Thing #3 (gotta love that ORIGINALITY): Auntie Sasa is going to be a mom in 5 months. (I need the "rock on" sign now)

Special Thing #4: Achie Kim has come back from... Canada? Was it? Anyway, she's studying too. Yes, everyone in this side of the family is studying.

Achie Kimie

Special Thing #5: There are three babies at the moment, which means... Mom is on Baby-Crazy mode. She spent ten minutes just plain giggling (and I mean just giggling) with Auntie Jeanie's (A-hnia Michael's wife) second son. It was like, the baby would giggle, which mom found so cute, prompting her to giggle. Her giggling made the baby giggle more. His giggling would make mom giggle more. Repeat. Siguro nangawit yung mga braso ni Auntie Jeanie sa kabibitbit sa kanya.

Of course, Jacob is no exception, all adorable while he ran around the garden, watching the inflatable Santa Claus whatever pop up when the electricity came on, then just flop down on the grass when the electricity switched off.

Then there's A-hnia Charles' son, CJ who just kept looking at everything all innocent and cute and stuff. Boy, will i have stories to tell them when they grow up! Hahahaha!

Baby-Crazy Mommy!

Here're some other pictures from last night:

Di-ko David, Di-yi Vicky, A-yi Betty, Mommy and Ama in the center

... No comment.

GROUP PIC! (click for larger version. I am NOT naming every single person there...)

Auntie Elinor and Di-yi

THE CONFERENCE!!! You can tell Mom is talking.

A-yi Betty and ... which one is this? Too many babies. Haha! I see Baby-Crazy runs in my mom's family... could that mean it runs in mine???

Here's a little Macro to make Martin happy (I remember him saying, "G-damnit, i'm gonna die without my macro." Haha!)

Lechon Buddies.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. The camwhore is BACK!!! Expect that Multiply to fill up. Fast.

I love this camera.

From 華菲

2006-12-21T22:34:00.000+08:00

Ho Leung Kam Oy: Kamie Ho

2006-12-21T16:15:00.000+08:00

Last night and today are victories in more than one sense.

Dec. 20, 2006

Sometime about 8:00 pm, we went to Arlington for the final day of Mrs. Ho's wake.

[In case some of you don't know, Mrs. Ho, lovingly known to us as yi-po, is my paternal grandmother's sister. There were four of them siblings left (three sisters and 1 brother) about 4 years ago, and now it's just my grandma and her brother left]

There was a (protestant) service that we were told about quite belatedly, so we were there quite late.

The room had changed from the first day of the wake when I first got there. First it was the one upstairs, very cold. Now, it was the one on the ground floor, not as cold but quite beautiful (especially the scenery. It was something like a rock formation with a(n obviously fake) earthen jar of some sort at the top pouring water down into this reservoir that collected it. I wanted to look out, but I didn't.

When we entered, we sat down and started listening to the pastor. His name was Leonardo, and the way he gave the sermon was quite different from the Catholic way--something Andrew and I found refreshing. He made some very good analogies [How is it that God receives you through Christ? If a stranger came to your door ragged and unpresentable, would you ask him to come in and have a drink? No, right? But what if he says, "I'm the friend/seatmate/whatever of your son."?] [How important is salvation? If someone buys you a very expensive watch, how would you take care of it? Would you just leave it anywhere convenient? No, right? You'd take very good care of it, because you know its value. Now if that person died getting you that watch? (just go with it) How expensive in your eyes is that watch? As expensive as the person's life. That's what salvation is like. It's free, but it's expensive], and all the while, he spoke very fluent Hokkien.

After the sermon (I hear someone wasn't happy because he didn't give a eulogy), we had a little tête-à-tête with juice and food and started chatting. Pastor Mike (the other one, who was very tall) came over and introduced himself, then asked about where we studied and things. He read the name of their Church in Hokkien too (安息主懷; an hiok zu huai. Yes, I'm quite bothered about the hiok, too. Isn't it supposed to be "siak"? As in 休息?").

I later approached Pastor Leonardo and asked for some help reading words on the banners strung up across the room. Then we got talking about China and 革命 and other things. Afterwards, I met his wife and they all went home.

Before we went home, we stopped by some other establishment to "disperse" the bad mojo from the wake. We stopped by Ling Naam 嶺南 and walked around. Dad informed me that it was what they'd been going to for the past 3 days, such that Mom suspected that the guards already knew them. I told him Ling Naam got plus points in my book because their name was in Hokkien.

We looked in and found some floral structures with "Congratulations!" ribbons streaming down the sides. Turns out, they had just been blessed by the priest the Sunday before. Some woman in blue came out and said she was an Alonzo. Uhuh.

She went back inside to get this menu thingy for us. In the mean time, I mentioned to Dad how we were "transferring" the bad mojo to their shop, which had just been blessed with good mojo. He burst out laughing and tapped my head lightly going, "你嘅頭." "Ni ge hau."(That's Taishanese for "Your head." but with the implication of, "There's something wrong with ~").

She came back out, handed us the menu, and we headed off. Upon later inspection, I found the prices to be exorbitant. I also started critiquing their dishes. ("Where have you ever heard of a Chinese restaurant that sells Pancit in Bilao?")

That night, when I went to sleep, there were words from the sermon still ringing in my head. Our sister, Ho Leung Kam Oy, needs no prayers. She is with our Lord now. What more can you wish for her?

亦何未遂?

無.

Dec. 21, 2006

Morning, we're hurrying back to Arlington. It looked really different in the morning.

Mom was telling us we couldn't look at the casket because we'd get the bad mojo, and Alex was mocking this. Every single time she'd chastise Andrew about something (e.g. removing the red/white sash before the burial, looking at the casket, leaving his bottle of water lying down instead of standing up, slouching in his seat, and other shallow things), he'd go "Hooooy! Huwag ka ngang ganyan! Gusto mo bang malasin ka ng 1 billion years?" And we'd all laugh [even mom, but she won't admit it. hehe]

So we step in, and Pastor Leonardo is there, so I raid him with questions again. Then he gives the final eulogy, and we leave.

We walk out towards the street, then ride the car to Heritage Park, then walk some more, where we sit through the all-Hokkien eulogy that Pastor read out, then have some drinks before we leave for the restaurant in Robinson's (in Pioneer). We eat lunch at Mr. Choi's, then go home, where I slept for 3 hours.

忘了你我就活不了

2006-12-19T15:34:00.000+08:00

Some days, your luck is just wicked.

Today was a completely uneventful day, just sitting at home and trying to busy myself with all things Chinese so that I wouldn't just die of boredom all of a sudden.

Then, guess what?

I got the autographed postcard that the folks at AaronLines.com were referring to in my mail, and a link to Aaron's special song, "I Thank You".

Yep.

I have the song.

Yep.

*nods vigorously*

Now, I was expecting something like Unloving You, which basically showcased the balladeer in Aaron. But this one... wow. This one was amazing. Strong vocals, ripping guitars, simple but meaningful lyrics, catchy tune... less than three (<3).

好感動哦!

其實我非容易被感動, 可是這歌詞和歌手的唱法真的特別動人.

I can't share the lyrics or the song with the world, as much as I'd like to.

Hehehe... I am so happy I pre-ordered that CD.

P.S. In case you were wondering about the title, it's a line from 燃燒" ("你　躲在我心裡　讓我有心跳　忘了你我就活不了"). I was trying to come up with a suitable translation, but it sounds cheesy/dumb in the other languages that I know. Chinese is waaaay poetic.

English: If I forget you, I won't be able to live.
Filipino: Kung makalimutan kita, hindi na ako mabubuhay.

Speaking of things, there's a sale in MegaMall this Christmas.

Yes, that's right. Any Filipino's eyes would be popping out right now, while at the same time getting dressed to head on over there and take advantage of the situation. Seriously!

When has MegaMall EVER had sales during Christmas? If anything, it should be a preposterous mark-up of astronomical proportions. Business is bad this year. Gosh.

Hokkien song! Betcha you've never heard on of those, have you??? HAVE YOU??? (my friends are not included, as most have heard at least one from me).

Don't rely too much on the lyrics though... that's basically a lot of Taiwanese guessing or and homophones for which characters fit which sounds. I wonder why on earth they used 代志 for "problem". I'm certain "tai" is not written like that. In fact, I think the character should be 大.

But that's all guessing. Back to my Aaron Lines song!

Yes, it's Christmas [break]

2006-12-18T09:16:00.000+08:00

School's been out for three days (officially) now.

I got a load of presents, this cool red book on Chinese Filipinos called 華菲, and I think it's wicked.

Elsewhere, I'VE GOT THE LYRICS TO "TRYING TO GET BACK TO YOU"!!!!

It's from the xanga of this guy named "lone_knight" and he apparently typed the thing out by himself.

Anyway, here it is! You all can finally enjoy it!

Trying To Get Back To You by Doc Walker

There ought to be a faster way to fill up a Malibu, I swear
Thank God, today you can pay here at the pump
One little thing to make up time to get me back out there
Heading down the road like a bullet from a gun

I bet she's in that flannel robe, curled up by the fire
Reading Bridget Jones for the fifteenth time
Every minute I'm not there is another I'll need forgiveness for
It’s still three hundred miles to Caroline

Everything is in slow motion
No matter what I do
It's like running underwater
Trying to get back
Trying to get back to

I wonder how it'll go down when I pull up in the drive
Will she throw her arms around me or throw me out
I can beg and plead my case and say I need her in my life
But I can't do a thing from where I am right now

Everything is in slow motion
No matter what I do
It's like running underwater
Trying to get back
Trying to get back to you

Mile after mile, wheels turn so slow
Will I ever get back home
Everything is in slow motion
No matter what I do
It's like running underwater
Trying to get back
Trying to get back to you [x2]

No matter what I do
It's like running underwater
Trying to get back
Trying to get back to you

Wheels turn so slow

Trying to get back
Trying to get back to you

Ken, Lawrence, and I

2006-12-09T19:07:00.000+08:00

I love my barkada to bits.

There is nothing in the world quite like spending time with them, all one bunch, despite all the crap that's been circling the clique lately. I feel so alive and at home with them (yes, even with my not-so-good relationship with Jackie. She's still my bestie).

But then there's that undeniably good feeling when you hang with a different group. It's not the same--and sometimes, when you're on not-so-good terms with other members of your kada, it can be even better.

Today was an example of that.

I went and got my barong from Xavier at about 9:00 this morning, then I walked to Ash Creek and met up with Ken (Go, not the beloved Kennzo we have grown to know on this blog). He was sitting at a table, cap and book on the table, bleary-eyed and stoic, staring at me.

I ordered a Peppermint Mocha. Ooh... pepperminty. So we sit down and get to talking, and eventually, he gets livelier and the droopy-eyed expression faded away. He and I were constantly throwing glances over my shoulder to see if he had arrived, and Ken basically briefed me on everything. When Lawrence DID arrive, we were basically just sitting down, and we somehow managed to insert some Caesarian crap in between talk about: Suck & Blow, last night's Soiree, slutty ICAns, ICAns with tongue rings, drunk ICAns, slutty, drunk ICAns with tongue rings that attempted to engage in Suck & Blow in last night's Soiree, peppermintiness and Lawrence wanting to get cold coffee (oo nga pala! He made a wisecrack that was something to the effect of "Cold coffee is the coffee for the young." (my Peppermint Mocha was hot.)). \

While Lawrence debated with himself, I continued to bash Dominic (yes, HIM again) (I swear, if he ever reads this, he'll so murder me. I mean we're fine, really, but I guess old stigma never really goes away.), and Ken continued to be the only productive member of our little temporal triumvirate. After a while, Lawrence piped up that we ought to go to the ITC in school to dig up some crap on our topic. We gave it a thought and decided it was worth a shot, so we schlepped right up and out of our seats (except me. I was too busy reveling in all the Fukien being yelled in the tiny cafe, thanks to that Chinese wedding down the road and all the Fukien oldies flocking to Starbucks to cool down in the searing Saturday heat) and headed down the road to Xavier. When we got in, we beelined the ITC, but upon getting there, we were only slightly productive, as after a while, the beautiful quiet somnolence of the place (sans any people) was just hypnotic. There was this heavy sweetness in the air that made me unbelievably happy. And I somehow "felt" America.

Yes, that's right. No, you didn't read/I didn't write wrong. That's America, not Canada. Haha. And while I wait for you to shake your head in disbelief, I'll insert some soliloquy about how I've been missing America a lot lately (like just this morning, in my classroom). But that sentence alone was enough for it to sink in, so on with the story!

The rest of the morning (eleven thirty something til about twelve something) saw us basically loafing on the two sets of three-couches stuck up against each other. While I catatonically dictated some squiggly figures in red ink on some pad paper, Kenzo leafed through the Spiderman pin-up whatever he found, and Lawrence just sat down.

Also, somewhere around this time, Lawrence saw a book on cars and went bananas over it. So cute! Like a second Kenn. Furthermore, we were just walking around in the library and picking out books, and I had already picked one out when, just when I closed it, Lawrence pointed out "Ooh... may dust pa!" or something like that, and we experimented with different books and seeing how much dust flew out. It was so fun.

So anyway, we began just lazing around, and I soon found even myself all stretched out on one of the couches and inhaling the atmosphere. It felt so magical--those few minutes we spent in seemingly eternal quiet and the long minutes of comfortable silence.

That was special.

A Message To Fate, Destiny and whatever else is out there

2006-12-08T16:13:00.000+08:00

Seriously, FUCK YOU!!! FUCK YOU TO HELL!!!!!!!

Not only do you have to go and mess with my life, you have to go and mess with my friends' and family's lives too. God, just LEAVE them the fuck alone. Leave US the fuck alone!

I want my life back, and you've been doling out the crap like hotcakes. Stop. Give me back my damn life! It was effing fine til' you stepped in. You can just schlep back out, got it?

Aaron Lines and Doc Walker

2006-12-02T09:01:00.000+08:00

Aaron Lines has a new album. Why am I not freaking out right now (well, not that you would know whether I am or not, but I would generally lose any semblance of continuity in my sentences, and you would detect the abuse of exclamation points and caps lock)? I've already freaked out. About two hours ago until a few seconds ago.

He's got a new album coming out on the first of May this coming year. First 200 fans to pre-order get their names added to the fans list in the album... you know what? I'll just let you read for yourself:

http://events.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=events.detail&eventID=140799.33648&hashcode=320519D0-8B25-45CC-B508-8DD353DB2718

Then Doc Walker's new video is coming out. It's called "Trying To Get Back To You", and while the lyrics are quite corny, the music video was awe-inspiring. Maybe I'll go steal it from the CMT website (have I mentioned I've downloaded software for that?) and upload it to YouTube and show you all.

Oh, by the way, have I mentioned that I can now also grab videos from YouTube? It's thanks to this wonderful software suggested by Mr. Sy called "YouTube Grabber". So far, I've stolen a whole slew of very nice videos and have added them to my collection. There is so much joy in this world.

Now I'm just going to procrastinate all my damn homework.

You know you're subconsciously trying to gain weight when

2006-11-30T07:20:00.000+08:00

Your breakfast consists of Yangchow Fried Rice (homestyle), Di Marks Pizza and Clover Ham & Cheese. And you didn't even think when you put them together.

God, I can see the monosodium glutamate on my pizza.

Oh, have I mentioned? I'm now using a pair of brick red chopsticks when I eat. I haven't had a decent spoon-and-fork meal at home in two weeks or more. Chopsticks make eating rice a real bitch, too. I'd provide a picture, but my baby's jammed. To the repair shop, lovies!

Some quotes of the day:

"Like as the waves make towards the pebbled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end."

"I wasted time, and now doth time waste me."
"Be great in act, as you have been in thought."
- Shakespeare

"Think about how a person half way across the world knows the instant their loved one
is hit by a car. It's because they're struck with a sudden burst of love, a psychic shock, the kind of shock that can only come from total loss of a loved one. You need to let go. You need to die." - Cole Turner

"Think of me when you dance." - Drake

We'll Fight, Not Out of Spite; But Someone Must Stand Up For What's Right

2006-11-29T21:45:00.000+08:00

6 Days ago... Was the last time I blogged. A lot's happened since. Let me try to recount:

First Friday Unplugged (Of the Century): This was undoubtedly one of the best FFU’s we’ve ever had. And I’ve been to all of them, mind you. There was a lot of raw talent in this one, some even rather honed, but everyone (well, almost) did really well.

We had a total of nine acts.

Let me try to remember them. There was C.O. (that’s his nickname) with “Tears in Heaven” by Eric Clapton. Carlo Chong sang “Here Without You” by 3 Doors Down (I personally really dislike this song). Some H1 band with Enzo (forgot his last name, but I used to play badminton with him when I was younger) as their lead singer sang some song that sounded quite positive, but with very little skill. Then BARDO (!!!!) came and sang “Can’t Cry Hard Enough” by Bellefire, although Bardo was singing an earlier version, and scampered off before I could congratulate him. Next was Mr. Bumatayo with “Do I Make You Proud” by Taylor Hicks (yeah, the American Idol guy) (Hello, Alexis.). It was quite touching, as it was about his dad, God rest. Then came Mr. Pinlac singing some Bamboo song (I think its name was “Flowers”), Mrs. Ocampo with a medley of Barbra Streisand, The Carpenters and The Beatles, Mr. Asis with “100 Years” by Five for Fighting (with these disturbing but mondo-cool falsetto sounds that you just didn’t expect from him), and, the final act, Wesley, with I’ll Be by Edwin McCain. I only didn’t like Carlo’s and the H1 Band’s, and Mr. Bumatayo’s song could’ve been done better.

Moving on . . .

Editing Xtreme Makeover with Mr. Asis: on Saturday, I went to help Mr. Asis with the Xtreme Makeover crap. When I got there, Mr. Asis hadn’t arrived yet, so after bugging/making-epal (that sounds so bad)/cam-ho’ing with TJ Quidilla (who I will henceforth refer to as TJQ) and Lawrence, I ran around the school grounds aimlessly. Sometime later, Mr. Asis comes out of the workroom with McDonalds and his laptop. We retrieve the research documents (forwarded by Stanly via email) and find that it amounts to a not-so-grand total of five. Yes, five. Including mine. Well actually, Kyle’s was a proposal for the fair. So four.

Damn. I spent the next hour and a half just typing away at his computer and brainstorming about ideas. We decide that he will go to the mall and take pictures of products and improve everything, and I go home.

XSH3ICAH2 Interaction: At about 3:30, I leave for the Clubhouse at Greenhills West to attend the Interaction. But it’s a bit too early, because it’s supposed to start at four thirty, and I got there at about 3:40. Walter and I go to Starbucks. As he scavenges for his wallet, I meet up with Martin and Walter and I talk.

We go back some time later and arrive back at the place, signing up and getting our I.D.’s. Now, I seemed to be the only person who knew how to tie them together (Mom taught me way back when I was 6 years old, and I never used it since then. Muscle Memory is grand, isn’t it?) so I did so for Kenn, Walt, etc..., eventually wasting time until we were admitted in.

The actual thing was just plain boring (but everyone who asked me how it went got the answer “It was okay.”). It was the bands that were absolutely … hmm, how do I describe this? Well, let’s just say I didn’t really mind the fact that it was boring—I was busy picking my jaw up from the floor, which was hurting from dropping so often.

Ralph sang in Red Shift. That was just… amazing. The song, Dance Inside by All American Rejects, was BEAUTIFUL. Amazing song. Amazing performance. And no one expected Ralph to have such skill. Wow.

Aldo actually sang well this time. The other times… well, usually, hehe, when he sings, Banshees sounds like professionals. But this time… wow. He got all the notes right, sang just loud enough, raised his voice just high enough. Very nice.

Then we had Disco (sorry, decapitalize that in your minds), where our DJ just SUCKED. He kept killing the song at all the good parts, then we’d just stand and wait for it to come back. That was sucky.
Then at some point, everyone started yelling “Sexy Back! Sexy Back!” It IS a nice song, after all.

Went to Ash Creek with Walter afterwards, drank me some water. See his friend’s mom wanted to “請” cnia me to some food. I told her I was full. She persisted. I told her I had diabetes. We chatted some more.

So we chatter away as Walter takes a panning video of himself, and I focus on his mom and his mom’s friend’s conversation, which consisted of Fukien, some Mandarin read out from paper, and lots of Cantonese-y code switching. It was pure bliss.

And when they spoke Hokkien, it wasn’t like my parents, which had English and Filipino squirming their way into the language. It was STRAIGHT Hokkien. I had to pick my jaw up from the floor again.

Dad picked me up and we went home.

Monday and Tuesday: Are a blur. But in Soc Sci, we’ve been studying The French Revolution. Can I just say? I think French is SEXYHOT!!! Hear a native French person say “Marie Antoinette”. Gods…

Oh, and my camera broke. So henceforth, no pictures. Yep. On the ONE MOST IMPORTANT DAY, I won’t get any pictures.

Today is Wednesday: I first went to the mass at six thirty (or was it six forty five?) in the morning, which Fr. Guy presided over. In the Homily, he mentioned how last quarter, he taught a class that he had to leave at the end of the quarter *swells with pride*. He asked how they had been lately, and one of them said that they were struggling. Fr. Guy said he was saddened, and very sorry to hear that. He was quite surprised when the student replied, “You should be. You left us.”

I stopped short at that point. Who, among our classmates, would dare to say that to Fr. Guy?

"Stanly" was the first thing that popped into my head, but I had to make sure. Also, it is at this point that I would like to tell my class: YOU SUCK. Seriously, the one time that Fr. Guy mentions our class, you guys are absent. There were about 4 of us in the entire mass!

God.

Anyway. I head on over to the canteen and check out my ACP sched, and I am in the classes that I signed up for—Flying Solo and Law & Order.

Thing is, right under the name “Flying Solo” on the piece of paper posted at the canteen, there’s this clause that says, “Bring a minus one or accompaniment (guitar or keyboards) for your piece.” Or something to that effect.

Crap. Not only do I not have one, but I don’t have the skill to play one anyway.

And so we head on over to the MPC for the Career in Business talk with Mr. Rudolfo Ang, who Mr. Asis said was rather cranky. He was everything but, actually. Very nice, easy-going, professional (and you KNOW how much I value this trait), knowledgeable and accommodating. It was all in all, a great talk. Then we waste time for an extra thirty something minutes while Gian attempts to draw me. We then have recess and I eagerly await my doom.

Then out of nowhere, Ms. Magallona appears near the Media Ed., where Flying Solo was supposed to be held. I asked what she was doing, and she said she was the assigned moderator and would be with us throughout.

I was almost expecting this evil, hard-edged, old hack for our guest speaker, but I guess I should do my digging next time. This guy was 29 years old, and he was already a seasoned performer. Yes, his old band Smokey Mountain was a part of his childhood. As in, pre-teen. As in, 12 years old.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Jeffrey Hidalgo.

http://www.yehey.com/lifestyle/culture.aspx?artid=1306
http://www.abante.com.ph/issue/mar1805/showbiz_bb.htm
http://www.titikpilipino.com/album/reviews.php?albumid=499
http://www.sunstar.com.ph/static/ceb/2005/08/26/life/jeffrey.and.raki.in.once.on.this.island.tomorrow!.html
http://www.titikpilipino.com/news/?aid=430

He’s even got this (now defunct) website at www.jeffreyhidalgo.com

This guy, my friends, is Mr. Asis’ friend. Yes, Mr. Asis has connections.

And my God, can he sing. But he doesn’t look like how he does in the pictures anymore. The hair is grown longer.

So anyway, most of us are asked to sing a song each. C.O. sang The Way You Look Tonight, which had Mr. Hidalgo showering him with praises. Wesley sang I Will Be Here and Mr. Hidalgo was willing to work with him on it to help him. The rest were just kind of… comments and criticism. But that was his job after all. Mav also sang this song that I can’t remember right now (the O2 Jam playing in the background is clouding my thoughts), but it was really good.

Yeah, and that wasn’t the most disappointing part. I usually don’t run out of breath, especially on She Called Me Kansas. I ran out of breath. God. Crap. His review of my (crappy) singing did raise my respect for him by several tens of degrees though—he was able to identify a country song immediately. And his description was quite apt, too—“Na-iimagine ko siya.”

And I had to do acapella, which was just the death of me.

So I have lunch, read that story that Raphie was given for his Fantasy class, which was mostly about Santa and Old Winter Death. Yeah, it was weird and noir-ish but cool and saddening.

Martin tells me of his experience taking pictures of two female models. On the spot. With SLR’s. In photography class. Oh, envy. Envy.

So anyway.

He and I go straight to Law & Order, which is a two parter of sorts given by Atty. Henry Co, a Xaverian alumnus, and Atty. Cherrie Cruz, who is apparently the attorney of Mr. Gringo Honasan… That’s two V.V.V.I.P.’s today.

To say that the talks they gave on Law were interesting would be like saying watching Aaron Lines live in concert is breakfast fodder.

MY GOD I’M IN LOVE WITH LAW.

The radio announced it today. No school tomorrow! Which means no notecards and debate! Which means a five day weekend! ORGASM!!!!!!

Here're the shots of Bro. Haw (All new and improved, sleek, shiny and glossy), all courtesy of Alfonso Solano.

She Called Me Kansas by Aaron Lines

We sat and watched the sun come up
With a blanket wrapped around us
We spent all night out on that beach
Couldn't hold her close enough to me
That was love I won't forget
And I still remember what she said

She called me Kansas
She said that I reminded her of home
She called me Kansas
And I know I've never been there
But it's a place I’d love to go

The April air, the crescent moon
Two wild hearts with nothing to lose
That weekend was all we had
But what I'd give for two more days like that
She looked at me and said goodbye
And kissed my lips one last time

She called me Kansas
She said that I reminded her of home
She called me Kansas
And I know I've never been there
But it's a place I’d love to go

Kansas, I'll always remember
Kansas, I hear your name and I am with her

ZOMGZ!!! What the F? Who SAYS things like that?

2006-11-23T18:13:00.000+08:00

Gahds! You should've been with me the whole day!

Have you any idea the delights I have witnessed? Physically and auditorily.

Physically: (it's not really a delight) BROTHER HAW LOST WEIGHT!!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!

Seriously, I was just yapping away with Martin when suddenly, I hear him say something like "Kailan kayo mag-si-sign up?" And then... he entered the garden from the side entrance.

And then... I saw him.

HOLY HELL. Once I quibble with Alfonso for the picture, I'll post it here. But seriously. Brother Haw apparently lost 25 pounds. It was due to this diet that his supervisor (is that what you call him?) suggested because he was at risk for diabetes. And lo and behold, he's gone waaaaaay down.

Seriously, I couldn't stop repeating it to him [partly to myself. Hehe] because I was so deeply mired in disbelief. WOW.

Anyway, as we continued to talk, he suddenly stopped short, stared at me, then asked, "Bakit mo ako kinakausap sa Ingles?"

"Nakasanayan na po?" *wide YM-emoticon-like grin* *plus braces*

Before I move to the auditory aspect, mag-intermission muna tayo. MULTIPLY WORKS!!! FEAR ME!!! QUAVER IN YOUR RICKETY COMPUTER CHAIRS AS YOU WITNESS THE VERY [imminent] RETURN OF... *creepy music* THE CAM-HO'!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yo'.

Elsewhere, I attended the practice for tomorrow's First Friday. Let me just say...

WOW. And double WOW.

We have TALENT this time!!! (that's a mean joke, I know, but you can't disagree. Some of the previous ones like Sherwin weren't exactly made to sing). I'll update you tomorrow on who sang what, but let me just say:

Mr. Asis can sing damn well. Falsetto O.o

Wesley is okay. He's got a strong voice. [Bardo: "Di' mo na kailangan ng mic!"]

Bardo sang great. Like... wow. It was wonderful. Plus the song he sang was beautiful. One of my favs.

In other news: I met Alex's college friends today. Word. And there was mention of Alex and his...

NOLI. IS [well, will be. Oh, shut up and let me enjoy.]. OVER!!!!!!!!!!! 2 Chapters! [actually, one chapter, and an epilogue.]

I'm having a dinner of rice with beef and sinigang. And I love it. Normally, I would wince in disgust, but tonight, it's especially delicious. Amazing how life looking up can change your view.

I'm a debater. Oh Dear God.

Martin's got my sheet of paper with the Alternative Class Project (ACP). But I wanna join Law & Order, and Flying Solo. I wanna siiiing. But I don't know what to sing.

Too bad I can't sing in Chinese. Eason would be so perfect for it. I like how his voice sounds.

古巨基 - 愛得太遲

我過去　那死黨　早晚共對　各也紮職以後沒法暢聚
而終於　相約到　但無言共對　疏淡如水
日夜做　見爸爸　剛好想呻　卻霎眼看出他多了皺紋
而他的蒼老感　是從來未覺　太內疚擔心

最心痛是　愛得太遲　有些心意　不可等某個日子
盲目地發奮　忙忙忙其實自私
夢中也習慣　有壓力要我得志

最可怕是　愛需要及時　只差一秒　心聲都已變歷史
忙極亦放肆　見我愛見的相知
要抱要吻要怎麼也好　偏要推說等下一次

我也覺　我體質　彷似下降　看了症得到是別要太忙
而影碟　都掃光　但從來未看　因有事趕
日夜做　儲的錢　都應該夠　到聖誕正好講跟我白頭
誰知她開了口　未能挨下去　已恨我很久

錯失太易　愛得太遲　我怎想到　她忍不到那日子
盲目地發奮　忙忙忙從來未知
幸福會掠過　再也沒法說鍾意

愛一個字　也需要及時　只差一秒　心聲都已變歷史
為何未放肆　見我愛見的相知
要抱要吻要怎麼也好　不要相信一切有下次

相擁我所愛又花幾多秒
這幾秒　能夠做到又有多少
未算少　足夠遺憾忘掉

多少抱憾　多少過路人　太懂估計　卻不懂愛錫自身
人人在發奮　想起他朝都興奮
但今晚未過　你要過也很吸引

縱不信運　你不過是人　理想很遠　愛於咫尺卻在等
來日別操心　趁你有能力開心
世界有太多東西發生　不要等到天上俯瞰

What did I ever do to you?

2006-11-21T21:52:00.000+08:00

My God, Henry.

Life Is Screwing With Me

2006-11-18T21:41:00.000+08:00

Seriously. I've still got so much to do, too. Here's this week's updates.

There's now this new thing called "Bituin... U & Me" in school. This is this year's edition of last year's dedication star thingies in which for a pithy P50, you get a star-shaped lantern and a piece of paper which you can write a dedication on and have hanged up wherever you like. Student volunteers man this booth during the breaks.

Ms. Magallona had asked me to ask Raphie to write an article about the good things Fr. Johnny had done (*cough**wheez**gag*PROPAGANDA*snort**die*) for him, as a student, but he would be representing the student body. Thing is, I forgot to ask Raphie so when, the following day, Ms. Magallona asked for it, I freaked and did it during dismissal in about five minutes. Somewhere later, Raphie came along and read my work, and I added his name beside mine as an afterthought. He stopped me, though, so I only got as far as "Rap". Then when I submitted it to Ms. Magallona, she finished his name for me. Hehehehe. Raphie feels bad about it though.

Also, while I was plotting to completely erase my name and put only Raphie's, he mentioned that the very fact that I used the word "Personally" indicated that it was so very, patented me. He's right. I'm the only person I know that uses that word.

Apparently, Hongers call "erasers" "rubbers". Well, they have a very different meaning here and many other countries [i.e. American-influenced ones], I assure you. In Math, Mr. Sy explained this, and after the Povedan Interaction, handed us some extra small rubbers for use in Math class. The same day that he gave us these rubbers, he wrote this on the board.

Kyle spilt moppit ink all over my table during Chinese class (when I was out of the room). I even ended up getting moppit ink all over some of my hands when I touched the sides and legs of the table, which were still dripping with the black ink. Good thing they come off with water.

This one was taken from a book called The 7 Habits of Effective Teens: Personal Workbook by Sean Covey (Stephen's brother?). It's got all these wicked quotes and stuff. Whee! I also have to work on this for club.

We had to do an experiment in Science with ammonium hydroxide. Yeah, the stuff that reeks. It was so strong that it broke through Ralph's stuffy nose and caused him to recoil for several seconds, clutching his nose. Upon answering the question "Describe the smell of ammonium hydroxide." on our experiment analysis sheets, he wrote "piercing." The airhead above would have to be Gerard, who probably sniffed (instead of the highly recommended "waft"), and is now feeling its effects.

Stroke of inspiration during Filipino.

The picture says it all. This is for MRX Most Requested in Xavier.
During PTC.

The Soupiness of Bert (Ang Kasabawan ni Bert)

A very interesting bullet in one of the higher floors of the EED, overlooking the football field no less.

Leigh was asking for directions to YCLC while I was taking this.

Ah, and the man of the hour. Mr. Hernando, our new C.L.E. teacher. I don't know what the school or Fr. Guy saw in him. Because seriously, this guy is crap at teaching. Paris Hilton could do a better job. He has absolutely no respect for the students' opinions [or for the students, for that matter] ("Kabarumbaduhan"), just cannot, cannot, cannot admit that he is wrong ("Pride"), criticizes other peoples' English, voice and accent, when he doesn't have what one would call the correct enunciation either ("sin" becomes "seen") ("Hypocrisy"). And wtf, he GRADES prayers! What kind of C.L.E. teacher GRADES prayers? And that's not even the worst part! The worst part is that he subtracted points because he felt someone's prayer was too long! I mean, God, how dare you? Not only are you stripping the very meaning of prayer, but you're telling the person that it's wrong to pray for the things you want to pray for because it'll take too long! It's no wonder this idiot didn't become a priest.

I have been very patient with this guy. No more.

Worse, when I went to see Fr. Guy about him, Fr. Guy was all, "Give him a chance." I told him I'd already given him more than a week. Fr. Guy asked me to give him two weeks. I told him I'd already given him two weeks. Fr. Guy tells me he'll see.

周傳雄 - 寂寞沙洲冷

自你走後心憔悴
白色油桐風中紛飛
落花似人有情這個季節

河畔的風放肆拼命的吹
無端撥弄離人的眼淚
那樣濃烈的愛再也無法給
傷感一夜一夜

當記憶的線纏繞過往支離破碎
是慌亂佔據了心扉
有花兒伴著蝴蝶孤雁可以雙飛
夜深人靜獨徘徊

當幸福戀人寄來紅色分享喜悅
閉上雙眼難過頭也不敢回
仍然撿盡寒枝不肯安歇微帶著後悔
寂寞沙洲我該思念誰

陳奕迅 & 梁漢文 - 拔河

陳: 你說她又失蹤一整夜電話撥不通
不敢睡怕噩夢醒著又怕想到心痛
血滴在心中多苦我能懂
絕不讓一步把自己逼瘋
你很想知道誰盜走她的夢

梁: 我們都會失控有人搶越是不放鬆
如果忘了初衷最後爭到手也沒用
感覺自己像面對個黑洞
多努力激動回應都是空
除非自己想通掙脫這場捉弄

#

陳: 你為誰拔河
梁: 女人之間計較特別苛
陳: 愛恨在拉扯
梁: 男人的錯很快不記得
陳: 感情怎麼分割
合: 怎麼曲折都等她選擇
你爭的究竟是愛還是種資格
梁: 你別再拔河
陳: 真心不是誰比誰坎坷
梁: 能捨才能得
陳: 淚水不能解幸福的渴
梁: 愛其實說穿了
合: 不該你的不怪誰招惹
只拖著她的軀殼愛著那又如何

陳: 我們都會失控有人搶越是不放鬆
如果忘了初衷最後爭到手也沒用
梁: 感覺自己像面對個黑洞
多努力激動回應都是空
除非自己想通掙脫這場捉弄
#
陳: 你別再拔河
梁: 真心不是誰比誰坎坷
陳: 能捨才能得
梁: 淚水不能解幸福的渴
陳: 愛其實說穿了
合: 不該你的不怪誰招惹
只拖著她的軀殼愛著那又如何

Are we done here? Because I have to go get fired.

2006-11-14T18:31:00.000+08:00

I'm supposed to be doing a portfolio entry in English on an obituary for Caesar.

I had no idea how to do one, of course, so I asked mom to bring me home a few copies so that I had framework for it.

I opened the first page, and saw the name of an attorney from a few days ago. All over the page, there were just these names of people who died and relatives who I didn't know and it was just overwhelming for me. It's so... saddening to realize that hundreds to millions of people will be combing through an obituary page everyday and when the day finally comes that it's your turn to have your name show up there, they're going to look through it and feel nothing.

No, actually, it isn't sad. Not even pathetic. I just really don't know how I feel about it.

The past week and four days have been stressful.

There was the Poveda Interaction, which was exhausting. I had this envelope with a form with blanks for names and contact numbers/addresses that I didn't get to fill up. Plus, there was this point where I accidentally said something rather embarrassing and slightly mean to a girl I was with (Arrie, her name was.) and she ended raising all this hoo-hah about how I was "not forgiven". It would've been a pity, too, since she was so cool, but she eventually "forgave" me and things were only slightly tense after that. Turns out, Lawrence [his nametag read Laurence] and a girl named Alexa were our facilitators. It was great, because we got an airconditioned room (but unfortunately only 3 girls) and they didn't force us into doing anything we didn't want to.

Somewhere later, Frances, another girl, started talking about shows. It turns out, I watch more cartoons than I realize. And she, JV and I were the only ones on Team Peyton (yes, from One Tree Hill) (yes, Payton Yao was in our midst) (but no, that was not a pun on his name). Then at Lunch, everyone scampered off elsewhere leaving only Walter, Charlie, JV, Arvin and a few other people with us. Lawrence, dressed in full Freddie Flinstone gala, did this adorable/hilarious chair-banging (and I do not mean"banging") thing. Too bad it was just a monoblock [that word fascinates me]. Which reminds me, there was a part in the interaction with the girls upstairs in the "1-D Math room" where Payton suddenly looked at Lawrence's costume and noted, "Since when does Freddie Flinstone wear pants?" Lawrence looks down at his jeans, then quips, "E, ano, gusto mo wala?" Yes, I will leave you to Lysol that image from your mind.

So anyway, when everyone eventually came back, we had a sort of Scavenger Hunt (which the saucier people syncopated into "Scav Hunt". Jeez... it reminds me of the time when a bunch of coño girls came over to our school and asked Henry and me where the "Caf" was. Turns out, "caf" is kolehiyala-ese for "cafeteria". I literally had to pause and register before I understood what they were talking about.) where we were supposed to do some rather lurid things (the ten of us who were members (why am I thinking of such green things right now?) of the male population had to dance like women in front of two other groups (the girls had it easy), and Lawrence had to eat a cracker with sardines (?) on it (probably an innocent but rather gross reference to a Soggy Biscuit). Although, I'm not sure if that's as lurid as the man-gyrating thing). Eventually, Alexa and Lawrence, the two game-est people in our group, each ate half a bag of peanuts (?) and sang the chorus of that High School Musical song (thank God there were peanuts (?) to mangle their voices. I might have gone huramentado on someone if I had to sit through THAT song again). We won the Scavenger Hunt. By a mile. And then I got to rub it into Lee Panopio's face. Nyarharhar!

But the victory was bitter sweet, because there was this damn nice song which I heard but couldn't decipher the lyrics of (it came from the green iPod which they were drawing songs from) and eventually, it ended without me knowing what it was. All I know/can remember is that it was a guy singing, fast-ish beat, and a line that goes "She said, 'Aaaaah' " wherein "aaaah" goes into falsetto, although I'm beginning to think that that was actually a prolonged "I". I saw Frances dancing to it and singing along, but for some reason, I didn't ask.

Then we had a talk. A Povedan, a Xaverian, and a Povedan-Xaverian couple. It was alright, but not exactly good. I was able to pay attention to everything, but it didn't get my blood racing, and I had to roll my eyes at some of the things they were saying.

Then, of course, there was the bandfest. I hated that part most. Why? Let's just say the bands that performed were not the greatest ones I had ever heard. Peterson with that costume of the green, one-eyed monster from Monsters, Inc. Blech. That is a thought best left for days when a cold shower is necessary, but no water is handy.

Then there was Kenn's Chinese Speaking Contest, which was a load of fun, considering all the bonding I got to do, and the places I got to visit, and the people I got to see and meet, but equally exhausting and tiring all the same.

I got to Xavier at about seven something. I went to check the workroom for any sign of life (the school is actually deserted on Sundays) but found only a creepy light on. Kenn texts that he's there, so I went back down to Gate 1 and found him in a really cool costume. All white (with interesting shoes) and then an auxilliary clothpiece that I can't seem to name. I listened to his Jay Chou album (依然范特西), especially this really interesting song called 聽媽媽的話 which features Jay doing all sorts of falsettoes. The laoshi's come and we all hop aboard the bus.

H3's Candidate!

Okay, now something I find really... weird... is that laoshi suddenly mentions how I'm a good friend for showing up. I just don't know what to make of that *thinks: "What, and miss an opportunity to camwhore [Kenn]? YEAH, RIGHT!!!"*. No, but seriously. I mean, of course the praise is nice, but it just felt disorienting. That was not the primary motivation when I decided to come. What was it, then?

Anyway, as He Laoshi [Hazel Wong, people] appears. Kenn gentlemanly-ly (wtf???) opens the door, steps down, and allows her to get in. Camwhoring ensues. Kenn rants shamelessly about how Mr. Hernando is rather... well, let's just say he's not Fr. Guy standard. I mean, really, I thought Fr. Guy was bad--well he's a seraph compared to this guy. I honestly couldn't agree more. I got most of Kenn's little Random Rant on video, too. He laoshi was laughing at the end.

So we wait a bit, and 田老師, 余老師, 莊老師, and 莊老師's little girl (who He laoshi was been known to give inappropriately large amounts of PDA to). Then 余老師's other son, 王忠德 (I think) is also joining. I end up sitting in front, Tian laoshi, Yu laoshi, Zhuang laoshi, her daughter and He laoshi in the row behind me, the four teachers who came first in the row behind that, and Kenn and Jean Paul at the very back.

We arrive at St. Peter the Apostle (it's a school) (篤學培德) and schlep on over to "Hope Hall", where the whole competition is supposed to take place.

The road on the way.

The way to Hope Hall.

Ye laoshi and Kenn prepping.

Jean Paul's props.

The Chinese Teachers. [Pre-Contest]

Kenn and Jean Paul listening to sick parts of House, M.D.

那幾位尊敬評審.

Kennzo is at ease. And in all white.

This guy's costume was a bit... lacking in imagination. His costume was a green shirt. That was it.

Of course... this girl was a bit on the overdoing side.

11, yo. (Hello, Henry.)

Our very own Kenn was just right. Didn't mind Lee Hom-ing with his number, either! He laughs in the face of danger and competition. Or modelwhores.

This guy. THIS guy was the guy who blew the crowd away. He did damn good.
That's Jean Paul!

Alright, so anyway. There were to groups. The first group was the group that recited 猴子救月 a.k.a. 猴子撈月. Honestly, just hearing the story once or twice was okay. But at the third repetition, it became 無聊. The fourth til the nineteenth, well... you can just imagine. Still, during Jean Paul's turn, I got really psyched up.

The next group recited something called "五個手指" which was basically my oral test, so I knew it by heart. There was this awfully saucy girl that went up on stage. Hated her sauciness. Annoying!

So a bunch of people (that weren't from Xavier. Boo.) won, and we all went home. But Kenn went with his family (Mom and Dad) and Jean Paul with his Dad and Mom.

Since Ye Laoshi was holding her camera when she went upstage to receive her certificate, I took her picture for her.

Kennzo, in his all-consuming post-speech After Glow.

Time to go home. :(

When we did, I stayed for a while, saw Fr. Guy, and when he asked me how Mr. Hernando was, I told him to ask Mr. Hernando what I told him. He got scared and said "Never mind."

The thing was that Mr. Hernando had asked me how his class was last time. I told him straight. "It's not up to Fr. Guy's standards."

Of course, he expected some sort of explanation, so I gave him one.

Really, I've got my mind wide open for this Hernando guy, but I want Fr. Guibelondo back.

Guess who's using traditional characters now?

陳奕迅 - 全世界失眠

想起我不完美你會不會
逃離我生命的範圍
想著你的滋味我會不會
把這個枕頭變得甜美

想起白天的約會忘了晚上的咖啡
只怕感情如潮水遠離我夢中的堡壘

一個人失眠全世界失眠
無辜的街燈守候明天
幸福的失眠只是因為害怕閉上眼
如何想你想到六點如何愛你愛到終點

一個人失眠全世界失眠
無辜的街燈守候明天
幸福的失眠只是因為害怕閉上眼
如何想你想到六點
如何愛你愛到終點
如何愛你愛到終點

想起我的時候你會不會
好像我一樣不能睡
想像你的曖昧我會不會
數不到綿羊一雙一對

Ending So Soon

2006-11-03T17:55:00.000+08:00

I feel terrible. I'm not rested enough. I can't go back to school yet. I just CAN'T, alright? I'm not ready to face it all over again. I can't take it. I can't handle it. I'll go berserk.

Especially with all my Jackie problems lately.

God.

Multiply is failing me. Yeah, I have over 5 other albums to upload and Multiply is failing me. *whacks the monitor* *many times*

I've been watching Charmed the whole day, and it felt good. So good that I didn't want to stop. I don't want to stop. I didn't even get to go skating today, which I've been planning to do with my family for months now. This is just ridiculous. I don't do anything that I REALLY want to do. Instead, I settle for shallow joys and shirk on my responsibilities (like that second molar extraction that I have yet to follow Dr. Macasiray up on). These braces are gonna be here forever.

All I'm hoping for are good songs now. I'm tired. Very tired. But I also want to do something around here.

It's Friday. Meaning in two days, I'm school-bound again and I don't think I can handle that just yet. My life sucks, and it feels like it's gonna keep sucking for a while before it gets better.

I wish things were like Charmed--apart from the normal everyday crap, I'd get to do demons in for a sideline job. At least I'd have purpose.

I need purpose and direction these days. Apparently, Jess hasn't answered my call yet. I'm still vision-less. Still waiting here, Jess.

陳慧琳 - 兩個世界 (BEST SONG I've heard in a while)

＊天已黑　你躺在夢中沉睡
我卻　獨自在尋找一個仙子的光輝
兩個世界　應該在哪裡交會
或許我　對愛有著太多的無聊體會
因為我想　衝出你的憂傷包圍
要逃開我們愛的　無言局面＊

＃我厭倦　你的無所謂
去尋找　一種無情的思維

我不進不退　不想陶醉像個傀儡
寧願只擁有你的曖昧你的撫慰
我無心去思念你多情的眼眉
如果這一切能讓我遠離愛的自毀
但我為什麼會　有幾滴眼淚在眼裡輪迴＃

REPART ＊＃＃

天已黑　你躺在夢中沉睡
我卻　獨自在尋找一個仙子的光輝
兩個世界

Just To Tell... Someone

2006-11-01T08:42:00.000+08:00

I've been feeling like this for a while now, but because I don't think I can say it in English, I'll just use very vernacular Mandarin to do so. Appeals to wider audiences anyway.

有時候好像和你擦肩已經精彩了。可是擦肩以後不再聯絡太讓我傷心了﹐又讓我懷疑命運是不是真的。儘管﹐我會一直想你﹐掛念你﹐愛你﹐求你﹐希望會有一天﹐你會一樣想我﹐掛念我﹐可能也愛我。但是﹐我明瞭幻想和真實的分別。這個只好希望有一天會實現。
Haaaaaaaay. That feels a hell of a lot better.

So anyway.

I've been writing some poems lately (in Chinese, of course. What did you expect???) in Fukien, Cantonese and Mandarin (in that order) and I'm quite proud of them. Of course, I haven't exactly written a Mandarin one yet, because it's only been the second night since (third, actually, but I stayed up last night writing the above) I began.

Here they are. Try to read them and see if you get how they're supposed to rhyme. And please, please don't guess how they're pronounced based on how the colloquial dialect translates from Mandarin, because that simply murders the dialects. Insidiously.

十月二十九日 [閩]

一法對結果
日沒借别好
這月笑熱土
事決否設無

十月三十日 [粵]

力大覓快吃細
活鬆血紅絶望
另國希落寂寞
被逼非識未夕
還可決我結果
縱晚毋人認真

言承旭 - 隔離

愛情起風和霧　我拉著你的手　讓你我更沉默
愛你不能和幸福畫上等號的　你走了證明了
我像影子被隔離　呼吸剩下的空氣
我是用心愛過你　住過你心裡
你先說分手　要我放手　你是不是沒有愛過我

還相愛的那一年是多久以前　你右臉的弧線記憶還是很明顯
分手後照片還你有什麼意義　只是設下了陷阱　讓我走向你

過去聽你怎麼說我就怎麼做　沒想過是誰錯
討好著你好像沒有你不能活　一步錯全都錯
我像影子被隔離　呼吸剩下的空氣
我是用心愛過你　住過你心裡
你先說要分手　要我讓你走　你是真的愛我過

還相愛的那一年是多久以前　我雙眼的想念怎麼還沒有復原
拒絕所有故事的結局想著你　也許你不再哭泣　允許我重新愛你

Singing to me　還沒有復原　拒絕所有故事的結局想著你
也許你不再　你不再哭泣　不允許我重新愛你

And I wrote to him that day...

2006-10-29T10:33:00.000+08:00

I'm not writing about what you said while you were in front of the whole damn class. This isn't about you. This is about me. I didn't learn everything I was taught, and I wasn't taught everything that I learned.

Fr. Guy [Guibelondo, S.J.] has been bothering me recently. Other than the fact that I only learned that "Guy" wasn't his last name a few days ago, when he wasn't my [formal] teacher anymore, when I did the Creative Synthesis, I attached how to write Hamartia in Greek on it, and also, at the back, after I'd written my name (I didn't put a cover page. Hell, if you're gonna write something, a pretty design shouldn't decide its grade. Substance, not style, mi amigo.), at the bottom, of the page (he'll only notice it if God decides that he should), I wrote the above words.

It's really weird. I feel like because of my hostility and animosity throughout the quarter, I wasn't able to suck out as much experience as I could've out of his unique style. I certainly hadn't considered that I might not have him to suck experience from in the third quarter. Now we have this Hernando guy (Guy.... ugh) that I don't really know or care to know.

This is Fr. Guibelondo's (I refuse to call him Fr. Guy anymore. It's not like a student could just address Fr. Go as Fr. Johnny or whatever) introductory page on the Xavier website (who knew the damn site would have any use after all?)

http://web.xs.edu.ph/issues2/2005%20-%20September%201/Communities/Fr.Guy.php

Mr. Claro also recently (like, yesterday) asked me to submit my "Sino Ka Ba?" piece to Burn, which I really don't get. It sucked. Let me show:

Josemaria Claro: ey allen, why don't you submit your short story to burn?
Allen Yu: ? anong short story po?
Josemaria Claro: iyong ginawa natin noong unang markahan?
Allen Yu: err... wala po ata kasing kinalaman sa Xavier...
Josemaria Claro: Josemaria Claro: dapat ba may kinalaman sa xavier yung burn?
Sherwin Su: hindi [handy that he happened to ask this question, huh?]
Josemaria Claro: kung feeling naman nila hindi tatanggapin, hindi nila ilalagay e.
Allen Yu: ah
Allen Yu: o sige po...
Allen Yu: pero sa tingin niyo ba maganda siya? para sa akin medyo flimsy yung pagkasulat ko kasi ang tinangka ko lang gawi'y ilagay lahat ng mga damdamin ng ex-convict, at hindi na masyadong intindihin yung ganda ng pagkasulat
Allen Yu: what i mean by "maganda" is "mass reproduction" material
Josemaria Claro: hmm, e di gandahan mo bago mo isumite.
Allen Yu: ehehehe
Allen Yu: sige i'll see
Allen Yu: kailan po ang huling araw ng pagsubmit?
Josemaria Claro: content wise yes
Josemaria Claro: yung use of language, pagandahin mo bago mo isumite.
Allen Yu: sige po
Allen Yu: salamat sa suggestion

Other than Fr. Guibelondo, a lot of other things have been bothering me as well. Mr. Chua, for one, because he seems to be so unpredictable. I dunno. Scary.

Then I'm just hoping for Chinese class after Sem Break. I really, REALLY hope she gives back those essays we wrote. I really, REALLY want to see her comments on mine. It's the first major "composition" thing I wrote with any actual skill and effort. I want to see if I have any talent.

And then, of course, the thing with Jackie. Christian says he might be able to go, Char says she'll ask, Jackie says she'll go if there are at least four of us. Walt can't make it because he has to work at the office. Cath, Katan and Kenn are all out or will be out of the country. Argh life.

I miss her a lot, Jackie.

下雪 by 阿杜

就快要下雪　心開始凝結
該怎麼迎接　我們最後一個　聖誕夜
我害怕下雪　愛將會凍結
因為妳說過　雪讓人有等待的感覺

＃說好兩顆心要乘著雪　相約在那擁抱的季節
　冬天來得太狼狽　爽約了諾言
　白茫茫的世界碎成雪　所有快樂都已流成淚
　而我一個人面對　整夜的心碎

終於在下雪　意味著離別
我心頭的雪　不知還有多久才融解

repeat ＃

白茫茫的世界碎成雪　所有快樂都已流成淚
而我要怎麼面對　整夜的　心碎

Semestral Break - Day 2

2006-10-28T14:30:00.000+08:00

I just talked to Walter today (Saturday, October the 28th) and I'm just...

Well, it's confusing. We talked about simple things, at first. Simple, shallow things. Then it got deeper, then sadder, then stranger.

But it was definitely good to talk to him again. Now... just Jackie.

So I got to make a whole bunch of Chinese Pictures last night (yeah, that's what I'll use to refer to those pics I attach to the end of every post). Nice.

I also started playing that "Drop A Pic" game with everyone. Playing it with Charlene is just so much fun. She unwittingly thinks of the dead-coolest themes for the pics without thinking.

This morning, I decided to download this song I'd found while browsing the Cantonese threads.

It's called 都是你 by 光良. Yes, I know what you're thinking. "光良 singing Cantonese???" Now whether or not he really does, I wouldn't know. He definitely has a very accented Mandarin pronunciation, but I haven't seen or heard any Cantonese songs from this guy---all Mandarin.

Hence. I know have an ORGASM of a Chinese song.

This song just plain rocks. His voice is calm, even, and strong without having to shout. That's what I told Katan, and she agreed. I checked out his others songs--♥♥♥♥♥♥. The video for 第一次 was just too cute. I haven't got the link on hand right now, but I'm sure there's another one on YouTube somewhere. Basta, ang gaganda pakinggan noong mga kanta niya. Kaya bilisan mo na! Makinig na! He isn't like many other mainstream artists. Very different.

As of late, Vincent and Ralph have been spreading the infomercial I created like wildfire. I honestly think Mr. Chua might like it. Well, here's hoping.

And I don't quite get how I'm feeling. It's officially semestral break, but I still feel like I have requirements to submit. Like there's going to be school tomorrow or something. It leaves me dissatisfied.

Now, lemme see if I can salvage something of my friendship with a certain someone.

光良 - 都是你

誰改變了我的世界
沒有方向沒有日夜
我看著天這一刻在想你
是否會對我一樣思念

你曾說我們有一個夢
等到那天我們來實現
我望著天在心中默默念
下一秒你出現在眼前

想念的心裝滿的都是你
我的鋼琴彈奏的都是你
我的日記寫滿的都是你的名
才發現又另一個黎明

我的日記寫滿的都是你的名
才發現又是一個黎明

這是我對你愛的累積

QT Days

2006-10-27T13:59:00.000+08:00

Here're the rest of the days, in chronological order.

As a SemBreak special, I'll add lots and lots of pics. ;)

The 26th of October

Filipino saw Mrs. Bague as our proctor. Soc Sci had Mr. Tabayoyong.

I got home and did nothing, while trying all the while to begin my creative synthesis.

I got exhausted, so I went outside and had a nice break with toasted skyflakes (they taste SO much better toasted... if you eat them straight from the pack, they don't have any of that yummy flavor).

I was feeling a little bummed, because mom said she'd have merienda with me but instead, she ran to the phone to talk with the secretary person at the office instead. Yeah, you see, she's been sick, so instead of going to the office, she's been at home all day and resting. Unfortunately, she can't keep away from it all so she basically just works from home.

The 27th of October

Morning began with me watching Angin and Dad walk around the house doing their normal everyday routines. I shudder to think of the day I won't be able to see this anymore.

Today's Science had someone who I believe is Ms. Lai, while CLE had Mr. Legaspi.

So I stepped into the room and just stared at everything, wondering if I'd forget this like all the other times I'd had a Quarterly Test in Xavier. I decided to try not to.

The room, 1D:

Here's my designated desk:

And the view from my desk:

Science was just a tad tricky. C.L.E. was bloody murder. Fr. Guy didn't even discuss nature and dynamics of conscience! The only notes we had on them were the WORDS "nature", "dynamics" and "conscience"! Argh. Everyone in B was basically screwed over.

Speaking of Father Guy (Actually, I found out his name was actually Gui-something, and not Guy), he's not going to be teaching us next quarter. Jacques will start singing praises here. But I don't know. Having him for a quarter feels "comfortable", as if I'd grown accustomed to it. I don't want to have this new Hernando guy. Agh. The word "guy" will never mean the same thing to me ever again. I also slipped said Father a note in my synthesis.

Yeah, see, he forgot how to write "hamartia" in Greek, so I obliged to refresh his memory.

So, I met with Edrian at the Sacred Heart Garden after the two tests (we'd both finished early) and 聊天-ed, while bashing Xavier and the tests. It was great.

Then we were all told to go back up to our (real) classrooms and our class was at it like we'd all missed each other for days. Oh, wait, we did. It was like a market.

So RobertestePohan pulls up in front and ~~starts singing "Praise the Lord! I said, Praise thaaa Loooowd!"~~ yells for the class to go to the outing, as it was still going to happen.

We then have a bit of camwhoring + guitar time in class, and Kenn sings Qing Tian for me to hear. He sped it up, though, I think, because he was out of time. Oh, and he's going to Singapore tomorrow for the duration of the semestral break. Bye Kenn!

I come home to a rather empty feeling house.

It all felt empty, actually.

The new table, by the way? It's a stark contrast to the old one I was used to. It doesn't feel like our dining table yet, and I voiced these concerns to mom yesterday. She said all it needs is a little glass, like the old one. And besides, she said, it's been alive longer than any of us have. (Apparently, our company's had it since my GRANDFATHER'S FATHER'S time). I dunno. It just feels different. There are no memories with the new table.

The Sembreak has officially started, ya'll. Going, going, gone.

What Must Be The Worst Song Ever

2006-10-25T16:46:00.000+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUSS5Ckulic

This is the worst song/video ever. As in, THE WORST.

I don't know how anyone could waste their time making something as stupid at this. It's a bunch of girls in short yellow skirts toting HUGE (and plastic) PINK HAMMERS around while they scramble around the screen. Then this girl named 王心凌 starts "singing" but you HAVE to hear the chorus, yes.

"Wai wai wai wai..." AIRHEAD!!!!!!!!

This also features blatant abuse of Mandarin. As in, they couldn't have butchered it more if they tried. Excuse me while I go try to rip this song out of my head now.

Ugh.

Elsewhere, I spoke with Jackie last Monday. It was good. I felt good afterwards. I have to be more approachable. Soon!

QT's were today. I'm in 1D, my proctors were Ms. Joya for Math and Mr. Pinlac (sp?) for English.

Math was surprisingly easy. English was a tad long because of that essay. But otherwise, things went great. I taught Martin a little more Fukien (we're past colors and weather now. Yes, I know that doesn't sound like we've done a lot, but we've actually done 成語 already, so colors and weather have long been overdue.) today, and Alfonso tried to help along. At some point, I couldn't figure out what "next year" and "last year" were. I asked Audren. Nada. He asks his friends. That's when they remind us:

Next year is e ni (下年)
Last year is tieng ni (前年) but I believe it can also be "ku ni" (舊年).

Anyway.

Gosh. Filipino and Soc Sci tomorrow. I'll never survive.

EDIT: God, I just took these great pics!

Now THAT is what I call 黃昏!!!

Infomercial

2006-10-24T13:24:00.000+08:00

We filmed this for an afternoon, then I worked on it for 6 hours last Sunday.

Haaaaaay.

Quarterly tests are upon us. Or, will be.

We went to the cemetery and talked.

CANTONESE!!! TAISHANESE!!!

Fr. Guy just about said goodbye to our class. Why do I feel almost sad about that?

Oh God.

We watched this beautiful movie in Chinese. I wanna finish it. I think it's called 我愛天上人間 (someone correct me on this?).

There's this great Cantonese song called 爛泥 by 許志安 and it's BEAUTIFUL.

你最盛放的玫瑰
流芳百世怎可瞬間枯萎
我願意留低捨身去墊底
任滿天花瓣散落這污泥

我會為你躺下去
全身貼地方使你企得起
化做了塵土腐化中等你
甚至輸出我養份全部直至死

#願可做你腳下那堆爛泥
來守護你我未理身上那污穢
別輕視我縱是這種爛泥
能滋潤你耗盡每分讓你艷壓一切

我暗地裡等下去
寧可遠望不可對你觸摸
眼淚也流幹讓你可解渴
甚至輸出我血液無懼被刺死

REPEAT *

願可下世再做這花下泥
來守護你我願意躺在最污穢
別捨下我縱是這種爛泥
能親近你 縱被你踩在腳下也矜貴

Lookie Lookie, Who Tookie

2006-10-21T17:26:00.000+08:00

Pictures of Xavier School?

Why, moi, of course.

I've deciphered the words on them, and here they are:

光耀千島學子滿懷正氣

光啟母校雅正

啟用技能群力拓展社稷

一九六五年中學畢業班敬贈

Cantonese:
gwong yiu cin dou hok zi mun waai zing hei
gwong kai mou haau ngaa zing
kai yung gei nang kwan lik tok zin se zik
yat gaau lok ng nin zung hok baat yip baan ging zeng

Hokkien:
kong [something] cien to haak zi buan huai zing khi
kong khe bu hau nga zing
khai iyng (not a typo) ki neng kun diak tok tian sia [something]
yit kiu diok ngo ni tiong haak pit giap pan king zing

Mandarin:
guang yao qian dao xue zi man huai zheng qi
guang qi mu xiao ya zheng
qi yong ji neng qun li tuo zhan she ji
yi jiu liu wu nian zhong xue bi ye jing zeng

Yay.

囝 is how you write "knia" in Hokkien. As in, child. Cool, eh?

The Problem With Me

2006-10-20T21:45:00.000+08:00

is that when I blog, I always want to blog about past events, but I don't blog regularly. So by the time I actually do get to blogging about things, they've already been forgotten.

So I'll blog about today.

Or rather, I'll begin with last night.

Kenn, Timothy Jones Quidilla and I are a group (along with Waldon, Blair and Charles Sy) in English, and we created our own song. The thing was that the vicissitude of our song's tune kept getting in the way, I did not know how the song went at all, synching with the guitar, etc...

So Kenn, TJ and I three-wayed and practiced and edited all the way til twelve in the morning, at which time I still had to study Noli until about one. Then I slept and awoke at six, scurried off to school only to realize that I wasn't going to be reporting in Soc Sci, Science, we did pretty well (I think), Math gave me several minuses, Filipino's quiz as well, Chinese finished Hua Hao Yue Yuan and English just explained some Shakesperean expressions, which were all just an elaborate ploy to say "You have to read Shakespeare's Caesar."

Just before Chinese, during Lunch, Kenn, Waldon, TJ and I went to the Chinese Advanced Classroom and sat and practiced, and we got the hang of it, but when I sang the song out and we replayed it from the recording, it was ugly!

So Kenn sang it instead and we got it over with.

P.E. had us being shown by Mr. Herrera what the "disarm" was, as well as some dancers.

The DISARM is cool!

Anyway, it's Uncle Lolo William's birthday today. Happy Birthday, Uncle Lolo!

Anyway, I asked a few things (about Fukien) and here're the replies:

彷彿 hong hut
否 hio
毋 bu
勿 but
吉 kiet
爛泥 lan ni
或者 hiak zia
指導員 sit to guan
文雅 bun nga
割 kua^
招待 ziao thai
副手 hu chiu
乾 knua (I mistook this for "song", so when my mom said "suan na knua", I was wondering exactly what she meant by a "Mango Song")

Oh, and an extra tidbit of info...

檨仔 is how the Taiwanese write "mango" suan na. You guys decide. (Mandarin: she1)

Tu quieres

2006-10-14T20:48:00.000+08:00

"Espera, espera, lo siento, no puedo."

"¿Qué pasa tio? "

I Have Been Neglecting This Blog, Haven't I?

2006-10-12T18:08:00.000+08:00

Well, it's not like I WANT to. When I get home, I'm usually exhausted and just want to sleep for a bit, and have a mini-headache. But unfortunately, before I can do anything about it, it's then I realize that I've still got a truckload of homework to do.

So I weigh the scales. Nice, warm, comfy bed in cold room, or the backbreaking piles of homework beefing it up for me.

And yet again, responsibility wins.

Seriously, my after-school headaches have been getting steadily heavier throughout the week and it's gotten to the point where it's pounding to break my skull at dismissal. I promise myself a nap in the car for temporary relief, then a nice long 2 hour nap at home, but--curse it all--when I wake up, I'm in no mood to sleep anymore.

So I end up doing homework.

I've been camwhoring in school again, lately, and my reputation's apparently been growing.

And here's the inevitable update on my life.

At the beginning of the second quarter, I was horrible and irresponsible, which caused me to fail Filipino and Science--two subjects I am really quite neutral in. Math has been doing considerably better, though.

In fact, I just realized how much better I was doing in Math when Mr. Sy chalked an item from our PSAT (to be discussed later) reviewer onto the board. It was algebra. It looked positively foreign to me. Geometry and Proving really is my saving grace.

So, going back to the aforementioned Fil-Sci slump, I've picked up quite well since then (Science: failed every quiz, then it became a minus-one every quiz. Filipino: zero in every quiz, then became a perfect in every quiz), it's just that I don't believe I'll be able to get my grades up high enough to achieve honors. I think I'll lose honors. Oh no.

Cantonese, Hoisaan and Hokkien are all making comebacks!

Some of Dad's relatives came back from America for Bak Gong's 10th death anniversary (I was six when he died). It's sad, really, how I didn't know he was my great grandfather until he'd passed on. The only real memory I have of him is this one afternoon at Auntie Joanna's when he was sitting outside on their porch and I was chatting with him. Of course, at the time, I didn't know he only spoke Hoisaan (heck, I didn't even KNOW what Hoisaan was), so I kept talking Hokkien with him, and we never understood each other. I assumed I couldn't understand him because he was old and couldn't enunciate words very clearly anymore.

On that same afternoon, Andrew came to pick me up (he was nine), and Bak Gong said something just as we were about to go back inside and say goodbye to Auntie Joanna. I didn't understand--it seemed a bit slurred to me--and I asked him, "What?"

Andrew then said, "I think he wants you to behave." It was fairly nonsequitur-ish--I wasn't even doing anything. I was just sort of standing there.

God, how I wish I could've just said something.

Now he's been dead for ten years and all I can do is regret. And regret.

The eulogy 余偉強 (according to dad, he's the 余風采堂 "secretary for life 恆秘書") gave him was something like his lifestory, but it had a slightly praising tinge to it. No, not that I understood it at all. It was Angin that explained it to me. I got him reading the words in Hoisaan on video. *grin*

So the PSAT. I'm not gonna go into detail about it, but let's just say that I was dizzy, light-headed and head-aching when I finished the test. Seriously--not good for the brain.

Okay, as an "aside" of sorts, I'm browsing the Yee Fung Toi Hong 余風采堂 website and... wow. My dad and grandma are even in some of the pictures. Then my dad's relatives are all over the news... wow.

I'm gonna make it there, some day!

It's Charles' birthday today.

I'm about to finish my Computer and Chinese Computer assignments.

And here's something to remind everyone of their Days commitments:

I Stand For You by Tree63

Jesus, I stand for You
No matter what You lead me through
They will chase me out and close me down
But Jesus I’ll stand for You

I’ll always stand
I’ll always stand
I’ll always stand for You

Jesus, I’ve stood my ground
When unbelief was all around
And I have felt the sting rejection brings
But Jesus I still stand for You

I’ll always stand
I’ll always stand
I’ll always stand for You

A time will come when everyone
Will turn their eyes on the Risen Son
But until that day, this world will turn away
And so I’ll take Your hand
I’ll always stand for You

Guilty of disgrace
But You took my place
So Jesus, I’ll always stand for You

I’ll always stand
I’ll always stand
I’ll always stand for You

I'm Falling Forever

2006-10-04T17:52:00.000+08:00

http://www.geocities.jp/yoshio_osakabe/Haruki/Books/100percent-2.html

Once upon a time...

Haha. No, not really. But once upon a time, I was 14 years old and in High 1. I was really idealistic and passionate, so I ran to Stallion and tried to contribute a little of who I was into the school publication. Yeah, it was a horrible move, but there was this one thing that that happened that year. There was a seminar of some sort--a workshop for us Stallion peeps.

Our special "speaker" was this lady whose name I have forgotten, save for that both her first and last names began with Y. And she was practically a 19 year old version of Ms. (Doreen) Gutierrez.

While she was talking, she recommended this piece by a Japanese author. It was about a man who passed this woman on the street, and he thought she was perfect--the perfect girl for him. But he didn't say anything--they just passed each other by.

I didn't know what happened after that, and I did not seek it for the next two years. But now, in High 3, I decided to try looking around for it.

I believe in destiny now. First, it used to be that when I learned a new word, opportunities would open up to allow me to use it, or I'd start seeing and hearing it everywhere. Second, it was that when I did something, there was always a reason for it. When I made a mistake, there was always a reason for it. And now, this. How else could it be that I was led to the very person that would point me in the right direction?

How else? Fate.

I was simply discussing the story with Bardo a while ago, when he suddenly brightened and mentioned that it sounded a lot like this story he was told to read by a female friend of his before. It was a story in The Elephant Vanishes, which itself was a collection of short stories by a Japanese author named Haruki Murakami.

And after a bit of searching, I found it. I really found it.

And I read it. Although it wasn't as what I expected, it was definitely beautiful in its own right.

5 stars.

Quote of the Day: God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Retort of the (other) Day: Kenn: "So that's why He's been picking on me."

While we were studying the types of Chemical Reactions a while ago, Mr. Chua got to making several interesting analogies.

There are four:

Combination: A + B = AB
Decomposition: AB = A + B
Single Replacement: AB + C = A + CB
Double Replacement: AB + CD = AD + CB

He identified it all as "Speed Dating". Double Replacement with Cations and Anions were like boys to girls. In theoretical circumstances, speed dating usually had guys on one side and girls on the other. People began to wonder about the possibilities of there being gay chemical reactions. Mr. Chua then stated that all reactions were... (he actually paused at this part) straight.

Single Replacement was apparently some one stealing someone else's significant other. That's when the riots really started, because really, with Philip's reputation as a girlfriend thief, and Mr. Chua's not-so-subtle-but-also-not-intended example, it wasn't hard to connect the metaphorical dots. People began shouting Philip's name. Mr. Chua stared, confused for a second, then at once said "Wala ako diyan."

Then in Math, Mr. Sy was asked by Stanly why he wouldn't just write the proofs on the board instead of having us do them. Mr. Sy then replied that, number one, he was a lazy fuck (no, I'm direct quoting! No kidding!), and second, that he wanted us to learn by thinking it over, then asking if we really couldn't get it.

So then he proceeds to make another analogy (which is really where it all went wrong. Teachers and analogies... don't they ever learn?). He said that he didn't like it when the students just went *pretends to stare at something* "Uh-huh... uh-huh. Ah, wala, madali lang iyan.", that he wasn't a TV or a movie. Then someone yelled "Porno!" Mr. Sy looked in incredulous for a moment, then immediately said, "God knows, I'm not a porno." Then he continued with his point. "You get what I mean, guys? I don't want you to just look at it--I want you to practice. I want you to interact with the material."

I was burying the innuendo there like a good boy, when I suddenly heard Edrian's riotous laughter behind me and knew I wasn't the only one. Then Lawrence, TJ Quidilla, Stanly and a bunch of people in front of us suddenly began smiling/laughing or repeating what he said. Mr. Sy overheard, looked at us for a moment before it registered, then squinted his eyes vindictively, slowly shaking his head and mumbled, "You guys are sick."

Then he mentioned something that caught my attention and me by surprise all at once. He said that Brother Haw (Yes, Joseph Haw, that's the one) apparently enjoyed doing this stuff when he was in High School. Now, I'd just about dropped him from memory (well actually, he was rather abruptly shoved out of it by homework, quizzes and life) and at this mention, it brought a host of rather nice memories (remember when we were all asked to have merienda with him at the Jesuit Residence?) rushing back into my mind. Well, actually, more of emotions, really. Nice, fun ones. It kind of sucked that he couldn't have stayed.

So that's it?

2006-10-03T20:40:00.000+08:00

My entire life--I'm always going to have to be endlessly choosing between myself and my friends, is that it?

Because honestly, and I don't even know who I'm saying this to, I am sick of being absolutely shallow and having a supreme abundance of friends, or being deep and have people turn away because they can't relate.

So it's always gonna be like that, huh?

I hate this.

I miss my Goddamn friends. Where are you guys? Why can't I feel you anymore? We barely even talk anymore. Can't you feel it? Or doesn't it really matter?

Yeah, you've got your own groups of people now. I can understand how you might not find it important right now. But, God.

God.

I Could Cry A Million Years

2006-10-02T20:42:00.000+08:00

Jackie and I just got out of a conversation.

Wow, was she pissed.

I need to talk to her. I mean, really talk to her. Soon.

So here are today's (and the recent past and soon-to-be-future) events:

- Xavier was TRASHED. Milenyo certainly had her way with it. Everything... totalled. Especially the Sacred Heart Garden. We'd all gotten inside the classroom and were wondering why it was so damn bright when we realized that the trees outside our window had been taken down (and those weren't any ordinary trees either. They were about 5 stories high). We were all pretty grumbly about it, too.

- I helped laoshi teach some kids Chinese today.

- I've been marathoning Charmed videos ever since Friday morning. I got through about 7 episodes of season 2 when the DVD just died on me, so I moved to season 3. I'm at episode 19 already, now. (The reason I didn't watch season 1 was because I already had, a long time ago, from a different source)

- Meggie's debut is on the seventh.

- Alex's and Meggie's birthdays were on the 29th of December. They're eighteen now.

- Mom's birthday was one the 1st of October.

- Catherine's and Ah-ngin's birthdays on the 8th of October.

- Gian's birthday on the eleventh of October.

- Char's Days was moved to this week.

- Jake Haw's birthday on the 6th of October.

- Mr. Perez's and Courtney's birthdays on the 10th of October.

- 4 day weekends are bliss

- I want to write something for BURN but I can't find the inspiration, or inner peace. Yeah, you see, when I write, I have to be either super duper inspired or passionate (*cough*HSATD*cough*) or completely, maddeningly at peace with life. Either has a very big chance of happening, as the feeling doesn't have to last--a temporal fit will work quite nicely.

Okay, so there was this song that used to be my favorite when I was in Canada. And even today, when I listen to it, I am reminded of Canada. Amazing what the effects of Aaron Lines' music are.

I Can Read Your Heart by Aaron Lines

Well, I don't claim to know everything
But some things aren't hard to figure out
I can tell your love for me’s been fading
And I know what you want to talk about

Cause I can read your heart
It wants to say goodbye
I can read your heart like an open book
It's written in your arms
They no longer hold me tight
And what you're about to say is tearing me apart
So don't start, baby, I can read your heart

I felt it skip a beat on the night we met
Moving cautiously at first, then letting go
Yeah, with each passing day, life turned another page
So there ain't much I don't already know

Cause I can read your heart
It wants to say goodbye
I can read your heart like an open book
It's written in your arms
They no longer hold me tight
And what you're about to say is tearing me apart
So don't start, baby, I can read your heart

Well, I knew this day was coming
It was there between the lines
Still I was hoping maybe I could change your mind
But that's not gonna happen
No way upon this earth
So just kiss me one last time, but don't say a word

Cause I can read your heart
It wants to say goodbye
I can read your heart like an open book
It's written in your arms
They no longer hold me tight
And what you're about to say is tearing me apart
So don't start, baby, I can read your heart

So don't start, baby, I can read your heart
I can read your heart

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Then there was this absolutely wonderful Christian Rock song. I sent it to Char recently, and I'm not sure what her reaction is yet. But here it is.

Just The Way I Am by Big Daddy Weave

Unbelievable, I’m blown away it’s true
By the matchless love that I’ve found in You
Undeniable, the changes in me
I’ve never felt so free

It makes me want to dance
You make me want to dance
When I think about how

You love me, You love me
You love me just the way I am
You love me, You love me
You love me just the way,
Just the way I am

Ever patiently accepting me
Lord, You love in spite of everything I do
But, oh, so faithfully
You’re committed to the process that makes me like You
And I feel like I can dance
Oh, You make me want to dance
When I think about how You

You love me, You love me
You love me just the way I am
You love me, You love me
You love me just the way,
Just the way I am

Not when I’m good enough
Not when I clean my act up
Not when I cross that line the thousandth time
And become a better man
Your grace is more than enough
To cover all my sins

You washed them away
So right here today
You love me just the way I am

You love me, You love me
You love me just the way I am
You love me, You love me
You love me just the way,
Just the way I am

Speaking of Music

2006-09-28T18:29:00.000+08:00

I’m pretty sure you’ve probably heard every typical line that a guy could say,
So here goes nothing, I was just wondering what you’re doing Saturday

Why don’t we catch a little movie, take a little walk,
Find a little park bench, have a little talk
Share a little bit about where this is gonna go

Why don’t we plan a big party, send invitations,
Rent a big hall with a ton of decorations,
Pick out a cake and a dress and a diamond ring

Then we’ll build us a house with a white picket fence,
Trade in the truck for a van full of kids,
Live and laugh and love faithfully, why don’t we?

Did you catch all that? Did I go too fast?
I really hope I didn’t forget something,
Take a year or too to think it all through while it’s sinking in

Why don’t we catch a little movie, take a little walk,
Find a little park bench, have a little talk
Share a little bit about where this is gonna go

Why don’t we plan a big party, send invitations,
Rent a big hall with a ton of decorations,
Pick out a cake and a dress and a diamond ring

Then we’ll build us a house with a white picket fence,
Trade in the truck for a van full of kids,
Live and laugh and love faithfully, why don’t we?

Why don’t we catch a little movie, take a little walk,
Find a little park bench, have a little talk
Share a little bit about where this is gonna go

Why don’t we plan a big party, send invitations,
Rent a big hall with a ton of decorations,
Pick out a cake and a dress and a diamond ring

Then we’ll build us a house with a white picket fence,
Trade in the truck for a van full of kids,
Live and laugh and love faithfully,
Why don’t we?
Why don’t we?
Why don’t we?
Why don’t we?

I heard this song quite some time ago, and I began looking for it on Yahoo! but to no avail.

Frustrated, several months later, I posted a message on the Aaron Lines forum where there were sure to be multiply Country Buffs. Lesley, bless her kind soul, Googled it and found the song. It's called Why Don't We by Damian Marshall.

I love Country.

It seems there is no lack of new music in my life at the moment.

A Rainy Day in Manila and Weekly Things

2006-09-28T17:52:00.000+08:00

Ever since yesterday, there’d been a storm sweeping past Manila. Consequently, there was no school today. Unfortunately, that meant that there was no internet as well, and later, electricity.

The rain was really strong throughout the day, but also rather beautiful. Aside from the fact that it tore the roof of the garage space we were renting out wide open and blew it across the roof of the opposite building. And for some reason, I have it all on video.

Elsewhere, I’m actually rather glad that there was no school. I seemed to be so wrapped up in daily life that I’d lost myself in the flow of things. The abrupt break threw everything into a screeching halt, and gave everything time to catch up with each other. And it was good. I got to bond with my brothers over a guitar and Dalandan Soda-Vanilla Iced Cream.

The one problem is the homework.

Haaaaay.

Last Friday, I spent most of the afternoon walking around with Charles. When we went to speak to Ye laoshi, she poked him with her arm and pushed him all the way to the wall because he apparently hadn’t learned anything the whole of last year, so she was both mad and hurt about that. Charles can’t even speak a bit of Chinese nowadays—mostly just stuff he’s memorized. I also ended up giving her my blog address (this one) and she replied that it was rather long, then attempted to understand the URL via breakdown: canada + autumn.

Last Wednesday, I just slept most of the afternoon, so when I woke up at 1:00 am after 9 hours of sleep to do my homework, I was pretty alright.

That is, until came 3 o’ clock, the magical hour which always gets me missing Canada. I’m serious. As in, at the stroke of three in the morning, it’s as if my view of the world just changed somehow. Does that sound crazy? It’s like, I was in Canada all of a sudden, and the feelings I felt while I was there just bubbled inside of me and threatened to explode. I literally fell back against the chair. Canada. I pulled myself out of my seat and went to look outside the window, saw the near-empty roads and the yellow street light, and I just felt so hurt inside.

God.

And then ten minutes later, the feeling just suddenly went away. Never again. I might just implode the next time it happens.

Last Sunday, since there was no school, I stayed up until two in the morning listening to the radio and scouting for new songs. I came upon this station called Edge Radio whilst Alex and Andrew brought in some vodka (“Arctic”) mixed with lots of Sprite and offered me some.

I began to listen to it, and it was actually really nice. It was this nice feel-good + rock kind of music that I just revered.

I wrote down some of the lyrics into my cellphone and searched for it that morning after I woke up.

That’s when I found out that Edge Radio is actually a prestigious international Christian Rock station that beams to several parts of the globe.

And now, my friends, I am in love with Christian Rock.

But lastly, last night, Wednesday evening, I suddenly heard a song play on my All Music playlist.
It’s called I Can’t Live Without Your Love (listen to it here [wma] [rm]) by Aaron Lines.

Jackie and Christian will probably know my history with this song. It’s really something that no one else but I can appreciate, because the tune is sappily romantic with soaring vocals and that just doesn’t fit into the genres of any of my friends (Kenn is a rock-rap kind of guy, Chai is an upbeat-romantic type of guy, Walter defines Emo, Jackie goes for more positive music, Christian is into R&B and Pop, Cath is a Good message Rock-or-Pop type of girl, and I’m not sure about Katan.). Guess we all bring something to the table.

Elsewhere, the return of the Chinese Pictures!

Thursday Anticipation - Inaasam Ko Na

2006-09-21T17:53:00.000+08:00

Fr. Guy is one of the most articulate teachers I know. Observe:

"Keep everything away except your C.L.E. thingies."

Elsewhere, I was explaining to Kenn a while ago something Char told me before, "ti ya be^ lan m". It means to say you don't want something when you really do--practically the same thing as Noli's infamous jele jele bago quiere. My Spanish is quite rusty, but I do believe that quiere (actually, the word I heard was quiero, which might just be the flexion talking) means to want something.

Lord knows what the other words mean.

Anyway, prior to last Sunday, I hadn't a fooking clue what ti ya be^ lan m meant, and had been wondering until I got the opportunity to speak to 二姨丈 about it. Initially, he didn't understand either, but when I explained what it meant 你是講無欲, 毋過其實, 你欲, and he said "Aaaah! 伊是講 be^ lan m, a ni (這樣?) 講法 ba?"

Char's mom said this. Damn, that's really deep Fukien.

So I bet, by now, you're wondering what the title means. Well, after that Examen last last (?) week, I realized that I don't actually enjoy Thursdays. Whenever it's Thursday, to me, it's always "The day before Friday." And I'm not about to start enjoying them either. I'm waiting for the weekend.

But today, I don't think I could've helped enjoying myself. Martin had asked me a few weeks ago to teach him Fukien. Now I am far from the most qualified person to teach him Fukien, but given the abilities of Martin's peers, I think among them, I'm the best he's got. And I've actually thought the language through. So I'm going to try to educate him in the basics to the best of my abilites, before he can find a real 'master' to teach it to him (like Kenn, or one of the teachers).

Today, I taught him some of the most basic of basics: basic pronouns, yes/correct, no/wrong, want/don't want, the numbers, the unique sounds of Fukien (voiced initials, the nasal sound, the glottal stop) as well as 多音字's. We got quite a bit done, I believe, as I was rather stringent with the formation of the 'z' sound, the tone and the overall flow of the language. Yay!

I was most surprised when he, Gerick and I sat down on the benches, and Martin showed a lot of genuine interest in the language. Martin told Gerick to start learning to speak so that his mom would be happy with him, and Gerick repeated something his mom always used to tell him. He couldn't exactly replicate the sound, but I gave a gander at reconstructing the sentence and found that it was something my own mom had been telling me for years but I was too stupid to listen to.

"講咱人話!"

Elsewhere...

I had my Math LT today, which I prepared for by going to the tutor at nine thirty pm last night until about 10:30, after which I went home and read Noli Me Tangere.

THE MATH LT WAS SO FREAKING EASY, I COULD'VE ANSWERED IT WITH MY EYES CLOSED!!!! Okay, well not really--there were a few tricky questions in the Multiply Choice that threw me off. But otherwise... my God! It was NOTHING compared to last quarter's QT.

The proving was unbelievably easy.

Argh life.

Chinese introduced two new 成語's to us:

流芳百世 (閩: lau hong ba^ se; 粵: lau fong baak saai; 國: liu fang bai shi)

流 - to flow
芳 - fragrance
百 - a hundred
世 - world

For fragrance to flow through a hundred generations
To leave a good reputation for hundreds of years after.

遺臭萬年 - (閩: wai cau ban ni*; 粵: wai caau man nin; 國: yi chou wan nian)

遺 - to leave behind
臭 - malodorous
萬 - ten thousand
年 - year

To leave behind a stench for ten thousand years
To leave a bad reputation for ten thousand years.

The last thing I'll talk about is Kenn's Examen (yes, he was called to do it again. What can I say? They love his "sexy bedroom voice" (Mrs. Ocampo's words, not mine).). When he finished, both Stanly and I agreed that it was one of the best Examens in a while. The strategic use of the word "damn" was brilliant and gave off the proper abruptness.

Audren and I discussed how we knew it was Kenn afterwards.

Somewhere after the Examen ended and the advanced students began scurrying to get to the correct classroom, the pell-mell somehow reflected how I was feeling (IGNORE the fact that it sounds so cheesy). I felt absolutely messy. I didn't know if the Examen (about caring about the people on the street and just what kind of fucktards we burgeoisie really are) affected me or not, and, if you know me at all, you would know that I absolutely repugn not knowing how I feel.

There goes another day without the Chinese stillshot.

Weekly Things

2006-09-20T23:01:00.000+08:00

Since God decided to be kind and let us take Monday off, I was more than slacking off on Saturday.

It's been more or less an okay-ish week. Well, I've been flunking Filipino as of late, but I hope that won't affect my total grades too much. Stupid check-up quizzes.

Anyway, Tuesday saw Gian chastising me about writing the word "Ten Orgasms" in this post. He then launches into some rather hilarious tirade about how "orgasm" is only used by Pornography Websites that record their escapades in some kind of journal online.

Ew.

Then he proceeds to state that even they use euphemisms for "orgasm" (i.e. come, climax) and that I'm more forthright than they are. Hear that, ya'll? Daig ko pa raw yung mga pornsites.

I ask (rather sarcastically, plzzz) whether I should start following Kenn's example of simply using "O". He replies with a rather loud "YES!"

So I relay this newly acquired information to Kennzo, who then goes, "That's not true. I use orgasm a lot!" With what appeared to be a trademark Kenn grin. The H one. To which he adds, "Oh, but only in special circumstances. Other times, I use O."

Then during Filipino, we proceeded to the AVR (after that hellish quiz) and watched Noli Me Tangere: The Movie. It was rather nice, because listening to people speak very fast, very deep Filipino is like listening to someone speak in poetry. Wow. I wanna be like that!

Wednesday saw two things: First, during C.L.E., Fr. Guy began touching on some rather sensitive topics among the community, namely Chinese feeling obligated to marry into other Chinese families and not other races'.

The more proximal non-Chinese dude in our class, Dominic (he's my seatmate, as opposed to TJ Santos, who's at the other end of the room), began ranting (to Pohan, no less) about the whole Chinese-marry-Chinese-only thing is a matter of the Chinese not wanting to, and I quote, "impurify their bloodlines". He followed this phrase up with "Upakan ko kaya yung mga Chinese."

What a myopic, vindictive view. From someone like Dominic, that's highly unexpected. Guess I was right all along.

Anyway, in order to prevent some possibly bitter disputes (but mostly because I wanted to in-your-face him*ehem*correct his view), I proceeded to explain that it's because the Chinese don't want a culture-clash, because that often leads to couples not staying together, or tension between the parents and the son or daughter-in-law. I was saying, "In order to avoid that..."

When Dominic interjects with "Don't marry at all." and his trademark (but slightly annoying) raucous laugh. Some people.

Anyway, later on, Philip was called by Fr. Guy to recite, and Philip said one of the most hilarious things ever. "Why do the Chinese marry other Chinese? Because we want to fill the world with Chinese!"

Then Edrian, Jeffrey Go, Payton and Stanly (and even Timoy) got into a spat about God-being-good-making-man-who-is-a-sinner-and-if-man-is-created-in-God's-image-and-likeness-doesn't-that-make-God-a-sinner? A certain thought was brewing in my head at this. Sinning is something done against God. How can God sin against himself? Charlie mercifully put an end to things with "Man is made in God's image and likeness, but God isn't made in Man's."

Fr. Guy then made a rather fatal slip of the tongue. "Why is it that Chinese men only want to marry Chinese men?" ... Er... what?

Fr. Guy realized his mistake, flushed and paused, then corrected himself, quipping, "I think I just buried myself there."

Fr. Guy, don't disillusion yourself; you buried yourself the day you walked in the door to H3 - B.

The second thing was Math. Mr. Sy raised his copy of the red book that some priest guy (Fr. Mena?) wrote. I think it was the dead one (Yes, I know, Xavier has a lot of history with dead priests, but bear with me and I'll ask Mr. Sy) . Anyway, when he asked if we'd like him to read from it, I was slightly apprehensive. I was just not in the mood at the time, but then Stanly's overeager "YES!!!" reminded me that anything to delay the lesson (and quiz) was a good thing.

So Mr. Sy read an account about how before 1966, there were only two languages spoken in Xavier--English and Mandarin. English was most important because EVERYTHING was in English back in the day, and Mandarin was necessary for communication with China (I believe dialectal-suppression began long before this time, so it makes sense). Tagalog and Amoy were both banned.

Then he proceeds to make some kind of lengthy discussion regarding Iced Cream Slips, but I was about caught up with the whole Amoy-being-banned thing. I can understand Tagalog--it was American rule, after all, and this WAS the Philippines. But Amoy? C'mon... that language is practically unknown to the average Filipino, even until today. Still, it does explain why Xaverians at the time were so good in English and Mandarin.

When he'd finished the passage, I raised my hand and inquired about the Hokkien-banning. I explained that since my Dad doesn't speak Fukien as a native dialect, he had to learn Hokkien speaking with his friends. And speaking with his friends began when he was about five (yeah, I met the mom of Uncle Sonny, who says that she met my dad and Uncle Richard when they were five, and the three had been magka-barkada ever since). Analyze the following data:

Filipino-Amoy ban: before 1966 (it ended in the year 1966-1967)
Dad born: 1957
Dad entered Xavier: 1961 (yeah, he came in a year early. Also, his whole batch skipped fifth grade because of major curriculum reforms, but this is irrelevant).

So presumably, at 4 years old, and for five years after, Fukien was completely banned in Xavier. Now I would think that 6-9 years old being highly formative years for children, this would be the time when he would learn Fukien. But according to this ban, it wasn't.

Maybe he did outside with his friends? Or at his friends' homes? Oh well.

Still, my Dad's Fukien wasn't perfect even when he'd met my mom's parents for the first time. Apparently, when he met my maternal grandmother, he couldn't understand a thing she was saying because she had an accent that he wasn't accustomed to. According to him, she had to speak in Tagalog with him. How embarrassing, he says.

Somewhere along the way, some of the people began wondering out loud what Amoy was. Mr. Sy was repeating (rather fruitlessly) "Amoy? It's... Amoy! You know, Amoy!"

Then he did something I did not expect. At all.

He said, "Amoy! Dan le kong e!" (Curse it all. I don't know the character for "le".) Basically, it translates to "What we speak!"

Kenn suddenly does a backwhip sort of thing and goes, "Sir! That just gave me an O."

And really, it was cool. It must have been the first moment in all of Xaverian High School Math History that the teacher suddenly broke out in Hokkien. Mr. Sy follows it up with, "Lan-nang uwei! (I know this one! 咱人話) I bet you guys didn't think I spoke that, huh? HAH!"

That was just so cool.

So here's a really nice Cantonese song. It talks about some of the things that I'd probably talk about if I were to write a love song. The verses refer to little things about the ex of the persona that s/he apparently doesn't forget. It's a very sweet song. Originally sung by 吳國敬, later remade by 陳慧琳 for a movie.

我沒有忘記

常常想起你最愛的是薄荷味
是那樣難聞我想死
為何花心機無聊地共你爭一口氣
幻想改變你

沒有沒有沒有忘記
直發亂發也這麼討厭
怎麼會愛著你除非風箏會飛

讓我讓我讓我忘記
上次下次永遠都不會
怎麼會掛念你除非雙手記起抱緊過你

常常想起你愛的酒淡淡無味
沒有任何人會歡喜
為何想起你猶如提示我呼吸空氣
萬一很愛你

但是為甚麼皺眉太專心厭棄
難道我太過愛你還苦苦銘記
兩眼比耳朵美

I know, I know, I haven't been updating religiously

2006-09-17T08:54:00.000+08:00

But you see, I simply haven't the time. School and life has been getting in the way.

I'm sure you people can relate. Here's an update on the bigger things that've been happening recently.

1) Retlaw and Tea. My God. What just happened here? How're things gonna be afterwards? I have no idea. But it's bound not to be pretty.

2) Mark Ong has been getting on my nerves recently. Now I have TRIED to be as tolerant as possible with this person but enough is enough. He acts like a five year old girl. What's worse, he reacts like a five year old girl, too. Seriously, he has to grow up. Now.

3) Raphie has been irritated with almost everybody lately. And infinitely paranoid. To the point that I was actually a bit hurt with some of the things he said. Where is the trust? I mean c'mon, believe in your friends. That's why we're your friends!

4) Henry has been terribly distant as of late. Actually, since the year began. What has happened here? I remember our YM conversations that would last for hours and hours, and now the most he'll yield to give is 30 seconds of his time just to say "nothing" to me. He won't even talk to me in school. We don't walk around school and bug teachers like we used to. He doesn't talk to me. What is up with that? When one of your best friends doesn't talk to you, you KNOW something is terribly wrong.

5) Jackie and I have reaffirmed our best-friend status. This makes me immensely happy. Over the past few months, the friendship has been wasting away and falling into learning to live without the old talks. She texted me, and then there was her Days, and I was just so happy.

6) Walter and I have been getting closer. This is very good. And since this is about all I can say about stuff, I will stop here.

7) Kenn and I are not doing fine. As of late, we have been slowly deteriorating to talking about, as he would say, "burgers and fries". Now I don't know about him, but that frustrates me. I do not want to talk shallow with Kenn of all people! And yet what choice do we have? We don't even connect.

8) The Parents and I have had a rift lately. It all began with them forcing Andrew not to pick me up until three hours later at Dr. Leung's. Ever since, I've been antagonistic and hostile towards them. This animosity isn't exactly the best thing to live around, and I tried once, but it all went to hell when I got forced to stay late in school because they went out late and I couldn't go to Dr. Leung's to have my braces put on on Wednesday.

I just saw Brooke kiss Payton on the mouth on DVD. And I just saw my brothers rewind and play.

Well, that's basically all of my neurotics. It doesn't make a lot of sense to some of you, but it's who I am at this moment.

So anyway.

I have gotten through this patch of negative music lately, and spearheaded by 天生天養 by Andy Lau, I've been into positive, Devil-May-Care music lately. Here's the next one:

夕陽無限好 陳奕迅

多經典的歌後　一剎眼已走
纏綿著青蔥的山丘　轉眼變蟻丘
這個剎那宇宙　拒絕永久
世事無常還是未看夠　還未看透

多好玩的東西　早晚會放低
從前並肩的好兄弟　可會撐到底
愛侶愛到一個地步　便另覓安慰
枉當初苦苦送禮　最艷的花萎　最後化爛泥

夕陽無限好　天色已黃昏
本想去憑愛　去換最燦爛一生
想不到長吻　帶來更永恆傷感
夕陽無限好　卻是近黃昏
高峰的快感　剎那失憾
風花雪月不肯等人　要獻便獻吻

多風光的海島　一秒變廢土
長存在心底的傾慕　可會夠細數
每秒每晚彷似大盜
偷走的青春一天天變老
只可追憶到　想追追不到

好風景多的是　夕陽平常事
然而每天眼見的　永遠不相似

And, it's Cantonese. Sorry, Kenn! Hello, Nicky.

Now this song just ROCKS. The tune is godly. I'm sending it to Nicky pronto.

Yes, I know how people feel about Cantonese (Walter, Kenn, Chai, Andrew, Alex, Mom, etc...) but it's beautiful to me. I just hope they can accept that.

It just goes to show that the songs you grew up listening to

2006-09-12T18:21:00.000+08:00

Are the very same songs you will be listening to no matter how many years have gone by.

That's what I learned last night. See, I'd been sifting through the contents of my music folder when all of a sudden, I chanced upon two very old songs that I hadn't heard in a while. A very long while. Years, in fact.

The first one was 紅豆 Hong Dou. I had first heard this song when I read about a Chinese version of Eyes On Me, which I enjoyed somewhat at the time. When I downloaded it, it sounded nothing like Eyes On Me, but I was in love with it for a looooong time.

Since I had no idea how to view Chinese in my computer at the time, the lyrics in characters was out of the question, but pinyin was available... and I had conveniently just been learning it at the time.

I never understood what the lyrics meant, but I loved the tune. It was just last night, such a long time after, that I finally researched the lyrics. Here's what came out:

還沒好好的感受雪花綻放的氣候
我們一起顫抖會更明白甚麼是溫柔
還沒跟你牽著手走過荒蕪的沙丘
可能從此以後學會珍惜天長和地久

有時候有時候我會相信一切有盡頭
相聚離開都有時候沒有甚麼會永垂不朽
可是我有時候寧願選擇留戀不放手
等到風景都看透也許你會陪我看細水長流

還沒為你把紅豆熬成纏綿的傷口
然後一起分享會更明白相思的哀愁
還沒好好的感受醒著親吻的溫柔
可能在我左右你才追求孤獨的自由

Next is a song I stumbled upon when I first began doing research on Faye Wong. This was almost a year before the insurgence of Cantonese in my life. It said that a certain CD of artistic expression Faye released then was met with much controversy, as people preferred that she stuck to songs like 天空 Tian Kong, a hit song that she had released in the past, but others enjoyed this one more.

I don't pretend to take sides on the whole argument, but one thing I will say is that I love the song 天空. Here it is:

我的天空為何掛滿濕的淚　
我的天空為何總灰的臉
飄流在世界的另一邊　
任寂寞侵犯一遍一遍　
天空劃著長長的思念

你的天空可有懸著想的雲
你的天空可會有冷的月
放逐在世界的另一邊　
任寂寞佔據一夜一夜　
天空藏著深深的思念

我們天空何時才能成一片　
我們天空何時能相連
等待在世界的各一邊　
任寂寞嬉笑一年一年　
天空疊著層層的思念

但願天空不再掛滿濕的淚　
但願天空不再塗上灰的臉
------------------------------------------------------------------
Here is another discourse on my past.

Yesterday, I was reading Candide when I saw two words that jumped out to me.

The first was "Andalusian". It's a very white Spanish horse (most are Arabic). I know this because I once bought a toy horse in Minnesota with different breeds of horses at the back of the box. I also did a bit of research on my own during my whole "obsessed with horses" stage and found this. The point is that I'd learned this back when I was six, and so it wasn't a complete waste.

The second word is "choleric". Plain and simple, this means quick to anger. Other synonyms I'd picked up when I perused the entry on choleric in the dictionary are "irascible", "irritable" and "splenetic". I learned this word when I was eleven, when I went through this stage of complete obsession with reading the dictionary.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Lastly, when I was fourteen, for the speech component of my grade in Filipino, I found this poem on the net which I recited and explained in class. It's not a professional one, as my other classmates chose, but one done by--at that time--an eighteen year old. Her name was Arianne Angela Solis, and she had migrated to Canada. The poem was written quite wishy-washily, but nonetheless still won when she entered a contest. She had done it for an ex-boyfriend.

It's beautiful, really, so here it is:

Idlip Arianne Angela Solis

Bakit ba naman,
sumapit na ang gabi,
ang talukap ay di man lang
nag-abalang magsara,
at hayaang dumilim ang paningin
at ang isip ay magpahinga?

Hindi kaya dahil
binabagabag ako ng iyong imahen
na pilit lumalapit sa akin
ngunit akin namang nilalayuan?

Dili kasi'y hindi
pinahintulutan ng panahon
na ang ating mga yabag
ay magdugtong
at ang pintig ng dibdib ay mapag-isa?

Kaya hayaan mo na akong
iduyan ng aking tagong kamalayan
habang tahimik kong dinarama
ang damping halik ng hangin.
Hayaan mong ang multo
ng iyong pagkatao
ay lumutang
at lumipad
papalayo sa langit,
nang sa gayo'y ako'y
humiga na't iunan na
ang ulap na aking inaasam
na hagkan, at ako'y mahimbing
na't maidlip nang malaya.
---------------------------------------------------------
Check this interview out!

Aaron Lines sounds VERY different when he's just talking.

The Aaron Lines Interview

Sometimes, You Just Need To Cry

2006-09-10T12:59:00.000+08:00

You know? Sometimes, you just need to cry things out. Sometimes, one small sob can release a torrent-whirl of emotions that you didn't even know you felt bad about.

I have been exasperated with my parents these past few days, as I've explained before.

When I promised the speaker that I'd be pleasant to them, it turns out, I did the complete opposite. I snubbed them the whole weekend.

I think Jess meant for me to break my promise.

I think Jess meant for me to reach breaking point, and with all the frustration at my parents not caring and being so very inane, I cried it all out.

I don't ride the whole macho facade of Men Don't Cry. That's so passe, it's not even worth mentioning here. This thing is something that's been haunting me for months now. I am quite tired of having to be there for my parents. It's become almost routine for me now, and I'm tired.

I'm tired and I'm exasperated.

They just went out a while ago. You see, I had planned everything from the middle of the week. That we'd go on a daytrip on Saturday, that we'd spend some time as a family. You see, we may spend time together, but we're always missing one person. Always without Andrew when he's overnighting for things at school, or missing Alex when he's gallivanting with his friends.

But never me.

I am always with them. I did not want to spend the rest of my life alternating between two brothers.

So I planned the daytrip. Saturday just flew out the window. I had to do my Filipino Prewriting Activity, which was due at 12 noon. I had to go to Dr. Leung's because of the ortho appointment. Then Uncle Ernest dropped by the house and held my parents up for three hours, so I was fetched at 6:30, and my mood went from hopeful and light to just downright pissed.

I have not forgiven my parents for it since, because had they not told Andrew to wait for them, or if they had not waited for Alex, they would have fetched me and all would have been fine.

Their reasons were stupid.

Now that it's Sunday, Dad tries to get us all together again. Well, my mood was fucked up already, so that was completely out of the question. So in the end, they decided to go out without me. I had to do my homework (which I was not able to do yesterday, since I was held up at Country Waffles for three hours), and they all wanted to go out.

Oh, yes, here comes Mom, saying, "If not watch a movie with us, what would you like to do?"

"I want to go with you guys, but I have to do my homework."

"So you'd rather do your homework?" Now this was the assumption that pushed me over the edge. After preventing me from doing my homework all afternoon yesterday, she has the audacity to challenge my priorities? She's the one always pushing for high grades, not me.

So I told her, "Don't talk to me."

Because really, she shouldn't. I will be screaming back at her if she carries on like this. I will not have any of it.

And so, I cried. I cried that they didn't care if I came along or not (although I do believe that it's time they do things without me). I cried that I couldn't go and spend time with my family and make up with them because I had all this homework that I had yet to have done. I cried at how pathetic and helpless my situation was.

It was short. About two minutes, tops. But I felt good.

I banged my fists on the cabinet in the room, then walked to the comfort room and just gritted my teeth at the sink.

And yet this doesn't take away the fact that I still have homework, and that my family went without me.

Well, I hope someone's happy about this. I'm pretty sure her last name is Cacacho, too.

Pahabol

2006-09-09T19:39:00.000+08:00

Just some stuff that I didn't remember to post a while ago, and some new stuff as well.

Yesterday was Mr. Chua's birthday. He had us bring popped corn to cook at an experiment, and then eat to "celebrate".

Ralph, Jeffrey Go, Philip and I had to go through several botched attempts at popped corn with aluminum foil before we gave up and stole a pan from someone else. That was when it really happened. Whoohoo! Popped corn rocks.

Anyway, happy birthday, Mr. Chua! Hope you had fun.

Then there was today's News Report.

Now I didn't even prepare for it (don't kill me, Kenn!) but I think I did better than most of my groupmates. Hamilton was a bit... boring. Blair... kept on getting mocked and laughed at (even by the teacher). Charles... was really, really short.

Kenn came on really strong, and that set the mood for the class. He was gooood.

Intrams! I played against Joseph Kho... and flattened him.

Charles played against Craig and lost, but that's okay because we won two out of three anyway.

And the second of the third would be Waldon and Kyle fighting Sean So and Christian Co.

The best part was seeing Max Sy pitted against Jon Huang in Badminton. Max Sy held his own fairly well, but Jon Huang eradicated him from the competition with uncanny ease. The way he plays is wonderful! His drops were so deadly. Hanep mag-fake!

I LOVE BADMINTON.

I heard 何老師 He laoshi call Mr. Yu "小楊楊." Tongfu happened to hear it and burst out laughing. Mr. Yu went all crazy on him, "你笑我的名字嗎?" Mr. Yu seems very sensitive about his names. There was the "X" and now this . . .

Today was fairly crappy. I had to go to Dr. Leung's to have the separators for my lower teeth put in place so that on Wednesday, I could go have the braces for my lower teeth installed.

Andrew made me an hour late. But in the car, I had a nice camwhoring session with Drew.

The worst part was that when I got there, I was done in ten minutes. So it was barely 3:50 when I finished. I eventually ended up at Country Waffles where Alex, Mom and Dad came to eat at 6:24 pm. Yep. That's how long I had to wait.

Then THEY ate and dropped me home.

Now I'm here, with a pile of homework that I haven't done yet, and doing this entry.

I promised to be more pleasant to my parents. But they leave me no choice.

I Just Realized That All My Friends Have Dad-Issues

2006-09-09T13:14:00.000+08:00

Except me.

I mean wow . . . I could tick them off, one by one, on my hands. There's him, and her, and him, and her . . .

All except me!

How did I get so lucky?

I mean sure, there are occasions when I get indescribably pissed off at their one-track mindedness and their complete inability to understand me and my brothers, but other than that, I have next to zero qualms with my dad. When someone asks about my dad, no negative adjectives automatically spring to mind. It's always that he's hardworking, intelligent, articulate, knowledgeable, and the list goes on and on.

Of course, as those of you who read-present-tense (or read-past-tense) my blog religiously would know, this is nothing at all like last year's Filipino story of that kid whose image of his dad as some almighty, omnipotent being was torn to shreds when he realized that his dad couldn't bring his mom back from the dead.

In fact, I am almost 100% certain that I have never viewed my dad as someone perfect, even as a child. It was actually Andrew, my brother, that used to see dad as all-knowing until he was about 9 or 10 years old, because whatever Andrew used to ask him then, he knew the answer to.

Well, that's besides the point. Anyway, hurray for cool, contemporary, liberal dads like my own.

Oh, wait. I just had a conversation with Justine.

Justine: . . . dad just ignores me and . . .

Okay, that just reminded me. Dad used to ignore me as a child. He was always out of the country or out of the house when i was a kid. But that was a long time ago (6? 7 years ago?), and things have fixed themselves since.

Anyway, yesterday, I attended the Days thingy with the thingy for the thingies at the thingy.

Some quotable quotes:

Raphie: *looks around the group that've seated themselves around the banig, all from the advanced classes* I think it's safe to say we're the smart ones. *Jovi, Jordan and Rossini arrive* I retract my statement.

Me: *listens to Bukas Palad on the CD player* Why is the music so... (I was actually trying to say "It's so secular, or meditation-y" but I couldn't find the words)
Topet: What? Why is the music so what?
Me: I don't know, it's so . . . what's the word for it? *enters the next room* *sees Raphie* *whose vocabulary is probably wider than the Pacific Ocean* What's the word for it?
Raphie: *recoils* I DON'T KNOW!!! What's the word for what? Err . . . fellatio? *Topet bursts out laughing*

Some H4 guy: *comes in toting two bags* Does any of you own these bags?
Raphie: DO any of you . . . *trails off* No I don't. Check if there's a nametag.
H4 guy: *slinks away with a mock-hurt expression*
Raphie: No! [name of H4 guy], I'm sorry, I didn't mean to correct you!

Me: [thinking] Oh, yes you did.

Henry: It's . . . it's reflex.

During the special Lime-scent-less . . . thingy, some dude's head was covering the candlelight, and that annoyed me. A lot. When his head finally moved away, I found that it was too bright. But, as it went on, it didn't annoy me. Rather, my eyes adjusted to me. That candle is like Jesus.

Topet: [referring to Jesus] It means that when you go to see him, you share your load with him.
Me: You share your load.
Raphie: [pretends to hold a cellphone] Here's five pesos, Jess.

Afterwards, Raphie and I decided to walk back to Gate 14, where we'd leave. We basically walked around in the dark for a while. When we got to the area directly outside the Sports Center, to the CR near the P.E. office, we see Mr. Alvin Ang.

Me: Mr. Ang!
Mr. Ang: *turns around* Hello. *grins madly*
Me: How are . . . [sees smile] . . . yoouuu . . .? *Raphie and I walk away*
Raphie: What a wonderful conversation with Mr. Ang. We're sure to be staffers now.
*we get to the area near Gate 14. We hear my brother's three beeps from the car outside the gate*
Me: Oh, it's my driver! I mean my brother! My driver-brother!
*walk to Gate 1, which is open*
Raphie: *sees me walking in open air, where it was raining really hard just a while ago* Aren't you gonna get wet?
Me: It's barely raining!
*walk some more*
Me: Hey, you wanna use my racket-case as cover when we go to Gate 1?
Raphie: No, no, thanks. I've got my planner.
Me: Will that even cover your head?
Raphie: Yes, it will.
Me: You can just use my racket, it'll cover both our heads.
Raphie: No, you deserve to use! It's your racket after all.
Me: Why only use it to cover one person when it can cover two?
Raphie: It's barely raining! Great, now I'm using that argument. *run out into the rain* Just walk really fast and you won't get wet.
Me: Oh, I hate moving puddles.
Raphie: There's like, ocean mist here.
*come across a semi-flooded area with water up to the area above the soles of our shoes*
Raphie: How do we do this?
Me: Just walk slowly.

So there. Yay!

Other randomness:
- I saw Fr. Guy ask Justin if we used to pray after class as well. I think that's a bit . . . dumb. What, is he incapable of choosing whether or not to pray after class, regardless of custom?

Two songs have been stuck in my head recently (one yesterday, one today)

簡單愛 - 周杰倫

說不上為什麼我變得很主動
若愛上一個人什麼都會值得去做
我想大聲宣佈對妳依依不捨
連隔壁鄰居都猜到我現在的感受

河邊的風在吹著頭髮飄動
牽著妳的手一陣莫名感動
我想帶妳回我的外婆家
一起看著日落一直到我們都睡著

我想就這樣牽著妳的手不放開
愛能不能夠永遠單純沒有悲哀
我想帶妳騎單車
我想和妳看棒球
想這樣沒擔憂唱著歌一直走

我想就這樣牽著妳的手不放開
愛可不可以簡簡單單沒有傷害
妳靠著我的肩膀
妳在我胸口睡著
像這樣的生活我愛妳妳愛我

想簡！簡！單！單！愛~~~~~~~~~~
想簡！簡！單！單！愛~~~~~~~~~~

And this other one, called...

Oh, It Is Love by Hellogoodbye [in bold are the parts that I like]

Oh, it is love from the first time I set my eyes upon yours
Thinking “Oh, is it love?”

Oh, dear, it's been hardly a moment and you are already missed
There is still a bit of your skin that I'm yet to have kissed
Oh, say “Please do not go.” when you know you know that I must

Oh, say, “I love you so.”
You know, you know you can trust
We'll be holding hands once again
All our broken plans, I will mend
I will hold you tight so you know
It is love from the first time I pressed my hand into yours
Thinking “Oh is it love?”

Dear, its been hardly three days and I'm longing to feel your embrace
There are several days until I can see your sweet face
Oh, say, wouldn't you like to be older and married with me
Oh, say, wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be,

Someday, holding hands in the end
All our lovely plans will have been
I will kiss you soft so you know
It is love from the first time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, “Oh is it love?”

Your heart may long for love that is more near
So when I'm gone these words will be here to ease every fear
And dry up every tear and make it very clear
I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first time I press my lips against yours
Thinking, “Oh is it love?”

Oh, it is love from the first time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinking, “Oh is it love?”

Oh, I kiss you and I know
It is love from the first time I set my lips onto yours
Thinking, “Oh is it love?”

Rebuttal

2006-09-06T17:08:00.000+08:00

Remember when I said yesterday that I was warming up to Fr. Guy?

Well, I think--no, I know--I've just frozen over again.

I hate his fucking nerve.

How dare he generalize that all of us in the class are spoiled brats? What the hell is wrong with him? Was he traumatized by rich kids on the playground when he was a kid, such that he now decides to vent it on us?

He has absolutely no right to assume that all of us are Paris Hiltons that have never had work on his hands. That's absolutely wrong, and it's about time someone beat some sense into that overly bald head of his.

"How many shoes do you have?", he says. "How many pairs of feet do you have?" he says. "Can you wear all your shoes?" he says.

Well, my dear friend, I'd like to inform you that not every god damn Xaverian you meet is an Imelda wannabe. Can you accept that? I don't care! Live with it! You have no right to judge a person before you meet him.

I am not going to get along with this Guy (pun fucking intended) for any sustained period of time.

And it's not just brats that he apparently generalizes, too.

Now, he has the gall to generalize feelings. Yes, feelings. Feelings that he has no right to generalize. How does he know he's experienced the complete spectrum of human emotion? There is no basis. In English, we call this a Dicto Simpliciter (don't try to analyze it. I didn't put the necessary clauses to qualify this as a Dicto Simpliciter. In real life, I just know that it is).

Here's basically what he said:

Freedom = Peace.
Unfreedom = Dissatisfaction.

If you want to know whether something is pro-freedom or anti-freedom, base it on the feelings.
Freedom will bring you peace. Unfreedom will bring you dissatisfaction.

When you break up with the girl you love the most because you know she loves someone else and is not happy with you, will that bring you peace?

No, it won't.

When you kill the person who killed your child, will that make you dissatisfied? True, it won't bring your child back, but that's the wrong way of looking at it. You have stopped this murderer from ever taking another life again.

That is peace.

Filipino. I basically flunked the check up quiz because I neglected to read the last three pages of Katamaran ng Pilipino by Jose Rizal. I felt horrible, because I didn't even try. Mom's words flashed into my head right after the quiz. At some point, and I feel guilty for admitting this, I actually felt that she was right. Advanced Filipino just isn't worth it. Flunking the tests and getting low grades, and for what? Filipino has no future. All the Filipinos are now taking extra-English classes, and when foreigners come to the Philippines, the Filipinos always speak English with them and not the other way around. In your college application, it won't say whether you were in Advanced Filipino or not, but it will say the grade you got.

Heck, I don't even blog in Filipino!

And that's when I had to mentally kick myself. This is FILIPINO, we're talking about! Filipino. I don't give a flying rat's ass whether it's useful, has a future or what the hell ever. It's Filipino--part of my soul. Part of my life. I can't and won't separate from it.

I want to stay, so long as my grades allow it. Because Filipino is fast becoming an extinct language--isn't that more reason to learn it? To preserve it? Even when it's no longer spoken on the streets of the Philippines, even when every last book written in it crumbles to dust, Filipino will live on in my heart--our hearts.

........................................................................................

Elsewhere, I played Badminton with Charles in the crappy High School court today. There were newspapers all over it. So I made an attempt to give Charles some semblance of formal training by showing him the forms, the correct swing, how to smash, how to hold his racket. A tad later, his friends showed up and started walking around the court.

I dunno about him, but I sure had a lot of fun.

Anyway, afterwards, I went straight to Dr. Leung's, but in the car, I camwhored to my heart's content.

Well, myself, that is. Yes, I'm vain. I know. I know. Shut up.

I got to Dr. Leung's, and while I was having the braces rewired, the lady who was tying the support wire to the existing wire yanked a bit too hard (yeah, I'm feeling it in the molar now) and the entire bracket popped off.

So they remedied it, and I eventually got home.

I also had a great talk with Henry, JV, Mark (Tan), Arvin and Kyle a while ago.

My braces are light blue.

Baby, It's Fact by Hellogoodbye (I found this song on Chantal's Multiply)

Just in case they're wondering, they've got us pinned terribly.
They don't believe our love is real, cos they don't know how real love feels.

You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you,
And how my hearts about to burst into a thousand pieces
So, it must be true
And they'll believe us too, soon

Baby, it's fact, our love is true.
The way black is black, and blue is just blue.
My love is true, it's a matter of fact.
Oh, and you love me too; it's a simple as that.
Baby, our love is true.

They may say some awful things, but there's no point in listening.
Your words are the only words that I believe in afterwards.

You should know it's true
Just now, the part about my love for you,
And how my hearts about to burst into a thousand pieces
So, it must be true
And they'll believe us too, soon

Baby, it's fact, our love is true.
The way black is black, and blue is just blue.
My love is true, it's a matter of fact.
Oh, and you love me too; it's a simple as that.
Baby, our love is true.

It's true.

Baby, it's fact, our love is true.
The way black is black, and blue is just blue.
My love is true, it's a matter of fact.
Oh, and you love me too; it's a simple as that.
Baby, our love is true.

Baby, it's fact, our love is true.
The way black is black, and blue is just blue.
My love is true, it's a matter of fact.
Oh, and you love me too; it's a simple as that.
Baby, our love is true.

Baby, it's fact, our love is true.
Baby, it's fact.

Okay, okay, so the lyrics aren't much. I dunno what genre this is, but these are the kinds of songs I love!

The tune is awesome.

Crazy, Hazy, Lazy Doggone Days

2006-09-05T18:08:00.000+08:00

This morning, I had quite a bit of trouble getting up out of my nice, warm bed (a phrase Aldwin's always repeated to me, time and again when I badger him about being late, comes to mind: "Ang sarap matulog, e.") and getting ready for school. Considering that I slept at 9:30 last night, and when I slept at 1:00++ the night before that one, I was able to wake up at 5:00 am, that's pretty unsettling.

Maybe I ought to sleep late more...

...

Nah.

So since today's a Tuesday, there's a haircut inspection in school after the assembly.

As soon as I finished bathing and checked my hair in the mirror, I knew I was a goner.

1) Too long
2) With the shampoo I used on it, it's now more slippery, softer and it looked a hell of a lot longer than was accepted. Oh crap.

So I got to school, worried like hell, when all of a sudden, I'm walking with Raphie and JV and bemoaning about my flawless H3 record being besmirched by green death ladida when JV suddenly interjects that there won't be a haircut inspection today.

...

First reaction: FUCKING WHAT DID YOU SAY????

...

Second reaction: OMG I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

*does a happy dance*

Yep yep yep!

So while Raphie and I line up, we scheme to help me escape Mr. Manahan's inevitable "wrath" (it's not really wrath, because he's really kind). Raphie commented how I could hide behind Dominic.

I KNOW you know that i have history with this human. I shot the idea down at once.

Now when we finally got to Mr. Manahan at the top of the stairs, I just hid behind Raphie and all was fine.

English:

Ms. Magallona was trying to elicit some feedback from us before the quiz on One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.

Ms. Magallona: Who thought the movie was good?
Carlo: *raises hand*
Ms. Magallona: Carlo? It's not because of the girls, is it?
Carlo: No, uh, actually, the girls sucked.
Lee (Panopio): Literally.

I howled with laughter at this point. The weeks have just been so dreary lately that I've been reduced to finding shallow joy at the slightest hint of a joke. I know I'm sad. Shut up. I said, shut up!

Carlo: *yadda yadda yadda* because the people let themselves be touched. *pauses, looking at Lee* Figuratively.

Later...

Ms. Magallona: Who're the bad boys in class?
Lee points to Leigh, Alfonso (Solano) points to Lee, both say "Leigh/Lee."

Later still...

Ms. Magallona: How would you feel if, like, your girlfriend cheated on you? Let's say she cheated with Alfonso.

Okay, this was just dead funny. If you don't get the implications of that, then... *sticks tongue out*

Chinese!

葉老師: 用 "把" 造一個句子.
王芳理: 皇帝把大便聞聞.
楊寧爾: 老師, 我要報仇.
葉老師: 來吧, 我們看看你能不能報仇.
楊寧爾: 芳理把尿嘗嘗.
(全班狂笑)
葉老師: 很好!

What a tiring day!

Oh... Lesley saw me outside school... she's actually been seeing me every other day...

Interesting.

She's gonna say hi, next time!

This song, I fear, has been stuck in my head for the past few days:

天生天養 - 劉德華 (用粵但有國)

天生不想競技
哪個有翼會飛
浮雲何必跟那海水去相比
抄低這種見地
我愛我的因我覺得歡喜

天生不懂顧慮
我渴了便喝水
纏綿微雨怎會捨得我的嘴
不想走可以睡
我有我的不要我的懶得追

天生天養邊走邊唱
聆聽自己的心至上
不理風向
沒華麗的色相
面對天空開個唱

即使身手太嫩
我有我大戲院
為何隨馬戲團表演跳火圈
忠於私己意願
我這角色總算親手去挑選

喜歡的東西抱著走
若以前不怕一個清風兩袖
誰又怕會失手

Something I find very nice about this song is that it gives me this carefree, to-hell-with-the-others-I'm-just-gonna-be-me feeling (that I've only recently discovered since I've started hanging with someone). That's exactly how I want to feel.

I'd scream this song from the rooftop of my house if I could find a way to get up there.

I can't believe I'm about to say this

2006-09-04T18:14:00.000+08:00

But I do believe I'm somewhat "warming up" to Fr. Guy.

Yes, I know, you've all just thrown up in your mouths.

I don't know if it was the PTC, or that he wasn't half as "mean" today as he was during the previous days, but I'm beginning to see a better side to this raving, evil parody of a priest.

You're wondering what happened in the PTC, eh (actually, you're probably not. Well, too bad. I'm gonna say anyway.)? Well, I'd sent mom and dad to talk to him and here are some of the things he told them:

- I've apparently left a "lasting impression" on him, as all of my answers are apparently well thought out.
- when I raise my hand, he doesn't automatically call me because when I answer, no one else will think anymore.

That's a bit... scary.

NO!!!! MRS. MALLO ISN'T COMING BACK!!! Hey wait... could it be that... it's because I know this that I put myself in the mindset that I'd have to start accepting Fr. Guy sooner or later? Thereby causing me to 'warm up' to him? It still feels a little disorienting not to instantly analogize Fr. Guy with twenty different (rather colorful) ways of detaching his head from his neck and his neck from his shoulders. The most painful of which involving dull garden pliers. Oooogh.

And today, the farthest he went with regards to insulting someone was badgering Stamford about whether his description of free referred to the wind or the bird. You see, Stamford's project read "Freedom is the wind beneath our wings." (Yeah, I know, I know, you must've swallowed all of that vomit and then barfed it out all over again surrounded by new vomit). Then he proceeds to explain how when he imagines freedom, he always visualizes a bird flying freely. That's when Fr. Guy attempted to clear it out.

Haaaaaaaaay.

I should start taking uppers again so I end up going all huramentado in class so I can scare the shit out of Fr. Guy.

Good Stuff and Bad Stuff

2006-08-31T16:46:00.000+08:00

I mean, c'mon, let's all admit it. We can't avoid it. Can not.

29th of August, 2006

Henry, Raphie and I had been walking around after the (complete disaster of a) Pep Rally. I asked KOG some time later what it took to be a staffer.

A personal message: I have expressed sincere interest and promised perpetual support for the position. I am a passionate person at heart. What more do you want? Perhaps I ought to have "PICK ME! PICK ME!" tattooed on my goddamn forehead, as well?

Kaizer...

30th of August, 2006

The long, loooong-awaited gimmick!

I was at home, watching this movie with Andrew (my brother Andrew, not my classmate Andrew, because that would just be weird) about a guy named Jack Taylor, who has a daughter, and a woman named Melanie Parker, who has a son. They meet, on fine day, and instantly hit it off, fighting but at the same time falling for each other, all the way until the end of the day when... well, I don't know. I left before the end of the movie.

It's beautiful, really. Jack was played by George Clooney, and Melanie by Michelle Pfeiffer. Have you guessed the name of the movie, yet? ONE FINE DAY!!!!!!!!

I wanna watch it again. Hehehe... Hey guess what! Mae Whitman plays Maggie Taylor, George's character's daughter. (Henry, you get the significance already, don't you?) You probably all know of Mae Whitman because....

She voices Katara on Avatar! (Yes, Henry, the bells in your head are RINGING).

Quotable Quotes:
Melanie: So do you agree [to watch the kids for me]?
Jack: I'll agree if you say "Jack, please be my knight in shining armor.".
Melanie: Jack, don't be a shithead.

Anyway, so I get to PowerPlant and walk around because no one's here yet, but I am told by Walter that he, Charlene and Andrew (Yap.) would be arrive in thirty (it was eleven at the time).

So later on, they text me and I catch them stepping off the escalator. Then I start following them around and take pictures. It's quite a bit later before Walter catches me.

So we start walking around, and for some reason, beeline to the KTV room in PowerStation where Charlene proceeds to let me listen to 三年二班 San Nian Er Ban, which is so freaking cool-sounding that I asked her to send it to me the next time she catches me online. I then proceed to reference the Biconditional, which she then references to the Rascal Flatts from the night before. Hehe...

So anyway, Walter sings Hands Down and he and Andrew sing another song later when all of a sudden, Kenn arrives. The New Blue Crew is now complete! Condign.

Sim--I mean Kenn, and L--I mean Charlene sing 晴天, which I video (I'll give it to you if you ask real nice) and we beat it. We decide we want to eat lunch, but I find out from Kenn that Jackie and Catherine are here. As I camwhore Kenn and Charlene, Walter and Andrew begin to play some zombie-shooting game. Kenn, Charlene and I see Jackie in Bayo (boy, she really WAS serious about shopping here!) so we go and surprise them. Cath walking out of the fitting room with a top smaller than her head was not what I was expecting.

So we walk around, run around looking for each other, then I camwhore Char and Kenn from above (hehehe) until she sees me and screams (in a crowded shopping mall) and we all decide to go down to the food-level to eat. Walter's nose suddenly starts to bleed, so we remedy that, and then go to Mediterranean to eat. It wasn't... very nice. But oh well.

So we pay the check, and after much camwhoring, leave to go ... KTV! Again. So as Charlene sang her heart out (you HAVE to listen to her sing Faith Hill's There You'll Be... poetry in motion), and we powerstationed and powerstationed (Charlene beat the top score of 6900++ with a whopping 8032!) So we all have fun until we all decide to go down to Parking Level 3 where I immediately grab shots, and then proceed to cajole Charlene about doing the trampoline jumping thing. Charlene was, for some odd, odd reason, worried about weighing too much. HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY WEIGH TOO MUCH WITH A BODY LIKE THAT??? Jesus.

So she can do it, and even though Cath and Jackie and everyone are scared shitless at the thought of doing it (except Walter, who weighs a bit too much to jump), they're all urging her to go do it because it's a "once-in-a-lifetime experience". Well, you know, Cath/Jackie, it doesn't HAVE to be only once in your lifetime... *hint, hint*

I buy myself a ticket to jump, and maybe it's because it's been such a long, damn time since I last did it, but despite my absolute, unwavering confidence, when I first felt the tug of the bungee cords on my body, pulling me up, up, uuuup, and then those heebie-jeebies from quickly falling down, down, dooown.... well, let's just say my heart skipped a few beats and the blood froze in my veins.

"Oh, shit."

But it was great, because after bouncing a bit, the fear ebbed away and there was this powerful feeling of flying and being able to reach the sky somewhere in those five minutes of pure bliss peppered with failed backflips and failed front flips, and a gaping Charlene.

Kenn, Walter and Christian came by a tad later--while I was still jumping, no less. Anyway, jump, jump, jump...

So Charlene decided to try it. First, she climbed one wall while Walter and Kenn traversed (and we were all sweating like hell). Then, she hooked herself up on the harness and got to bouncing, and she did the most unexpected thing.

She screamed. And again, and again, and again...

Okay, maybe not so unexpected. But it was good. The feeling was wonderful, wasn't it, Char?

Video-ed her! Haha.

So as Katan tries her hand at it, we all... did a very bad thing.

Suffice it to say that while we were off, buying her Starbuck's... something happened.

And it caused a sort of downward-spiral in the mood of the day.

Because we hadn't even gotten to Starbucks when Katan materialized behind us.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Anyway, we went up to check on The Devil Wears Prada, but Kenn and I got to talking and suddenly asks me to go the bathroom where he explains everything to satisfaction and we rejoin the other people. Turns out, Andrew couldn't watch anymore, so we all decided to just screw and walk around with nothing to talk about. Christian was eating some kind of mushroom-and-egg crepe thing.

So we walk. And talk. And for some reason, go to Humor Post and take pics of people kissing stuffed toys, and PowerStation again (the boredom saver), where we camwhore some more and ride this weird vibrating ride with Jackie, before Kenn has to suddenly go, and Katan and Mark Keng have to suddenly go, and then Charlene, Walter and Andrew have to go, and Jackie, Christian, Catherine and I are left.

We talk about a lot of nice things, I order a Java Chip Frapp or something like that and drink with them in those tall table things beside the concession stand at the movies, then chat the time away until it's time to go.

But as I leave, I realize the night has only begun. I have another night out with Rachel, Courtney, Uncle Richard, Auntie Bambie, my brothers, Rhea and Billy.

But this one, I think I'd like to keep to myself. Let the pictures speak for themselves.

31st of August, 2006

Yep, today, I FINALLY got my report card back. The whole class was almost hopping on the edges of their seats when Examen came. The fact that there was still this annoying Examen in between us and those blessed sheets of cardboard made me so gosh darn irascible I almost stood up and took the cards myself. Then afterwards, Mr. Asis was all "I won't distribute the cards unless the classroom is clean."

Oh but this morning, since I got home really late last night, I decided to just sleep in until about 7:30, when I finally got my lazy (tired, actually, and with good reason) to move. I got to school at about 10:07, when Mr. Sy just dismissed the class. Lol.

Anyway, so here are the much-awaited grades!

Christian Life Education :: 90

English :: 88 (I know, right?)

Filipino :: 90

Mathematics :: 92

Chinese :: 97

Science :: 89

Social Science :: 92

Overall.... 2ND HONORS, BITCHES!!!! And a Chinese award. I'm content.

Funny conversation with Waldon:

Waldon: (talks about how he was expecting an 84 in Math, but got an 89 instead) Feeling ko dinoctor yan ni Manatad.

Me: Did you sleep with him?

Waldon: *gives me a weird look* Manatad is a girl.

Me: ... so you mean you don't sleep with girls?

Waldon: NO!!! Kasi sabi mo "him"!

R.O.F.L.!

It's Been Quite A While, Hasn't It?

2006-08-30T08:53:00.000+08:00

There have been quite a few things happening lately.

My friendship with a certain someone seems to be "on the rocks". And I don't know why.

Two people ended up fighting. About? Well... a certain other someone and why "they were friends".

Chinese class has been moved elsewhere. We don't have to walk five floors down and five floors up anymore.

Edrian told me, during said Chinese class, all the way at the back, that he saw my post regarding Fr. Guy. Oh crap. I swear, he even sort of "threatened" (in a joking manner) (I hope) to print it out and send it to Fr. Guy.

I'm a freaking Sp again. What possessed me to raise my hand during the Sp meeting in the first goddamn place? And you won't believe who my Spree is. I don't even know him anymore! All I remember is that in Nursery, we were best friends or something. I think I cut his hair with scissors once.

I have become a pretty professional camwhore/film slut/photo bitch.

Charles and I have been bonding over Chinese... homework, of all things.

THE ICA PALANCAS!!! JEEZ MARK!

The Badminton Intramurals. The team was: me (first singles), Edrian and Charles (doubles), Kyle (second singles). We lost. Oh well.

Okay, okay, so it's pretty stupid but there's this fun pop song (yeah, I know. So sue me) by 金城武 or Takeshi Kaneshiro (yes, the fangirls' hearts will be doing contortions now. Pass the earmuffs). It's called 因為愛你. Listen to it!

因為我愛你不能在分手以后
才將你身影充滿心中
既然深愛著你就不能讓你走

既然你愛我就別在分手以后
才想到我好 OH～Baby
如果你愛著我就不要讓我走

因為彼此都相愛太多
難免心中會有些困惑
你說我們要彼此擁有
不想一個人孤獨地走
甜言蜜語就不要再說
只要將身體緊靠著我
如果不能夠真正相愛
怎麼能了解失落是甚麼
OH My Baby
為了甚麼相愛卻終必成空

不要以為我愛得不夠
我的坦白請不要疑惑
你給我的時間并不多
有了你就沒有了自我
甜言蜜語就不要再說
只要將身體緊靠著我
如果不能夠真正占有
怎麼能了解相愛是甚麼
OH～My Baby
為了甚麼相愛卻終必成空

因為我愛著你不能在分手以后
才將你的身影充滿我的心中
既然深愛著你就不讓你走

I love this song... hehehehehehehehe. Yes, I know it's pop. Shut up.

And guess what else... THE PICTURES ARE WORKING!

Check the other posts, guys, I've added pictures to them, too!

Let's talk about a certain Fr. Guy

2006-08-24T19:11:00.000+08:00

Three people with M's in their names have been absent from school within this week.

There's Martin Fausto who is very sick.

There's Ms. Magallona who got into a rather serious vehicular accident.

Then there's Mrs. Mallo, who's been very weak since last summer. Now, since she's been absent, we've had this person named Fr. Guy fill in for her.

And on the VERY first day, he came in a soutane/cassock thing and it was just... well, I don't know what it was. Was that a move to intimidate us or make some kind of scary first impression or something? It seemed to have worked... Edrian later commented that the whole class was quiet because a) he was a priest and b) he had this feeling he'd go to hell if he made a noise.

He's a very good teacher; you can tell from the way he talks and expresses himself, how he can really make you think, and how he demands the respect and attention of everyone in the room (probably because he's a priest. Imagine, all my classmates, 11 years in Xavier, a Jesuit-run school, and are still in awe in a priest's presence). But personally, I do not like him.

Why? Well, for all that he's a very charismatic teacher, he lacks all of the grace, gentleness and compassion that I see in every other C.L.E. teacher. He's just too hardy, you know what I mean? He's so abrasive and rough-around-the-edges that I find his personality almost intolerable sometimes. Especially when he's driving a point at you.

Pass the valium.

OMG WTFH ROFLMAO NOOOO

2006-08-23T17:36:00.000+08:00

I swear, I'd sworn off this for a year already.

Maybe it's that stupid Badminton-endorphine High I got.

Maybe it's because I've been hanging out with Kenn waaaaay too much. Well, actually, I doubt that's a factor. Seeing almost every male in our school grope and fondle his body from head/neck *cough*Alfie*cough* to his ... ehem... *cough*Kyle*cough*twice*cough* is not exactly the most lucrative reward for getting in shape.

But I don't know. I was just lying in bed this afternoon after an exhausting day at school when I suddenly just had this urge to work my body into even more exhaustion (could this possibly be a primal instinct to vent frustration? Because this day is by far easily one of the most frustrating days of the school year). I started doing push-ups, sit-ups/crunches--even those stupid dumbells that mom and dad got for Andrew for his wrist all those many years ago and just pumped it out.

Now I'm sweating like hell and my arms feel like they've been stripped of the ability to move. (Yes, my hands and arms are collapsed on the computer table and my fingers are the only things moving) But hey, even though my head's spinning, I'm happy. Endorphine-production has been at full throttle.

Elsewhere, LEE PANOPIO OH MY FRIGGIN GOD I'M SORRY WALTER THOSE STUPID STAFFERS KASI E HAD TO GIVE IT AT THE WRONG TIME *swears in rapid strings of Cantonese* THIS IS JUST SO SCREWED UP AT LEAST WE'VE GOTTEN RID OF THE STUPID EVIDENCE AND YEAH I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M STILL TYPING IN THIS RIDICULOUSLY BIG FONT IN ALL CAPS BUT I'M HIGH AND HAPPY AND MY HEAD'S SPINNING AND MY FINGERS ARE TAKING CONTROL SO DON'T SWEAT IT AND STOP READING WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT BECAUSE THIS REALLY ISN'T GONNA MAKE A LOT OF SENSE OR GET TO ANY POINT BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I'M LIKE RIGHT AFTER I'VE WORKED OUT AND IF MY ARMS DIDN'T FEEL LIKE JELLY I'D BE A LOT MORE COHERENT AND DEEP JEEZ I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE STILL READING THIS IS JUST LAME AND IF YOU'RE LIKE ME YOU'LL HAVE GONE NUTS FROM THE SHEER LACK OF PUNCTUATION AND RAPHIE WILL PROBABLY TELL ME I'M A DISGRACE TO ALL NORMAL SENTIENT BLOGGERS ACROSS THE KNOWN UNIVERSE BUT HEY THESE ARE THOUGHTS COMING FROM MY HANDS AND A VERY FUZZY CLOUDED BRAIN WITH LOTS OF KEF TO SPARE SO YOU REALLY CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE STILL FREAKING READING THIS YOU MUST BE LIKE THE MOST PERSISTENT PATIENT PERSON IN THE WORLD EITHER THAT OR YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO REGARD FOR PUNCTUATION AND THE FINERIES OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND SPEAKING OF FINERIES WHAT THE HECK IS UP WITH THOSE IDIOTS THAT CAN'T SPEAK MANDARIN PROPERLY I MEAN THEY ALREADY FREAKING DUMBED CHINESE DOWN FOR THEM THE LEAST THEY CAN DO IS FORM THE WORDS PROPERLY THAT IS LIKE AN ACTUAL NORTHERNER AND NOT LIKE SOME IDIOTIC AIRHEAD THAT HASN'T BEEN TAUGHT CHINESE FOR ELEVEN FREAKING YEARS OF HIS HUMANE EXISTENCE I MEAN THE FACT THAT SOME PEOPLE STILL CAN'T DIFFERENTIATE THE PINYIN T AND THE PINYIN D AND THE PINYIN G AND THE PINYIN K AND THE PINYIN CH AND THE PINYIN ZH AND THE PINYIN C AND THE PINYIN Z IS FIRST OF ALL ABSOLUTELY DISGRACEFUL AND SECOND JUST SO STUPID TO LISTEN TO THAT I CAN'T HELP BUT INWARDLY LAUGH AT HOW LOUSY THEY SOUND I MEAN IF THEY CAN'T EVEN FAIR SEMI-WELL IN MANDARIN HOW WOULD THEY FAIR IN HOKKIEN AND ONE MORE THING HOW COME TEACHERS ARE ALWAYS SO PICKY ABOUT STUDENTS SAYING HI TO THEM IN THE HALLS I MEAN I ALWAYS ALWAYS SAY HI IN THE HALLS BUT THEM NOOOO WHEN I BUMP INTO A TEACHER OTHER THAN MR. YOUNG AND MS. JOYA THEY'LL JUST LOOK AT ME AND LOOK AT ME UNTIL WE'VE PASSED EACH OTHER BY IF I DON'T WAVE HI SO WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO SAY THEY'RE WAITING FOR ME TO MAKE THE FIRST GODDAMN MOVE I MEAN I'VE DONE MORE THAN MY FAIR SHARE NOW IT'S YOUR TURN.

Okay, I feel a lot better now.

A lot of the stuff that's bugged me is now off my chest. Haha! Well, no, nothing deep today. Just a lot of honesty. What you have read above is exactly how I felt, and no other implications or thoughts or assumptions have been included.

Quarterly Tests

2006-08-22T18:22:00.000+08:00

These days are pretty good.

Except for the day you get the actual results back.

The day after the quarterly test (Saturday, the 19th of August), I was just working in the office. Crap. And somehow, miraculously, that evening, I was able to summon the energy to call Kenn up on the phone and talk with him into the wee first hour of the morning. Something like what I used to do with Walter, and yet different. Rofl, I can still remember Kenn running around from his spot at the computer, the spot where his cellular phone was and the place where the phone was.

So anyway, on Monday morning, I had gotten supremely annoyed at the parents and brothers because we were supposed to go play Badminton at the old Country Club at 8, but we left close to 9:30 already. So we finally got there, and I was hit with this wealth of old memories and nostalgia. Valle Verde is an inseparable part of my childhood--i've been going there ever since I was six to train in Badminton, all the way til I was about thirteen, every weekend. In fifth to sixth grade, I trained every weekday and Saturday.

Coming back to the court that I played in for all my childhood and hadn't seen in more than three years brought back so many good memories. I found that one of the sets of chairs on the side had been removed, and the scoring post had been transferred to the other side of the court. I remembered coming with Coach Brandon to train from about eight or nine in the morning all the way until about eleven thirty to twelve. I remember all the friends I made there, all the years we'd spent studiously training.

I remembered every cut, bruise and scratch I'd incurred, every praise, every scolding, every stance-forming exercise, every jump, every bounce of the ball on the wall, every drop, every frantic dash to retrieve the ball, every mocking laugh, every handshake, every torn shuttlecock, every scraped racket, I focused it all into one super-charged smash on Alex.

It felt absolutely wonderful. I played like a God that day, glowing with nostalgia and love and I realized all the reasons why I loved this sport had never really left me. My growth spurt has also helped with the Driving and Smashing.

I guess that three-year hiatus helped me recharge. Because you see, it got to the point where I was so tired and sick of this sport that I couldn't bear playing it anymore. Just the thought of having to do it had driven me to the point of depression every Sunday morning.

Now, I can barely wait to get cracking on it again.

Of course, a sudden break into Badminton, a full-body sport, after a 3-year hiatus FROM sports is not without its consequences. The morning of the day after (i.e. today), I sat up in bed, turned around and nearly fell back down on my bed from shock. Ouch. My whole body hurt like hell. Every muscle seemed to be screaming in protest. I was almost late to class today. Haha!

And today, I got my QT scores back.

Not pretty.

English was roadkill. 53/80 (76 Highest Possible Score with incentive)
Social Science was no better. (65/80)
Science was a massacre. (44.5/55)
Filipino was a blood bath. (48/75) (50/71.75 with incentive and corrections)
Math however, was suprisingly better. (42/50)

I do NOT want to know how I faired in C.L.E. tomorrow. I might just suddenly cry. WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT SCREW-PROSTITUTES-VIOLATE-YOUR-DIGNITY QUESTION ANYWAY???

Took a whole bunch of pictures today, and I saw Enrique Sola.

Apparently, he was supposed to leave on the 15th, but didn't. His friend's birthday was on the 15th too.
So he's supposedly leaving this Thursday, the 24th.

So it turns out, Walter got Enrique too. How very interesting.

Obvious by Westlife (Yes, I know, but I don't care. They rock, no matter what anybody says.)

We started out friends but something happened inside me
Now I'm reading into everything, but there's no sign you hear the lightning, baby
You don't ever notice me turning on my charm or wonder why I'm always where you are

I've made it obvious; I’ve done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long, but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice the way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

I've heard you talk about how you want someone just like me
But every time I ask you out, we never move past friendly, no no
And you don't ever notice how I stare when we're alone or wonder why I keep you on the phone

I've made it obvious; I’ve done everything but sing it
(I've crushed on you so long but on and on you get me wrong)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice the way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

You are my very first thought in the morning and my last at nightfall
You are the love that came without warning
I need you, I want you to know

I've made it obvious, so finally I'll sing it
(I've crushed on you so long)
I'm not so good with words
And since you never notice the way that we belong
I'll say it in a love song

And sing it until the day you're holding me
I've wanted you so long but on and on you get me wrong
I more than adore you but since you never seem to see

Since you never seem to see
I'll say it in this love song

A Day With Kenn

2006-08-19T12:07:00.000+08:00

The quarterly tests have been ridiculous. I just found out I got a minus twenty in English because I missed a page. I also just failed Filipino. My math grade had better be effing good because I spent a lot of time studying for that.

Urgh.

But the feeling of at last finishing the test has been exhiliaratingly refreshing. Of course, today was not without its quirks.

Ms. Catahan (who proctored my Filipino test): Advanced ka pala sa Filipino.
Allen: Oo... hindi halata, ano?
Ms. Catahan: Hindi.

And my chat with Mr. Chua...

Mr. Chua: haha advanced math is really tough
Mr. Chua: i have a lot of students complaining that tehyre in advanced
Mr. Chua: odd thing is andun pa rin cla
Mr. Chua: hahaha
Me: it's called ambivalence... it's a pride and a punishment... you learn to hate it and love it as you go
Me: sorta like me in Filipino
Mr. Chua: ur reg in fil?
Me: advanced...
Me (with hesitation, and taking a leaf from my conversation with Ms. Catahan): di halata ano?
Mr. Chua: uhmm dont get offended ha
Mr. Chua: pero yah

Nonsequitur Note: WHAT IS IT WITH SCIENCE TEACHERS AND MY FILIPINO???

I have to start speaking in Filipino more before I get mistaken for an American-born Filipino or something.

Oh, God. And I remember when Mr. Khonghun told me I had an "American Twang" (which I don't--just ask Henry) and Mr. Abelita used to wonder if I grew up in the U.S.
Guh.

So anyway, I went over to Mr. Young's directly after my test and we started catching up some more (as we started catching up yesterday). His computer was slowly reformatting itself. Then the ITC guy who went to the CR came back in and attended to it. Somewhere there, Alfonso (Solano) comes in and then two people (Timothy and someone) came in to get their bags via Mr. Gabriana. Yeah, apparently, their bags ended up in the Counselor's office.

So we talk, talk, talk... Kenn comes in, talk some more and I begin the Day's CAMWHORING.

There was even a video where Mr. Young actually said the word "molester" in reference to someone within the room. Isn't that so cool? (Ask me for the video!)

So anyway, Kenn and I move out of the room when we start to get hungry (via Alfonso dragging him out of the room. Seeing this, I grasp his arm and yank him back until we win the tug of war and Alfonso sees and goes "No fair!"). Anyway, we leave the vicinity of the school via Gate 9 but not before a short bathroom break where we primp. As soon as we step towards Gate 9, I'm hit with this incredible, unbelievably lifting feeling of nostalgia of the days when I used to walk out of Gate 9. I just realized how small Gate 9 seems now that I've grown up. The Gate 9 of my memory has always been huge and intimidating, with dark light and tall guards.

I think Nostalgia is the sexiest thing in the world. Okay, well sexy is too reminiscent of pleasure. What I mean to say is it comes across as the most beautiful kind of recollection that just hits you with a wealth of old memories that've somehow burrowed deep into your memory that you can't just call up on a whim. I love Nostalgia.

As we walk out the gate, we bump into Barney and two other people. We head over to Ash Creek but on the way, we meet with... the very person who I was sort of looking for.

WALTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Walter borrows Kenn's phone and calls someone with it. As Kenn and he just stand in the wind, I snap a couple of pictures before we proceed down to the Ash Creek proper and meet Walter's mom. We take even more pictures (and I got one with Walter's mom in it. (She's camera-shy, you see) HAH!) of ourselves. We proceed to Pancake House and sit down as Walter and his mom come in. They've already eaten, though, so Kenn and I order. He got a burger of some sort (plus fries) and I got an Asian Salad. (Oh yes, Kenn treated me, cos I forgot to bring my money. Damn! We were supposed to treat each other. NEXT TIME!) So Kenn and I started eating (and I was asked by Walter's mom if I was on a diet, because all I was having was salad. Well, I forgot what I'd answered, but the truth is that I've been pigging out on junk food recently (BIG TIME) and I had to compensate by having at least a whole day of pure-veggie meals.)

So we talked, I camwhored, Walter's mom was camera-shy, I made some calls to mom...

So they finished and decided to leave, and Kenn and I stayed and chatted some more. I snapped a pic, a video and we left. We made our way over to Gate 2 where we assumed we were supposed to be let in. We weren't. We were just sitting there, and I was camwhoring Kenn, but they wouldn't let us in. After swapping stories about the crappiness of the whole system, we went to Gate 14 and were allowed in there.

We soon bumped into Mrs. Ocampo who was going to translate a speech she made in Chinese. I told her she could ask Ms. Ngo, since she's the most capable. And in Fukien too.

So Kenn and I walk around, sit, talk with Dennis, Filbert, Alfonso, Bert, Alwyn, etc... Bert had serenaded Kenn with his guitar while I took pictures. After hanging out a bit more with them, Kenn invited tme to go with him to go to his special place, which shall henceforth be called, "Kenn's Haven".

I'm not going to reveal where that place is, but it's really nice there. There's wind (!) and a great view. But before that, Kenn and I entered another CR and primped some more.

Anyway, so we were standing around in Kenn's Haven and talking, talking, talking and it was joy because we talked about some of the most interesting things... i.e. Prom and Chinese class...

I liked it.

Then we moved on and went to the Grade School to collect the last of the basins from the teachers and end up talking about 15 minutes over with Mr. Alexander Santos about comicbooks. And here is when I find out that Kenn is actually an avid comicbook fan. WOW! I never knew that about him. He says he used to be the biggest geek of the batch until Constantine came out and he dropped it for that. Haha!

Anyway, so we travelled up and out of the Xavier and onward to ICA where we waited for about 15 minutes for Charlene to come out so Kenn could give her the Jay Chou music CD and inform her about the news that Initial D is lost on Nicky so he couldn't bring it. So I snapped a couple of pics and Charlene dragged Jackie over. Jackie got all insecure about her "oily face" and refused to have a picture taken.

So Kenn and I left to get his friend Darla's "contributions" (and Darla gave him something extra, too). So we headed straight to the Doubting (doubt the first weep the second trust the third live the fourth) place and relived a lot of old memories. Then at the end of everything, all the enjoyment and activities we did, Kenn, Gian and I left together. Gian went the opposite direction, I took a pic of the place and Kenn and I made our way to Gate 1.

Then he walked me to my car and I left.

What a wonderful but exhausting day.

Let's all offer our prayers to Denise Ong and her family. Life is unfair sometimes.

Canadian Autumn

I'm Leaving

不能和你一起﹔擁有喜悅和悲傷。不管走多遠﹐步伐都沒有力量

Andrew's Surprise

櫻花開了幾轉

錯愛畢竟也是愛

親親的我的寶貝 我要越過高山

Preparing Dumplings and Strange Dreams

Aaron Lines!

無法忘記 不知道我該如何哭泣

命裏無時, 莫強求

We've Reached A Milestone

C'mon, Chip, it's past your bedtime

Quarterly Tests... Evil

Everyone's Reinventing Themselves

Hands

Mixed Up

Hey, Destiny. You can call me "Master"

抖著怕著懮著向徑步

Some intense P.E. + Unplugged + Irresponsible Parents = ?

Chem Magic

你說你要的世界在很遠, 我不了解．分手就分手, 別把話說得太美.

Philosophy Club

Break You

The Movies That I Must Watch

Positive Feedback and Idealistic Exodus

為你生, 為你死, 令我對我看不起

Glorious Morning

We're meant to be; the stars are screaming it

Sometimes, it's hard

我們的愛 就像 天戀地

I Still Write You Poems

GUESS WHO'S BACK?

From 華菲

Ho Leung Kam Oy: Kamie Ho

忘了你我就活不了

Yes, it's Christmas [break]

Ken, Lawrence, and I

A Message To Fate, Destiny and whatever else is out there

Aaron Lines and Doc Walker

You know you're subconsciously trying to gain weight when

We'll Fight, Not Out of Spite; But Someone Must Stand Up For What's Right

ZOMGZ!!! What the F? Who SAYS things like that?

What did I ever do to you?

Life Is Screwing With Me

Are we done here? Because I have to go get fired.

Ending So Soon

Just To Tell... Someone

And I wrote to him that day...

Semestral Break - Day 2

QT Days

What Must Be The Worst Song Ever

Infomercial

Lookie Lookie, Who Tookie

The Problem With Me

Tu quieres

I Have Been Neglecting This Blog, Haven't I?

I'm Falling Forever

So that's it?

I Could Cry A Million Years

Speaking of Music

A Rainy Day in Manila and Weekly Things

Thursday Anticipation - Inaasam Ko Na

Weekly Things

I know, I know, I haven't been updating religiously

It just goes to show that the songs you grew up listening to

Sometimes, You Just Need To Cry

Pahabol

I Just Realized That All My Friends Have Dad-Issues

Rebuttal

Crazy, Hazy, Lazy Doggone Days

I can't believe I'm about to say this

Good Stuff and Bad Stuff

It's Been Quite A While, Hasn't It?

Let's talk about a certain Fr. Guy

OMG WTFH ROFLMAO NOOOO

Quarterly Tests

A Day With Kenn

親親的我的寶貝　我要越過高山

無法忘記　不知道我該如何哭泣

我們的愛就像天戀地